Anonyblog

That's a shame. You should've been talking with your husband in the first place. When you're having marital problems, you don't go outside to fix it unless it's in the case of a therapist.

You love the second one for how he makes you feel....understood. What reasons do you love your husband? You sure are in a pickle!

It doesn't sound like you love your husband.

You say that your husband doesn't see you because you never really let him inside your head, and that now he does see you, but only vaguely. Why don't you open up to him? If you loved him, I mean really loved him, you would. When things got bad, your husband is the one you should have talked to, not Scott. Unless you plan on becoming a professional homewrecker, either get some marriage counseling for you and your husband, or let him go.

Geez, I love the self-righteous pple that post here...

There's a difference between being self-righteous and having morals, or expecting people to live up to their commitments.

People who point the finger of self-rightous-ness are people who have below than normal moral standards. Heck, you're probably on the same boat the original poster is in.

Don't put us down because you can't seem to live above the standards of decent morality!

So YOU....fingerpointer.....if you can't say anything constructive, don't say anything at all.

Babe you need a long hard cock and a fuck you will never forget. Then we'll see where your "understanding, reinforcement, nd head truly is.

Didn't you all hear? Morals are a thing of the past; self-indulgence is the paved road to bliss.

Above comment is another example of nothing constructive to say!

to original poster:

i totally understand how you feel. you're emotionally attached to one, you're physically (on your marriage certificate) attached to another. it does happen. even though you may have but one heart, love is intangible. but what you need to recognize is that you ought to give your husband a chance to see who you truly are inside, and perhaps this would not only make him love you more for you, it would make you love yourself more. maybe what he needs is for you to really show him who you are and he'll love you for that. don't give up something you committed yourself to for a maybe.

all the best in your marriage. may you find the emotional strength you need so much in your loving husband.

It's okay to love two people. Most people love both their parents, all their children, multiple siblings...

It's not okay to cheat, or be dishonest. Love as many people as you can. Talk to your husband and talk to your friend, and maybe you can all come to an understanding.

The alternative, that many people try, is divorce. It doesn't really help that much.

Marriage is a choice that is renewed every second of every day. It is immoral to cheat and lie, but not to make a new choice with a clear head. I've been in this situation, exactly as described. Not fun, but very eye-opening. I no longer judge others as "bad" for having feelings for others. Those who do, I believe, are afraid that someday their chosen life will be changed. They are afraid of change, period. And so your situation scares them and they alsh out at you. Best wishes to you as you struggle with your own choices. So far, I've chosen to stay with my husband of 17 years and father of our 2-year-old son (mainly for those reasons), but tomorrow...?

I'm in love with two men also. One is my boyfriend, whom I live with, and the other is someone I used to work with.

My boyfriend is 9 years younger than me and we have lived together for 4 years. I moved in right away (after one month) and didn't really know him. I have since found out that we not that compatible and have no common interests.

The man I used to work with is two years older than me and is basically my male counterpart. I sometimes feel he knows me better than I know myself. He is the first man that truly wanted to get inside of my head instead of my pants. I have known him for six years, but the "relationship" has grown gradually over the years. I have kissed him but that is strictly all that has happened.

I really tried to forget the second man, but I am so unhappy and misunderstood in the relationship I am currently in. I didn't talk to the second man for a year, but have recently been going to his work to see him. I can't help myself, I think of him all the time and wonder what I am doing sometimes. My boyfriend truly loves me and would do just about anything for me, but I am alone most of time because of his job and when he is home we have no common ground.

I have told NO ONE about this situation and it is killing me. I've tried to break it off with my boyfriend, but he does and says everything he can to get me to stay.

I wish I knew which man to choose. The second man really wants me to leave my boyfriend and start a relationship with him, but I'm afraid to trust another man.

I love them both in different ways and don't know what to do...

I think it is possible to love two people at once - and probably for different reasons. It's fine for people to say you should be able to work out what it is missing in your relationship that you turn to someone else - but sometimes it maybe something in relationship that cant be fixed, but that the other person fills, this other person may also be using you (may not be the best way of describing it) for the same reason - that dosent mean that the relationship with the second person is purely sexual but an understanding between you and that dosent make it wrong - not because someone else tells you it is ! and yes I am speaking from experience !!!!!!!!!!

Love is unconditional and should be giving to whoever and how ever many you wish to share it with. I am married and have a boyfriend as well..I love them both for different reasons..If my husband refuses to accept this need of mine then he doesn't accept me for who I am and can leave at any time. There is noone and I mean noone you have to answer to but YOU. It's your life you only have one..Don't let anyone put conditions on you to keep you from experiencing anything you need to experience. Marriage is a stupid contract that pretty much says "I won't cheat" Well the future holds many things for all of us that can never be predicted and makes that contract nothing more than a promise that is meant to be broken...

I am having a very similar situation. I have been with my husband for six and a half years. I have been getting closer to a man for the last year, and started dating him two months ago. We are not having a sexual relationship, but it is very passionate. One problem is that my husband and this man have become friends through me over the last year. Since I have been dating the "boyfriend" I have not let them be together. They both know about each other, but my husband doesn't know exactly to what extream my feelings are. I know people say that it is not possible to love two men at the same time, but I do. There are no problems with my marriage and have never been. In fact my husband seems to be more affectionate and loving now that this is going on. That still doesn't help me figure out what I am going to do. I really feel that this "boyfriend" could be my soul mate, but I thought that about my husband too. Whats to say I won't feel this way for the rest of my life and not be able to stay with one man. HELP!!!!

I am having a very similar situation. I have been with my husband for six and a half years. I have been getting closer to a man for the last year, and started dating him two months ago. We are not having a sexual relationship, but it is very passionate. One problem is that my husband and this man have become friends through me over the last year. Since I have been dating the "boyfriend" I have not let them be together. They both know about each other, but my husband doesn't know exactly to what extream my feelings are. I know people say that it is not possible to love two men at the same time, but I do. There are no problems with my marriage and have never been. In fact my husband seems to be more affectionate and loving now that this is going on. That still doesn't help me figure out what I am going to do. I really feel that this "boyfriend" could be my soul mate, but I thought that about my husband too. What's to say I won't feel this way for the rest of my life and not be able to stay with one man. HELP!!!!

im in love with a married man and have been seeing him for 3 years. I accepted the life style that came with the relationship because he was the best thing that has ever happened to me. he treated me with more love than ive ever known. Then he cheated on me. And i met this guy who ive been seeing every sense. But im also still seeing the married man. Im in love with them both. I wish i could just leave the married guy alone but the thought of it hurts to much. And the other guy want's me to himself. But im to scared to let go of the married guy.

