Anonyblog

He Left Me

Day One:
If I could be sweeter, you would love me again. If I was better. I wish I could feel your touch right now. I don't know how I am going to get through this. I knew you didn't want me, damn it. Why did it have to come to this? Last night we were talking about our wedding. Remember? I was going to have the beautiful purple flowers? I went to sleep happy about that! And today? You don't want me anymore. What has changed? I wish I was better for you. Then you wouldn't think I am such a loser. But I am a LOSER! I feel like one. I would give anything in the world to be with you right now. I crave your hug, the one that lets me know everything is alright. The one that lets me know you care, but I don't think that hug is coming. Not to me. I feel like I have lost a part of me. I want to say, but I will do better!! But, I fear you won't try with me. Not that you would even want to give me that chance. I do feel like all is lost here. I fear the future. I fear seeing small little things that remind me of you, and weeping because I miss you so much. Your touch, your gaze, your smile, your hair, your whole body. I don't know what to do, cry... call someone for help, ...leave,... what about my cats?? I love them!! I love you... Please come back to me... Please....

Day 2
Seriously, you call me, tell me your going to take me to my Mimi's. You get here, and you get down on one knee and ask me to marry you again. I cry, we talk, BAM you don't want me anymore. We go to my Mimi's, we get home, you leave. You come back hours later, you want to sleep. Where should you sleep, you ask me. I tell you with me. You say you would like that. We start to go to bed, I say your not ready (cause you aren't dressed for bed), and you take your boxers off. I get happy and smiley, start to take my shirt off. "Why are you getting happy, nothing has changed, oh I guess its just cause we are going to bed together." Ok wierd. We lay down together, in each others arms, you tell me you love me. YOU GET A BONER. We talk about my Mimi. You tell me you want to talk more in the morning. You roll over, and I hold you still. You tell me how much you love me, sweet dreams. Then we went through our pet names "Lauren Sqaure, Jacob Bear, Honey Bunny, Funny Money, Boo Boo Butt, Poo Poo Strut." We fall asleep. 3:50 AM I wake up to you standing over me with an orange flash light. I get scared, I don't know what is going on. You say you didn't mean to wake me. You are sorry. You're getting a book and leaving. LEAVING? Didn't we just sleep naked together?? You say you left a note. You leave...... I am so confused.

Day 3
You come home last night singing, You Are So Beautiful to me, to me. You tell me you want to work through everything. You tell me you want me. We talk. You are tired. It's like 8 pm but I am ok with going to sleep with you. I love you. I brush my teeth, and we lay in bed and talk for like five minutes. We go to sleep. I wake up at like 4 something this morning to you with a hard on. We have sex. It's different. I tell you I love you. You don't say anything. I do it again, and you say you love me back. You don't make much noise like you normally do. You start to get soft, and you almost don't cum. You tell me to get on top. I can't, I need to pee. I pee. I'm dry now cause I know something is wrong. I try my damndest to get wet again. I say I can't be on top. You get me to stand up and touch the floor. You do the stuff we always do like that. You cum on my back finally... and down my leg. I cry. You ask me why. I tell you its cause you almost didn't cum, and its never been like that with us. That wasn't all the reasons but I need to take a shower. I ask you if you want to take one with me, you say you took one yesterday. Ok, I go to the shower, I cry, but I sing the song you sang me. I get a bit happier and hope that me crying didn't hurt you too much. I think about what I am going to say when I get out of the shower. I get out, your gone... I call you and you say that your sorry we had sex cause you don't want me to think your using me, but you don't want to be with me. I ask you to come get me to get cigarettes. You tell me to call my dad. I ask you to come get me so I can get some food. You say eat at the house. Finally, you decide to bring me food and cigarettes. You don't get the cigarettes, and leave the food on the door step, and call me so I can get it. You were driving away when I came outside. I get the food, and (on the phone) ask you if you will bring me cigarettes later (you had to eat too). You say maybe. That's the last I heard from you. You told me last night you wouldn't leave me in my sleep, and you didn't. But it was so close to it, its not funny. I am so confused. Why would you want to have sex with me, but leave when I am in the shower, washing off?