Anonyblog

Failure, then loss.

–noun
1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful; lack of success
2. nonperformance of something due, required, or expected
3. a subnormal quantity or quality; an insufficiency
4. deterioration or decay, esp. of vigor, strength, etc.
5. a condition of being bankrupt by reason of insolvency.
6. a becoming insolvent or bankrupt
7. a person or thing that proves unsuccessful: our relationship; me.

Loss –noun
1. detriment, disadvantage, or deprivation from failure to keep, have, or get
2. something that is lost
3. an amount or number lost
4. the state of being deprived of or of being without something that one has had
5. death, or the fact of being dead
6. the accidental or inadvertent losing of something dropped, misplaced, stolen, etc
7. a losing by defeat; failure to win
8. failure to make good use of something, as time; waste.
9. failure to preserve or maintain
10. destruction or ruin: your dreams; your world; your life.

The first thing I notice when considering these two definitions is how related they seem to be. It's like, if you loose something, it's because you failed. (probably) And if you failed, it might have been due to a loss.

I made a choice for myself. So what if it was selfish? I'm the only person here to look out for me, so sometimes I have to make a selfish decision.

Now, I feel the loss. Sure, I've gained a lot, and I'm happy with it, but the loss sure feels really heavy. That's probably due to the failure side of it.

I failed as a friend. What kind of friend would just leave like that? Not a real friend, that's for sure.

Now, since I failed, I have to accept the loss. It's not easy to lose a friend. Not like that, anyways. Why am I responsible for the death of a friend? If I didn't care enough to stay, why should I care enough to save their life?

Sometimes I want to stop everything and just yell "April Fools!!!" "I was just kidding!"
Like maybe it will make you want to live again.
Like maybe it will change the outcome.

I keep hoping you can just forget me, all about me. Just keep going.

You can't keep going, can't go at all, when you're dead.

I'm gonna miss you, anyways...

Posted by anonymous at February 4, 2007 9:50 PM