I am in love with my husband and my lover. I expressed my sexual needs to my husband. he has been on antidepresants for four years without any sexual drive. My self esteem was started to deteriate and I had to check out if I was still attractive. I met a man on a website and had lunch with him. After getting to know him better our relationship developed into a wonderful love affair. I cannot describe how I feel when I am with him. I was not expecting or looking for this to happen. Now I love this man and I love my husband. Both men are wonderful in completely differant ways. Not sure what I'm going to do. I know I need to talk to my husband and find out what this man's intentions are....time will tell.

I am struggling between 2 men myself. My husband of 3 years who I am totally in love with and have no problems with we have a wonderful marriage. And my old bestfriend from school who recently has come back into my life. I never dated my friend or even kissed him I was worried about ruining our friendship but I am in love with him and have wondered what my life might have been like had I given in all those years ago. He has always been in love with me even still it's like we were never apart. There is nothing lacking in my marriage, there is no reason for me to seek this relationship out I just can't help myself. I know the temptation is there to possibly cheat, I do just want to be friends. I don't want to hurt anyone. My husband thinks he is just a friend which right now he is, but how do you be just friends with someone you are in love with?

Wow, I am surprised by how many women are in the same situation. I too find myself there. I have a boyfriend that I love but am not in love with. He is the sweetest kindest man and he loves my son very much. To leave him would destroy his life and hurt my son deeply. However, I am in love with a friend I knew before I met my boyfriend. I have known him for 6 years and we have only been friends. Never kissed or anything. He admitted to me a year ago that he was in love with me and so, I admitted to him my feelings. We were both with someone at the time, but now he is free which has complicated things terribly. He is not putting pressure on me at all but he does have a hard time understanding how I can stay with someone I am not in love with and am not sexually compatable with at all. I wish I could have a pause button to pause my real life and just give in to the love I have for the friend, just once to feel that wholeness that I know he would bring me. It is possible to love two people and love them very much and not be able to imagine your life without either one. The saving grace for me is that the friend lives in England and we rarely get to see each other. So, I feel terrible that I find myself thinking of him more than the man I live with, but that is my life for now. I have never cheated and I am not sure I would but this situation has really made me question my feelings on love and committment. I do not think one can change their values to suit the situation. I just do know from experience that you can be deeply torn between two people and there really be no solution. So, for all of us in that, don't listen to those that are just focused on the cheating aspect. We know we are actually dealing with bigger issues than committing a physical act that betrays our partner (as awful as that is). We have to contemplate how to be happy in our choices (because we all do deserve to be happy) and not wound someone we love and would have no reason to hurt. It's a difficult road to walk and I think they should not comment unless they have been here, where we are or at the very least try to understand that it could happen to them just as easily. After all we are all human and with that comes complications.

Hello I am having similar problems.
I really like this girl, but she has a boyfriend.
We have been seeing eachother quite a bit but behind her boyfriends back - kissing, etc.
But I feel well bad on her boyfriend!
Its one of my mates brothers! Also if he finds out I think there will be trouble.
But the problem is that she says she hates him but doesnt have the heart to end it. And that she wants to be with me.
Ive trying speaking to her buts its not working.

WHAT SHALL I DO ?

Shane:

The girl that you like... if she likes you then she will choose you. If she likes him, she will choose him.

But if she is prolonging the period of being with both of you, she seems like shes just out for a bit of fun with 2 men.

If she cant make her mind up, get away from that girl. Forget what she says and move on.

Hello helper, it seems that way but when im with her its the best feeling in the world which i wanna last forever. I dont think I can let go of her that easy. I really am stuck, I cant move on because i will be incomplete with out her! :(

Shane:

It seems like you are a lovely man and if this girl cannot see this and choose you, then her boyfriend must be doing something to keep her, or is just a better man than yourself.

Looks like you've got competition, but if I was you I would not compete... Id move on as she cannot see the love in your eyes.

The girl will then learn and see she has made a mistake when you are gone and she is stuck with someone that is hurting her heart.

Thanks for all your help. I will leave this decision down to her. I will see what i can do and if it dont work then it dont work. thanks all!

hi shane, by the looks of things you need to get rid of this girl.
she sounds nothing but trouble to you, she just wants to have her fun with you coz she oviously cant get anything from her boyfriend.
If she doesnt want to get with you then she should just leave off and let you get on with your life, but if she really wants to get with you she will dump her boyfriend and ask you out.

25 years ago I was with a man for 5 years. He was unable to commit to me totally and we ended it. I married a good man and had 2 children who are now grown. My ex married about 5 years after I did and had no children. We have met about once every 4 years since then and there has never been anything romantic that has happened but I have always loved him.

To make a long story short, my ex and I are seeing each other again. He is separated and has been for 2 years. I have always known he is my soulmate. I don't know what to do. I want to just keep the status quo and keep my family intact but keep seeing my "soulmate." If I left my husband, my kids would disown me and they are my true loves. I would be unhappy the rest of my life for their piece of mind. I also love my husband very much but there is no passion between us. He has been impotent on and off for some time and even when he wasn't, we were never sexually compatible. I would never want my husband to be hurt. He is happy with our life together.

i met this man about 2 years ago and he was and still is married .I have come to accept the situation for what it is ,that is until i met his twin brother.The married one tried to break it off with me once and send his brother to console me.His brother was a really nice guy and we started hanging out and before i knew it he fell in love with me and i was starting to develop feelings for him .His married brother however changed his mind very quickly and said he wanted to be with me and only me and keeps promising a divorce but still has not gotten one.I love him and really want to be with him but how long can i really wait for something that might never happen? especially with his twin treating me more like a girlfriend then his brother.I know i haveto let oneof them go but i cant bare to loose either one..........

Look like everyone gets into this mess eventually. I've been married for 14 years, married at age 19, and now see that I missed out on all the dating and running around that I should have been doing. My husband has recently come home from working out of town. For a year and a half the kids and I saw him only once a month. I got bored and for the first time in our married life messed around with some one else. He turned out to be a jerk. I found out my husband had a short relationship with a woman he met and I confronted him on it. Five months ago I met someone else and I am crazy about him. My husband and I argue alot and I am just not very happy at home. I already take Zolft to keep myself going. Don't know how to handle all of it anymore.

Nice to know I'm not alone in this triangle. I have been married for 20 years. As strange as it sounds I have a good marriage. No children, just the two of us. We lavished each other with affection during that time. However, I guess boredom set and familiarity set in. I have been having an affair with a co-worker of the past 2 months. What started on my part as bit of fun has grown into a love affair. I love my husband and am falling in love with my lover. This may sound trivial and easy to fix. Just do the right thing and walk away and "repent" for my sins. It's not that simple.

