Anonyblog

The only difference between a hero and a coward is one faces his fears and the other does not.

Either way there is fear...

Don't be too hard on yourself - there is always somone worse off than you.

No step taken toward facing one's fears or improving oneself is ever a tiny silly step. To take no step at all is silly. As long as you're stepping forward, all steps are big ones.

great advice DragonLady

I am a coward too. I hate it. I run away from things I fear the most and hide away, hoping it will go away. I know these things don't go away, but you know what I mean. We are having problems with our neighbor, basically we are not talking because of what the neighbor did and how he treated my husband. Honestly, I would rather not converse with my neighbor unless I have to. I don't want to be bothered by these ppl. I hope the neighbor doesn't want to make up, cuz it's a great excuse to not say a word. For the cowardice I wanted to tell about is, when I saw my neighbor and two male relatives were STILL loading a truck with wood out in front of his house, I deliberatley decided to walk around the block to get around them and not have to say anything to them. When I walked up to my house, I tried not to even look over there. I felt like a major cowardly chicken. I felt that I didn't want to say hi to the relatives, cuz they must know about the situation and I just didn't know what was the right thing to do, so I just did nothing. Comments? I wish I could change, but then not. I am caught in the middle of my pride or something like that.

I Wish I could be strong enough to kill myself. I am a coward. I hate the fact that I live evryday taking up what should be somebodys space and yet I fear the one thing I need to bring closeure, Death. I am destroying the life of my wife and children becuase I fear death. I have lost all meening and have asked myself " whats this life for" and yet there is no answer and still i live. Why? Even if I die there is no reason to understand me nort know me as I am just a person of insignificants toi be remembered. Any waste of time thinking of me is just a passing thought. I used to believe that someday I could make a difference but then I realized that is for people who knew somebody or people who seamed to have a dirrection not me. My friends all seam to make the best of life while I just wanted to make a differernce. IO am a really bad person and not knowing me is a great thing not a bad thing. I love people and wish I could give to the families of the Sunami something special to let them know that their loveds ones died in honor not vain. They have accomplished what I have failed to do shame on me . I love you all even though I am not going to heaven i still believe in god and all he is and all he has done He iS great and good tro all Please believe in him for no other reason that I. My best wishes to you all..

I to wanted to kill my self because of all the troubles in my life and cowardness, but as i thought about it i choose to just let go of everything, i just let go of reality, and now im a free man no worries nothing, i also belive in god, he is a good god, dont worry be happy, everything will be alright. The meaning of life is like a video game, you have to try to get as much points to get a high score or just play for fun Untill its game over, Embrace life enjoy it and have fun, forget all the people who bother you because theyre idiots and its only a moment in your life, I go thru life ignoring all the bad stuff and just enjoying it like nothing is happening, :+) smile even if your city is being bombed right now...

Well, i don't get it, i am bascially fearless of everything but love, i do anything as long as its not love. And while it is so easy for others its near impossible for me.

I am also a coward. My ex-girlfriend just told me so and I have to agree. I am mostly afraid of women. All my life I've been like that. I freeze up around women I find attractive, and thus they're not interested in me, usually, almost always. They may show initial interest, but once they see how wimpy I am they are done with me. They ignore me totally after at first giving me lots of attention. I am just totally lost as how to deal with it. It's getting too late. I'm into middle age and have not overcome it. I do believe it has forced me to look into myself more greatly than I would have.

I don't have words to describe my cowardness. Basically I am a failed person. I have failed in every aspect of life. I am a failed father, failed husband, failed son, failed employee, failed husband, failed worshiper. I sometime feel to kill myself but I cannot since I am coward. You people are so lucky that you have faith in God but my faith is very weak that is why I am coward. Those who have complete faith in God are not coward. I don't know what to do now? I have been trying to control the cowardness for the last 20 years but I am unable to do so. Why Why Why I am here in this world. I am a useless piece of shit who does not have any purpose. Everyone hates me even my wife and my child. I hate myself. I am a mean person. Can someone please help me in getting over my cowardness please!!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank

filzqr xgwmpkbt mqsiczv sgmifrt rxdj qkylwef bdaylkis

Why do i let people walk all over me? i can't confront my bass and my employees take avantage, and i know i'm a kind sensitive person and always too willing to help which may be the reason. I need to ask my boss/friend for a payrise but i feel he needs it greater than me, and thats stupid heh!!
Thanks for listening
JOHN

Why do i let people walk all over me? i can't confront my boss and my employees take avantage, and i know i'm a kind sensitive person and always too willing to help which may be the reason. I need to ask my boss/friend for a payrise but i feel he needs it greater than me, and thats stupid heh!!
Thanks for listening
JOHN

