For the last year and half my life has been turned upside down, my husband left me in December 2005 had a girlfriend before March and up to about 3 weeks ago, played games telling me he loved me and wanting to come home and staying with his girlfriend, sometimes sleeping here.........and I waited for him, not out of love but out of fear, I know this now......abuut 2 months ago I started chatting online, even met a married man at lunch...nothing happened and ended up telling this person nothing would ever happen....but my faceless stranger is another story................I know I made him into what I want...but I can't get him out of my mind, body or heart, but as my life always goes....he wants a D/s lifestyle which I won't deny interests me but scares me, my husband has returned home knowing I didn't want him to come home.............I want to meet my faceless stranger even if it's just once...but it seems he wants all or nothing. We come to terms that I wont' be happy doing some of the things he wants me to do and he wants to try this lifestyle, than we say our goodbyes and within a couple of hours were chatting.....It's like I'm his already and he knows this....I've told him what interests me the most is the emotional ties the D/s relationship has and that I can litteraly feel the love pouring out of me when I think of this, as for the pain I hate pain, and am not sure that I would want to be shared. How do I make this burning desire go away for this faceless stranger. I try to think if this faceless stranger goes away....I still don't think I want my husband...but I'm to weak to follow my own desires...always worrying about the other persons feelings, wants and needs....How do I worry about myself for once.
I am so tired, so confused..........................and just want to wake up and feel nothing or have my life where it should be