I am currently in a long term relationship with a man I utterly adore and love dearly. We've been together for three years and I would like to think everything is fine... But it obviously is not, otherwise he wouldn't have cheated on me. But honestly-- that sounds much worse than it really is. I was more upset that he didn't come clean about it-- and that my friend didn't tell me what happened between the two of them than I am upset that he kissed and groped another woman-- its not like they had sex. Which I am quite certain has not happened, but there has been much tension between them in the past. She's always saying how starved for sex she is, when the three of us are hanging out-- and then I see the kinds of looks she gives my boyfriend and the body language-- and I guess I saw it coming, but I didn't think I needed to awknowledge the possible situation that could come up-- time and time again she assured me nothing would ever happen between them because it would ruin our friendship. However, her actions are screaming over her words, and they end up falling upon deaf ears. I have forgiven both of them since the incidence-- her and I no longer talk. Its been about two weeks and I haven't heard from her at all-- I usually heard from her often. I suppose its because she is ashamed, embarrassed... or thinks I am still angry at her. And I partially am still angry at both of them-- I think more for being selfish with it and keeping me out of the loop.
I'm very frustrated. Sexually frustrated-- its not that he can't please me, because he can, and he's so good at giving it to me... but there is barely any fire.... I'm always there-- sober, awake, alive, just sitting there, enjoying the physical sex but wanting to be wrapped in the emotion of sex as well.... I just masturbated and I'm still wanting more-- and I feel like I want this raw, tearing, passionate firey sex-- emotional and gripping and stunning-- that makes me feel like I'm falling from a building-- excitement, wonder, fear--- I just want some FIRE! I want it to feel forbidden--
and this feeling does feel forbidden.... I'm lusting after an ex. I feel so bad for it, too, so horrible for wanting him and wanting to feel his breath on my skin the way it did when we used to be together... and although I do not love him like I used to nor do I feel the need for a relationship with him-- I just want the animal in him I fell so hard for.... I don't feel that with my current boyfriend... I feel love and security with him.... but.... this really is hard.
I'm terrible for feeling this way about another man when I am so in love with the one I have now.
We're supposed to move in together in a few months. Something has to change--- I can't feel all pent up like this for much longer....
Posted by anonymous at May 26, 2007 5:24 PMwell heres the thing. if he only made out with her once then its not that bad. but if they had an affair, repeatedly having sex, then you need to get rid of the bastard. once can be forgiven, but you must make him pay. but anything more is not an accident and he knew he would hurt you and lose you. as for your "friend", no friend would put sex above friendship. that is no friend. keep her at the curb, its where she belongs. and by that I mean on the corner because she is a whore.
Posted by: at May 28, 2007 10:32 AM