Anonyblog

I tried to be a pacifist and didn't argue with you much. When I did, I chose my battles carefully and you usually told me I was right. You always said I was right. You told me that you felt that I saw right through you. You told me once, "If I could gain the world but had to lose you, I wouldn't take it." I believed you. I believed a lot of what you said. The sincerity of your voice was unquestionable at times. The way you looked at me when we lied alone in the dark melted my insides. I was blind to my own eyes and deaf to my conscious for the first time in my life. I put myself completely into your care. You said you'd take care of me. You said you were my better half. You were my manager. My soulmate. You said these words. If I questioned it, a fury rose in you that'd quiver the knees of statues. You gave yourself my last name.
You left me to myself once when we first met, but you came back for some reason. Maybe out of fear of losing a chance at something. Something I still wonder about. But you left again. And you came back again. We layed under thick covers in a cold winter and talked. You said you were sorry. I said you shouldn't even be allowed here. You agreed. I told you I was grateful to have you back. You promised not to leave again. The promise was shattered, but my heart remained waiting. You came back, but not like before. You came back with a plan: a rope to tie me up with and keep me in place. You pulled me along your path with strategy. You were unwilling to risk. You were a fortress and I was imprisoned on the outside. You wrote me a poem six months late. You said you'd leave your phone on but it was off each time I called. Your kisses were forced. You left again. You gained the world and I was no where to be seen.
You came back recently through email. This time I confronted you. I wanted to fight. I wanted to fix the broken. I'm sorry if you thought it would be easy or if you thought I'd pretend that it's ok for you to continue running the same circles around me.
I miss you so much. Maybe I'm wrong about everything. I tell people about you and they say you're selfish, uncaring, and not worth my time. I refuse to listen to them. I tell them I must be explaining it wrong. I tell them I see something inside you that they don't understand. They tell me I'm a fool. I love you. I wouldn't love someone like that.
Maybe I am a fool. Because you're not calling. You're not even replying to emails now. You've cut me out again. It's not any easier. How worthless am I? You said I was something special and that you'd never let me go, but here I am without you again. How am I supposed to know what words are true? I can't trust all that you've said, and despite how wrong I seem to have been, I can only trust my heart.
Maybe I am a fool.