I m almost 30 years old. In my life, everything I ve ever had I had it for pure luck. I m an handsome man and because of that I make way more money of the other ppl that work with me...workin half their hours. I act tough 'tho I know I m a coward. I m afraid of others. I m basially a good person, hence I was tring to justify my luck on karma. I've stolen, I've hurt, I've used ppl I admit it...but I repented and believe me I dont do the same mistake twice. Now I feel that I m clean...but still cant deal with others. I wud really like to find a way to grow a stronger personality because i've realized that the not knowing myself may be the source of all my problems. I dont know what i m worth...also because i ve never had to prove myself, i ve always had everything easy. I ve had very few fights...maybe one actually and I didnt came out glorious. So now everytime I go out I cant help but see all this guys who are without respect fot others around...and I hate em. But eventually I and up hating mself for not knowing how to live with them...we cant all be the same. I wish to find help soon cuz the idea of having a son not knowing what to teach him scares me to death. And I love my girlfriend and qouldnt like to ruin her life too becouse of my cowardice.I really wish i could help with some advice ppl in this forum...cuz there is too much beauty in this world to give it away by killing yourself. I hope we cold all find a way to improve ourselves...thanks for your patiance.

fuck you all, this is just another boring blog.

No, Man, fuck you. You coward. ;-)

Yeah, I stumbled on this when I googled "Am I a coward?" I guess I answered my own question.

New question. How do I get past this?

Glad to find some honest discussion of the issue.

I also have some cowardly tendencies,not all the time but in certain situations.I'm 33 years old and a recovering alcoholic.When I was younger cowarice was not really a problem,at least not more than normal,but being sober the last year has really brought it out of me.One thing in my case I'm not sure if it's me being a coward or mental/physical damage from ten years of hard drinking.It seems to me though that cowardice is almost a learned behaviour,it's like for some reason we've trained,or have been trained,to react a certain way in certain situations.Maybe we can train or disipline ourselves out of it.I'm intrested to see what others think.

i am a coward, too. my cowardice is ruining my life.

Sigh. No answer to Sam's question.
What is the cure for the sickening disease of cowardice?
I want it out of me.
I hate myself for being a coward and I hate others who are cowards.
I think the cure is losing everything that means anything to me, but god fucking damn that's a lot to pay.

basically we hate everything in life

My wife turned to me and said “encourage me” and I thought, I can tell her things will be all right and get some sleep and things will be better tomorrow…. But as a life warrior who battles fear constantly I didn’t feel right in just letting it go; saying things would be all right. The true about life is, it’s never all right (only in re-runs). So how can I tell someone I love that it would be alright, and that’s when we discuss fear and courage and in doing so, I found myself googling the word “coward” and this is the first page that pops up. And because of this, this site must get hundreds of hits with people reading the above comments and never commenting. And I felt compelled to share or chime in, but I’m going to try to do so using a little reverse psychology or maybe not. Here goes……

Fear is good. Fear is great. It keeps us alert and ready. Reasonable-Fear keeps us from doing stupid things. Fear is actually survival. Fear is genetics. Fear is the central nervous system of our mind, body and spirit. Fear gives us something to compare to, without it life is pretty boring. So, here is the catch…… BUT,
Ever heard “man can’t live on bread alone”? Neither can he live on fear alone. We were born into this world, as a conflict, in a conflict, we were not born pure, nor is the world pure and we’re not made to live feeling bliss constantly. Those of you who feel your conflicted life is not important and not worthy of happiness, I say no one’s life is, but again here is the big BUT,
Fear is not the most important thing in your life. Admitting your afraid is good and healthy, even expressing it. However, as conflicted human beings as we are, we can not survive our conflicted lives without understanding and implementing the word …. “Courage”.

Courage is not something we’re born with. It is not something we’re given and unfortunately it’s not something that we’re often taught. Courage is accepting the responsibility of helping yourself(or others) with your(their) conflicted mind, body and spirit, to live in this conflicted world.We’re the highest form of species on this earth(as far as I know) and although we can breathe without having to think, we must constantly think what “Courage” means to implement it.

Fear is something that we don’t have to force. It’s always there through our God given senses and because courage is not autonomic, we must process it mentally, such as this wonderful forum here supporting the mental cause. I battle fear everyday by forcing myself to think courage and no matter how much I would like to wake up without fear, I know that I have to accept that courage is a choice and not instinctual, (compare it to making coffee in the morning--it doesn’t make itself).
The most successful people on the planet battle fear everyday, even if it appears not
(what do you think lawyers are for ?) And I can assure you that Bill Gates and Donald Trump has fear concerning their haircuts. Fear should make you think, but please think responsibly. Taking your life is not courage; it is the highest form of cowardness there is. It does not benefit anyone, even if you wish it did. Each life including your own has the power everyday to help or harm yourself (or others). Our lives are not supposed to be peace or happiness only, but rather the challenge of creating peace or happiness.
I applaud the person writing the first post that he or she acknowledged their fear. I think we should all be willing to admit our fears, therefore in a way making them more reachable to handle. But personally I believe that acknowledging or accepting cowardness is not in itself enough, cowardness is really just laziness, in that you are not thinking courage.
Just remember the greater your responsibilities, the greater you’ll fear something will go wrong,
and the greater the need for you to implement “Courage”.