I believe that if your lucky enough to find your soulmate it's a wonderful thing but it may not mean that it is meant to be! I've met and loved my soulmate... it was like we never had to speak because we always knew what the other was saying just by looking at each other. Life took us to different places but I know we will never forget each other! A part of you may know who you really want out of the two but when you've loved someone for a long time you can't see yourself without them after a while and that's the hard part..... because you know that you're not truely happy with them but you find yourself trying to make things work. Then if and when you leave that person what if you give yourself completely to the other guy and its not what you expected and it doesn't work out. Then you've ruined your previous relationship and here you are ALONE again. It's scary but I say take the plung and if in the end you're alone than find yourself and when your ready you'll find someone truely wonderful!

Wow, thanks for the non judgmental comments. It can be scary to think that I may well screw up both relationships and end up alone. that's the gamble. I really think life's too short not to gamble occassionally. I've had a 20 year ride with my husband that's been great but in the last year it has fizzled. For me I think it's time to get out while it's still "good" instead of waiting for a few more years for it to get bad. I've been fortunate to find another. Hey I'm probably being incredibly selfish by using one as a safty net while I consider cuttng the first loose. But the flip side is that my lover is well aware of the situation. If I'm taking advantage of him he doesn't seem to mind. He's enjoying the perks so to speak. But I think he's falling in love too. I have a feeling it may soon get pretty messy.

I have only been married for a year. I have two children and my husband loves me very much. He treats me very well gives me all the love in the world. He's good in bed and is my best friend but I cheated on him and I cant get this other person out of my head and I feel sick everytime I look or think about him because I love him so much. I love being with this other man but I would never leave my husband. I dont understand why I have such strong feelings for this other man. I want to keep my family together but I also want to keep this other man. I just dont know what to do. The other man has a partner too but I know that he wants to be with me too. Should I walk away from this man or should I carry on with the affair

Hey, I know how you feel. I know just how you feel. Definitly a case of wanting my cake and eating it too. There are no easy answers for this one. For myself, I'm taking the coward's way out. I'm just biding my time to see what transpires. To see if my feelings for my husband get stronger and I want to fight for him or if things get to a boiling point with my lover and make me want to leave my husband of want to leave him and stay with my husband. I am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get caught in the mean time.

Well, as I sit here in tears trying to get head around what is happening in/to my life, I come cross is site!! You think you are the only one in is similar position. In my situation, there is no one I can talk to and I just really need to TELL someone and try and sort it out in my own head. Here goes - I am "fairly" happily married (good days and bad - I know just like everyone else!), together for 6 years and married for 5 and 1/2. We have 2 beautiful girls (2 & 4).
We run a small business in which he shares with his business partner. Ever since our business partner had a relationship breakdown we have become very good friends and over the past year & 1/2 in which I helped him and counselled him through it. I know now that he considers me his one of his best friends, and it has only ever been "just friends". I have always thought that he was attractive, but he was always only a friend and our business partner. But recently he has confessed to me that he has feelings for me (alcohol is a truth serum) but nothing happened between us. But, it did make me realise that there was definitely something there between us.
I know that I love my husband, but suddenly I am having feelings for another man and can not stop thinking about him.
But over the weekend we went away with a group of friends to a festival, that had been planned long before I knew how he felt. My husband had always planned not to go and spend time with the girls. While we were away one thing let to another and we kissed. It could have gone alot further but I stopped it. But I really wanted to happen, and I still don't how I said "no" because - I wanted him so much.
I can honestly say the whole time that I have been with my husband I have never really looked side ways at another man, well definitely not enough to kissed any of them.
Now I find myself constantly thinking about him and what happened between us and wishing that it "did" happened and wondering if I will ever get the opportunity again to be with him.
I am very scared that I feel this way and I know I know the right thing to do (for me, my husband and my girls).
But I can not stop thinking about being with him again and wanting him. Everytime I close my eyes or have a quiet moment, I think about him and being with him again.
We have spoken about what happened and he is says he regrets it - "Yes and No", which I know where he is coming from, because that's exactly the way I feel.
We have both decided to NOT take it any further but I don't what the future holds, because at the moment, the way I feel, I am not sure if I could trust myself alone with him.
And it is not so easy just to stop seeing him because he is my husbands business partner. I know what I have to do, but I just wish that I could stop myself thinking about him and wanting him.
I feel for anyone else in this same position, because I honestly thought I would never be in this situation. I know that have critised other people in same postion in the past, thinking answer is easy. Well I now know that it is not and what it is like first hand to love and care for two men at the same time. Good Luck to everyone in similar situations. Karen

First of all you are only human. Its only natural to like the feeling of being loved...hell by anyone... But the answer is simple actually. If you turely love your husband Dont do it...The feelings will fade slowly and you will get over the guy. Or you could go for it. But just be sure its worth it. You could loose your husband in the process and it will make you feel like a real ho. So think it though. Belive me I know exactly how you feel!!! Ive done both...once I cheated...and it rocked but I got busted and it made me feel like a trick...then another time I chose not to and it made me feel good to know i had control...Just be prepared to be scared afterwards and feel guilty and ashamed ...if you can live with that then go for it

First of all you are only human. Its only natural to like the feeling of being loved...hell by anyone... But the answer is simple actually. If you turely love your husband Dont do it...The feelings will fade slowly and you will get over the guy. Or you could go for it. But just be sure its worth it. You could loose your husband in the process and it will make you feel like a real ho. So think it though. Belive me I know exactly how you feel!!! Ive done both...once I cheated...and it rocked but I got busted and it made me feel like a trick...then another time I chose not to and it made me feel good to know i had control...Just be prepared to be scared afterwards and feel guilty and ashamed ...if you can live with that then go for it

First of all you are only human. Its only natural to like the feeling of being loved...hell by anyone... But the answer is simple actually. If you turely love your husband Dont do it...The feelings will fade slowly and you will get over the guy. Or you could go for it. But just be sure its worth it. You could loose your husband in the process and it will make you feel like a real ho. So think it though. Belive me I know exactly how you feel!!! Ive done both...once I cheated...and it rocked but I got busted and it made me feel like a trick...then another time I chose not to and it made me feel good to know i had control...Just be prepared to be scared afterwards and feel guilty and ashamed ...if you can live with that then go for it

sorry i posted 3 times whoa!

kk~ heres my story. Ive been with my husabnd for 12 years....I have cheated on him several times...I confessed evry time...I have tried to leave him but he always wins me back... He is a great guy and a wonderful father. But I know we are so diffrent and he actually bores the shit outta me. I think he could make another woman soooooooo happy. But at the same time I love him and I have two girls with him. But evry couple of years I try and leave him and he always talks be back. He is Mr. Pefrect in the eyes of most. He works, and dont do drugs and has high moral standards. He is very handsome. But he is not very intellectual. He is a pranckster...and i hate it. I feel like I am faking who i am just to humor him most of the time. Like Sam and diane on cheers...lol...When i talk of poerty art or anything intellectual he hates it. I feel like we are totally opossite. We both have the same morals about evrything...cept sex. He makes me confused about who I am...he is manipulative. I do love him...but I feel i'll never be truely happy and furthermore neither will he. And I dont know what to do. Help anyone someone?

