Why cant i say this to him? Posting it here is as far as i can get it. It took me an hour to get it all out. I dont think i can show him tho.
Sometimes you meet someone,
and before you know their name,
before you know where they're from,
you know that sometime in the future,
this person is going to
mean something to you.
I thought it was just a rebound crush. There was going to be no more me and justin. I needed someone to like, someone to crush on. I saw you. Running around under the street lights and 1 in the morning. You were so cute, and i instintly liked everything about you. Those blue eyes. Those dimples everytime you smiled. The mismatch look you had going on with your red basketball shorts and orange shirt. Normally i would have wanted to give you fashion tips, but i just thought it was cute. I spent that whole night seceretly looking at you. I wanted to be as close to you as possible. It was just a simple crush. Nothing big. What happened?
he's not the captain of the football team,
his guitar skills kinda suck, he's not the
hottest guy around, but he's exactly
what i want
You werent mr popular at your school. You werent such a hot football player. You wrestled. You werent the one the girls were after. You didnt dress in american eagle jeans and polos. You wore basketball shorts and t-shirts almost 24/7. You werent my type at all. What did you do to make me keep falling? Falling for the boy i wouldnt point at to my friends and say "that kids hott" the boy i wouldnt tell everyone i wanted. You were exactly what i seceretly wanted and no one but me knew that. My hometown crush, i kept to myself.
theres something about him that
drives me wild and ive known
it since the first time he looked
at me and smiled.
You sat next to me on that couch so many times. I would do anything i could, just to be able to touch you. Be next to you. Thats where i loved to be. You would always turn to me, and give me that half smile, that showed off your dimples. It melted me everytime. Everytime. I loved the way you casually looked at me, and would keep that eye-to-eye stare for a minute, smile and turn away. 6 months ago i told myself it was a rebound crush. Why was i still crushing? And everytime i talked to you. Everytime i looked into those blue eyes. I fell harder, and faster. This crush was starting to take its own detour through love. Who knew it would keep going and keep getting stronger. I wanted it to be over after a couple weeks, but that couple weeks turned into a couple months.
the sound of your voice
the feel of your touch
i can't let go
i love this too much
I loved seeing you. Every chance i got i would take, even when i heard the words "dont go to wrights" i couldnt help myself, but sneak over there and see you. Listen to you say hello to me, just once is all i had wanted. I wanted to feel your arms around me again. Like that night when we layed there for hours. I just wanted to you to touch me again, everytime you did i would get butterflies in my stomach, i would turn red and not want to leave.
i shouldn`t want you like this ;
yet i do, & i don`t know why.
After a year i dont understand it. This isnt me, this isnt what i do. I like guys like a chain smoker goes through ciggs. I move on after a couple days, a couple hours, a couple weeks at the most. What was i doing still liking you..it had been a year and still i couldnt think of anything, or anyone but you. What was i thinking? I wasnt thinking, i had no clue what i was doing. Was i falling in love with this kid? I liked you more then i should. People asked me why i liked you so much and i would just shrug my shoulders and say "i dont know" when really, i could have told them, you couldnt possibly understand all the reasons he means so much to me.
real eyes
r e a l i z e
real lies
Apparently i had those fake eyes. I never saw the lies even coming. I never thought there was a truth to find out. I didnt know i wouldnt be able to handle the truth. Once it came out, from not your mouth, but my own cousins i held in as much as possible. I cried over you for the 2nd time that night. While countinuing to make up excuses for your behavior, for the things i found out. "Oh well he was right" "oh its ok, he didnt tell me because he didnt want to hurt me" i stuck up for you everyday.
one thought of you is all
it takes to leave the rest
of the world behind
Once people start talking about you i tune them out. I stood up for you everyday. Everytime someone told me "your better then him" "your a higher class then him" "hes not worth your time" "hes an asshole and he lies" i stood up for you. "He isnt that bad" i told everyone. I didnt care what anyone thought about you, only what i thought and i thought the world of you. Still not knowing why and scared out of my mind i wouldnt be able to let you go, i kept falling. Little by little. Day by Day. You became apart of my life.
for once, instead of telling me the reasons why i shouldn't cry
maybe you should pay attention to all the reasons i am crying
No one ever got what it was like to like you so much. No one understood how i felt and that made things so hard. I would cry and they would ask "what are you crying for? hes not worth this, get over him and move on" no one stopped to ask what it was like. No one knew i had tried over and over again to stop liking you. No one understood that i didnt want you so much on purpose, i couldnt stop the way i felt about you as many times as i had tried and tried and failed and failed over and over again. I was so sick of crying, but it was the only thing that seemed to make me feel better, i would cry till i fell asleep and didnt have to deal with the real world and the people in it.
so it`s like : i want to tell you
but i don`t want you to know.
