I never told you how much I love you. I just assumed you knew. We finally saw each other for the 1st time recently, and I thought everything went swimmingly. There were somethings I would have changed- we could've talked more while I was there- I was so entranced by seeing your face that I was speechless for 3 days. But not even a month after I left you had found someone else. I've been in love with you since I was 14 (now in my early 20's)... and you claimed that you've always been in love with me too, but you still found it so easy to let me go.
You crush my heart, over and over again. All I want is to be given the chance to love you, but every time I try you walk away.
I'm leaning on you now, because we're still "friends" and I need your support. This is the 1st time you've given support to me since we first met. Why are we still "friends"? You claim that some people just never "go away" in our lives. Why don't you want a clean break? If you're with someone else, shouldn't you want that? Why are you still clinging to our "friendship" ?
Knowing you is a blessing, but it's also complete torture. I want from you what you won't give me. I wish you could devote your heart to me the way you do people that aren't 1200 miles away. Obviously, that's asking a lot- but you should know that if given the time (less than 6 months) here to pick up some things- to get myself right, financially- dammit, I'd be there in a jiffy.
I know you still carry me in your heart, somewhere. I wish we weren't both afraid to let us happen. I wish we both weren't holding back, that we both could be open and honest to each other. I think we're learning now that we're each as crazy as the other.
Why won't you give me a chance? & why am I still clinging to you as you are me? You've treated me horribly by choosing to be with other people, but I can't blame you, and I still want to be with you, even though I'm seeing someone else now too. We should let this die- but something in each of us refuses to give up what we have- even if it's just "friendship". Why is that?
Posted by anonymous at December 5, 2005 5:18 AMJust because a love affair doesn't work out doesn't mean that friendship is out of the question. Honestly, if you loved/love someone and you can't make it as a couple, why should you stop being friends? Why WOULD you stop being friends? Are you supposed to hate each other?
Friendship is a wonderful gift that two people share. Don't waste it. And move on with your life; she has, and I can see that as you're seeing someone else, you've begun to make the transition as well. It'll get easier, it will.
Blessings
Posted by: at December 5, 2005 7:23 AMBeen there. Different details, but the feeling was the same. And boy, does it hurt.
Let me tell you now: Your questions will never be answered. Your love will never know how to answer them.
What ended up working for me was constant distraction. If that means moving into a different social group, hanging out with new people, finding a new, absorbing hobby, then do it. Just make sure you hang out with good people, and take up hobbies that leaves you smarter, stronger, and/or more talented.
And one day, you'll discover that in this crazy world of billions of people, there's another one who's face will make you speechless, who, in turn will be speechless by you.
Posted by: at December 5, 2005 8:27 PM