kk~ heres my story. Ive been with my husabnd for 12 years....I have cheated on him several times...I confessed evry time...I have tried to leave him but he always wins me back... He is a great guy and a wonderful father. But I know we are so diffrent and he actually bores the shit outta me. I think he could make another woman soooooooo happy. But at the same time I love him and I have two girls with him. But evry couple of years I try and leave him and he always talks be back. He is Mr. Pefrect in the eyes of most. He works, and dont do drugs and has high moral standards. He is very handsome. But he is not very intellectual. He is a pranckster...and i hate it. I feel like I am faking who i am just to humor him most of the time. When i talk of poerty art or anything intellectual he hates it. I feel like we are totally opossite. We both have the same morals about evrything...cept sex. He makes me confused about who I am...he is manipulative. I do love him...but I feel ill never be truely happy and furthermore neither will he. And I dont know what to do. Help anyone someone?

Well, no one has posted in awhile, but I really need to. I am in a real mess. I married my husband, who I do love dearly, about 2 years ago. We really struggle the first year, emotionally and especially with money. We moved, things got better, but his drinking got worse. Then, because of his drinking, he cheated on me. I bascially walked in on him and a close friend, just as the act was beginning to start.
It was awful. I never have been able to forgive him, BUT, here is where it gets bad. I was MADLY in love with a man three years ago. He is bipolar, which I did not know at the time. We dated, he proposed, it was like a fairy-tale, with a house on the beach and everything. A few months after he proposed, he called me up, and just broke it off completely. Essentially because he was dealing with his bipolar disease and he did not tell me. His mental health was worsening and he did not know what to do, so he broke it off. A month later is when I met my husband at a new job. I did fall in love with him for who he is, but all this time I still dreamt of and secretly loved the bipolar man. I guess that is what we will call him. Anway, now it is three years later, Mr. Bipolar is back, better, healthy, successful, beautiful and recently came to visit me on his way to his new residence (he was in the process of moving). He has not been with anyone, physically or even dated since we split, this I know is true because his disease was so difficult to handele and he recently got on his meds etc etc. (We maintianed contact throughtout this whole time period, I am his only real friend, he has lost so many because of his disease) In other words, he said there has been no one "but you" in three years. We had an amazing night of love, laughing, and passion. It honestly blew anything away that I have had with my husband ever and it was something I have dreamt about and daydreamed about for years. Now he is living only a few hours away (before this time period, he was about 18 hours away, which made this situation better)He (bipolar man) said we should take everything slow, get our careers going and in a year make some arrangements to be together. SO WHAT ABOUT NOW! I am complete mess! My husband has cleaned up, got on the wagon and is working really hard as well. To top it off, I allowed myself to get into the situation of relying on my husband for money while I finish my last year of college. So now I feel really bad! But, in the same breath, I feel wonderful, in love with Mr. Bipolar, but will he continue to be healthy or will he hit the bottom again, freak out and call the whole thing off!? AHH! My husband had a terrible battled with alcohol, but survived, however, it is did negatively impact our relationship. Everything from his episodes of binging and passing out, to the whole cheating situation. He claims that he blacked out and does not remember coming on to our friend when I was out of the room. After the situation took place, I tried taking to him about, get him to go to counseling with me but all he would do is get angry and say, "I told you, it is not my fault, why can't you believe me?" Because it sounds like a line to me, I think he did mean to do it, but I never had a chance to get over it or make amends with him becasue he would never want to discuss it, he would just get angry and yell. I have held in this anger for so long, and now it is just coming back and I do not know if I should insist we discuss it or let it go. However, who am I to judge? I just had an amazing fling with a man that takes my breath away! And you know, I loved it!
So, now what do I do? I am considering just running away from the whole thing and finding a rock to hide under.
Any suggestions? LOL, yeah, like I am really stuck.

Jonathan Ross is dubbed "risque" by Ofcom but not in breach of rules over an interview with David Cameron...

Omigoodness Stuck. I am in almost the exact same situation with passive-aggressive-but-otherwise-wonderful-fiancé and bipolar ex who took time out to sort out his life (and did) and is now back. I'm also scared the disease will come back. Do I take the risk and leave my fiancé (stable, secure, can be very sweet), for my Mr Bipolar (soulmate, mind-meldy awsome connection)? The situation really sucks. To complicate things further, Mr Bipolar (wonderful, wonderful Bipolar) has a(nother) medical condition that can be passed on to any children he has. Did I mention this sucks?

I never would have imagined so many people were in the same boat as I. I came close to tears reading a few of the posts, I know exactly how many of you feel.
I've only been married for a little over 2 years now, and I love my husband in every respect. I couldn't imagine living without him. He's an intellectual, great emotional support, funny, hard-working, and he showers me with love. He's the perfect, straight-laced husband that makes all of my friends jealous with random expressions of love. From the very beginning, we 'knew' that we were meant to be. Hell, before we met, we separately chose the same first *and* middle name for our future daughter, only in reverse. I never looked twice at other men.. no interest at all. I couldn't imagine living without him.
And then I became friends with a guy I met online. I even joked about him being in the 'friend zone' or 'like a brother' any time he would try to flirt. Slowly, over time, we started noticing how everything from our favourite series of books to our obsessive passion with a certain band was exactly the same, and for the same reasons. I can talk to him more easily than I ever could with my husband (who, through a rough childhood, is *not* talkative. I have to pry things out of him). I lived a somewhat alternative life before I met my husband, and cleaned up very quickly for him. This new guy, though, thrives in it and encourages it to the nth degree.
For me, it's not only a choice between two men that I truly love, it's a choice between two *very* different lifestyles.

I couldn't imagine hurting my husband when he's done nothing at all to deserve it. He's done so much for me..
I'm just screaming inside right now, and I have no friends that aren't also close to my hubby. I had to tell someone.. It helps to know that I'm not alone in this. I never really thought it possible to truly love two men equally before it happened to me.

