Anonyblog

life

All my life I have tried to do the right thing. Even though as some would say "the cards have been stacked against me." The product of an affair, never had a dad because he said I wasn't his. Raised by my grandparents, one of which resented me because the other wanted to raise me. My mother accused of "spreading her legs" and causing my grandmother grief. My grandmother so mean, none of my friends would come in the house as a teenager. God! I felt so alone as a child! I had this tree in the woods I would go and cry under until I at least felt like I could go back and face my "life." I always valued friendship. The true kind. Didn't want to waste energy on shallow people. Still have a couple of friends from childhood. Can't talk to them about how fucked up my life is right now. Not can't, I guess, don't want to. They have their own shit going on. Doesn't seem quite as complicated as mine...one is having an affair on her husband, the other I know would listen, but don't want to hastle her. Just need to vent on this blog. Maybe this could be my new
"tree." Been married twice. Divorced twice. The fist marraige was to escape the wicked grandmother after my grandpa died at 16. Made it a year then couldn't take it anymore. She is evil. Haven't talked to the woman in just over 2 years. Her health is failing, so my mom tells me. I guess she said she wanted to talk to me. Fuck her. She treated me like shit and said the worst things to me as a kid. I did the counseling thing. Tried to mend the bridges. Finally told her the next time I would see her would be at her funeral. She said she didn't want me to go. Fine. She has told every family member lie after lie about me- I am sure I don't want to see any of them anyway. She always stood up for my cousing who had all, what 5 maybe, kids taken away by CPS because she was a drug addict. Ah, yes, that was the favored grandchild. I was just a piece of shit that my grandpa couldn't let someone else raise. Because of me she could never have new carpet in her house. Give me a fucking break. The woman is evil. Once, I asked her to come and visit because I had to be somewhere like at 6:00 in the morning. Had to leave at 4:00 am to get there. This was during a time when I was trying to mend the fences between us and include her at holidays, etc... Anyway, I went in to tell her I was leaving, and I swear her pupils were slit like a cat's. Her eyes were yellow. It was like I had woken a demon from a sleep.

As much as it seems I still dwell on it, I really don't. I just find the fact that she was so evil to me, then seeing her pupils that way- interesting. I have come to terms that I have no family, blood relatives anyway, that want to have anything to do with me because of what she has told them. Her twisted, evil reality. I think she has told them that I killed my grandpa because I was a rotten teenager who went to parties and drank. I guess I caused his heart problems. Puleeze!

That isn't why I am blogging.
You pieces of shit who like to tell people to just go and kill themselves... don't even bother to respond. You can just go and fuck off. I am just glad I have found somewhere where I can just fucking vent.
For now, away from the tree....