Anonyblog

This Baby Need

So I'm seeing this guy, casually. He's just out of a long term relationship, and I'm just out a short term fucked up something or other. So it's mutual comfort with friendship on the side.

After three months it's more like friendship with lots of comfort on the side. And we get on well, and seem to get each other pretty well.

So around 5 months he's started to see another girl occasionally, she's not around much, but she's pretty, intelligent, witty, talented, fun. I like her, she reminds me of myself a couple of years ago. He likes her too.

This could be bad bad bad.

I've lost a lot of myself this last year or so, become sort of vacant, indecisive, unsure of what I want, or what I'm capable of. I'm left with a vague memory of who I used to be. But that's impossible to explain to someone who's not known you for at least a couple of years. He doesn't know everything I used to be, only half of what I am now.

He doesn't understand why he's not entirely engrossed by her, and I don't understand either.

I don't understand why I don't assert myself, and admit what I want, which is either him or a monogamous relationship type thing with someone similar.

I'm waiting for him to find somebody who enthralls him entirely, and even introduce him to people I think may do, whilst wallowing in my own self pity at the idea of not being the closest person to him anymore.

I've replaced my needs with his needs. I don't put myself first anymore, not that I ever did particularly, but less so now.

I need something to reinvigorate me, but I'm not going to find it sat here moping.

"Like baby needs mom, Like Susie needs dick, This baby needs... Some new kind of kick"

(It's not a real sob story without a lyric quote)

So here's my lesson, don't settle for less than everything you want. And don't settle for someone elses happiness.

Posted by anonymous at January 18, 2006 10:04 AM