Anonyblog

Finally

Waited for her over the last 8 years and didn't tell her ANYTHING about the feelings I had for her. Went trough relationships and always had her on my mind.

For some times we were like the perfect couple. Even our friends sometimes thought we were dating. There always was that sort of crackling tension and it wasn't just me. But nothing ever happened.

We've been through thick and thin while her parents died within a year. Had ups and downs but always found the road to each other again. But always as beeing just friends. Noone of us ever commited to anything.

Some months ago I broke tie and reduced contact to a minimum because I couldn't deal with it anymore. Hurled myself into a lot of work. Always on the road. I didn't want to be the one running after someone who did not care about it. And maybe I was right.

It worked. At least on some level. I didn't think too much about her and when there would be have been the opportunity to see her I ran away with that silly too much work kind of excuse. On the other hand she didn't seem to care about it either. So what, I thought.

I remember so many times when we were together and i noticed the little things a love about her and started smiling about it. I think she never ever noticed that. The great part was that it even lasted over periods where I thought "what a **** idiot" about her. She has so many annoying attributes and no change to my feelings over the past years.

That never happended with anyone before.

I still remember her telling me 5 or 6 years ago that she's waiting for prince charming who'll surprise her with having a picknick in snow outside. I remember ... well I should perhaps just have asked her about my feelings. But herhaps I would have missed a lot of memorable moments we had the last 5 years. Who knows...

She's got a new boyfriend since saturday. A friend of us told me.

We're not talking. And for the first time I'm really mad at her. Why?

Am I free now or just an idiot?

I don't know... I guess both.

I guess I should just get over her. Life's too short for waiting, isn't it....... if it'd be that simple, if...

I always had on mind to write a letter to her when she's finally heading for LA some day within the next 2 or 3 years. I think I should still do that.

Posted by anonymous at November 26, 2005 6:34 PM