Anonyblog

people are strange...

It's so strange how everyone feels like they are normal. For the most part, I feel like I'm normal...until I look at myself through the eyes of a stranger.

I wish I could understand how other people can be happy. I just can't seem to manage it. I don't mean happy as in cheery all the time, I have no problems, life is just keen. I mean I lost faith in God, I no longer believe that he hates me, because I'm almost sure that God either doesn't exist or he's indifferent to us, it's the only thing that truly makes sense to me. Aside from that, I've lost all hope of ever getting married I can't have children I've been reassured that I'm too damaged to ever be able to hold down a job so I suppose nursing is out of the question.

For me these things just are. I can't even cry about them anymore. I feel nothing but apathy. I can't do drugs, I can't smoke cigarettes, I can't drink...nothing. All I have left are food and sex and thanks to the medication I've no desire for sex and since I quit smoking food just tastes too strong and it makes me sick. There is nothing left. My friends all left me, my family is forced to be responsible for me. I am some sort of pathetic adult child.