I would have never thought that I would run into a situation like this in my life. I met my first love and/or high school sweetheart when we were both juniors. Really compatible. Probably because I was three days older than him. We are both virgos and we were very at peace with each other because we were so alike. We dated a year on and off. I was so crazy in love with him. Little did I know during the last month we were dating I found out through a mutual friend that he had been trying to get with another girl that we went to school with. The pain was so excruciating and "intense" I thought I would never be able to recover. We broke up and then got back together. It wasn't working out. We called it quits in february. I then got in touch with an old friend of six years that I have known way before my ex boyfriend and haven't spoken to for two years. However, they were very good friends. Hung out and even worked out with each other every day. I used to have the biggest crush on my old friend but he never gave me the time of day cause he was known as the player back then. The old friend found out my ex boyfriend and I weren't dating anymore and then we began talking. I thought I couldnt ever see myself with anyone but my ex boyfriend. Obviously I was still heartbroken. I told the friend that we couldn't ever be together because they were friends. The friend and I began to hang out more often and finally I began to fall for him. The friend told my ex boyfriend he and I had been talking a lot and asked him if it was alright if we could see each other. My ex said he didn't care about my anymore and the friend and I had this connection without unspoken words. He even confessed to me that I was one of those girls that really know to stand their own and was really hard to get with. To make things short... we had gotten serious and we slept together. It was the most passionate sex I have ever had in my life. It was one of the biggest changes because this is first person that I started to like after my first love. I was scared and confused that it was all happening to fast. I had morals that the person that I lost my virginity to was the only person I would be with for the rest of my life. My ex finally confessed to me that he missed me and wanted me back. I was so torn because I knew my ex had hurt me in ways that still hurts me to this day! (its been 7 months) my ex and I slept together. I don't know why. Probably because he was my first love. And I was confused. The friend found out and it hurt me deeply knowing that I hurt him. We weren't dating but I knew he was serious about me. I fucked up. The ex found out I had slept with our friend and called me a slut. Probably because he was hurt and angry. The friend decided to get back at me and hooked up with his old ex which happened to be my friend... in front of me. She knew we were seeing each other and denied she knew and she continued to hook up with him. What a friend she is. But I messed up in the first place. Now I see my ex, the friend with his ex girlfriend at parties because we share the same group of friends. For the past few parties, the friend would flirt with me in front of his ex girlfriend whom the girl he seeing. He will hug me in front of her. He would try to purposely try to get me jealous and ask about my hot friends and how they were doing... in front of his girl! He would tell me that I messed up and that the whole reason for us not being friends anymore is because I slept with my ex boyfriend and that it was completely bullshit. It is true... but we weren't dating. Maybe I should've had more respect for him and appreciated him. I can see each other in the future because I know him and the girls he's with now is not going to last... and the friend and I are going to school together. Along with my ex boyfriend. Ahhh. What a mess I'm in. I miss my ex boyfriend sometimes but it was almost be a year since we've broken up. There is too much familiarity with my ex boyfriend and yes I miss him some days. But not enough for me to pick up the phone and say that. I want to secretly be with the old friend and I know deep down he does as well but won't admit because his pride won't let him show it. I apologize for this post to be so long and I thank and appreciate the people who have taken the time to read it. I needed to vent. What I'm really getting at here is that I am in love with two guys. One being my first love whom I will always love. I realized that first loves aren't always our soulmates. The friend I believe is my soulmate. My two best friends share the same birthday as the friend so I am very compatible with him. It must be the scorpio-virgo thing ;) the friend is such a bad boy and I have been told by his best friend that I bring out the softer side of him. We'll see how this year goes... oye.

Lost,
I felt like I could have been reading my own comment when I saw yours. It scares me sometimes when I compare the wonderful life I have with the (possible) wonderful life I COULD have if I were truer to myself. Thank you for letting me know I am not alone. Thank you to all of you who write without judgement!!

I have been dating this man for 10 months - he and i have been friends for a year. his aunt has cancer, his cousin - the aunts son has cerebral palsy and some mental problems. his uncle - the aunts husband is on disability because of some mental problems. he works with me and we only see each other at work. he works in the afternoons and on weekends. i'm in college in the afternoons after work. sometimes he goes off all weekend and i don't hear from him at all because he's working. i've been talking to this other guy - my friends brother. he's the sweetest person. we talk from around 9 every night until 12 or 1 the next morning. he comes from delaware to see me every other weekend. i live in new york city. he wants to be with me and i want to be with him but i also want to be with my boyfriend. with the other man, i don't feel alone in a relationship and i have someone i can talk to. i don't know... what should i do. should i let the other one go his way?

well here it goes... i guess this is the confession thread... it is the first time i have told anyone about this ever! but it is so stressful and i cry every night because of it.

I have been with my husband for several years now, I moved from the states to canada to be with him. I loved him I thought, but from the moment i came out here to be with him I was no longer sure.....i am not physically attracted to him and i share no interests with him, i find him very incompatible.

I married him at 19, we said for immigration purposes only (i wanted to build a life with him in canada). We both agreed to that, except to him it meant more and he didn't tell me that. his family put tons of stress on me to make babies for them, like I was just some baby mill, and it was very hurtful for me (I am sterile and no matter how much I told them this, they would not listen, and I do not want children anyway- they don't care.) my husband has always supported me financially, I am physically and neurologically nearly handicapped from a disease. The issue now though is... I am trapped in canada because I can't move until my husband does (no money, nowhere to go)... I am in love with a man in the UK and he is wanting to be with me desperately, I really truly love him and he always talks about caring for me because my husband doesn't. Right now it's not that I am torn, so much as i physically am nowhere near my lover... I am not even in my home country. if he came out here I would have no way to financially support him, and I have no way to help with his immigration, because canada immigration fell through for me (my husband never helps me with important things even when I beg and literally cry for him to help me, he never ever helps and then he acts pathetic and apologetic but never changes). I have been stranded here for years now married to a guy who I do not feel strongly for but who is almost childishly in love with me... he will bring me home chocolates but he won't clean up his messes (I can't move very easily because of my handicap). He will kiss and hug me but he won't bring me to the doctor (I again cannot go on my own for the same reasons). everything I actually need my husband does not provide, but Mr. UK wants to do for me, he talks all the time about all he thinks of is coming here (on his own money and effort) to be with me and take care of me, he is okay with living in the shadow of my marriage for as long as i have to but i feel like it is hopeless! Mr. UK has no way to get out to me for at least another 2-5 years... and I feel like in that time he will give up on me... just a worthless crippled lady in a hopeless marriage which is nothing but a resource drain.

sometimes i feel like i should just give up completely and run away, and start a new life entirely... why does love have to be so difficult. my husband is not my soulmate and i never wanted to be married to him but my lover is impossibly far away both situationally and distance wise! i have no family or friends to fall back on. just my husband that does not listen to me and my lover who is too far away to help me, and has no way to get out here any time in the near future... I may be waiting ten or more years for a knight in shining armor to save me, and he may never even come byt the end of it.

i feel it is hopeless.

This is so weird. I would never have guessed so many people had the same sort of experience.
Mine is just another version but just another take.

I met my husband at 19, got married at 25, we had and still have a great relationship, at all levels. My husband is handsome, a successful financial high-flier, a great father (we have & 2 year old son), and we have always been TOTALLY true to each other, whatever happened between us. We have always spoken to each other, and there as always been open dialogue.

