before you even tell me that other people have it worse, just take a look at the list of reasons why my life sucks right now. i don't know how other people feel. i only know my own experiences and emotions. and i do feel sorry for people who have it worse than me and that just makes me feel worse.
>> it seems like everything in my life is flawed. let's start with the beginning. i was born with a birth defect that you can only see when i have my shirt off. i have a very attractive face and features, so i can always get dates, but after things start to get more physical they always pack up and leave. it's a huge fucking disappointment to know if you weren't born without a birth defect your life would be improved tenfold.
>> i'm gay. before you start saying how immoral and disgusting it is, please believe me, if there were anything i could humanly do to change this, i would. i used to pray when i was younger for hours every night before bed. i tried to force myself to be straight. i read up on psychology to try to change myself. trust me, it's not happening. i feel like with the birth defect, girls would be more forgiving, but try telling that to guys. trust me, relationships are more difficult because guys are far less forgiving than girls. i'm not one of those flamboyant guys, either. i act just like a normal guy, and that's the same kind of person i would like to date. it's a horrible situation.
>> i recently starting dating a guy from an ivy-league school. he was a great person, everything i was looking for. i am not sure what turned him off to me. maybe the birth defect. maybe the fact that i am not wealthy. maybe because i don't go to as good of a school as he does. things were great in the beginning. i think he really liked me. and then all of this 'non-ivy-league' stuff came up. lots of other stuff, too, so it's hard to decide. he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and he wasn't emotionally into it with me. i took this really hard and have been really depressed since. he said he wanted to continue hanging out in the future but he wasn't ready for anything. all he's done is ignore me.
>> a week later he's posing profiles on online dating sites. any false hope i had is now lost. it means he was lying about why he broke it off and it just sucks so bad. it means i wasn't good enough. i feel like all i will ever be is a pretty face with a deformed body in a sea of assholes. i hate everything about myself, down to all the shitty decisions i made that prevented me from going to better schools so maybe i could at least have that going for me.
it's really hard being in a new, big city with no friends and have all of this stuff happening to you. i have friends from back home, but it's really hard talking about this stuff with them. they have their own problems and i feel like all i do is complain to them. sometimes all i want is someone around who can just say, let's fuck it and go have some fun. i don't have that here. i have some good roommates, but i'm not going to go share my sob stories with them. i have a few friends at school, but its a gossipy school and i'm sure my problems would just be used as gossip fodder.
i know what you're thinking: the right person will come along, would i really want to be dating someone who would judge me and drop me like that, etc. the answer is yes. it's been happening my whole young adult life with multiple people, so i doubt anything is going to change anytime soon.
i am trying to make myself better by working out (even though it highlights my deformity more), buying better clothes, studying harder so i can get into an ivy league for another master's degree. i don't know if this is going to help. i don't think you can really change who you are all that much.
there is only so much hardship a person can take with no support base. i really hate this.
Posted by anonymous at January 17, 2008 8:59 AMOkay, I've read your list, and you're right: millions of people have it WAY worse than you do. You're worried about your love life as you work on your masters degree, while all over this country, people are going without education, food, shelter, transportation and heat.
And yes, you DO know what I'm thinking: the right person WILL come along. Stop looking so hard.
And is your "birth defect" really horrifying, or is it your expectation of how people will react that is horrifying? Haven't you ever seen two really unattractive people who are hopelessly and forever in love with each other?
Don't make me say it. Don't make me say it. DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT!!!! Okay, I'll say it: it's what's on the inside that counts.
Posted by: at January 18, 2008 9:04 AMFirst of all you are gay! You like sicking your cock into asses. Thats disgusting and sick. Either get mental help now or go blow your head off! I advocate the second option as it lessens your kinds numbers on this planet.
Regarding your birth defect, you obviously have two if you count your mental issue and the desire you have to either put your wiener into some others guys ass or get his wiener in yours! Please, go blow your head off!
Ignore that sad bastards homophobic comment, only a guy scared shitless he is gay writes redneck comments. Life is too short to be unhappy, so your gay. Embrace who you are and hold your head up high. I'm gay, I love being gay, and from the moment I accepted that, I was happy. You will always have a hard time as a teenager gay or straight, it's not until you are about 25 or 30 you start to work it all out. You crave for love from guys your own age who are just as insecure and part of their rejection to you is their own inner demons. People are attracted to confident people. I hope you can find some peace. Try looking for an older boyfriend, one that will love you and help you through this emotional time. As for your birth mark, I doubt it is anything to worry about, if it still bothers you in years to come, go see if you can have anything done about it. Please don't do anything stupid, go see a gay counselor. I wish I could ease your pain. Being gay is not an illness, you were made this way by God for a good reason not as a punishment. just feel pity for homophobic people!
