Anonyblog

im in a mess - very confusing and long story!!

this is all very confusing so ill start from the beginning

my first love rich: I met him about 4 years ago now and it was difficult for us to see each other because we lived so far apart and i only got to see him once every few months but we had a sort of understanding that we were 'together' in a way. Things happened and i was left feeling unwanted and unsure if he loved me as much as i loved him as he never seemed to make the effort to come to visit me - it was always me going to see him. i would send him presents and i would never get the presents he said he had sent me and he made excuses as to why they hadnt arrived.. if i confronted him about feeling like this he'd say i was imaginging it and that he loved me.. but when we did get to spend time together everything was so different and perfect, he made me feel so loved and i forgot about all the problems we had while we were apart. I decided to move away from home go to a university close to where rich stayed so i would be able to see him more regularly and i thought things would be great from then on.. thats when i met my current bf just after i had made the decision to move and rich found out about him and was angry and upset but me and rich had never been an official item so it all blew over quite quickly and he started seeing someone else (which didnt last long) and we soon became friends again

i met my current boyfriend just over a year ago i love him and he treats me very well.. initially i didnt see us being together for very long as i was due to be moving down next to rich 6 months after we had met so i tried to break off the relationship a few times before i moved but somehow he always won me back.. things hav been going pretty well since then i know that he loves me, but i never felt quite as strongly about him as i did with rich. But then my bf doesnt make me feel bad when he's not around and makes the effort to come see me and pays for me to come home when he cant come to see me. but just recently iv found myself attracted to other guys not that anything came of it but the thought was there which was confusing.. i dont know if its the distance thats making me feel lonely or what. i didnt know whether to break up with my bf or stick it out and work through it because so much of my life revolves around him now and i dont know what i would do without him. (everyone says me and my bf are a great couple and how good we are together.)

then just a few days ago rich came back from the army and we met up for some drinks to catch up on old times n see how things were and he told me he still loved me, n that he was angry n upset that i had started seeing my boyfriend but he could never stop thinking about me and that the girl he went out with after me didnt comparre and that he doesnt think anyone could replace me. and that when we were out for drinks it felt like i was his girlfriend again and he was so happy. we ended up kissing and everything he was saying reminded me of how i had been feeling since i stopped seeing him. but Now that he is in the army for 4 years- i wouldnt get to see him and he is going to afganistan for 6 months but he thinks we could make it work if we were to get together.

im not so sure if i did go out with rich that he would treat me the way he used to or if he would make the effort to see me.. but when we were together a few days ago it was like it used to be we get on very very well and have alot in common. our humour is the same and our personality and we hav the same interests and opinions on almost everything but i dont want to leave a loving guy to go back to one who i get the feeling could only be using me.

i havent told my boyfriend about the kiss but i have told him im feeling confused about our relationship and that rich had come back to see me and it was making me think about things. i suggested we go on a break but he doesnt want to and is terrified of losing me. and i dont want to hurt him

i dont know what to do. theres something about rich that makes me really drawn to him although he caused me alot of heartache and i love my bf but i dont know if i love him more than i loved rich. i always thought rich was the one. and now rich wants me back and i told him i may be splitting with my bf but now im having 2nd thoughts and i dont know if thats the right decision to make. any help? ne one??

Posted by anonymous at May 20, 2007 5:44 AM