June 30, 2004
Hepatitis
I have HepC. Well, hopefully I don't have it any more, I just finished treatment for it. It's kinda like chemotherapy, it's painful and it makes you really sick for several months. Anyway I'm really embarrassed about it. I don't know what to tell people, its obvious something is wrong with me but if i tell them about the hepatitis and the chemo i am afraid of what they will think. i'm going stir crazy stuck in the house but if I go out people will see something is wrong. i am turning into a hermit. And trying to get off the Vicodin is a total BITCH!
is it so wrong?
my girlfriend put up a big scene and the bar last night. so i ditched her. i couldn't put up with it any longer. she's crazy. then the cops came. damn.
June 29, 2004
My man doesn't know that I smoke weed. It's quite amusing because I'm always stoned out of my mind when he calls me. If he asks why I'm acting like a fruit loop, I just lie and say I was napping and I'm a little "out of it".
And I spend waaaaay too much time and money on eBay. It's like a severe addiction.
i am teh r0x0rz.
If no one has ever seen...
If no one's ever seen, check out this site.
Good political and news commentary.
Meat
I gave up being a vegetarian yesterday. I saw a kid eating a corn dog at the mall and something inside me just snapped.
Next thing I knew, the dismembered legs of several chickens were in my shopping basket. Innocent poultry that had never lifted a feather in anger against anyone.
I cooked it and I ate it.
It tasted like....freedom.
Shameless plug
The Edge City Chronicle: Where Dick Cheney and Michael Moore Come Together and Snuggle.
Is something wrong with me if....
I get off on pleasuring myself to full-color photos of nachos?
The more jalepenos, the hotter I get.
Dustin's Greenhouse
I posted this on my own personal blog, but since I just discovered this anonymous blog, I thought I'd post here too.
Since I don't live far from where I work (NC State), I usually ride my bike to work. This gives me an opportunity to get some exercise each morning, and it also allows me to relieve work stress at the end of each day.
For the past two years, usually in the Spring, I've seen a handmade sign on Avent Ferry near the Burger King. The sign was a memorial for a young man named Dustin, who I always guessed was killed in a car accident nearby. The sign had a url at the bottom of it, but until today, I've never been able to remember the url by the time I got in to work. And I'm not even sure why I thought of it today, because the sign is not out there right now. But I did remember it, and so let me pass it along:
http://www.dustinsgreenhouse.org/
When you get to the web site, it becomes immediately apparent that Dustin Green was loved by his family and friends and that he was a positive influence on everyone he met. He died in a car accident in April of 2002, not far from where he lived as a Freshmen at NC State.
But here's the interesting thing. Dustin's death, though tragic, is not the focus of the website. Instead, the website focuses on Dustin's life, and on the affect he had on others. His parents are now taking what they learned from Dustin's life to help improve the lives of others. They've created a Scholarship called Dustin's Greenhouse Fund. As the fund has grown, they've been able to use this fund to make positive contributions to the community, from awarding travel and college scholarship to students to giving money to a Georgia family that lost everything when their apartment caught fire.
After poking around the website for awhile, I realized that the idea of celebrating the life rather than the death of a loved one makes a lot of sense. So I made a $25 donation.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, I guess I hope that those who read my blog will be similarly touched by Dustin's story, and will visit his website. And by doing this, Dustin's legacy will continue to live and grow.
Holy hell, would you people please grow the fuck up? What a bunch of fuckin' whiner pussies. "Boo hooo... I was 18 when I married.... boo hoo life sucks.... boo hoo, I took a job and now I hate it and am too big a pussy to go find another one."
How fucking pathetic. Here's a fucking newsflash: Maybe if you tried to make a difference in your REAL life instead of fucking whining about it on the FUCKING INTERNET your life would change. You think????
Thanks. This is my first time inside Movable Type, and using it is better than looking at screen captures.
Oh yeah...I have always wanted to have my karyotype done to find out if I have an extra X or Y chromosome. I suspect I could be XXY.
Until then, I think I'll always wonder about who I am genetically and gender-wise.
