Anonyblog

A Brief History of the Klan

By The Great Post Restorer (an historian)

The origins of the "Klan" may be traced back as far as over two years ago (according to my sources - does anyone have any older records?) in a legendary post made on the now defunct BitchAboutStuff by the Great Bear himself, Kody:

"THE REAL KODY SPEAKS"

"The previous poster ia an imposter. Who would want to impersonate his Excellency Kody R Bear? This is a dangerous prospect as the Kody is all powerfull,all knowing. I am only a representative of the bear. I change his batteries,keep his fur clean and do his bidding. I maintain his websites and otherwise promote his plan of world domination through Sodomy."

The interesting portion of the post is the following:

"You see Magogo is very fond of RG6 satalite grade coaxial cable. Unfortunately The Clan Of The Kodybear first raped him atop a pile of his favorite cable. The poor beast was never really the same after that. The Kody would like me to make it clear that he would very much like to sodomize the Shitbuster."

Note: "The Clan of The KodyBear"

Although many may have thought otherwise, the GPR concludes that there is enough supporting evidence that the real Kody R. Bear did indeed make this post. Who or what the original Clan Of The Kodybear comprised remains a mystery, however since then, references to the Clan have grown and many have assumed or else have been accused of menbership by the Konstant Klan Komplainer (More about this entity below). Acceptance into the Clan or Klan, however, appears informal. It seems that all are welcomed by His Excellency, who surely believes in strength in numbers. Nevertheless, some clan members do not always agree as to who is, and who is not part of the Klan, and therefore there have been some borderline cases.

The change in spelling, replacing the 'C' with a 'K' is a fairly recent one, and was implemented mid 2006. The current earliest record is May, in this rare post, which appeared on "Ask Guan":

"After all are not these the same people who in the eighties were stuffing gerbils up their asses? Their actions enraged the Klan of the KodyBear who began shouting "Porko Feco" at their antagonizers."

Sat 13 May 2006, 16:11
IP Hash: D6360D30C6D58C7C387E77C340C47F58E01D37DE

Again, it may have happened sooner and any corrections to my records would be most welcome. On Anonyblog, the earliest recorded use of the new spelling is in this post:

"MAGOGO THE SINGING DANCING MACARENA MONKEY IN ALL OF HIS GLORY SET AGAINST A BLUE SKY!"

"BREAKING NEWS reporters have learned that His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear has discovered the secret to posting his image-likeness(pronounced as one word). However,sources close to the klan say that the credit should go to Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey. We found Magogo lucid and recovering well from his cable binge."

The following insightful remarks about the Klan were made by an unknown poster in this set of comments on September 28, 2006:

"Kody Clan, I said keep your rubbish to yourself. Make your case!"

"This comment was offered by a Kody Clan member:
KodyBear and Magogo are the same poster.
INDY THE GREAT is not the same poster as KodyBear and Magogo."

"The 'Klan' is fictional and is not comprised of humans nor does it accept humans as members."

The last point here is an interesting one (despite the fact that things do not "comprise of") ... It raises the question, "Are all the komplaints made about the Klan nothing more than a storm in a teacup, since it seems the 'Klan' does not in fact exist?"

Some of you may remember the infamous multi-posted "Order your jar of Kody Klan Krap today" advert, once restored by yours truly. This amazing Klan product is said to be a great dental and skin-care lotion, which is also able to remove stubborn stains overnight. It is unknown if any profit was made from the sale of Kody Klan Krap, presumably manufactured in the famous lair of the Bear, the Kody Klan Kave ... Perhaps the Bear would like to make a comment?

It is also known the the Kody Klan Kave (later the Kody Klan Komplex) is protected by a top secret service called the Kody Klan Royal Guard. This group of individuals is shrouded in mystery and very little is known about them, except that they have a Sekret Sign, known only to a privileged few and leaked to the late infamous manservant of Indy, Leroy Cleophus Washington. After much whinging about the Kody Klan from some Anonyblog readers, the term "Anti-Klan" was coined by Master Chef Vapor on or around November 17th 2006. The leader of the Anti-Klan (really just another Clan themselves) is known to the Kody Klan as the KKK, which stands for Konstant Klan Komplainer. This is an annoying entity who is active today. It seems the Anti-Klan members are only capable of posting remarks which are, exclusively, complaints about the Klan. It was around this time that Vapor began posting recipes which kontained first "Anti-Klanners", then, specificly, the "KKK" as vital ingredients. Other members of the Anti-Klan inklude the infamous Great Post Deleter (though it seems the "Great" has been dropped") and the "Site Preacher". Some suspect that these three entities may be one in the same, but this remains to be seen.

Since the end of 2006, a great war seems to have broken out between Klanners and Anti-Klanners, fueled by trolls who sit on the fence and, it seems, pretend to be on both sides. Klandestine meetings, in which dastardly deeds are plotted also seem to be taking place, for example:

"Kody Klan Unites"
"Rare meeting of Kody Klan members make plans to disable post deleter's computer a success."

This hot topic has recently incited much rage in both Klan haters and sympathizers alike. It seems any simple mention of the Klan, such as:

"Klanners up early...GOOD MORNING!
Please make 3 comments in my post too!"

... will attract long strings of comments: "Comments (8)", whereas so-called "regular" posts are becoming more and more of a rarity, much to the anger of Anti-Klanners, who complain that Klanners have "killed Anonyblog". This, of course, is quite ridiculous, but I shall refrain from posting my personal opinions in this report. The following was once pointed out by myself:

"KKK, that's good! But surely if they now have a special nickname, especially containing words which begin with K, doesn't it make them an integral part of the Klan? But I guess what site would be komplete without a resident moaning bastard (or bitch) ... Welcome, oh KKK."

Unfortunately, whether they like it or not, the Anti-Klan are, ironically, an integral part of the Klan, and will remain so as long as they keep visiting this site. Another view was given by Vapor in his recent post:

"BAN THE (BAN THE CLAN) CLAN"

... in which he pointed out just how useless the "Ban the Clanners" truly are and called for their removal. One thing remains certain, the Klan is here and it's here to stay! Long live the Klan!!

Yours,
- GPR (The)
Secretary (self-appointed)
Ban the "'Ban the Clan' Clan" Klan

The GPR wishes to thank Kody R. Bear and Master Chef Vapor in advance for not getting too upset that I have quoted directly from their posts, and acknowedges that they are the original authors of this material (with 99% probability).

Posted by anonymous at January 22, 2007 6:27 AM