So my advice to my wife, myself and you is… Feel Fear-- But “Think” Courage.

Those of you old enough to remember “Late Lament by the Moody Blues” will appreciate it and to those of you who had never heard this before, I hope it makes you think and inspire you as it has me.If it doesn’t, find something (healthy) that does support courage in your life.
I will probably have this put on my gravestone someday, so this will be my last words after living a long, long conflicting life.

Breath deep The gathering gloom
Watch lights fade From every room
Bedsitter people Look back and lament
Another day’s useless Energy spent
Impassioned lovers Wrestle as one
Lonely man cries for love And has none
New mother picks up And suckles her son
Senior citizens Wish they were young

Cold hearted orb That rules the night
Removes the colors From our sight
Red is gray and Yellow white
But we decide Which is right

And Which is an illusion

My wife turned to me and said “encourage me” and I thought, I can tell her things will be all right and get some sleep and things will be better tomorrow…. But as a life warrior who battles fear constantly,I didn’t feel right in just letting it go; saying things would be all right. The truth about life is, it’s never all right (only in re-runs). So how can I tell someone I love that it would be alright, and that’s when we discuss fear and courage and in doing so, I found myself googling the word “coward” and this is the first page that pops up. And because of this, this site must get hundreds of hits with people reading the above comments and never commenting. And I felt compelled to share or chime in, but I’m going to try to do so using a little reverse psychology or maybe not. Here goes……

Fear is good. Fear is great. It keeps us alert and ready. Reasonable-Fear keeps us from doing stupid things. Fear is actually survival. Fear is genetics. Fear is the central nervous system of our mind, body and spirit. Fear gives us something to compare to, without it life is pretty boring. So, here is the catch…… BUT,
Ever heard “man can’t live on bread alone”? Neither can he live on fear alone. We were born into this world, as a conflict, in a conflict, we were not born pure, nor is the world pure and we’re not made to live feeling bliss constantly. Those of you who feel your conflicted life is not important and not worthy of happiness, I say no one’s life is, but again here is the big BUT,
Fear is not the most important thing in your life. Admitting your afraid is good and healthy, even expressing it. However, as conflicted human beings as we are, we can not survive our conflicted lives without understanding and implementing the word …. “Courage”.

Courage is not something we’re born with. It is not something we’re given and unfortunately it’s not something that we’re often taught. Courage is accepting the responsibility of helping yourself
(or others) with your (their) conflicted mind, body and spirit, to live in this conflicted world.
We’re the highest form of species on this earth (as far as I know) and although we can breathe without having to think, we must constantly think what “Courage” means to implement it.

Fear is something that we don’t have to force. It’s always there through our God given senses and because courage is not autonomic, we must process it mentally, such as this wonderful forum here supporting the mental cause. I battle fear everyday by forcing myself to think courage and no matter how much I would like to wake up without fear, I know that I have to accept that courage is a choice and not instinctual, (compare it to making coffee in the morning--it doesn’t make itself).
The most successful people on the planet battle fear everyday, even if it appears not
(what do you think lawyers are for ?) And I can assure you that Bill Gates and Donald Trump has fear concerning their haircuts. Fear should make you think, but please think responsibly. Taking your life is not courage; it is the highest form of cowardness there is. It does not benefit anyone, even if you wish it did. Each life including your own has the power everyday to help or harm yourself (or others). Our lives are not supposed to be peace or happiness only, but rather the challenge of creating peace or happiness.

I applaud the person writing the first post that he or she acknowledged their fear. I think we should all be willing to admit our fears, therefore in a way making them more reachable to handle. But personally I believe that acknowledging or accepting cowardness is not in itself enough, cowardness is really just laziness, in that you are not thinking courage.
Just remember the greater your responsibilities, the greater you’ll fear something will go wrong,
and the greater the need for you to implement “Courage”.

So my advice to my wife, myself and you is… Feel Fear-- But “Think” Courage.

Those of you old enough to remember “Late Lament by the Moody Blues” will appreciate it and to those of you who had never heard this before, I hope it makes you think and inspire you as it has me.
If it doesn’t, find something (healthy) that does support courage in your life.
I will probably have this put on my gravestone someday, so this will be my last words after living
a long, long conflicting life.

