I don't believe that school marks can truly measure somebody's intelligence. I don't appreciate people who judges me by my marks. I don't want them to know me through my marks, or make impressions of me based on my marks. It's not just some people in class, it's this whole damned society. You won't get the job you want if you lack the report card marks. I'm only in grade 11, and it's already overstressing me. I'm failing school and this game of catch up has caught up. I tell myself that I will work harder next year, every year. I know I'm capable of high marks because I've done it before...2 years ago. What's happening to me? Did I get lazier or have I just lost all motivation?... I feel like giving up but I know I can't and I won't... My expectations has just gone down the drain, I'm content with just a pass. I remember, I was never content with just a pass, anything out of the 80% range was saddening...and now... the motivation is just lost. I know I haven't given up totally because my marks still influences me enough to get me depressed... but it's been 2 years now. Where will I get this strength to pull me up and motivated? At this rate, I will not get into university, I will become nothing close to my goal, my goal of becoming a pharmacist... and I will regret for the rest of my life. I know because I'm beginning to regret now, I feel so behind. "its never too late" bull... maybe I was too confident... and thought, i will get by without doing anything... but thats false... thus falling behind... very behind and i can't seem to catch up... I feel like time is running out. I feel like I realize all this shit and yet not able to do anything about it, I can't bring myself up to fix my problems. What's more depressing is the fact that I try sometimes, and I don't receive my efforts worth... and that is very discouraging... it encourages me to give up when I don't want to. What do you do when forfeit is not an option in this game? I'm so sick of school, i make simple things complicated because thats just how i am and that's probably why i will never catch up. I'm still stuck on the same page because I'm determined to learn it. But I refuse to accept things, refusing to accept why things are just the way they are and that is why i will never be able to memorize the shit i'm suppose to memorize for some subjects. I feel so hopeless, I feel like an underachiever and I probably am but most of all, I'm failing school. I feel like i'm failing life. I know i shouldnt feel this way because school isnt everything, but today's society, without school, you wont get far, and the thought of that is very disappointing. i've wasted so many years in school, and the thought of not even reaching my goals is also very depressing. i cant find the strength within me to move on, and grade 12 will come by soon, and my dream university will not accept me. i'm already stuck on square one; reality is friendly.
Posted by anonymous at February 5, 2006 12:15 AMSweetheart, you're only in the 11th grade! That makes you what, 16 or 17 years old? How on earth can you dismiss the idea that it's never too late? You have not even begun your life yet! I know that schools put a lot of pressure on students, especially those who show a lot of potential. It won't kill you to repeat some of your classes and perhaps graduate a year or two later than you'd planned. Don't give up your dream, please don't. I have a dear young friend who is 25 and still going to school, because she has to work full-time and attend classes part-time.
I read an anecdote a long time ago that has stuck with me: it had to do with a situation somewhat like yours. Someone remarked that it was going to take 10 years to complete their education; by that time, she would be thirty years old. The question was asked: How old will you be in 10 years if you don't go to school?
"it's never too late" isn't bull---especially to one as young as you. Don't give up.
Posted by: at February 5, 2006 7:41 AM