Also, I feel like I have more testosterone than the average woman and would like to get that tested someday. Maybe when I have health insurance.
Another thing that I don't want to say on my blog but that I feel all the time is that I never want to meet in person with anyone who reads it or comments there. I would not be offended if they feel the same way.
I don't know if choosing not to allow comments for this entry is considered messing up "the MT configuration or profile, " but I did it anyway. Sorry if it is.
on growing up
it's been said that drugs are bad. but it's also been said that drugs are good, like for dealing with depression.
now what?
June 28, 2004
Zambia Bookmobile Laconic Almaden Chinese
Avoidance breakdown Kimberly Zeiss vineyard teenage crimson ski deceit fragmentary compressible postmortem snapshot fetal salesperson minima. Gage epidermic covert pimple granddaughter holly depository stillwater magnanimity osprey Winslow hosiery hydroxide Ndjamena gules transgressor.
How things could play out
This is a poem I wrote some time ago; it was first posted on the internet on 9/10/2001BEHOLD!
In my left hand I hold thunder,
and ashes, and the slag of dead cities.
In my right I hold lightning and fire, and touch the sun to the earth as one lights a candle
Settle your spine and stiffen your heart and attend to the tale I tell.
Between the great nations
a mercantile peace obtained
and the people, having much
feared losing all.
And the day came
when War and rumours of War
spread from tongue to tongue
like a spark in dry grass.
And every man took up the cudgel
for fear his neighbour's neighbour
had already done the same,
spreading havoc like billowing smoke.
And it came to pass
that in a season of plenty
the harvest was blood and fire
and hunger stalked the cities of men.
And the shame of warring nations
was outraged by their best and brightest;
for they had opened up the book of life
and written in their words of strife.
And a new plague was loosed
to bind the legs and seize the heart
and not one in ten who saw these signs
lived to die of other cause.
And leaders and healers
everywhere were sought
to answer for the crimes of their fraternity
example answering for justice.
And every branch of the human tree
was stripped of civil thoughts
by the winds of madness; hunger,
rage and fear were in command.
though the fever broke slow
unwilling for it's victims to go
anywhere but the end of suffering.
And amongst the fallen towers,
By the shore of a plastic covered mountain
a new Pericles gave a new speech,
and a new Athens rose towards glory.
Happiness
NEWS FLASH: the point of life is to be happy. There is nothing else you can do that would be time better spent then persuing your own happiness. I'm not talking about that sugary high you get from buying a new Playstation either. I'm talking real, contented, lasting happiness. I know how you can be happy like that too. I'm going to teach you right now. It's simple... be good to others. One more time... be good to others. Only ever do the right thing. Always try to help other where possible. This includes yourself. If you make a mistake then take immediate steps to rectify it. I shit you not- you do this and I'll guarantee you'll have a happy life. Good luck!
June 26, 2004
I want to leave my wife
I was young and naive when I met my wife. I was 18 and did not understand dating. I did not understand that dating many people is a good thing, that it allows you to understand your likes and dislikes in the opposite (or same, if you're into that thing) gender. When we were dating, and we would fight, she would accuse me that I was with her because I was afraid of not finding someone else. She was right. Partially.
I grew up in a religious house, which preached no sex before marriage. We had sex, and the way I reconciled it in my head was to think we would get married. Five years after we first had sex, we were married.
We have a lot of differences that have always caused a lot of strain in our relationship. However, it has only been recently that I have realized that these differences are much more of a problem to me that I first realized. These differences are things that strike me every day, and these differences have been present throughout our relationship.
I feel like I am two different people, one when I am around her, and one when I am not. I like the latter me much more than the former. I am much more easy going, and usually can think more clearly. I am not cheating on her, nor have I ever.If I were not married to her right now, I would break up with her in a second.
Right now, the timing is terrible for this, as she is between jobs, and the leaving of her former job was difficult for her. I don't want to leave her high and dry, but I fear that if I don't leave her soon, I will never do it, and I would be miserable for the rest of my life. If this occurs, I don't think she'll be as happy as she would be with someone else.