Breath deep The gathering gloom
Watch lights fade From every room
Bedsitter people Look back and lament
Another day’s useless Energy spent
Impassioned lovers Wrestle as one
Lonely man cries for love And has none
New mother picks up And suckles her son
Senior citizens Wish they were young

Cold hearted orb That rules the night
Removes the colors From our sight
Red is gray and Yellow white
But we decide Which is right

And Which is an illusion

OK-OK, 4 posts were not my idea---it appears that comments were not working or they were all getting rejected as junk comments, I really don't know if there is a real person moderating, or what?
In any case, consider this reinforcement, in case the moderator does not remove the additional posts.
I look forward to support or criticism as it comes.

Thanks Guy for your insights- i think you will really help people looking for answers who find this thread. I agree- feeling fear is not cowardice. Many people who post here seem very desperate, at their wits end. Living with fear takes great courage. Such people are in fact much braver than they feel or think they are.

I was looking around to see what Google brought up the question of cowardice - and I was here.

Is waking up in the morning ready to face another day without meaning courage? Is it cowardice to take a day off sick because you need to do something you wanted to do? Fun? Academic? Practical? Nondescript? Your choice. this is not just about choices for 'how I did something today', it's something you can just feel instead.

the choice for a change is the brave part, sometimes you have to will it, just do it without thinking sometimes.

And it demands time to learn.

Fear is a great teacher, so sometimes we all have to listen or else we really become cowards. If you need to learn (mental/physical) self defence, go get lessons. It can actually help to able to see the violence potential. The lessons will let you run away quick enough (you'll be fitter?!)as well as avoid trouble too.

@Guy
Good poem...

You guys!
You willingly gave up your BALLS, people. I've never met or heard of a person thats not afraid of one thing or another, but you have to find it in you to fight it. Fuck it. I get insecure around women too, but that never stopped me. Slap yourselves around the face, go out there and start living! Go with baby steps or one big giant step, but do it all the same. I use to live in constant fear and that got me exactly nowhere. This year I've done much better than the last and hopefully the next will be even better. So don't give up - wake up for the world.
Cheers.

We are all cowards. We are all brave as well, it just depends on how ready we are at the time we are faced with an issue that requires bravery. Fight or flight is automatic, courage takes a while to build up.

When confronted with with a threat the mind and body generally responds automatically in a manner that will most likely ensure the person's or the animals continued survival or lack of injury. You don't even think about it, you just react. Even the most mild mannered person will become quite a force to be reckoned with if they are cornered and their best chance of not being harmed means getting out of that corner. Likewise, they will run and run fast if that is the quickest route to safety. This is pretty much how we all are and we have little to no say in it. We evolved this way because it makes sense in terms of our species survival. Nature isn't stupid.

There are those personalty types who do not frighten as easily as others and thus they appear to be brave. They are not brave however, as fear is the prerequisite of bravery. To credit them with bravery when they have no fear to overcome is an error, but for some reason the pseudo bravery they exhibit is often the standard against which others are compared, and that many of us wrongly compare ourselves to, probably thanks to Hollywood and books.

There are words for someone who fights someone who is far bigger than they (fairly that is) or someone who walks out into a hail of bullets or whatever...those words are stupid and if they happen to survive, lucky.

I would wager that we are are all pretty much the same when it comes to cowardice.

I have been called a coward many times, in fact it is a trait that is prominent in me. It shows through in everything I do. I am timid and afraid of people. I avoid any confrontation. I behave with meanness to cover up my cowardice. I am so ashamed of my personality and I have become extremely depressed lately. This deep depression has been with me for 6 weeks now and I see no change unless I can find a way to change the very person that I am. I don't want to just be happier, I need to change myself. I NEED to change myself and I don't know how. I have so much to live for but I cannot go on this way. I am completely miserable.

I, also am a coward. I have been told not to believe that I am, but I cannot help but accept that about myself. Before I will be able to change any aspect of my life, I will need confront my own cowardice and learn to face my fears. It seems stupid that it is so easy to put to words, but so difficult to put to actions. thank you for starting this thread. It is comforting to share this with others who might understand.

--qtp--

I am a coaward and am ashamed by that fact. I try my best to hide my cowardice in my everyday life, but I fear that my social isolation makes it apparent to all. I would like to thank whomever started this thread. It is comforting to know that I am not the only one.

--qtp--

Wow, I bet a lot of the guys on this did not have a strong dad... because no one taught you how to be a man. You never had to prove yourself and you baiscly walked through life with your eyes shut.

So it is not all your fault. How can you be confident if you dont know what your doing. For example you cant be confident in a fight if you have not trained, if you do not know how to fight. Anyone in your shoes would act the same... first you need the skills.

Nobody was there to show you or help you and now your maybe 30 something and finnaly you wake up and want to help yourself...

Do everything you can to get over it... this means handling one skill at a time... women, conflict, your boss... you will find if you can master one area of your life, the others become easier... it is all related.

