My mom and I were talking one night and it lead to some heavy conversations. I found out that my brother is not my dad’s child; he was from an affair that my mom had 19 years ago. My mom and dad had divorced about 9 years ago. This is my only brother and I am his only sister.. we are approx. 14 years apart in age and I have always looked after and protected him from whatever I could.
It really makes no difference to me who our dads are, I am not from our dad either (biologically), I was adopted by him when my mom/dad married. I also just found out that my brother was unware that our dad was not my biological dad, he was told by an upset aunt of ours the wrong way at 12 years old and took it very hard? I didn’t even think about it, just assumed he knew and it made no difference either way?
I found myself looking at my brother's features, hands, arms, ears and i now can see the non-resemblance of our "dad". Our dad is not really in either one of our lives and I found myself wondering/daydreaming what if my brother would want to know, what if something happened to his biological father before my brother even had a choice if wanting to meet him? What if he would want a relationship with the biological father?
So I had been doing a lot of thinking about this and feel sad for my brother. Is he entitled to know, should he know, what if he would want a relationship with this person, or not, should he get a chance to choose what he wants? This I think would not only devastate my brother but also our dad? I was told so that if there was ever a life/death situation and someone needed to know (transplant, blood..etc.), someone would know. Which I guess given an extreme situation I would have to but wouldn’t exactly want to ruin anyone’s life, which I think it would.
So I go back and forth, what’s the right thing to do, what’s right for them… I think it is best left unsaid? Is that bad? I, myself, would never say a thing, never. I don’t think that it would be beneficial to either of them but looking at it from a perspective of it’s not my choice, it is my brothers.
My biological dad had contacted me around my 30th birthday, I had always wondered who he is, what he’s like, where do I get these traits from…etc… but I was totally disappointed … he asked me for a job, he was well above his 7 dwi’s, served several years in prison for forgery but nonetheless, I guess I would have rather had met, than not meet at all?
I still headstrong on not having my brother finding out but not sure if that's the right thing?
Any thoughts/suggestions?