Anonyblog

It just hit me that I'm leaving my best friend.

Last night, after we partied in celebration of the 4th, my best friend started to cry because the guy she was so in love with, the guy who she had a 40-plus year plan with, which included marriage, and a football team of children, the guy she thought was so perfect, the guy I was so jealous of, left her. But not for another girl, oh no. If he did that, she'd chop of his balls and make him eat them, but he left her for drugs. DRUGS!!! He actually called himself a "drug lord". How sad...
This recently happened a few months ago, but what caused her to cry was that he had just contacted her, saying it wasn't ridiculous to still be friends, and he thought it should be ok to still talk. I disagree. If you love someone, you can't just "be friends". I told her "If you keep on talking to him, you'll never get over him." But she kept on saying "It's ok that the man I love, doesn't love me back, it's ok. I'm a big girl. I can deal with this" Over and over, and with each time she said it her sobs became worse and worse.
This is my best friend, broken and sad. I could could actually see her heart shattered, broken scattered all over, pieces missing because when he held her heart the fragile glass heart, he deliberately crushed it, and when he did, shards stuck into his hands. She'll never get those parts back. They'll be with him forever, because when you hurt someone else, you hurt yourself.
I will forever hate *Bryan. I can't forgive him, I won't.
I think what hurts me the most is that I love my best friend, not like normal "BFF" love, but I would spend the rest of my life with her. Which, I'm not ashamed of, but my family would disown me, and I'd break my own boyfriend's heart. I can't do that.
I love my boyfriend, but I love her so much more, and to see that someone made this strong, beautiful, caring, independant, woman crumble strikes a cold-hearted nerve, which scares even me. She's in a million pieces, and trying to herself back together is not an easy task. I would do it but she says "I can't do the vagina thing". I've been with her before. It's not how I would have wanted it, but I want to do it again, but much differently. Just us together, no one watching, because that's just scary and wrong, but I want to hold her in my arms, tell her everything will be ok, and take my time loving each and every part of her. I want to help her feel good again. To kiss her body, slow and gracefully. To tell her what she denies, that she is beautiful, and that I love her. To hold her, and make her feel safe. I want to touch her soft body, feel the warmth of her. I want to see her pleased, and happy. Truthfully happy.
And you know what sucks the most? I'm leaving in two weeks, all the way across the U.S. for my boyfriends sake. He needs "a change of scenary" and I need to get the all rolling of starting life in the real world. But as I looked down at my sad, brokenhearted, best friend, who I'm so in love with, it hit me that I wouldn't see her. I love her so much, and I'm leaving her in this state of undeniable depression. I can't do that! I have to be here for her. I have to make her feel better, to take care of her, to mend her heart back together.
It hurts that the one I love doesn't love me back the same way, but what can I do? I'm leaving...
You can't just be friends with someone you love. It's too hard on your heart. I know this, but my heart won't listen. Neither will hers.

*Names changed for privacy reasons.