I'm a white, Christian. He's brown, Hindu (or, at least, his parents are Hindu, he's "spiritual" but not really "religious"). We are very much in love and have been for many years, but his parents won't accept me. They continuously guilt-trip him and tell him "there is no future with that girl"... tell him he is horrible for ruining the family name, and that they will never ever approve of us being together. And he still plays down our relationship and hides certain things and does everything he can to make them happy and avoid upsetting them. He is so afraid of them. He says ultimately they will not decide who he marries, but it seems like he will NEVER stand up to them. He will ALWAYS try to please them. Even if he did go against their wishes and marry me, I am afraid his loyalty would be split between me and his mommy and daddy. I can't imagine how difficult it is to have an unsupportive family, because mine has been great. But at the same time, I just want him to grow up. Not cut them out of his life, but just... stop letting it control his emotions so much....
Posted by anonymous at December 18, 2008 5:36 PMWe here at the solution wonder if a life behind the front desk at the Super 8 is worth it?
The truth will set you free.
Posted by: the solution at December 18, 2008 11:46 PMto be honest, it appears that if you have talked to him about all of this and it appears that he doesn't take your concerns as seriously as those of his parents, then you already know what you have to do... maybe if you tell him that you are going to break up with him for not taking your feelings into consideration, he will realize how much this is upsetting you. there's no reason to put yourself through a life like this (in my opinion).
Posted by: hmmmm at December 19, 2008 7:53 PMYou need to take a moment and think about what your life would be like if you did get married. These issues wouldn't simply go away-- it would be a constant struggle back and forth: every time your marriage had problems they would be quick to remind him what a mistake he made marrying you; they might even go so far to suggest that the reason the two of you are having problems is because he married you. You will be stunned and hurt at how much credence he might give to this assessment. So if you're comfortable being a pacifist and letting everyone blame you for everything and you can let it roll right off you-- good luck and god bless. But if you ever plan to grow a backbone about anything, it won't be pretty and it will probably destroy you.
Ask me how I know this? I'm a white girl who married a hindu man who did stand up to his parents. and the reality i've just described to you is my own.
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Posted by: Valium at September 16, 2009 7:28 PMwhat the heck are these comments anyway. ill tell you something if they want the best for him they would let him do what makes him happy i don't know very much but if you love him tell him everything all of it and if i was you i would stand up to his parents and tell them about how much you love him and want to be with him. Don't be affraid of people they will put you down but you have to stand up again and fight the war my friend it's you and the world go for it! ill be there even if it's typing it can help
Posted by: Freedom ring at April 17, 2010 4:55 PMwhat the heck are these comments anyway. ill tell you something if they want the best for him they would let him do what makes him happy i don't know very much but if you love him tell him everything all of it and if i was you i would stand up to his parents and tell them about how much you love him and want to be with him. Don't be affraid of people they will put you down but you have to stand up again and fight the war my friend it's you and the world go for it! ill be there even if it's typing it can help
Posted by: Freedom ring at April 17, 2010 4:56 PM