Sexually, we have always experimented a bit, trying out non conventional things (lesbian experience, etc.).

A few years ago, though, I met a colleague at work, who to start with, attracted me more because he got turned on by finding out that I was very open about my sexual views. We did not get together then, and for even a year after that, there was only a sort of tension between us that was brought on by the fact that we were attracted to each other but both in happy relationships, and not ready to risk them for a fling.

However, there was a very deep tenderness between the two of us (believe it or not, we even slept next to each other several times over a year without ever making love) and after 2 years, we both gave in and made love. And it was wonderful, electric, exciting, nothing like I had ever felt before. I felt guilty and told my husband about this, he felt angry at first and was FURIOUS with me but then he only ended up being turned on by the fact that I was having a physical relationship with someone other than himself. Which kept me going, until I finally fell in love with this guy, knowing full well that we would neither of us ever leave our respective partners, being very much in love with them. Our relationship got pretty intense, as he is a very intellectual person, we would have conversations for hours on end, about poetry, literature, philisophy and of course there was the mind-blowing sex, morning, evening, night, whenever we could, and which took on a very strangely spiritual aspect, as if by making love to each other, we were actually trying to own each other, in a way that would not be possible for our partners. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way. Sex was just a way to attain a mystical level that could only be reached by losing oneself into the other.

Well, so here is how it stood then: the two of us were in love with two people at the same time, and although it brought us some amount of misery, tears and sadness knowing that we could not be together like most people, we finally came to terms with it, since we understood that it was not possible to have one's cake and eat it too. So we would meet when we got the time to, and be happy in the knowledge that we loved each other and were not out to ruin a whole lot of lives (our families, our kids, our partners...) And finally it was working out quite well, because we had each of us our own life, and no one in my life knew about my relationship with this person. But when we met, we would shut out everything else and escape into each other, forgetting the world outside and simply concentrating on the intense desire and love that we felt for each other.

The only hitch was that HIS wife was not aware of the situation, and he kind of lied about it to me (well, I should have guessed, how many people would tolerate this sort of stuff in a society where individual love is the only way to go?)
And she had already found out about it once, but probably understood that he was not out to leave her (they got married and even had kids after that) so forgave him and life went on. We sort of "broke up" for some time, but then he called me and I went back to him, and things went back to "normal". Well, more or less, because over the years (it has now been 6 years since I know him) our relationship has become far less sexual and more intellectual, more of a very close friendship (although when we did make love, which was only once in the whole of last year, it was just as fantastic).

Until recently, when his wife found out again. This time she gave him an ultimatum, either he had to stop all communication with me, or else, she would leave me. And of course, the guy ditched me, what else could he do, although I know in my heart that he still loves me.

So here I am, desperate for some sign of him, and I although life goes on and I am happy with my husband and kid, a part of me thinks of him each day, yearns for him and hopes that one day, he will come back towards me.

I have no wish for him to leave his family, and make anyone suffer. I am happy with my family, all I miss is the exchange of ideas (and the rest) that we used to have together. But if he cannot be as frank with his wife as I am with my husband (who knows that I have a soft spot for this guy), then I can only hope that he will be able to convince her that I am not a threat to her, so that we can see each other again, because I miss him like hell.

What do you think of my situation? Is it normal for me to expect so much of his wife? I guess I will never get things to go the way I want!

Sad life...

This is so weird. I would never have guessed so many people had the same sort of experience.
Mine is just another version but just another take.

I met my husband at 19, got married at 25, we had and still have a great relationship, at all levels. My husband is handsome, a successful financial high-flier, a great father (we have & 2 year old son), and we have always been TOTALLY true to each other, whatever happened between us. We have always spoken to each other, and there as always been open dialogue.

Sexually, we have always experimented a bit, trying out non conventional things but that I guess was normal, since we were each other's first love.

A few years ago, though, I met a colleague at work, who to start with, attracted me more because he got turned on by finding out that I was very open about my sexual views. We did not get together then, and for even a year after that, there was only a sort of tension between us that was brought on by the fact that we were attracted to each other but both in happy relationships, and not ready to risk them for a fling.

However, there was a very deep tenderness between the two of us (believe it or not, we even slept next to each other several times over a year without ever making love) and after 2 years, we both gave in and made love. And it was wonderful, electric, exciting, nothing like I had ever felt before. I felt guilty and told my husband about this, he felt angry at first and was FURIOUS with me but then he only ended up being turned on by the fact that I was having a physical relationship with someone other than himself, since I made him understand that he did not own my body, and that whatever I did, I would never ever stop loving him. He understood things. Which kept me going, until I finally fell in love with this guy, knowing full well that we would neither of us ever leave our respective partners, being very much in love with them. Our relationship got pretty intense, as he is a very intellectual person, we would have conversations for hours on end, about poetry, literature, philosophy and of course there was the mind-blowing sex, morning, evening, night, whenever we could, and which took on a very strangely spiritual aspect, as if by making love to each other, we were actually trying to own each other, in a way that would not be possible for our partners. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way. Sex was just a way to attain a mystical level that could only be reached by losing oneself into the other.

Well, so here is how it stood then: the two of us were in love with two people at the same time, and although it brought us some amount of misery, tears and sadness knowing that we could not be together like most people, we finally came to terms with it, since we understood that it was not possible to have one's cake and eat it too. So we would meet when we got the time to, and be happy in the knowledge that we loved each other and were not out to ruin a whole lot of lives (our families, our kids, our partners...) And finally it was working out quite well, because we had each of us our own life, and no one in my life knew about my relationship with this person. But when we met, we would shut out everything else and escape into each other, forgetting the world outside and simply concentrating on the intense desire and love that we felt for each other.

The only hitch was that HIS wife was not aware of the situation, and he kind of lied about it to me (well, I should have guessed, how many people would tolerate this sort of stuff in a society where individual love is the only way to go?)
And she had already found out about it once, but probably understood that he was not out to leave her (they got married and even had kids after that) so forgave him and life went on. We sort of "broke up" for some time, but then he called me and I went back to him, and things went back to "normal". Well, more or less, because over the years (it has now been 6 years since I know him) our relationship has become far less sexual and more intellectual, more of a very close friendship (although when we did make love, which was only once in the whole of last year, it was just as fantastic).

Until recently, when his wife found out again. This time she gave him an ultimatum, either he had to stop all communication with me, or else, she would leave me. And of course, the guy ditched me, what else could he do, although I know in my heart that he still loves me.

So here I am, desperate for some sign of him, and I although life goes on and I am happy with my husband and kid, a part of me thinks of him each day, yearns for him and hopes that one day, he will come back towards me.

