My wife and I are on the verge of divorce. We are seeing a Christian Minister for counselling, and he is doing a great job. She can manipulate religious people with psycho-christian babble.
My wife has written two books on spirituality and the books have a nice sweet ring to them. Underneath, she is cold blooded and manipulative.
She wants me to embrace every single thing she says and does, without question, or I am not "respecting her".
We've been married for 18 years and together for 20. The last 12 years or so, she has kept a written journal. She writes down things that happen, anecdotes, etc., that she feels are important in her life. She also keeps the journals compiled by year. Most of the material in both books were pulled from these journals.
The parts she didn't use for the books, for the most part, were about me. Negative, spiteful, nasty things, with as much immature venom as she could muster. I have caught her doing this three times, each 2 or 3 years apart. Everytime she says "You do not have the right to read my journal it is private....." even though it is on loose leaf paper, in a 3 ring binder, in the middle of the kitchen table in plain view. Each time we end up in a confrontation, she promises to stop writing about me, and I promise to quit looking. This last time, I had not read it for over a year, but I caught her while she was writing about something that happened 6 months before. We discussed the event then, and she told me I didn't remember it right, and what she was writing was the "whole truth". It was then I started reading it again, seeing my screwups turned jet black, and anything I did right.....well, she never did tell me I do anythign right, so I guess it wouldn't show up int here.
Yesterday in confrontation on it, she says "I don't even have the rights to my thoughts now.....You are taking away my ability to think.....You are saying I'm not even entitled to my feelings."
These have little to do with thoughts....there was a manifestiation of my death in there (she "prayerfuly asked" if my health issues I was having were almost over, and she got a recorded phone call about funeral planning and then Home Makeover that night was about a dad with cancer. She then "asked" the angels if those were signs and "they" told her yes. She lives by the Wayne Dyer motto of "If you think about it enough you can manifest anything"......so, if I can't get cancer on my own and die, she'll just manifest the tumor. Kind of a "new age" version of the voo doo doll.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression 2 years ago, and take meds for it. She wrote that 9 years ago, when she was pregnant with our second daughter, I channeled my depression, that I didn't know I had then, into her pregnant body and made her suffer deep depression. Never mind the fact she was 200 pounds overweight, and on complete bedrest at the time because of her health. She can never get depression according to her, and she constantly has to fight the urge to go there, because "living with a depressed person is....well........depressing".
These journals go on and on with stories like this. They are written in her handwriting, and the kids have access to them. There is not, and I am not exaggerating, not one positive thing about me in any of the 12 years or so of them. I took the family to the beach for a week, flying on her birthday no less, and she never even mentioned it!!! And, I HATE the beach!!!
Am I wrong to think I have a right to know these things are written about me, and to attempt to put a stop to it or destroy them?
Am I crazy to give a crap these exist, or that they are basically my legacy to our children, in writing, of every thing that she didn't like? Or, do you think it will back fire and blow up in her face when the kids are older and realize she is full of crap?
I'm also thinking they would make some dandy evidence in a custody fight!!!
Thanks....I invite all viewpoints.
Posted by anonymous at February 22, 2007 9:23 AMIts a sad story. I really hope things get better. But obviously if she's been hating you for 12 years, its time to say goodbye. I can't understand how she could thing like that.... especially this part:
"I channeled my depression, that I didn't know I had then, into her pregnant body and made her suffer deep depression"
That really scares me, because she won't listen to reason. You could do a couple of things. But first thing is I'd stop seeing the minister for counseling and find a professional marriage counselor. But really you should only do that if you still love her. Otherwise get out now, and maybe write down what happened so you can show your relatives that its not your fault. People like your wife have a way of convincing everyone else that she's the correct one.
I think you have a right to know what she's writing because she's your wife, and she's writing about problems instead of talking to you about it.
Really, I hope you make the right decision. It must be so hard to hear all the shit from the woman you've been with for 22 years. I know I couldn't handle it.
-yossarian
She doesn't sound like she's mentally healthy. I think she needs to see some sort of councelor or therapist, in addition to the marriage counseling you are getting presently. It sounds like she has a built up resentment towards you that may or may not even have anything REALLY to do with you. There may be something in her past she never really dealt with that causes her to act this way. The notebooks I would bet would be great help in the custody fight, however, judges usually side with the mother. She has the right to write about whatever she wants, however leaving such morbid thoughts around for the children to read is not right. However, we are only getting your side here, she may have some valid points on her side as well. My advice? Continue marriage counseling and have her go to an additional therapist.
Posted by: at February 22, 2007 5:33 PMpeepee and poopoo
teetee and doodoo
(pronounced as one word)
Posted by: at February 22, 2007 5:49 PMWow. It's hard to say whether you have a right to read her journal; I would normally land on the side of "no"---but then again, it does seem that she wants you to read it if she leaves it out in the open like that. So if she is leaving it where you can see it, it begs the question of what she really wants; I think you've gotten the message. She apparently wants you out of her life. I suspect you're providing her with a great gravy train, though, so rather than split up and try to make it on her own, she's asking angels to give you cancer. Nice. If your wife thinks living with a depressed person is depressing, tell her to try living with a religious nutcase.
Forget the custody fight. Judges nearly always side with the mother, even if she's one of those crazy cat ladies with 30 cats and a feces-filled house with the stench of ammonia and stale urine, no running water, and a habit of leaving her 10 year old daughter home alone with someone she met on the internet that turns out to be a convicted child molester and who, yes, molests the child. If that sounds like the voice of experience, it's because it is.
I think you should ask her not to leave the journal where the kids can get to it. And I think you should scan that journal into your computer, publish it to the web, and give us the link! I love to read what crazy people write, and she does sound like she's a few bricks shy of a load.
If you want to try to save your doomed marriage, you definitely to get a secular counsellor rather than a Christian one who only feeds your wife's delusions.
Posted by: at February 23, 2007 7:36 AMBuddy you need a 11" cock. Once your wife feels that monster reaming her box it's all over. Why you would leave her legs up, dripping wet, with the expression or shall I say sexpression of pure unadulterated bliss on her face. Now should you not have the cock, then I'm your man. 1 hour with me a my impact hammer and she will do nothing but worship my massive dick!
Posted by: at February 28, 2007 10:33 AMWell "buddy".
As they saying goes....there is always one big dick in every situation.
Posted by: Anon at March 22, 2007 10:33 AM