-
Lonely in wedlock
What the fuck is wrong with people?
I mean just look at this place. We post here because we are afraid that someone on our own blogs will get all hog wild if we post what we want to say.
Why are people so damn sensitive about what's written down. I mean we do have a right to express our opinions right? Of course not! No you have to conform and make sure you don't offend anyone and if you do you are a jerk or a asshole.
GET OVER YOURSELVES PEOPLE! I'M NOT HERE TO MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELVES. IF YOU ARE OFFENDED STOP READING OR JUST SUCK IT UP.
June 21, 2004
I feel so incredibly detatched from the rest of the world. Everybody has their own rhythm, they know who they are, they know who they belong to. They don't have trouble clicking with people. They have that one person that they can always call up and talk to, and not feel unreasonably uncomfortable with.
And then there's me. I can't get over the feeling that there's something wrong with me, and that people think there's something wrong with me. I can't get over feeling that ever single person is judging me in the back of their minds, that they can see right through me. And I can't get close to someone without pushing them away, because I'm convinced they secretly hate me.
What the fuck is my problem?
June 19, 2004
The Real Reasons I Won't Be Attending My 1st High School Reunion
This fall is my first high school reunion. I'm afraid I'm going to have to skip it this time around. In fact, knowing me, I'm probably going to skip all of them.
I used to be pretty once. People told me that back then, but I didn't believe them. I didn't realize how pretty I really was until I gained 50 pounds. I lost some of it, but I won't be able to lose enough before the reunion.
Most of my classmates' parents were rich and therefore went to college. Being from a poor family, that wasn't an option for me. I'm proud that I've managed to get myself through 2 years of college, but I still have another 2 years to go.
I'm unemployed. None of my previous jobs were that impressive either.
I didn't have many friends then, so there won't be many people to look forward to seeing again if I went to the reunion. I know I'll just end up sitting in the sidelines again, just like I did in high school.
I'm afraid the girls I hated back then will look prettier than me. In fact, they probably do, unless they've gotten fat too.
My husband refuses to attend high school reunions. I'm afraid if I go without him, no one will believe me when I tell them I'm married.
I'm so scared of failure and rejection that I ended up not doing much with my life at all. I'd have nothing to talk about.
I never realized I would become such a loser.
Class of 1994, have a nice reunion...without me.
June 18, 2004
ARRRGH!
MEMORANDUM
To: The Half-Donut Eater
In regards to my prior memo, and for the same reasons, there is no reason to remove a Krispy-Kreme brand donut from the box, cut it in half, and restore the other half to the box.
Unless you applied latex gloves before doing so, and have notified the rest of the office that you did so, no one will be eating the other half of the aforementioned donut, and it may be discarded. Placing the knife that you used to cut the donut adjacent to the remaining portion of the donut in the box does not help. You may not be aware that you have also rendered the remaining donuts in the box less appetizing as well.
Please find a Krispy Kreme Brand Donut Buddy at once. We hope that more drastic measures are not necessary, and thank you for your attention.
June 10, 2004
New thoughts.
I think I use people up.
I talk to them, they talk to me. Everything is interesting.
Then it fizzles. And it's over.
And I'm alone again.
It can't be their fault. There's too many of them.
June 9, 2004
I have an over whelming desire to push my mom under a fast moving train. If I was sure that no-one could see me, I would do it.
In a flash.
I hate her. I hate everything about her. I hate the way she makes me feel about myself. I hate her.
June 7, 2004
In My Office
MEMORANDUM:
To the Artificial Sweetener Half-Packet User:
Nobody is using the other half of your artificial sweetener packet! Stop leaving it in the kitchen! Throw it out for the love of God! There is an enormous box full of them under the counter! What are you thinking? Do you wash your hands in the bathroom? Maybe you should put your name on it so we at least have full disclosure. Or get an Artificial Sweetener Packet Buddy who will volunteer to use the other half.
Please do not hesitate to contact me with your pointless questions, and thank you for your attention.