Anonyblog

Why did you marry him? Because you, like all women, are stupid and go for uncivilized, abusive jerks?

All women are stupid? Tell me, FC, do you include yourself in the category of "uncivilized, abusive jerks"? It's people like you who give the rest of us a bad name and have brought about the decade of the "Stupid Male".

You say you are in no position to leave the bastard now. Does that mean you are in the position of it being acceptable to let him treat you the way he does? If you want out bad enough, you'll find a way.

All of us fear change; it's natural. The steps you will have to take to reach your goal of being free of this man may cause you some anxiety, but every journey must begin with that first step. You'll take that step when you want to badly enough.

It's a shame that he wasn't like this when we dated, or the first 2 years of our marriage. And, it's not just me that he does this with, he talks to our son like this, and you should hear him when he's driving. I have told him repeatedly that it is wrong to talk that way, and that I'm sick of it. However, that seems to make him more angry. I hate to just sit back and take it, because then my son sees that it's O.K. to talk to me that way. There is a really good guy down deep inside, I just don't know how to reach him anymore.

You're absolutely right: you should not sit there and take it, or your son will learn that berating and demeaning women is correct behavior. He'll grow up to be just like his father, and I don't think you want that.

Have you considered family counseling? If he refuses to go, then go without him. You need to fix this or end it, unless you want your son to learn that it's okay to treat women like dirt.

We tried counseling and now he refuses to go. I don't feel like it's helping me either. It's like throwing money away, and that only adds to the stress.

Then you have no other choice. You have to find a way to leave, before your son grows up to be an abuser as well. Put the welfare of your child first, and you will find a way.

You're right, thank you.

I wish you all the luck in the world. Bright blessings be upon you.

I too left an abusive, self-centered jerk after 10 years. It was hard, very hard because I too experience that he can be a wonderful man and all the girls, friends, family tell me how lucky I am and he‘s so handsome and successful..but they never know the whole truth nor person he really was behind closed doors.

Remember that it is a choice he and he alone makes to be this person and treat you this way, if he cared as much as he should, he wouldn‘t allow it to happen. My husband can be a very kind, funny and giving man but it is at his convenience and at his control.

Contemplate taking a short-term break, it's hard, i didn't want to but in my experience it has helped us both tremendously. It may also show/teach your son that it is not okay and everyone has to be responsible their actions and the consequences.

I moved out several months ago (8 I believe) and I have enjoyed the last several months apart actually, I have taken classes at a college, I have spent time on new and old hobbies, I enjoy my freedom of not having to answer or be afraid to do things that would have normally would have taken time away from him, which he can’t stand (doesn‘t even like it if I am on the phone with a girlfriend at home..takes time away from him). We still talk every day, at least twice and spend some time together occasionally. We haven’t given up on our marriage but I and we see a whole new light now…and I am thankful.

If your husband doesn’t want to go to counseling, ask him what he would do for your marriage? If he has no ideas, suggestions, desires and/or is not open to anything, well…then it’s not important enough for him…and that’s your answer.

Good luck and best of wishes

Hello my friends :)
;)

FCZmIS

FCZmIS

interesting post thx

I typed into google something like "difficult husbands". I needed to see just for a second I am not alone. My guy is a dream, the 50% of the time I am not taking care of his children from a previous marriage.

Solutions are key, but there is lunacy in trying to navigate the right and wrong in situations that that are not fully under your control.

And other people (like husbands) are never under your control, you accept and adapt, or the gig is up, and you will know when it is over after you have gone. Do not waste time trying to figure things out, if you are still there living in this situation, you have not yet reached the breaking point. Look at yourself, why did you decide to attempt this challenge - do you have something to learn? It is like taking a college course you know you might not pass, but you may prove to yourself the percentage of success and knowledge you may possibly gain for the future. It is about you. You are born (in a a sense) alone, and then die alone, all this funny stuff in between is lessons and hopefully fun and companionship. Do your best to be authentic and take the consequences more lightly - NO ONE SEES THE SAME SITUATION FROM THE SAME PERSPECTIVE. Just be an observer and learn as much you can :) Your joy is yours alone and does not depend on anyone else! Good luck.

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