Okay, here goes. My husband's best friend of 15 years has been my lover for the past year. It started out as some fun--like a MMF 3some, then DH(Dear Hubby) wanted to bow out just a little so me and DHBF(Dear Hubby's Best Friend) started making love just the two of us w/ DH's consent. I have had a crush on DHBF ever since I have known him. I just feel so confined because I feel as though noone understands the way I feel. I love DH very much, and we have been together 10 years, this is just really complicated to me. I don't know how to control my emotions and I feel very jealous of DHBF because he recently ended an LTR and is starting to get out and date a little again. We had this long chat about how we feel, and how we both feel so very complete when we are together. We have so much in common and truly care about one another. We don't talk everyday and rarely see one another when DH isn't around because we are trying to keep some shred of moral fibers intact. When we had the long convo the other day he told me that he has never felt the way he does for anyone else and that he wishes that I could be the one he wakes up and kisses goodnite. He also said that he has had to distance himself from being around DH and me because he feels jealousy--in the sense that DH has me all the time and he only has a few moments maybe once a week. I saw him this morning--and it just hurts so deeply that we care so much about one another. Neither of us want to hurt DH, and in the beginning the "sexual experimentation" was DH's idea. I could have said no, but I have always wanted to experience him and it was an opportunity to do so. I love him and I know he loves me as well. I'm just wondering if we can keep our situation under control. The most important thing is their friendship. I never wanted to be one of those people you hear about that turn to the best friend. Now I am and I don't know what to do. I truly wish that if I could have fallen in love with someone that it would not have been him. I have never felt before the way I do about him. Thanks for reading. I really typed this quickly and from the heart, so my punctuation, grammar and spelling are probably lacking.
Posted by anonymous at October 15, 2007 9:32 AMYour "shreds of moral fiber" haven't been intact since you started this whole thing. I have absolutely no sympathy for you whatsoever. Let me throw a few old sayings at you:
If you play with fire, expect to get burned.
You reap what you sow.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
The grass is always greener on the other side.
Stupid is as stupid does.
So you, a married woman, have had an affair with a man in an LTR. You two deserve each other. Oh, I know, I know---if you and DHBF end up together, it'll be different. You'll be 100% faithful to each other. Neither one of you will ever cheat. And you'll be moving into the suburbs of a town called "Yeah, Right."
No let me see if I got this right. Hubby and Hubby Friend want to hose with you. You agree and the hosefest begins. Hubby bows out saying let me watch you two hose. Hosefest 2 begins. Hubby says; "we'll I'm tired, great night, by best friend!" Wife thinks that was a GREAT hosefest. I want more! My hubby does not care so ....Hosefest 3 begins. Now here we are one year later and at Hosfest fifty something and you begin to use words like "Moral Fiber". Let me ask this, when you are sucking the best friends wang are you thinking in the back of your head; "gee, I could have had a v8? or If my husband new I had passed up on a v8 for this he would be so sad and the relationship with his best friend would be harmed? or Man I love this guys wang, screw the v8!" Ever consider that maybe your husband and best friend are in on this together? Ever consider what hubby is up to? Perhaps this makes for interesting locker room banter; Hey Jim how was my wife last night? Not bad Tom but we did have to use extra lube. Sorry Jim I had her and extra time or two and the old box maybe needed a fluid check. Tom, if thats the case next time send her over servivec and ready would you? Can do Jim!
Posted by: at October 17, 2007 7:07 AMLC that was funny! LMAO!
Posted by: at October 17, 2007 11:06 AMWho cares about your grammar, spelling and puctuation? Not even me, Captain Spellcheck---because your post has TRAMP written all over it.
