I've lived such a healthy and happy life. Loved exercise, eating, loving, working, fishing, all sports, biking, enjoyed my boys now in their teens, who are also very physical and getting very active too. But it's all coming apart. I can't run, have trouble walking, can barely exercise. I get unbearably depressed. I can't stop the pain; lose focus in trying to cope with pain; it's a vicious cycle. Why. I'm in my 50s, otherwise very healthy.
In the past year my body has been changing; I've seen many doctors, often repeatedly, and no one can help with problems: chronic pain in my feet, knees, hands and knees. Every step I take is painful. Every keystroke on the computer is a strain. Trying to open a jar of pickles, or a carton of milk, a bag of peanuts, etc., is maddeningly difficult and painful. Getting up in the morning is so god-awful: I struggle to walk my feet hurt so bad; I'm worried I'll fall down the stairs; the hardest part is holding my pain sensation inside me so I don't wake anyone. In life I've seen old men swaggering around like they've got a hundred painful warts on the bottoms of their feet, but they walk and walk. I've not there quite yet but can see myself there soon. Oh it's a depressing feeling.
I've gone vegan (helped slightly but not much), taken every drug imaginable (the joint juices; vicodin is a temporary relief but I need my mind to work and it makes me too hedonistic; an anti-inflammatory with tylenol on top of it helps if I remember to take it all), and I've been trying to exercise any way my body can tolerate (pumping iron, bike riding some). I've been meditating and looking at alternative medicines.
I want my body back. I want so much to be well. I don't want anything to do with doctors who can't help. I hate taking any and all drugs, I'm so depressed because of the pain, but I sometimes drink to kill the pain. If I drink a lot it helps a little, like back pain, but in the long run it seems to make the pain worse (the next day). I hate the fucking doctors that are all so into their medicines and so full of themselves and their optimism but they really don't know what the hell to do about it and none, not one, will be straight with me and say what is readily apparent--that this is here to stay, that I have to fucking adjust to it, and I have to stop wining (to myself), and that I can't ever run with my own kids, can't enjoy them in an appropriate physical way that kids need, especially tennagers. This is especially a big deal to me because my father was a selfish, drunk asshole who never spent any time with me and I vowed never to do the same to my kids, but now I can't be close to my kids, at least in this way, because of this debilitating crap I have. ISo 'm trying to make up for it in other ways, none of which I find satisfactory.
I try to put on a happy face. I try to act like it doesn't matter. I try to try even. But there are times like right now when I'm tired, I don't want to try, don't want the drugs, don't want the depression any more, just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
Posted by anonymous at August 11, 2006 9:28 PMNatura-pathic (or naturo-pathic) medicine.
Also try a sweat-lodge ceremony...no kidding it helps your body get rid of poisons that have accumulated over the years. You are already doing the diet thing, which is good, you may have make it more strict for about six months in combination with some detoxification regimens in oerder to get some your 'normal' vitality back. but I do not see why you would have to settle on being 'old'.
Have you been to a podiatrist? I had nasty foot pain for quite some time that turned out to be plantar fasciitis, which was cured with injections and better footwear---no more Payless shoes for me. About the pain in your hands---have you been checked for carpal tunnel syndrome? I had it it both hands, and it was really causing me pain and slowing me down, until I had some very quick, simple and painless surgery that took care of that. I completely agree with the sweat lodge thing to rid your body of toxins that have been built up.
Believe me, I know all about back pain. I suffered for years---doctors tried pain meds, exercise, physical therapy, epidural injections---and nothing worked. I had xrays, MRI's, CT scans, a myelogram, and finally, a discogram, which finally led me to major back surgery. I honestly had less pain the day after the surgery that on the day before. The point is, don't give up. If pain drugs are not helping, then keep looking until you find a doctor who can. The surgeries that I had been resisting were the answer for me, and provided immediate relief for me with virtually no post-surgical pain. Don't give up.
Posted by: at August 12, 2006 6:06 AMI have to agree with the first commenter, you may want to consider a serious plunge into alternative medicine. But make sure the modality has a long history of results (Chinese medicine, for example) and it's part of a systematic, holistic regimen (no dabbling!). These modes rely heavily on prevention and maintenance of health, unlike western allopathic methods which treat long neglected health issues with highly powerful drugs for a short time. Beware of quacks and new age tripe. There are legitimate, effective non-western medical systems with over 3500 years of proven history.
Incidentally, did your problems begin after reading some of Kody Bear's malefically unfunny posts? Hey, you try trolling for years with only 65000 English words at your disposal! I guarantee you'd be photoshopping all your dolls in under six months out of desperation. Best wishes Magogo! Hope to see you soon!!
