Anonyblog

The two men in my life

This is so weird. I would never have guessed so many people had the same sort of experience.
Mine is just another take on that same old story.

I met my husband at 19, got married at 25, I'm 30 now. We had and still have a great relationship, at all levels. I have a successful career in a Blue-chip company. My husband is handsome, a successful financial high-flier, a great lover, a great father (we have a 2 year old son), and we have always been TOTALLY honest with each other, whatever happened between us. We have always spoken to each other, and there as always been open dialogue.
Sexually, we have always experimented a bit, trying out non conventional things, but that I guess was normal, since we were each other's first love. Both of us had sex with someone else AFTER our relationship started out, but I guess we needed to know that the grass was not greener elsewhere.

A few years ago, though, I met a colleague at work, who to start with, attracted me more because he got turned on by finding out that I was very open about my sexual views, than anything else. We did not get together then, and for even a year after that, there was only a sort of tension between us that was brought on by the fact that we were attracted to each other but both in happy relationships, and not ready to risk them for a fling.

However, there a very deep tenderness developed between the two of us (believe it or not, we even slept next to each other several times over a year without ever making love, just enjoying being close to each other, and kissing) and after 2 years, we both gave in and made love. And it was wonderful, electric, exciting, nothing like I had ever felt before. It was pure sex, absolutely like the stuff you see in the movies. I felt guilty and told my husband about this, he felt angry at first and was FURIOUS with me but after a lot of discussion and explanations, he understood but took things even further. Because he ended up being turned on by the fact that I was having a physical relationship with someone other than himself, since I made him understand that he did not own my body, and that whatever I did, I would never ever stop loving him or wanting to be with him (something that I am utterly 500% sure of). Which kept me going, I'd meet this colleague very often out of working hours, until I finally fell in love with this guy, knowing full well that we would neither of us ever leave our respective partners, being very much in love with them. Our relationship got pretty intense, as he is a very intellectual person, we would have conversations for hours on end, about poetry, literature, philosophy and of course there was the mind-blowing sex, morning, evening, night, whenever we could, and which took on a very strangely spiritual aspect, as if by making love to each other, we were actually trying to own each other, in a way that would not be possible for our partners. I wonder if anyone else feels the same way. Sex was just a way to attain a mystical level that could only be reached by losing oneself into the other.

Well, so here is how it stood then: the two of us were in love with two people at the same time, and although it brought us some amount of misery, tears and sadness knowing that we could not be together like most people, we finally came to terms with it, since we understood that it was not possible to have one's cake and eat it too. This unique relationship also gave us the chance not to get caught up in the day-to-day drudgery of a couple, and we could live an artificial relationship just as many people would dream of really! So we would meet when we got the time to, and be happy in the knowledge that we loved each other and were not out to ruin a whole lot of lives (our families, our kids, our partners...) And finally it was working out quite well, because we had each of us our own life, and no one in my life knew about my relationship with this person. But when we met, we would shut out everything else and escape into each other, forgetting the world outside and simply concentrating on the intense desire and love that we felt for each other.

The only hitch was that HIS wife was not aware of the situation, and he kind of lied about it to me (well, I should have guessed, how many people would tolerate this sort of stuff in a society where individual love is the only way to go?). Instead of being clear with me, he would simply not talk about his wife in those terms, and I of course was not going to send him down guilt lane by talking about it and taking the risk of him really getting all guilty and leaving me.
His wife had already found out about it once, but quite probably understood that he was not out to leave her (they got married and even have 3 kids) so forgave him and life went on. We sort of "broke up" for some time, but then he called me and I went back to him, and things went back to "normal". Well, more or less, because over the years (it has now been 6 years since I know him) our relationship has become far less sexual and more intellectual, more of a very close friendship (although when we did recently make love, which was only once in the whole of last year, it was just as fantastic as in the beginning).

Until recently, when his wife found out again. This time she gave him an ultimatum, either he had to stop all communication with me, or else, she would leave me. And of course, the guy ditched me, what else could he do, although I know in my heart that he still loves me. My husband knows all about this though he probably does not realise to what extent I love this guy. It probably hurts him a bit to know that I love someone else, but he knows that there is no question of competition since my love for each of them is different and unique in its own way. And also, I was always AS open as I could be with my husband about my relationship woth my colleague.

So here I am, desperate for some sign of him, and although life goes on and I am happy with my husband and kid, a part of me thinks of him each day, yearns for him and hopes that one day, he will come back towards me.

I have no wish for him to leave his family, and make anyone suffer. I am happy with my family, all I miss is the exchange of ideas (and the rest) that we used to have together. But if he cannot be as frank with his wife as I am with my husband (who knows that I have a soft spot for this guy), then I can only hope that he will be able to convince her that I am not a threat to her, so that we can see each other again, because I miss him like hell.

What do you think of my situation? Is it normal for me to expect so much of his wife? She knows that he is not like other men, that he is deeply devoted to her, loves her passionately, and also his kids, and she also knows what he feels for me. He is not the type of person who goes out to grab the next sexy femae who makes advances on him. But is it reasonable to expect her to share him with me, the few times that he does meet me each year? It is not much to ask actually, since I rarely see him, but I guess it is not easy to accept mentally. I guess I will never get things to go the way I want!

Has anyone had the same experience?

Sad life...

Posted by anonymous at February 26, 2008 4:32 AM