Get a DVD on approaching women.. David Deangelo is good. Then go out and do it. Join a boxing gym. It doesnt matter how nervouse or weak you are - just do it. When you start doing this you will evolve. Ive only used these two examples... there are many parts of your life you way want to focus on.

even though your goals look far way, DO NOT think that your too old, too poor, have to much responsibilty, trust me your goals are not far away..

Im also a coward but working my way through it. Some one in this thread said life is a video game wich i think is true...so dont be too seriose, LIVE IN THE MOMMENT, and try to see the funny side to things.

In reply, there is a difference between courageous, considered risks and brave, foolish risks. A wise person considers the difference and lives longer and happier for it.

I am a coward too. Thanks for being brave enough to admit your problems for it makes me realise that I am not alone. I have such a hard time just making friends much less lovers because of the way I feel about myself. I think constantly that maybe moving on to the next plane of existence is the answer, but then what will I miss if I take that step. Tomorrow may be the day I overcome enough to change my life in a positve way.. Anyway I agree with some of the things I have read here today. I know I need to just discover who I am so ...damn.. who am I ..

I need to tell somebody something. Ever since I was a child, I had this feeling that I was put into this world to be laughed at. Ever since I was a small child, I believed I was known to everybody in the world. I was adopted into a family and they were specially chosen as they are good at what they do. They knew how to treat me. beatings by my 'mother', by my father, my siblings told stories that got me into trouble. I believed that everything in the world happened so that I would re-act in some samll way to it, no matter how bad. To the bomb going of in Belfast to the small cat running across the road, I believe it was all meant to happen to get to me. Everyone I knew hated me, was it 'cos I came from England to Northern Ireland? I don't know. I don't actually know anyone who has treated me properly apart from the stranger coming into my office or the shop-keeper who wants my money for printed pieces of paper. I think my wife was chosen for me, to be the person who has to put up with this 'person', my children, who I lover dearly, it seems they were chosen for me. Am I mad now? Was I mad as a child? I don't know. Please help me...

To others, sorry about the lengthy post. OK, I’m trying to do a brave and courageous thing here and stick my neck out and hope it doesn’t get it cut off with the idea that someone has to do more than just listen. That’s the interesting thing about blogs, a lot of people just want to be heard by someone who just listens without criticism or comment. Sometimes even when people cry for help, they don’t really necessarily want it and sometimes when people do not cry for help it’s when they need it the most. But keep in mind that, this is our blog and just a blog; all we can do here is really just offer each other encouragement to get through another day. Although there are people who see me as a very courageous person, they would be surprised to know how frequently I look at this blog to encourage myself as I’m sure others here do. But again, keep in mind that, this is just a blog and those who have written here and I can tell you this from experience, come from all walks of life, I’m sure some have even experienced war and others afraid to leave home, some are rich, some are poor. But I can assure you that we can’t really take the place of someone who can truly help someone in need. Sometimes the only way someone has to reach out in the middle of night is what’s available to them as I did one early morning. Sometimes we just need to be heard, sometimes we need a pat on the shoulder and sometimes we need real help. There are many here who have commented on their existence in this world. Some said it out of frustration and others said it out of need. Because, not all posts are all responded to, does not mean that your words are empty or unnoticed. But sometimes, all people feel they can do is just listen, pray and hope you make good responsible decisions for your life and get through another day. So keep in mind that you are not alone. But remember that this is just a blog. If you feel you can’t do it by yourself, then you need to pull yourself away from the computer and talk to a human-being. Do not be afraid to get counseling or reject the idea as a waste of time. All life is precious but the truth is, we all know how cruel and inhuman life can really be, so all we can really do here is listen and provide some words of encouragement.

Since no one has yet to be willing to comment to the last 2 posts. I again am going to stick my neck out and hope my words can be taken from the right direction. To the post on May 9, hang in there and thanks for reading other points of view and by the way, discovering who you are; isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. No one really knows who they are but we do discover and learn to accept how we can handle things and that’s the interesting thing about life, it always gives us something new to handle. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, but we can begin to like ourselves more by discovering how to handle what comes at us.

And to the post May 28, I understand your feelings and frustrations and there is not enough room in this blog for me to share the pains of my own childhood as I’m sure so many others here could share of theirs. You have obviously experienced traumatic and difficult situations in your life, but just the fact you’ve survived them and you have gone on to be married and have children is something to be proud of and believed it or not, as crazy as children and marriage can be, it is a blessing, and that others out there have may not have the strength or luck you have. Sometimes surviving something is all that we can get, but dealing with the emotions can take a life time and often need the help of others. So, please take this as a word of encouragement and talk to somebody about your feelings. Sometimes the most courageous thing we can ever do is to ask for help and to have real courage means to give yourself a chance; even if it means the world is against you.

I am a coward to.
Your not alone.
I sapose if its like anything like a drinking problem the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem....