I have no wish for him to leave his family, and make anyone suffer. I am happy with my family, all I miss is the exchange of ideas (and the rest) that we used to have together. But if he cannot be as frank with his wife as I am with my husband (who knows that I have a soft spot for this guy), then I can only hope that he will be able to convince her that I am not a threat to her, so that we can see each other again, because I miss him like hell.

What do you think of my situation? Is it normal for me to expect so much of his wife? I guess I will never get things to go the way I want!

Sad life...

you've really open a can of worms for a lot of people. me included. here's my story ... with the love of my life for 20 years now (married for 8 of those years) ... after 3 years together hubby no longer wanted to make love to me ... he would push me away on a nightly basis. I tried and tried and initiated marital counselling, but nothing stuck. Went without sex for 6 months, then without for 8 months then decided I needed to work out more to alleviate the anxiety of no sex on a regular basis. A man in the gym corrected me on my form; he was in great shape, looked nice, so I took his advice. A month later, after seeing him off and on at the gym, we went out for coffee. A month later, and lots of post gym coffees later and lots of discussion about our lives, we kissed. Shortly after we were making love. Three years later we are still passionately making love. Snag is he has a wife and 2 young children. We have declared our love for each other - and acknowledge that we can't do anything about it ... I'm married and love my husband and he's married and loves his family. I would only change my home life if I knew that I could be with this man. And this man can't leave his family. So here we are ... meeting when we can. It is what it is .... love and respect for all parties. In my opinion, that's love, it is infinite - there never is one single love for everyone - there is love at the time. Personally, I love both of the men in my life - both for there separate ways. I wish it were simplier.

you've really open a can of worms for a lot of people. me included. here's my story ... with the love of my life for 20 years now (married for 8 of those years) ... after 3 years together hubby no longer wanted to make love to me ... he would push me away on a nightly basis. I tried and tried and initiated marital counselling, but nothing stuck. Went without sex for 6 months, then without for 8 months then decided I needed to work out more to alleviate the anxiety of no sex on a regular basis. A man in the gym corrected me on my form; he was in great shape, looked nice, so I took his advice. A month later, after seeing him off and on at the gym, we went out for coffee. A month later, and lots of post gym coffees later and lots of discussion about our lives, we kissed. Shortly after we were making love. Three years later we are still passionately making love. Snag is he has a wife and 2 young children. We have declared our love for each other - and acknowledge that we can't do anything about it ... I'm married and love my husband and he's married and loves his family. I would only change my home life if I knew that I could be with this man. And this man can't leave his family. So here we are ... meeting when we can. It is what it is .... love and respect for all parties. In my opinion, that's love, it is infinite - there never is one single love for everyone - there is love at the time. Personally, I love both of the men in my life - both for there separate ways. I wish it were simplier.

i can't remember the last time i had some peace of mind... i have moments, real moments of such pure happiness, of contentment...and then i feel guilt creep in. guilt that i can be so content, so happy, so in the moment. i'm being unfair to both of them. am i? am i? if i love them both, if i love each with all my heart, if i give each everything that i can give, all the love and caring they need... i don't know how to do more. i don't know what else to do. they each need me. i need each of them.

where will this all end?

girlinamess:

i know how you feel. if u need someone to talk to email me: jaansmaya@gmail

WHY SHOULD WE BELIEVE IN THIS HUGE WORLD WE ARE ONLY MEANT TO LOVE ONE? IT'S REDICULOUS! SOCIETY AND THE IDEAS OF MARRIAGE HAVE DESTROYED MORE PEOPLE BY CAUSING GUILT FOR FEELINGS THAT ARE SIMPLY HUMAN NATURE. WE WERE PUT HERE TO LOVE AND BE LOVED BY ONE OR MANY! DON'T LET THE GUILT YOUR LOVING HEART HAS CAUSED, YOU RUIN YOUR LIFE. LET YOUR SPOUSES AND LOVERS KNOW HOW YOU FEEL AND IF THEY CANNOT DEAL WITH THE TRUTH, THEY SHOULD HAVE TO MOVE ON. DO NOT LET YOUR SOUL BE SMOTHERED BY SOCIAL RESTRICTIONS, LIFE IS TOO SHORT, AND BEING LOVED IS TOO BEAUTIFUL.

Good to read about women in a similar situation. Even writing about it makes me cringe as there is a knot in my stomach. Married for 7 years to a wonderful man yet also having an ongoing off and on relationship for the past 4 years with a man that I met prior to my husband. We have tried several times to stop seeing each other but over the course of the year we have grown closer. He does not want to hear anything about my marriage yet has never stated clearly that he wants to be together in the long term. My husband and I live separately because of work/commute. Anyhow, the other has started to introduce me to his family which though I would like to meet them, has really started to screw me up.

Very reassuring to read all these stories of women going through what I've also been going through for the past year. It's heart breaking to kiss the one you live with and wish it were another. To have thoughts of someone else but never voice them for fear of rocking the boat. Even when the answer seems so obvious or simple, I know there's generally more than what meets the eye, or else all these women would have made a choice and moved forward with it.

For me, there's the doubt on whether or not I'm giving up on him too soon, maybe I just need to stand my ground better, the fear of losing a boyfriend altogether who has become a best friend of sorts, and the desire to avoid the fall out of saying it's over. Then there's the flip side of thinking, what if I do stay because I made this commitment... and am just as unhappy four years from now as I am today? How much time will I have wasted? Will this other man never leave my thoughts... what if I'm passing up someone who truly is compatible with me and what I love?

For those women who speak of not being IN LOVE with the man they are attached to... I feel you. I began dating a man in a whirlwind attraction four years ago and we moved in together within the first six months at his insistence. In the years since I've come to realize that not only are we drastically different in terms of habits, hobbies, and values, but there's sides of him I simply cannot accept and would never want to have kids with. He can be very controlling and manipulative, he puts down my passions, takes over my time, and second guesses my decisions. We fight incessantly. I know I don't want to spend the rest of my life with this man... he's even gone so far as to lay his hands on me, justifying it as a "re-directing of my focus", and now saying he would never do such a thing again. He didn't realize I'm so "fragile". However, he will say and do anything to make me stay. And financially we're in quite the bind which also makes it hard to walk away. Though in the four years we've been together he has grown and changed for the better and he is an exceptional man in many ways, so sometimes I wonder if I'll regret leaving him. Other times I think it's for the best no matter whether I move into this other mans arms or simply stay single.

This other man showed up in my life just when I needed him the most. I'm an avid dancer of all styles, which has been pushed into the background due to my current boyfriend. At the time everything in my life seemed to be snowballing, anything that could go wrong, did... I felt numb and isolated. For the first time in months I stood my ground for a night to see friends and go salsa dancing. That night I met a man who is incredible. Patient, talented, handsome, passionate in dance. I insisted that I'm taken and could only offer him friendship, but we shared two weeks of platonic bliss simply dancing and talking. My boyfriend is gone very often, so it was easy to meet up and go to lunch or dinner or dance until 3am. He made me realize how much I've given up in my current relationship and brought to my attention just how dead I've felt for years. I'm only 26. I should not feel dead. But I did. I gave up school, I gave up dancing, I gave up friends and seeing family regularly, I gave up a carefree lifestyle in order to conform to the ideals of my boyfriend. I know he can be abusive but when he turns on the charm he can capture any womens attention. Silly no?

