Anonyblog

I'LL TAKE TWO ELEPHANTS PLEASE!

This is a nice big story about my Nigerian Spam buddy, Williams Adimson.

Playing with Spam ( TELEPHONE NO NOT WORKING)

I met Williams (i call him Bills now and he doesn't seem to mind) way back in March. I was deleting spam from my trash folder andhis urgent email which informed me that my Uncle Mark and his wife and family had died in a firey car crash over in Nigeria. Since I have the same last name, I must be the next of kin so I can now claim a whopping 30% of 10 million dollars. (Bills gets 70%).
Naturally I emailed Bills back and tried to tell him that I was very sorry but I know for sure that my uncle Mark is safe and sound right here in Pennsylvania and my Aunt Carol and cousins are fine too. Bills responded back and told me that I must have another Uncle Mark and that it's just a simple matter of filling out some papers to get my inheritance money.
Ok, fine, I said. I wanted some ID proof that Bills really is who he says he is and I want a copy of the death certificate too and with some coaxing, Bills sent me the proof that I needed. I told him that he was a handsome man and that I was falling in love with him and to please continue typing in ALL CAPS BECAUSE IT TURNS ME ON.
All he needed from me to proceed was my phone number, (so he could call me) and a photo id.
I gave him my phone number but he must have dialed wrong because it turns out it was the number of the local Pizza Hut.
My darling Bills patiently informed me of my error after dialing several other numbers that I gave him, so I then gave him my special number which is a voice automated system and told him to loudly give my password ; "I HOP WHEN YOU HOP", as soon as the system connected to the voice activator. I think it was the local grocery store phone number that I gave him instead of my real number. Whoops! I told him to try again with a different number but this time to very slowly shout the special password and then ask for extension 965 IMNOTANIDIOT. That number connected him to the Taco Bell on McKnight Road, close to Ross Park Mall.
Poor Bills, he was getting frustrated with me so I told him that it must be that "the voice
synthesizer answering machine is not able to decipher your Nigerian accent and misinterprets it as Scandinavian. I've had that happen before and it sucks a pregnant pony!"
Bills started insisting on a photo id of me. I sent Bills this lovely picture of me:
I told him; "This is a picture of me with my friend Harry. I seem to be really tall in this picture, but it's only because Harry is a midget. I'm of a very normal size." My loving Bills is now calling me "darling" and he can't wait to meet me. I think I'm in love.
So now at this point, Bills is waiting for me to raise $70,000 so that he can process the necesary paperwork. It's really expensive to close up accounts from dead people and since Bills is short on funds, I agreed to put the money into his bank acount. I told Bills that I was currently under house arrest for a little extortion problem I had with the IRS, but that I would easily raise money by selling my baby, Harriet Louise. I guess Bills didn't really care how the money was raised, just that it was put into the specified account in London, ASAP. Harriet Louse only brought $100, so I told Bills to give me some time to steal some babies from the local park playground and I would have the money to him "faster than a horny owl can screw in a lightbulb".
Bills is getting REALLY IMPATIENT WITH ME. HIS TYPING CAPS ARE INSISTING THAT THIS IS URGENT. I told him that because he's being so nice, I was sending $150,000 instead of the $75,000 so that he could take his wife out to dinner and a movie with whatever money was leftover. I have a bathtub full of pennies that I've been collecting and if I wrap them with foil, they look just like dimes. I told Bills that this gives me a 9 cent return on my money , so I just need the time to circulate the coins without getting caught. Bills wants me to call him.
Cell: 234-8033377677.
Fax: 14256486728
He's in love with me and I invited him to come over to the land of the free and brave so that I can give him a helicopter ride that he would never forget. He says he's making the travel arrangements now and once he gets my all my money, I can be in his arms forever. *sigh* he's so incredibly romantic. I just love those hot Nigerian guys.

I hope I don't send all that money to the wrong bank account. I get mixed up when it comes to typing lots of numbers.

As you can see, Bills doesn't have a clue that I'm messing with him. It's been a very entertaining 4 months with him...I can keep this up forever. I wonder what it will take for him to finally figure it out.