Im not well. I would like to be feeling better than I am right now. I just don't see a way to change myself for the better. I have had counselling. I have seen a doctor who I have convinced that I have depression. My father does or so he states. My father also believes his father did as well. Im on anti-depresents that don't seem to be working all the time. I am lonely. I have few friends that I hang out with. Mostly I just see them at work. Sometimes I go to raves where I see the people I call friends. I am addicted to drugs mostly because it lets me forget that im alive. Alcohol, Marijuana, Extascy. I can avoide the latter of the two because they are not freely available, but not able to stop drinking even though it interferes with my anti-depresents. I just like being drugged out my mind. It relieves the boredom I feel. Recently moved back in with my mother. I can't afford rent on my own with my current job. I have student loans and credit card debt that I need to payback. I am so goddamm lonely. I want to be in a relationship with someone. Sex has never been satisfying. Ive slept with men and women. Ive never been able to ejactulate with them. I masturbate nearly every day to ejactulation so I know im not impotent. I am desperatly searching for satisfaction in my life and don't know where to find it.
Posted by anonymous at February 5, 2006 1:09 PMDo you truly want out of your depression? if you do, then put in more effort, you're choosing to be depressed with your actions. Doing drugs to avoid your problems won't exactly help you in the long term, and you probably know that yourself.
About your lack of satisfying sex, my advice for you is to place love>lust when you get into a relationship.
ps. good luck
Posted by: at February 5, 2006 5:30 PMget help for the addictions and then you'll start to see many aspects of your life improve, INCLUDING your sex life.
Posted by: at February 5, 2006 6:53 PMYou cannot self-medicate yourself out of depression, especially with street drugs and alcohol. Your father is correct; clinical depression is a chemical imbalance that does get passed down from parent to child. You must also realize that once you start taking an anti-depressant, it takes about three weeks for it to have its full effect. And yes, using alcohol or street drugs will interfere with the effectiveness of your anti-depressant.
Right now, I think you aren't really ready to get better. That's why you keep doing things that are harmful to you. When you really are ready to get better, you will. Some people do just fine with medication only; others need a combination of medication and counseling. I believe that the second option is what you need.
You can do it. I hope you do. Good luck.
Posted by: at February 6, 2006 4:54 AMI appreciate your responses.
The anonyblogger.
Posted by: at February 6, 2006 1:30 PMIt sounds to me like you have a half-assed doctor who is taking the contemporary route of assigning drugs to you without any consideration for your situation. Please go and see a psychologist, either one that deals with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy or more open-ended talk-therapy. Personally I think the latter is an option for you to extract the real reasons you're hurting. And be picky about who you choose to see, there are of course good and bad. But the good will care and offer you an independent suppport network that could turn your life right around. I wish you the best. I'm taking a similar journey at the moment, and it's hard, but life is very much worth the effort.
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