I just want to say thank you to everyone who has posted. I no longer feel alone. From the time I was a kid, I never learned how to defend myself: verbally or physically. I always just let people walk over me.

I have a pretty scarred childhood, and I believe that is my primary issue. Aside from my life altering events, my parents never challenged me or provided discipline, so when I face challenges in the real world, I don't know how to act. I'm in my 30s now and I am tired of hiding behind the bottle and drugs and being the "funny guy who laughs off confrontation", and I am ready for a change. I understand it requires a complete restructuring of my life. I will probably need to make new friends, as the ones I have don't respect me. Respect is at the heart of everything. I am tired of looking back and I only want to move forward.

Thank you again for everyones posts!! Be strong and understand that you are the master of your own domain. If you want to stop being a coward, you have to fix the issues on your own. God can help, but he's already done enough by giving you life. You have to fix the rest.

I will check this blog often. Best of luck to you all.

The only thing I'm afraid of is physical conflict. That doesn't sound like much but it has a huge effect on just about every aspect of life.
I'm 40 now and I've managed to get through all those years without having a single fight, the result being that I have no idea of how or even when to fight. The ironic thing is that I'm a big bloke and look like someone you really wouldn't want to annoy, in fact, that's probably why I've got through so many dodgy situations without the need to fight physically.
The real killer is the knowledge that I'm a coward, nobody else seems to know, but I do.
I may get through the rest of my life without the need to fight, but just the knowledge that I wouldn't know how to cope is enough to make me avoid places, people and situations that have even the slightest possibility of a physical confrontation.
I don't think the comment above about learning to box would be much help, I simply don't have an agressive bone in my body.
Oh well, if I ever figure out a solution I'll post it here :)
Good luck.

I'm glad in a way that I've found this blog -- many on here are speaking exactly as I feel and in the way my own internal dialog courses through my thoughts ever damned day, almost every moment, and starting as soon as I awake.

I am 43, and I can honestly say after having had a good enough run at it -- I am a true coward, a worthless human being in no overtly awful way, but in a quietly tragic way like a "Walter Mitty" character that has spent a life thinking big thoughts, and in the end has produced NOTHING. Like many on this list, I feel that every corner of my life is permeated with failure of the quiet, passive kind -- Part of my personal list: never married, never tried for precisely the women who inspired me, never got the job I wanted of felt I should have striven for, great instrumentalist but failed musician who has never reached anyone with my talents and has spent the last 30 years hoping I'll write down the music that's been in my head, the occasional classic coward: backing down from confrontation with a few bastards who *truly* needed the physical lesson my strong body could give but my weak heart couldn't (and the worst of these were done in the presence of women I should have defended), and on, and on, and on...

But if it's possible to contribute anything to such a morbid discussion as herein, as community building as it is for those like us(...), there are a few angles I have not seen mentioned here so far which I think are very real, very much worth considering, and possibly which most on this list might have already had an inkling toward:

Part I (for now) -- This world is absolutely not fair, in the starkest of stark ways, and by extension, it just may be true either that THERE IS NO GOD, or in the very least, THERE IS NO HIGHER BEING OF THE TYPE THAT LOOKS DOWN SMILING UPON US AND HOLDING FOR ANY OF US, GREAT PLANS OF DESTINY.. So many people on this blog present "without proof" as a casual given something on the order of: "Well at least there is a God, and he's absolutely great, and all those better than us here should proceed trying to live in his ways,"... etc. etc. etc. Perhaps the last true act of cowardice of a person as fruitless as many of us here is to swear by a final proclamation that ..."at least there's a God that makes life worth living for others, just not for us." ... Have any of you considered that it just may be that though an individual can certainly strive for meaning and purpose, perhaps in the large scale EVERY life and endeavor is inherently meaningless, with no scoring system keeping track of this and that or preserving some abstract hope of an ethereal prize to be won or lost at the end of this life..

Consider a young person born in Iraq maybe 20 years ago -- born into a society built upon institutionalized fear and oppression, born into abject poverty, promised deliverance coming from some other place in the form of two wars, but subsequently experiencing absolutely no true or lasting liberation, perhaps experiencing the illness and death of many around them, the further progressive breakdown of society and infrastructure around them, and being shown no clear picture whatsoever of anything to strive for, not to mention probably having become brainwashed into some fanatical ideology out of sheer exasperation over all the broken dreams suffered from all the indignities listed above...

We know that there are those in this world who really are born into and die out of such a life as that described. Are you really going to tell yourself over and over again when confronted by realities like this that, ..."well God is very very big, and he has very mysterious plans that we simply cannot grasp... he has a reason for everything and we just can't see it..."etc. Or are you one so low as to try to pull religious superiority here: "Well you're talking about someone who is likely a Muslim born in a Muslim world, and well God just doesn't love and protect those Muslims like he does us Christians.. Well Jews too, but they're number two on the list..." If you happen to be that type of liar to yourself and everyone around you, FUCK YOU. You are a certain (but common) kind of "stupid", and you probably haven't been able to read this far anyway.