Posted by: at August 12, 2006 9:40 AMThanks for the advice; I never really expected any feedback.
Yes, I've gone to a podiatrist and I wear orthotics, which help, and had ortho surgery on my knees. If I go barefoot it's deadly. I've seen three doctors about my hands, and three about my feet. I don't have carpal tunnel, but I certainly have lost some sensation in my fingers so there's some swelling and nerve stuff going on. So far no luck--anti-inflammatory drugs, repeated injections, tylenol or ibuprofen on top of whatever other drug I might be taking--is the common denominator for each doctor. The injections help for about 3 weeks--hands or feet.
I guess I'll have to try the sweat lodge and then the Chinese medicine route. As for the latter I live in an area that is rather isolated so it's a pain in the ass to get to find someone good. But thanks whoever you are.
Posted by: at August 15, 2006 9:39 PMHave you had any MRI's done? Remember, you are the one paying the doctors; therefore, you can fire them! Insist on being referred to a specialist for testing, even if you have to travel to see one. I can honestly tell you that I do know how you feel, having been there myself. There is obviously a problem if you have lost sensation in your fingertips, and I can't believe that no one has referred you to an orthopaedist or a neurosurgeon. The severe back pain I had actually put me in a wheelchair: I was unable to stand long enough to wash the dishes, let alone work my job in retail management. It was the neurosurgeon who finally did the surgery on my back, and it gave me my life back. Mind you, I had to stop working in September and the surgery didn't happen until April---but here I am, four months later, with my life back. Keep pushing the docs until someone finds the solution for you. It's worth it, especially if it gives you back to your family.
Posted by: at August 16, 2006 5:45 AMDo you have a really stiff neck and shoulder muscles?
The Nerve-holes that are allowing the Radial and Ulnar nerve bundles to branch out of your spinal coloumn towards your hands are surrounded by those muscles it could be that the loss of sensation in your hands is related to muscle pressure on your nerve bundles against the bone holes in your neck.
check it out.
If I am correct your next move is contrary to my earlier advise is not the sweat-lodge (though that could help get rid of other poisons in your system but a good fast with lots of water to drink should do a similar trick), I would say an X-ray of your neck... C1-C3 are what I suspect to be the real problems... ask for a neck and shoulders x-ray, get yourself to a reliable Chiropracter, I suspect your problems would not go away but the pain and tingling would be better explained and somewhat reduced.
There is a therapy in China (I am checking out... to study of course), I am waiting for a Doctor friend of mine to get the info and translate for me. Hold off on anymore surgerires for this kind of pain until you are convinced it is the only way.
He doesn't have to hold off on surgeries, trust me. The doctors will only do that as a last resort; patients are sent to every kind of therapy imaginable until there's nothing left but surgery. I suspect your armchair diagnosis is right on the money. The only thing I would suggest regarding a chiro is to wait until xrays and/or MRI's have been done. In my case, I was sent to an osteopath instead, as the treatment is more gentle than the abrupt, hard movements of a chiropractic adjustment. You definitely want to be careful when your neck is involved. OP, if no xrays or MRI's have been done, ask your doctor to order them.
Posted by: at August 17, 2006 4:14 AMI have had good experience with Osteo's.
As my armchair diagnosis welllll I think he may be sufferring from the same problems I have been.
I was very close to surgery before I got talked into going to see a N.D. and then close to two years of deep tissue massage and chiro. and some Osteo. work... somuch so that the pain is now only in my hands and forearms. That is my only reason to distrust allopathy.
Posted by: at August 17, 2006 11:46 AMI hope you realize that my term "armchair diagnosis" was not meant as an insult; after all, I'm giving out medical advice, too.
OP, good luck. As you see, you have two commenters who understand what you're going through, so you are not alone. If there are two of us on this blog, imagine how much company you have in the real world. It is quite normal to become depressed from chronic pain. Just don't let that depression make you give up.
Posted by: at August 18, 2006 4:30 AMThanks to you all. Yes it is comforting to know that you care enough to pour yourself out here; it is really great and helpful to have you to give me this opportunity to get it off my chest and not want to do myself in in bad times. I will still be looking for help, including self-help, to deal with this stuff. I've been in a lot more pain, in some ways very crippling and portending some really ugly years ahead, but at the moment I am less depressed because I've found a way to get some exercise and my son is actually enjoying doing it with me--although not running together, but other stuff. It's interesting that feeling a sense of efficacy in connecting with my son despite pain helps beat the depression, which really wears on me.
I'm not a religious person, but bless you.
Posted by: at August 26, 2006 10:13 PM