When does one move on when in a ugly relationship? My wife wants me to get a vasectomy, and I told her this morning that it is not happening.. She of course was pissed and trying to make me feel like I was not committing to our relationship... We have sex maybe 3-4 times a month...So why bother. I am 35 and feeling very out of sort with my life, and wife. When I met my wife I was a free spirited outdoor adventure guide.. Life was great..Now i wish for death... What has my life became to feel so low? I need to move on but having problems getting the courage to do so. Friends and family think that my wife is a high strung bitch. We bought acreage and built a house all debt free...I broke my back building our house form the ground by myself..I don't want to have a pity party for myself. I just hate to leave all the hard work behind me and not reap the benefits of the house that I built...
Now this morning my wife says that we should take some time from each other...Maybe instead of seeing tragedy in this I should see the door opening to my world..Time for an extended surf trip. Maybe go back to Hawaii and live again? The part that make my heart ache is my beloved 7 year old daughter. My daughter means the world to me.. I could not live in this area if separated...I need beach, surf and sun.
Why people do we complicate ourselves? and then we have our spouse,friends and family who throw in that twist to our lives. Now i know that I am not always easy to live with..I can be distant, quiet, and vague...Which by the way makes my wife crazy...she is paranoid to start with.. I have wanted to run away from home for some time..I took a long motorcycle trip last year through the rockies ...Just to get away..My wife was not happy that I had so much fun..I made some new friends and had a blast...
anyhow, sorry that my train of thought is all over the tracks...I'm like a 12 year old with ADHD...
Taking deep breaths and trying to smile...
Posted by anonymous at October 25, 2007 10:49 AMYour obligation is to your child. Stop thinking about yourself and think about her. You made a commitment; now live up to it. Do what is right for your daughter, not what feels good for you.
Posted by: at October 26, 2007 5:41 AMJust ignore the Anne Landers want to be in the last comment. What you need to do is what feels right to you and is in the best interest of your child. If you are not getting along with your wife work things out with her. If that means separating so be it. The worst thing you could do is raise a child in a home with little or no love between the parents. What kind of example does that set? Your and your wife's happiness is important to the emotional well being of your daughter. Children can handle their parents being apart as long as the parents are stable. If one or the other is an emotional wreck then that is not healthy and the child should live with the most well grounded parent. For example, if mother is pissed off that Father has decided to end the relationship and mom talks trash about dad all the time in an attempt to discredit him, this is unhealthy. This should be taken very seriously and avoided at all costs. This is the most common problem when a marriage fails and there are children involved. Whatever you decide to do make well thought out decisions. Do not rush in to anything. Most of all do not let your wife have full custody of your daughter. You will regret it if you do.
Additionally, do not let your wife have the house. You have worked hard to build this home and if you let her she will take it from you. If you separate ask her to leave the marital home and you keep your daughter in the home she has grown up in. Men can do this, I did. I could write a book about this because I have personal experience with this subject. Be careful how you handle this situation or you will find yourself up to your ears in lawyer bills and begging to see your child.
Good Luck!
I have much more to express on this subject. Just ask.
2nd commenter (Hi, Vapor):
What "Anne [sic] Landers" said is to do what is RIGHT for his daughter, not what FEELS GOOD for him. He wants to run away from his problems and go surfing or take long motorcycle trips. I can't help noticing that he doesn't mention taking his daughter along. And the obligation I was referring to is his child, not his decaying marriage. Marriages are not always forever, but children are. He needs to face his problems, not run away from them. Are you listening, OP?
Otherwise, Vapor---right on. I agree with your advice 100%. And if it's the wife who feels that they need to take some time from each other, then she should be the one to leave. OP should consult with a lawyer NOW to keep his wife from taking the child with her.
Or he can just run away again and go surfing or biking and hope his problems will go away by themselves.
And remember, there are two sides to every story. I'd love to hear her side.
OP, adults can and do have ADHD. Perhaps you should consult a doctor. There is treatment if you do have it. My husband does, and when he takes his daytime meds (for a sleep disorder) he has the lucky side effect of being far more organized in his thinking and gets a lot more accomplished. Think about it. A good checkup never hurt anyone.
Posted by: at November 2, 2007 6:02 AMIt sounds to me like the OP is just fantasizing about a life that he would rather have but is one that can only be possible for an extremely rich man, if that.
Posted by: at November 15, 2007 1:45 PM