Due to the rising cost of trans Atlantic air travel Breaking News has cut the number of reporters tracking His Esteemed Excellency Kody R Bear and Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey. We have one photographer tracking the Bear in Zimbabwe where he is believed to be on safari. One additional staff member has just returned from a rehab in Joburg where he was denied an interview with Magogo but was able to follow him to Low Life Films where,while waiting in the lobby,he overheard the following conversation between the Monkey and Her Exalted Empress the Dragon Lady.
> Mrs. Empress Dragon Lady Yo has de only one dat been
> nice to me while I wuz
> at Low Life Films. Yo cleans de feces out of my fur
> and tries to keep de
> flys away. What you think I duz dat make de KodyBear
> want to Sodomize me all
> of de time?
It's nothing you're doing, Magogo. You see, when Kody
was just a cub, his mama was a crack 'ho, and whenever
she was, uh, "entertaining," baby Kody was left alone
in the living room with an old copy of Pulp Fiction.
He was forced to watch it over and over, and soon
became obsessed with the scene involving the anal rape
of Marcellus Wallace. You just look like him, that's
all. Bend over, please.
Daz jus wrong!
Does yo know where de KodyBear is? Dey say he on a
> Leopard Hunt in Zimbabwe.
> Ifin it was me I woudn't be fuckin wid dem big cats. Yo
> gots any High Gravitys?
> How bouts some mbanje fo de Magogo?
Those High Gravitys are bad for you, Magogo. They make
you do things you shouldn't do and really mess up your
mind. The truth is, Kody wants to become a "real"
bear. He was told that in order to become a real bear,
he had to fly to Zimbabwe and do three things: get his
nipples pierced, fuck a Zimbabwean woman, and dance
with a lion. He seems to have gotten those last two
mixed up though; so far, he's only danced with a
Zimbabwean woman. And you stick to your coaxial cable;
the mbanje is mine. I said, bend over! And stop
wiggling!
What is all dis stuff about de KodyBear conspritory?
> De KodyBear he gone. He
> don't care about de "KodyBear Movie" no mo. I mean
> where de mudafucka at?
Konspiracy? What konspiracy? I don't know what you're
talking about. Just because there are at least three
bloggers involved in the Kodybear postings doesn't
mean there's a konspiracy. All this talk of His
Eminence not caring about the movie is just a
publicity stunt to whip up public interest. Now bend
over just a little more...
What duz yo thinks about de state of Anonyblog
> deese days?
Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. It's full of posts
denying the divinity of the bear. These unbelievers
will be dealt with in a harsh fashion once the bear
gains ascendancy. I am proud to say that I will be an
integral part of his divine justice. Okay, now you've
done it. You've taken so long to assume the proper
position that the bag has sprung a leak.
> Why ain't His Rotundancy come home? He down at de
> Hog Farm again?
His Rotundancy Prefect Dragon Lord is currently
unavailable for comment. He went hog wild at the
SuperFresh the other day. They had a half-price sale
on bacon, and he was torn between wanting to eat the
bacon or fuck it. Okay, the bag is refilled.
Dey say dat de KodyBear hopped up on lithium-Ion
> batteries now. Is dey any
> truth to that? Cause yo know ifin dat true he can
> re-charge any time he
> wants wifin out no memory effect. Dat could be bad
> news fo me,young
> childrense and all of Islam.
Really? Hey, are those batteries available to the
general public? I could use some; ever since daddy
gave me the hog farm, the Prefect has spent so much
time there that the batteries in my vibrator have
died. Af, good---you've settled down. Now I can insert
the nozzle.
When yo thinks de KodyBear commin back from
> Zimbabwe?
Who fuckin' cares? I'm the Empress of Enemas. Here it
comes at last, my sweet Magogo. Don't mind the sting,
I put a little alcohol in the enema bag.
How duz yo feel Empress dragon Lady?
With my hands, of course.