But there's the picture. Life is in fact vastly unfair, or to take away any semantic inference of any "higher judgement", let's say life is vastly unequal -- People are not born equal. From person to person, people are not born of the same intelligence, they are not born into the same circumstances (by a long shot), they are not guaranteed justice, etc. That is the true picture of life. A dictator may be born into his or her circumstances, may spend a lifetime oppressing and taking from others, may have great wealth and experience nearly every pleasure desired on a daily basis... And they may eventually be hung until dead... or worse for us, they may quietly retire, never challenged, and may die a peaceful death at a ripe old age, never having been called to reflect or answer to issues of justice. That's life.

For myself, though I have never known any dictators personally, I have absolutely known people of both "harmonious/cooperative" and "non-harmonious/uncooperative" character who have led what I would call a "charmed life" -- these are people, some dear friends, who I'd say deserved every success (and who doesn't really), but who nearly had every major goal in life handed to them uncontested. Things just fall into place for them and all of life's major goals for them have already passed, achieved. Then there are those who have similar talent, similar merits, and who never get a break. Such lives can be a string of rubbing elbows with those who are getting theirs, and yet these lives never get theirs.

Anyway, this is just to present a static picture of the high likelihood that to start, you and I being a failure and a coward in life may have mostly to do with lifeless probability and physics -- it's timing, it's who you know, it's your mental health, it's your intelligence, it really is for some considerations how pretty and tall you are or aren't, it's the rolling of the dice -- as to why you and I are sad and will likely die forgotten, whereas the Joneses around us get theirs...

I suppose that's a way to say two things -- 1) cheer up just a little bit, insofar as it's not all our fault. 2) Don't make your cowardice worse by insisting/demanding to your own self as well as to the world around you that "in the very least, there's a God, and at least there's meaning out there around me." Yes, it's brutally scary to face the other likelihood.

But ironically, to come to the realization that you DO NOT, CANNOT in fact know any god by name address and number, nor rightfully assume you know that god's will and purpose (in spite of millenia of self-delusional writings by many other humans throughout history), to do that may be the ONE courageous thing you might do in your life.

Hi cowards! Nice to know I'm not alone. This morning I didn't even have the guts to help a fellow man remonstrate with a big, aggressive 'teenager' riding his mountain bike recklessly and at top speed along a pavement full of pedestrians. The man had evidently rebuked the boy as he sped past him. Clearly incensed, the boy - probably about 18 and as big as a man - stopped his bike, turned round and rode back furiously to confront the man who had dared to challenge him for cycling dangerously on the pavement. Clearly, the man needed support. I just looked the other way. Immediately I felt ashamed, and it has been troubling me all day. My big fear is that if I were to get involved I wouldn't be able to remain detatched. By definition, that means I'd become 'attached', and when I become attached I easily lose self-control. Once my self-control is gone, I quickly succumb either to fear or to violence. In other words, I either become paralysed with fear or just start punching! Because both types of reaction can land one in trouble - imagine trying to explain to a magistrate why you punched hell out of a teenager - I usually just walk way. But I know it's not the answer, and it's a terrible betrayal of the man who had the courage to challenge the 'boy'. I suspect that may be the case with a lot of us 'cowards'. What we're afraid of is losing self-control, for deep down we know that as soon as that is lost, the situation is lost.

What can I do? I cannot live with myself if I don't support my fellow citizens of good intent. It seems to me that if I could just learn to keep cool, remain detached and not get emotionally involved, I'd be able to do my duty easily - i.e. *support* my fellow man in need, without letting things get out of hand.

It's all about staying in control! But how do you do that when you're either paralysed with fear or so livid you could kill someone?

Hi cowards! Nice to know I'm not alone. This morning I didn't even have the guts to help a fellow man remonstrate with a big, aggressive 'teenager' riding his mountain-bike recklessly and at top speed along a pavement full of pedestrians, risking shattering an old lady's hip (or similar). The man had evidently rebuked the boy as he sped past him. Clearly incensed, the boy - probably about 18, and as big as a man - stopped his bike, turned round and rode back furiously to confront the man who had dared to challenge him. Clearly, the man needed support.

Me? I just looked the other way. Immediately I felt ashamed, though, and it has been troubling me all day. I am such a bloody coward, and the older I get the more afraid I become of ... children! My big fear is that if I were to get involved I wouldn't be able to remain detatched. By definition, that means I'd become 'attached', and when I become 'attached' I know I can easily lose self-control. Once my self-control is gone, I quickly succumb either to fear or to violence. In other words, I either become paralysed with fear or just start punching! Because both types of reaction can land one in serious trouble - imagine trying to explain to a magistrate why you punched hell out of a teenager - I usually just walk way. I know it's not the answer, and it's a terrible, terrible betrayal of the man who had the courage to challenge the 'boy'. He might have been stabbed, for heaven's sake!