Posted by: Paul at January 22, 2008 3:42 AMIgnore that sad bastards homophobic comment, only a guy scared shitless he is gay writes redneck comments. Life is too short to be unhappy, so your gay. Embrace who you are and hold your head up high. I'm gay, I love being gay, and from the moment I accepted that, I was happy. You will always have a hard time as a teenager gay or straight, it's not until you are about 25 or 30 you start to work it all out. You crave for love from guys your own age who are just as insecure and part of their rejection to you is their own inner demons. People are attracted to confident people. I hope you can find some peace. Try looking for an older boyfriend, one that will love you and help you through this emotional time. As for your birth mark, I doubt it is anything to worry about, if it still bothers you in years to come, go see if you can have anything done about it. Please don't do anything stupid, go see a gay counselor. I wish I could ease your pain. Being gay is not an illness, you were made this way by God for a good reason not as a punishment. just feel pity for homophobic people!
Posted by: Paul at January 22, 2008 3:43 AMYes, you could ignore me. However, every time you get someones wiener stuck in your butt or you stick your wiener into someones butt, you will remember this post. Hopefully, you will be carrying a fully loaded hand gun of sort so you can finish your disgusting life after you have finished your vile act. I'm right and you know it. Every single time you have committed this act you think about it too. Simply ending it! I'll be glad to help with the note. Spare your family the anguish and your own mental anguish. You are a sick puppy and need mental assistance.
Posted by: Cold Heartless Bastard at January 23, 2008 7:22 AMYep, CHB is obviously in the closet. Anyone who focuses so much on "weiners" and "butts" secretly wants it, and wants it BAD!!!
Posted by: at January 23, 2008 8:59 AMCHB You should be taken out back and shot. Who wants to listen to such a close-minded person? NOT me. What do you stand to gain, personally, by shunning members of your community? Whatever I don't think you'll ever be happy.
Anyways. OP. If romance is not working out so well for you right now, regardless of everything, why not just put it on the back burner? I mean I know that is what everyone is looking for and what everyone thinks about the most, but maybe this is a good time for you to spend time with yourself and reflect and remind yourself what your good qualities are. Why settle for a lesser-quality relationship when, with time, you can find a deserving man that is both compatible with you and is understanding of your weaknesses. I do believe it is said, good things come to those who wait.
Posted by: N at January 24, 2008 9:23 PMN, what is your age? I'll bet younger than 24! Bottom line here is your entire generation has been brought up to believe in this sick BS that homosexuality is alright and should be accepted and endorsed by society! WRONG! Same gendered folk should not be sexually involved with the same gender! No argument can be posed for this behavior. It is WRONG pure and simple. These folks should be put to sleep or forced into some perverse sick leper colony of sorts. They are corrupting society. I don't want to here any BS about being born in the wrong body. If thats the case go away alone and never tell anyone about your dilemma. Granted I was hard on the fag above however, he admitted his illness. He needs to be put down! Yes, I would advocate a serial killer who kills known fags! That would be great!
Posted by: Cold Heartless Bastard at January 25, 2008 3:56 PMOkay.. CHB it's time for you to be quiet...
as for the rest of you... this is my take on things.
I'm not gay, and i don't care if you are or are not. Relationships suck, regardless.. But when it's right, they are fantastic. I was in a similar situation to most of what you said. I seem to have trouble with girls, and i seem to get to that point where things could 'progress' and all of a sudden it's time for the 'just friends' talk.
N was right with what he or she said. love needs to go onto the back burner.. It isn't easy to do, but i do know that i have done it myself. it takes time, and you'll never forget those who you've liked, and all the those silly crushes that you watched from afar.
But the good thing is that when love is on the back burner, it means that someone needs to chase you.
I also think you hit a very important point with what you were saying about a support base. You need people around you to talk to. they won't all be great listeners, they may gossip about you (if they do, don't keep them around). but they may just be the most important people in your life...
So keep smiling, remember, you said you're attractive, that's one big ace up your sleeve.. and remember to look after yourself. If you can't do that then there's no point trying to look after someone else..
:) OXOXO
Posted by: at January 27, 2008 7:41 PMHere, here!! Well said LC! Right, OP? There's nothing else more important in this world to you than YOU. Out of so many different commenters, only one seems to have an issue with homophobia. The rest of us here are willing to accept you for who you are. I think this is somewhat a representative of the real world. You might find unhappy, old-fashioned dickheads like CHB, and do watch out for those. But a large majority of people, (yes, especially us YOUNG ADULTS) are much less concerned with your sexual orientation and/or any birth defects. Just remember to live your life the way you enjoy it, and the things you want will be easier to obtain.
CHB. If you've been hanging around here for any period of time, you would know, as everyone else does, that I am 21 years old. Who cares? Except for you, that is. Maybe you haven't realized, but you are just going to keep getting older and older. New people are born every minute of every day. And each will have his or her own opinion towards human sexuality. I hope, however, that for the most part, a general attitude of increased acceptance and understanding will continue to be the norm. We are all just waiting for you to finally croak so we can have one big, gay party. Get on with it already.
Posted by: N at January 28, 2008 4:01 PMWell said, N, well said.
Hey, CHB, guess what? I have no problem with homosexuals; I think love is a beautiful thing. Period. And guess what else? I'm waaaaaay over 24 years old.
It's called "tolerance." Look it up.
Posted by: at January 30, 2008 7:59 AM