Anonyblog

Hasta la Luna

I visited outer space recently. I admit, I hadn't the faintest idea where I was, but the anesthesiologist was kind enough to let me know that I was most surely in outer space.

It all happened at the oral surgeon's office. I was required to wear my glasses, rather than contacts, for some mysterious reason. Soon after seating myself comfortably in that weirdly shaped dentist chair, I found out that I couldn't even wear my glasses, because the gas mask will not fit over them. So blind I went.

Anesthesiologist is far too long and tricky of a word to type, so I will hereby call him "the guy with the drugs."

The guy with the drugs told me to sit in the chair and surrender my glasses. So I did. Then, he made small talk while preparing the drugs. When he found out I speak spanish, he decided to spend the rest of our time together trying his best to talk to me in espanol. It was alright, except he was really butchering the words by saying them with a horrendous american accent. Still, I didn't mind.

My question, however, is why I needed the laughing gas when they were just going to inject me with some strong stuff anyways? I'm not complaining though, this was probably the best trip I've ever had.

So anyways, the guy with the drugs told me he was going to put the mask on me and blah blah blah explain explain blah blah blah.... So I had this mask on my face and I started to breathe "muy normal" through my nose. I thought to myself "hey, this isn't so bad after all, I can do this." The air had a strange sweetness to it, and at first I really didn't think anything was going to happen. The guy with the drugs just stood next to me, still conversing in spanish, telling me I might start to feel un poco cansada. That's when I realized: this shit feels nice!!

Woah! Where the heck did I go? I was so nice and high, it felt wonderful. I really started feeling trippy when the guy with the drugs started to do more stuff like prepare my hand for the injection. I felt him tap my veins, but my sense of feel was delayed. It was like in the movies, when a character is fainting, and the camera shows you what they are seeing. Everyone around is in slow motion, and sound is distorted and slowed down and the volume is turned up, all at the same time. He was talking to me, and the words were echoing, and it sounded really cool. His voice sounded really nice and calm, and I was probably the most relaxed I've ever been in my life.

At this point, I found it absolutely impossible to keep my eyes open. I had lost nearly all voluntary control of my body. I had to let my head tilt over to the side. Then this gas really took me for a ride. I could hardly hear anything at all, just some sounds that vibrated and echoed through my head. I was watching this strange black and white checkered pattern that was moving rapidly across the inside of my eyelids. It was making me feel dizzy, and there was an uncomfortable ringing in my ears. I realized that I couldn't speak.

I tried to tell the guy with the drugs that something didn't seem right, but all I could manage was two little moans. The drug guy was probably laughing at me and thought I was weird for making those little noises, but it was my best attempt. I said to myself "This is not good." I swear to you that I had no idea that I actually said that aloud. I thought it was really just a thought that I could hear myself think, but as it turns out, I actually did say it. Who knows how that works?

"What's not good?" he asks me. I startled a bit at the sound of his voice, and used that to take control and tell him that I couldn't see. He told me that all I needed to do was open my eyes. Easy for you to say, mister. He took the mask off of me, and about 20 seconds later, at his beckoning, I opened my eyes again.

"Where were you just now, N?" he asked me. I said "I really don't know."
"You were in outer space, weren't you?"
"Yeah, I think so." I thought about this for a little bit, then told him that I might have actually just been in Spain with him. Why I thought this, I don't know. I'm also not too sure why I decided that I had been with him. That's kind of out there.

Back on with the mask, probably at a lower lever of N20. Once I was back at a nice floaty level, I looked down and saw a giant syringe thingy filled with some sort of white solution. This solution was being pushed into the needle that was in my hand.

Then I realize that I'm laying down somewhere, I can't see a single damn thing, it's cold in there, I taste blood, and I'm drooling. My hero the drug guy comes and wipes my drool. (I think I fell in love with him for that.) I put my thumb and forefinger in a little oval shape around my left eye to signal that I want my glasses, because I couldn't even feel my face, let alone talk.
He comes back with my glasses and puts them on my face for me.

I'm not sure if it was the drugs, or the drug guy's nice voice, or his crazy curly hair, but I said to myself (in my head for sure this time) that I think I really like that guy.

Then the lady called my name, and the drug guy, the drugs, and my nice trip were all gone.

The end.

N

Posted by anonymous at March 14, 2007 7:15 PM