I suspect that may be the case with a lot of us 'cowards', though. What we're afraid of is losing self-control, for deep down we know that as soon as we lose control we lose the confrontation as well.

What can I do? I cannot live with myself if I don't support my fellow citizens of good intent. If I could just learn to keep cool, remain detached and not get emotionally involved, I'm sure I'd be able to do my duty easily - i.e. to SUPPORT my fellow man or woman in need, without endangering myself or anyone else by letting things get out of control.

It's ALL about staying in control! But how do you stay in control when you're either paralysed with fear or so fucking livid you could kill someone?

Hi cowards! Nice to know I'm not alone. This morning I didn't even have the guts to help a fellow man remonstrate with a big, aggressive 'teenager' riding his mountain-bike recklessly and at top speed along a pavement full of pedestrians, risking shattering an old lady's hip (or similar). The man had evidently rebuked the boy as he sped past him. Clearly incensed, the boy - probably about 18, and as big as a man - stopped his bike, turned round and rode back furiously to confront the man who had dared to challenge him. Clearly, the man needed support.

Me? I just looked the other way. Immediately I felt ashamed, though, and it has been troubling me all day. I am such a bloody coward, and the older I get the more afraid I become of ... children! My big fear is that if I were to get involved I wouldn't be able to remain detatched. By definition, that means I'd become 'attached', and when I become 'attached' I know I can easily lose self-control. Once my self-control is gone, I quickly succumb either to fear or to violence. In other words, I either become paralysed with fear or just start punching! Because both types of reaction can land one in serious trouble - imagine trying to explain to a magistrate why you punched hell out of a teenager - I usually just walk way. I know it's not the answer, and it's a terrible, terrible betrayal of the man who had the courage to challenge the 'boy'. He might have been stabbed, for heaven's sake!

I suspect that may be the case with a lot of us 'cowards', though. What we're afraid of is losing self-control, for deep down we know that as soon as we lose control we lose the confrontation as well.

What can I do? I cannot live with myself if I don't support my fellow citizens of good intent. If I could just learn to keep cool, remain detached and not get emotionally involved, I'm sure I'd be able to do my duty easily - i.e. to SUPPORT my fellow man or woman in need, without endangering myself or anyone else by letting things get out of control.

It's ALL about staying in control! But how do you stay in control when you're either paralysed with fear or so fucking livid you could kill someone!

Sorry guys!
Sorry guys!
Sorry guys!
Must learn how to post on blogs.
Must learn how to post on blogs.
Must learn how to post on blogs.

I see here from most of these posts people beating up on themselves because of a screwed up society. That says your brave if your a violent jerk, that is not courage. Courage is when you get up in the morning and put one foot after the other to a rough world and do it though you would rather stay in bed. Shooting someone from a passing car is not be admired, beating up old drunks, or picking on the kid who won't fight back because he is so skinny that he would not stand a chance. Self whipping is what I see and I know I did and do it myself, but the big difference I may not be hero material, but I keep getting up, like the Chinese master says, fall seven times get up seven times. As long as you don't stay down and do the best you got with what you got, you should be able to look yourself in the mirror and not flinch. Don't hurt no one else and do the right thing when you know its the right thing, do it anyway, no one can call you anything then, not even yourself.

I see here from most of these posts people beating up on themselves because of a screwed up society. That says your brave if your a violent jerk, that is not courage. Courage is when you get up in the morning and put one foot after the other to a rough world and do it though you would rather stay in bed. Shooting someone from a passing car is not be admired, beating up old drunks, or picking on the kid who won't fight back because he is so skinny that he would not stand a chance. Self whipping is what I see and I know I did and do it myself, but the big difference I may not be hero material, but I keep getting up, like the Chinese master says, fall seven times get up seven times. As long as you don't stay down and do the best you got with what you got, you should be able to look yourself in the mirror and not flinch. Don't hurt no one else and do the right thing when you know its the right thing, do it anyway, no one can call you anything then, not even yourself.

After nearly having a fight last night (with a teenager, less than half my age I may add)- and spending today contemplating cowardliness; I put a search in and found this site.
I turned 40 less than a month ago; and have never had to
prove(?) myself in combat. I tend to react to abusive comments from others, but when it comes to the crux... I walk. ('All bark and no bite'). I've been going up a Gym 5 times a week for the last 2 years, and I did martial arts for about 2 years; but NEVER experienced the reality of a fight. God knows there's enough violence on this planet, and I certainly wouldn't want to start anymore. But sometimes I wonder what -if anything?- I'd do to protect my Mother, Father or other Loved ones?.
Peace. X.