everyone around me is depressed
i cant buy them things or be there in person
but there is maybe something i can write say do or share to cheer them up? maybe?
every day i think im closer to finding something that will make my life happy and change everything around for the best
but really every night before i go to sleep its like more of a let down
an education i'll never be able to finish because my credit is ruined and i dont make enough money to pay for school and afford to live
i'm trying to make the right decisions in life
and trying to stop making so many mistakes but really its just a redundant cycle that i constantly find myself in and i only partially change things not ever long enough for anything to significantly do well.
every day im closer to wanting to kill myself
every day i think about it
and even though i see this vague light shinnign over me
i dont think i have any purpose for being alive.
i always thought i was destined for greatness but im just another failure
i dont know
something is wrong with me
my brain is not in tact
i cant have a job thats as cool as everyoen i know because i'm not good enogh?
even though im cooler more creative and better than most of them.
After asking 15 people on Aim list how they were doing, I know i'm not alone when I got a 100% response that they aren't doing well. I know i'm not alone and this is a definite case of the grass is always greener, because if I had the success, bank account, education, and discipline and focus that majority of my friends have and maintain then I wouldn't be depressed and yet theyre all lonely and miserable and have great careers while i'm jobless without a degree lost and broke and almost homeless with nothing to look forward to when i wake up nothing to share because everything i own is in storage or i've given it all away. i want to give up because i'm a complete waste of space on this planet. such a fucking pathetic loser but still for some reason every wants to be friends with me they all know i'm always an ear to listen or lend a helping hand etc
when is it going to be my turn to shine? after i'm dead?
Posted by anonymous at June 17, 2008 4:49 PMEducation? Apply for a Pell grant. Go to school part time; you may be 40 years old by the time you finish, but you're going to be 40 years old someday anyway. Why not spend the time working toward a way to improve your life.
And discipline? that comes from within. If you want something bad enough, you'll find the self-discipline to get there.
As for depression, it feeds on itself. Forget your AIM buddies who are also depressed. Concentrate on finding people to talk to who are not depressed.
Posted by: at June 18, 2008 6:25 AMYeah, since most dead people aren't very shiny anyways.
Posted by: at June 19, 2008 11:33 PMWell, they are at first...
Posted by: at June 20, 2008 12:05 AMDon't go killing yourself, hang around. Who knows, something might actually work out. Be a helluva thing to be deader than a doornail and miss out. You know, a lot of you should go visit people who are actually a lot worse off than yourselves. The terminally ill, paraplegics, people with wasting diseases, 80% burn victims, the starving, and so on. People who would trade places with you in a New York minute. Like seriously. If you're fit, whole and hale and your brain halfways works you've got fuck all to whine about. Priorities. Don't eat for a week. Take off half of your clothes. Try it. Then think.
Posted by: at June 20, 2008 12:54 AM