I think I am love with my best friend, who is gay.
He has a boyf who I have met and is really nice.
If I don't see him every so often, I really miss him and get depressed.
I love his company. We talk to each other about everything, our outlook, plans and problems. When we meet up I hate when we leave and am nearly crying after parting. I love being with him. He is the only person who I feel knows me inside out and understands what i'm saying and vice versa.
I realise that the only way is to limit contact, but I'm afraid to do this as I know nothing will ever happen, and I don't want to ruin the friendship (and yes it is a friendship despite of this blog!), so I feel this is a vicious circle and not sure how to get out of it.
I don't fancy him at all, I am Bi but more towards girls, and a year ago have came out of a relationship as I felt more for my friend than I did her.
What can I do?
(please, no nasty remarks, this is the first I have actually admitted this)
Maybe you're afraid of losing what you have with your gay friend, hence wanting to hold onto him that much tighter.
Since your breakup a year ago and your friend with his boyfriend, you feel you may have no one now.
That is not so. You must be comfortable enough to be on your own before you can be with another. Companionship is wonderful especially with one whom you feel is your soulmate not in the sense of lover soulmate but in the sense of friendship soulmate.
If you don't fancy him in that way then you aren't in love with him. You merely love him as a very dear friend who knows you very well and likewise you with him. Ask yourself why you are truly feeling this way to know how to get over it in the best way. Good Luck.
Posted by: at February 6, 2006 5:24 PMYou may be developing co-dependency for your friend, which is actually a real psychological disorder. The best thing to do in this case really is to examine your own life outside of your friend. Right now you're thinking your life is good only with him in it, that without him you would not have much of a life, which is why you're trying to hold on to him. The best solution is to seperate yourself from him and re-evaluate and rebuild your life. Think about what's important to you, what you want for yourself and what you want to do with your life. Go out and do them, and show yourself that you can have a great life without relying on your friend. If he is really an intimate friend of yours, he'd understand.
Of course, you may actually prefer him being the focus of your life. I've met some people who don't really exist outside of the people they love. In that case you really have to make the distinction between love and desire. You can love someone with all of your heart and not want to own them, possess them as your thing. There is a distinction between self gratification and love as it is. The old adage is true: if you really love something, you can let it go. If you can't do it, for his sake or for your own, then perhaps you don't really love him, you just love how he makes you feel...
Posted by: at February 7, 2006 6:15 AM