Anonyblog

regretting love

I fell in love with my best friend
I love her more than anybody i've ever known, when she is happy my heart flies, when she is sad my heart burns.

but sometimes i wish i haddnt fallen in love with her, i wish i had fallen for a more stable person.

I met her on a web forum in Febuary, she lives in the middle east and i did when i was a kid, so we got talking from there. we talked most days and got on really well. It was when i started telling her about how i had delt with depression that i realised how supportive she was, she helped me though some tough times, she helped me when Claire lost her best friend, she was prepared to listen to my anxieties when i had that operation. She was always prepared to talk, and for that i feel i owe her an emotional debt that i can never really repay

I met her for the first time face to face in August, we spent 8 hours together in southampton. The day after i couldnt think of anything else, i knew she had a boyfriend and that she loved him more than she would ever love me so i diddnt tell her how i felt. Eventually i couldnt stand it any longer, i told her i loved her but that i new she loved him more than me so i wouldnt do anything to spoil that, saying it was one of the hardest things i've ever done. She..... just accepted what i said, she knew i was telling the truth when i said i wouldnt do anything, after that we became even closer.

Its just sometimes..... i regret
She suffers from a chemical dipression, is borderline autistic, has ADD, is a drug user, has very few friends where she lives, was anorexic before i met her, has self halmed and nearly killed herself when she reacted against Seroxat (an antidepressant that now cannot be given to anyone younger than 21).
Shes more stable nowadays than she used to be but she always seems sad, i want to get her out of Bahrain because i think living there is going to distroy her, i want her to stop taking drugs but she wont, i want to help her but i dont know how.

i really do love her and i would to anything to help her and to protect her
but sometimes i wish i had never met her and i diddnt have to worry about her, but only a little.
I wouldnt give her up for the world

Posted by anonymous at December 18, 2005 4:47 AM