This other man flew back home and I haven't seen him since. It's been a year. We've kept in touch via email, phone, texts, letters. He has offered me support, friendship, and a no pressure offer to experience love in his arms. He thinks my boyfriend is a fool as he lives by machismo ideals and doesn't compromise or listen even when I try to tell him my needs and desires. This other man has been my someone to call when happy or sad, when the fights have gone out of control, when I've had an epic night of dancing (when bf is out of town) and want to gush about it.

The dilemma I face really, is how to get out with the fairest and most rational deconstruction of this relationship as possible. If he loves me then someday we can be friends again. I think I already know my direction, it's just a matter of figuring out how to get it moving.

Good luck to everyone.

Very reassuring to read all these stories of women going through what I've also been going through for the past year. It's heart breaking to kiss the one you live with and wish it were another. To have thoughts of someone else but never voice them for fear of rocking the boat. Even when the answer seems so obvious or simple, I know there's generally more than what meets the eye, or else all these women would have made a choice and moved forward with it.

For me, there's the doubt on whether or not I'm giving up on him too soon, maybe I just need to stand my ground better, the fear of losing a boyfriend altogether who has become a best friend of sorts, and the desire to avoid the fall out of saying it's over. Then there's the flip side of thinking, what if I do stay because I made this commitment... and am just as unhappy four years from now as I am today? How much time will I have wasted? Will this other man never leave my thoughts... what if I'm passing up someone who truly is compatible with me and what I love?

For those women who speak of not being IN LOVE with the man they are attached to... I feel you. I began dating a man in a whirlwind attraction four years ago and we moved in together within the first six months at his insistence. In the years since I've come to realize that not only are we drastically different in terms of habits, hobbies, and values, but there's sides of him I simply cannot accept and would never want to have kids with. He can be very controlling and manipulative, he puts down my passions, takes over my time, and second guesses my decisions. We fight incessantly. I know I don't want to spend the rest of my life with this man... he's even gone so far as to lay his hands on me, justifying it as a "re-directing of my focus", and now saying he would never do such a thing again. He didn't realize I'm so "fragile". However, he will say and do anything to make me stay. And financially we're in quite the bind which also makes it hard to walk away. Though in the four years we've been together he has grown and changed for the better and he is an exceptional man in many ways, so sometimes I wonder if I'll regret leaving him. Other times I think it's for the best no matter whether I move into this other mans arms or simply stay single.

This other man showed up in my life just when I needed him the most. I'm an avid dancer of all styles, which has been pushed into the background due to my current boyfriend. At the time everything in my life seemed to be snowballing, anything that could go wrong, did... I felt numb and isolated. For the first time in months I stood my ground for a night to see friends and go salsa dancing. That night I met a man who is incredible. Patient, talented, handsome, passionate in dance. I insisted that I'm taken and could only offer him friendship, but we shared two weeks of platonic bliss simply dancing and talking. My boyfriend is gone very often, so it was easy to meet up and go to lunch or dinner or dance until 3am. He made me realize how much I've given up in my current relationship and brought to my attention just how dead I've felt for years. I'm only 26. I should not feel dead. But I did. I gave up school, I gave up dancing, I gave up friends and seeing family regularly, I gave up a carefree lifestyle in order to conform to the ideals of my boyfriend. I know he can be abusive but when he turns on the charm he can capture any womens attention. Silly no?

This other man flew back home and I haven't seen him since. It's been a year. We've kept in touch via email, phone, texts, letters. He has offered me support, friendship, and a no pressure offer to experience love in his arms. He thinks my boyfriend is a fool as he lives by machismo ideals and doesn't compromise or listen even when I try to tell him my needs and desires. This other man has been my someone to call when happy or sad, when the fights have gone out of control, when I've had an epic night of dancing (when bf is out of town) and want to gush about it.

The dilemma I face really, is how to get out with the fairest and most rational deconstruction of this relationship as possible. If he loves me then someday we can be friends again. I think I already know my direction, it's just a matter of figuring out how to get it moving.

Good luck to everyone.

So many similarities and yet no one has posted any truely successful answers to these dilemmas.
I too love two men. I have been married for four years to a most darling, loving, intellectual, successful man. I have a great relationship with him and really no desire to leave him at all. He adores me and we share most of the same opinions and hobbies.
The catch....
A man I met about 9 years ago now...I hadn't realized it was so long. Anyways, from the minute we met we fascinated each other. We dated off and on and had a great time, but it just seemed like something always came up that precluded an ongoing relationship. I met Husband during one of these lulls and thought he was darling....he thought the same of me and we married. However, I never stopped chatting with Mr. Man. We would speak maybe 3 or 4 times a year and when we happened to be in the same city, had lunch or a drink.
Anyways, about a year and change ago Husband and I moved back to the same city Mr. Man lives in...we started having a drink regularly once or twice a week after work and really have the most stunning conversations and still seem to harbor a most unusual mutual fascination for one another. I was happy with this connection, and even introduced Husband and Mr. Man.
It was all great until Mr. Man notified me that he is still in love with me....
I adore both of them and am in a quandry. Any suggestions?

I am engaged... and recently have been going through a lot of uncertain times. I am just finishing school, and am only 22. My fiance is 24, and is much farther ahead of me. I almost feel like he is dragging me along. Part of me wants to be a normal 22 year old and enjoy these first few years out of school, in a new city on my own with a new job. What makes the whole thing worse is that while I do love him, I already can sense that my love for him has changed. It has become more of a comfortable safe love rather than the exciting "lustful" love. This is my only serious relationship... so it's true I have never been through another relationship to know if that is normal or not. You always hear people saying that the excitement fades but something stronger takes it's place...

I'm not done just yet. Recently, (since having these doubts), I have gotten kind of crazy on the weekends. I go out WAY more than I used to, and have been on a mission to have fun and enjoy my last semester of college. I had been flirting back and forth with a friend for nearly a month when it got a little far one night. We slept together. : 0! I know this may not sound like a big deal to most, but until that my fiance was the only person I had slept with. Was I just curious? Was it okay? Is it out of my system? Why do I not feel that guilty? My fiance has been in several relationships and has slept with quite a few women. Why do I keep thinking of my friend, I can't tell if I have feelings for him. Please help : ) I've even thought about it happening again... I literally don't know if I would stop it. But I love my fiance and have continued wedding plans and everything. WOW.