Posted by: at October 20, 2007 8:11 AMThis sounds like something I wrote. This exact thing happened to me. And still is. Husband brought up the idea "we should try something diffrent". I had never been with anyone besides my husband, so I wasnt really for it at first. Drinking kinda helped out in my final decisson to go ahead with it. It was MFM kinda thing a time or two with hubbys bestfreind. Then hubby wanted "something new", or someone new I should say. He had someone else and I had his bestfriend. Hubby was with a few others and I was always with the bestfriend. It had been happening off and on for about 3yrs. But since January of this year, the besfriend and I have talked every morning for a couple hours on the phone. He calls me on his breaks at work. He sometimes comes over while my hubby is at work. He comes over and hangs out with us on the weekends. Hes always around. He has told me he loves me alot of times, and I think I love him to. But I dont know if its really love or not. The only relationship Ive really ever been in is with my husband. We started dating in high school, and got married the year after we graduated. Ive been with him since I was 15. I am now 32. And I read the remarks someone posted saying the girl who wrote this was a tramp.I dont think shes a tramp. And I dont think im a tramp either. Ive only been with these two men. And I have permisson from my husband. I truely am a good person. Im just really confused. I love them both.
Posted by: lilmisspriss at October 25, 2007 8:08 AMYou are not a tramp. I know exactly what you are going through, except it hasn't progressed as far as intercourse or actual "cheating." DHBF is a GOOD FRIEND, and won't really let it go there...he has a lot of self-control. Much more than I have. We both desire and admire each other, but only allow ourselves to express it when DH allows the situation. Unfortunately, it hasn't been for a while because I think DH started sensing the emotional connection. My heart aches for DHBF every day, but I also feel happy that I don't need to feel shameful. Just tormented. I've known them both since I was 15.
The way I see it, it's no surprise that you or I are attracted to DHBF. They are best friends because they share complimentary traits that we are obviously attracted to. And in some respects, I don't think you can help who you love. At the very least, DHBF knows I will always be there for him emotionally and we know how we feel about each other, while though torture at times, is nice to know that someone else can care for you.
Anyway, I babble.
Posted by: in love at November 1, 2007 12:50 PMIn a way it's comforting to know that other people have found themselves in this predicament. DH's BF and I have always had chemistry and had a harmless flirtation going. His wife is rarely willing to have sex with him, so I get his personal frustrations. I am close with his wife and our families hang out on a weekly basis. I made the mistake of telling DH about an erotic dream I had about a threesome with his BF. He almost encouraged the attraction between BF and myself and said he liked having something his friend wanted. Well, DH took pleasure in telling his BF about it and they began to joke about making it a reality. When his BF spent the weekend with us once when his family was out of town, they began to crack a lot of sexual jokes. When DH took the joking a little too far, I excused myself and went to bed. That was the end of things for a long time. Well, over the last few months, DH's BF began to flirt more frequently than usual. He began to grab my ass or make some serious eye contact with me. I always caught him looking at my chest and he was teasing him whenever I wore a low-cut top. The sudden shift in our relationship was intense for us both. Anyhow, one night we happened to find ourselves alone and he leaned in behind me only to rub up against me and say how badly he wanted me. It took incredible self-control not to respond to his request. Suddenly I was consumed with thoughts about him. We met to "talk" things out, but ended up kissing. Over the next few weeks we exchanged texts and phone calls. We both weren't sure what we needed from each other and agreed we both loved our spouses. Well, DH's BF said he wanted to talk privately again to figure out our relationship. We agreed that our friendship was most important and admitted that we deeply cared for one another. I told him we could hug, but no kissing. When we went to say goodbye, I said I would give him just a peck and he took that as a sign to go further. He wouldn't let me go until we started making out. I finally pulled away and said we had to stop. I am still confused and know that I will never sleep with this man as I know that can only lead to more trouble. However, he keeps telling me that he pictures me when he makes love to his wife. In some warped way it makes me feel good, but also terrible for letting things get to this point. I have never cheated on anyone ever and prided myself on being loyal, so I am baffled as to why this is happening now. I constantly dream about him at night and am struggling to keep my distance. How do I pull myself out of this and keep our family friendships intact?
Posted by: Stacy at January 28, 2008 12:22 AM