I wanted to tell you so many times how much i liked you. That the city boys could never take your place. I wanted to tell you how i felt, and how you made me felt. I wanted to tell you my favorite place in the world was anywhere next to you. That my favorite thing to do was sit and talk to you. I wanted to tell you i loved the feeling of your hands around my waist, and that your hugs ment everything to me. That i cared about you so much. I wanted to tell you that i always got worried and scared when i heard you were with another girl. Worried i wouldnt get my full chance. Worried someone else, who lived so much closer, would take away what i cared about, and wanted. But all at the same time, i didnt want you to know anything. I didnt want you to think you controlled my life. I didnt want you to know, you were become a huge part of it.
I'm so frustrated with him right now. He knows..he knows how much I like him, he knows I'd do anything just to keep him around. But I'm beginning to stand up for myself & learning just cause I want something, doesn't always mean I need it. I might get hurt in the process of drifting from him, but I'm saving myself from the hurt I will be feeling when he leaves me again for her. I'm becoming the person I always thought I could be
Iv told you a little about how i actually felt. You know i liked you alot. You dont know how much. You know I want to be the most important "girlfriend" in your life. You dont know how much. You just act like you dont care so much at times. Then other times you act like you really do care. You know i want you. You dont know that i think i need you. Iv been getting hurt for the past 2 years. For some reason, i feel everything i take is worth it for you. Atleast i use to. Lately, the more i think about it, the more i wonder if you are worth it. Are you? Even your friend and mine, told me you werent as much as i made you up to be. Am i finally starting to see what he ment? What did you do to me?
i'm so sick of being the girl who
you lead on whenever you feel alone
and the girl who falls for; your games,
even though you've played them a
million times before
Im so sick of playing these games with you. Im so sick of you only talking to me when other girls arnt around. Im so sick of crying. Im so sick of making myself sick worrying. Im sick of being unhappy. Im sick of trying to make myself seem happy all the time. Late at night it comes out tho. At some point in the day i put down my happy-go-lucky act and go back to thinking about you and what the hell im doing with you. I dont know how much longer i can hold on. I dont know how much longer i can keep playing along. Im going to give in or give up soon.
It's as though I asked so much.
But all I asked for was the truth.
All im asking for is the truth. I can handle the truth better then i can handle it later when i find out its a lie. I ask you over and over and over again, are you eventually going to prove to me i had a reason to keep asking. Or are you going to prove i had nothing to worry about, you were telling the truth this time. All i want is the truth. As painful as it might be at first. Ill make it through alive.
You're not sure that you love me
But you're not sure enough to let me go
Baby it ain't fair
You kno you just keep me hanging round
You say you don't wanna hurt me
Don't wanna see my tears
So why are yous till standing here
Just watching me drown
You dont know what you want. You dont know how to make up your mind. Lose me forever, or keep me hanging on. It isnt fair to me, to keep playing with my emotions like this. It isnt fair to keep me thinking something you know isnt true. Maybe im just being paranoid, or maybe im feeling it coming back, but eventually ill have to give up. Im going to collapse and not bother trying to pick myself up. Lucky for me, iv got my girls that will be there to pick me up. The ones that iv had rough times with, the ones iv had forever. The girls that i love more then life, and yes more then you. The ones that mean the world to me. Im lucky like that. They will always be there for me, to help me pick up the mess you left for me.
I love you
And I've loved you all along
And I miss you
Been far away for far too long
I keep dreaming you'll be with me
and you'll never go
But dreams come to an end and you wake up. Half of me wants you to make those dreams come true, and half of me wants to wake up and hope it was all a dream. All 2 years of it. I want to wake up from this, and it can either be a nightmare, or a sweet dream. Theres only so much i can do to make my dreams come true when it comes to you. The rest you have to do yourself, you have to make you your mind.
Im so afraid you'll just drop out of my life. Part of me thinks it will be for the best for my future. Part of me thinks it will destroy me. I cant make up my mind. But everytime its come to you, i can never decide what i want. I dont want people to tell me what to do. I dont want people to tell you what to do. Iv been listening to my heart the whole time. Listen to yours, and tell me what it says. I need to know what it says for sure. I need to know exactly. Being afraid all the time, keeps taking all my energy out of me. Im exahusted after i deal with you. I dont know how much longer my body can run on such low energy. Would you please make up your mind.
[maybe] i'm over you
[maybe] i like someone else
[but maybe] i'm just a perfectly good liar
I wont be over you till you make me get over you. Ill always like you. Ill always love you. Ill always care about you. Ill always want you to be happy. Ill always be here for you. You just need to decide how much you really need me for all of that. Do you already have someone you know would give the world to see you happy. That thinks about how you are, or what your doing all the time. Someone who loves you, and wishs more then anything she could tell you, shes just afraid as to how you'll react. Do you already have a girl who cares for you more then she could put into words? You do. Its me.
He's just a boy who doesn't know what's in front of him,
and she's just a girl who never learned how to let go
yeah, I'd say don't show him
Posted by: at August 10, 2006 10:53 PM