HELP!!! I don't know how to deal with my husband anymore. We've been married for 19 years, and I don't know what to do???
My husband lives the life of "Having his shit and eating it too!" My husband is a good provider, however he doesn't do it by himself. I have always worked and provided just as much money to our marriage as he has, and that is because he insists that I not be lazy and sit at home. He doesn't do nearly as much as I do around the house, and I'm sick of it! I could list everything I do, but I will simplify by telling you that all he does is mow the lawn about once a month (and I don't mean yard work, I only mean mow the lawn, I do everything else, including cut the bushes, pull the weeds, and replace the mulch around the flower bed.) He occassionally cooks dinner when he is home, which is rare, because he plays on 3 different softball teams, plays in a pool league, plays poker 3 days a week, is on several Fantasy Leagues (for just about all sports), you can imagine where he is during Football Season (yes, he's with the guys watching football), and when he's home he's playing on-line poker.
I've asked him to take on more responsibility, but he just shrugs me off, and says that it's my job. To top it all off, he's an asshole to me and our son when he is here.
I know that I should divorce him, but isn't there any other way to get it through to him that he needs to get his priorities straight?
Please help,
Overwhelmed Wife!!!
PS I just did a big pooh!!!!
Why should it stop? You've let him get away with it for the last 19 years. What do you expect?
Posted by: at March 28, 2008 2:41 PMInsanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.
Find a good divorce lawyer.
Posted by: at March 29, 2008 8:21 AMHe's an intelligent adult, why do I need to explain to him what needs to get done, besides if I say anything, he calls me a "bitch".
Posted by: at March 30, 2008 2:29 PMWow, your husband sounds like a total dick. He really doesn't deserve you. And newsflash: If he calls you a bitch, then he is NOT WORTH IT. Sooo many women make the mistake of obeying their chauvanist husbands and letting them push them around and call them names. Don't put up with his shit anymore.
Ordinarily, I would say that you should approach him about work in a less-strict-demanding-wife kind of manner, but he sounds like he is never going to change.
Dump him.
Just make sure that you are ready to support yourself and you can keep the house if you do. Considering that he doesn't do much, I don't think it would make much of a difference to you. Lol.
Thank you for that last response, I really appreciate an intelligent, and compasionate reply.
Posted by: at April 1, 2008 2:29 PMBest way..GO ON STRIKE!
You have the right to stop doing whatever you do..don't cook, don't clean..go to work, come home and play chess online...
very soon, he'll want to talk to ya.
Posted by: Mark at April 1, 2008 5:01 PMI still say it's your own darned fault. You've let him get away with it for 19 years. You've been the enabler; you've set up the situation and now you want to complain. Sorry I'm not being compassionate, but I am intelligent enough to see the truth, and the truth is that you should have never let this situation happen to begin with.
Going on strike will backfire on you. He hasn't helped out for 19 years, and he's not going to now. You'll end up with a filthy house and an even more verbally abusive husband, if he doesn't decide to go for broke and become physically abusive.
The way I see it, you have two choices: sleep in the bed that you made, or get out. Absolutely, make sure you're able to support yourself if you split up. If not, you're just going to have to continue living with the situation you made. It's a little late to start complaining now.
Posted by: at April 2, 2008 4:49 AM