Anonyblog

New Sex Moves!! *REVISED*!!!

Indy -Licensed Scatologist

There is a new sex move that is sweeping the nation! This sex-move (pronounced
as one word) must be performed in a cold climate in the dead-of-winter (pronounced
as one word), with lots of snow-ice (pronounced as one word) on the ground.
Two lovers each release a giant feces-turd (pronounced as one word), and then
mash and shape the feces-turd (pronounced as one word) into a giant sled, sort
of like a cow-patti (pronounced as one word) in that it is flat, but large enough
to sit upon. Then, this turd-sled (pronounced as one word) is allowed to freeze
and harden. Then each lover sits on his or her turd-sled (pronounced as one
word), the man-lover (pronounced as one word) having a raging-erection (pronounced
as one word). Then the girl-lover (pronounced as one word) sits on her turd-sled
(pronounced as one word) and then starts to slide down a mountain-hill (pronounced
as one word) of snow-ice (pronounced as one word). The man-lover (pronounced
as one word) waits three seconds, and then does the same, chasing after her.
The goal of the man-lover (pronounced as one word) is to insert his penis-cock
(pronounced as one word) into the girl-lover's (pronounced as one word) vagina-vulva
(pronounced as one word) and have sex with her. Her goal is to avoid him.
If the two reach the bottom of the mountain-hill (pronounced as one word) without
sex, then the man must eat the girl-lover's (pronounced as one word) turd-sled
(pronounced as one word). This new sex-move (pronounced as one word) is called
THE COLD SHOULDER.

There is a new sex move that is sweeping the nation! Two lovers lie in the
classic 69 position, side by side, with each one having his/her face right up
against the ano-genital (pronounced as one word) region of the other. Then,
while performing fellatio (pronounced as one word), she engorges herself on
pasta, meat, and other filling, solid foods. After a while, she begins to release
feces-turds (pronounced as one word) from her poopy-hole (pronounced as one
word). The man's face being in her ano-genital (pronounced as one word) region,
the girl-feces-turd (pronounced as one word) forces itself into his mouth-hole
(pronounced as one word). The man-lover (pronounced as one word) then eats
the feces-turd (pronounced as one word). As he digests it, he then releases
a man-feces-turd (pronounced as one word) into the girl-lover's (pronounced
as one word) mouth-hole (pronounced as one word), and she eats it and digests
it, and releases it again. This continues in an endless-cycle (pronounced as
one word), until one of them decides to break it. This new sex-move (pronounced
as one word) is called THE SNAKE.

There is a new sex move that is sweeping the nation! This move works best when
performed by the man-lover (pronounced as one word) without the girl-lover (pronounced
as one word) knowing it is to be performed. She is performing fellatio on you,
guys, and beforehand, you have eaten lots of Mexican-food (pronounced as one
word). Right when you are about to have your orgasm-climax (pronounced as one
word), you turn around with your anus-hole (pronounced as one word) in her face,
and you masturbate yourself to orgasm while releasing manfarts (pronounced as
one word) and manturds (pronounced as one word) in her girl-face-eyes (pronounced
as one word), and all the while you are saying, in a sailor's accent, "Ak
ak ak Oliveg, me poops in yer eye!" This new sex-move (pronounced as one
word) is called THE POPEYE POOPEYE.

There is a new sex move that is sweeping the nation! Two lovers are spaced
roughly ten-feet (pronounced as one word) apart, each one assuming the doggy-style
(pronounced as one word) position. The girl, having engorged herself with Mexican-food
(pronounced as one word), then violently shoots out a projectile feces-turd
(pronounced as one word) that flies through the air ten-feet (pronounced as
one word) in a giant arc. The girl-feces-turd (pronounced as one word), with
the help of some great aim by the girl-lover (pronounced as one word), and some
great catching ability by the man-lover (pronounced as one word), then lands
in the man-lover's (pronounced as one word) dilated-open (pronounced as one
word) man-pooy-hole (pronounced as one word). He catches it with his open manturdpoopyhole
(pronounced as one word), then shoots it back at her. She then catches it with
her girlturdpoopyhole (pronounced as one word), shoots it back, he catches it,
etc. All the while they are masturbating themselves to orgasm-climax (pronounced
as one word). They do this until they cum, and then whoever has the feces-turd
(pronounced as one word) in his or her poopy-hole (pronounced as one word),
is "it," and has to eat it. This new sex-move (pronounced as one
word) is fittingly called THE SHOOTING SPREE.

There is a new sex move that is sweeping the nation! Two lovers and fifteen
militaristic gay men are confined nude inside of a caged wrestling-arena (pronounced
as one word). The straight-man-lover (pronounced as one word) and all of the
militaristic gay men have raging erections. The straight-man-lover (pronounced
as one word) must run around, trying to insert his cock-penis (pronounced as
one word) into the girlanus (pronounce as one word) of the girl-lover (pronounced
as one word). All the while, the militaristic gay men run around trying to
insert their gaypenii (pronounced as one word) into the mananus (pronounced
as one word) of the straight-man-lover (pronounced as one word). All the while,
the girl-lover (pronounced as one word) has a 15-foot-long (pronounced as one
word), barbed-wire (pronounced as one word) dildo, which she must try to insert
into the manturdpoopyholes (pronounced as one word) of the militaristic gay
men. Hilarity ensues until someone gets hurt. This new sex-move (pronounced
as one word) is called THE PEACOCK'S CHARADE.

Indy - Licensed Scatologist

Wartime Service

Sadness

You are my best friend, I thank God that you came into my life every day. I never want to take this friendship for granted. You are like the sister I never had. I am sorry about the sickness that is draining your baby girl of her vitality. I am sorry that you are missing so much work that you can't pay your bills. It must suck to rely on the generosity of others and not have the control over your life like you used to. It must be painful to look at your daughter and know that very soon she will lose her beautiful hair from the chemo. I know that you want to devote time to her and hold her and sing to her and feed her so gently but her twin also needs your attention. I tried to help you as much as I could. I wanted to watch her twin brother so you could devote time to your daughter. Maybe I said something that hurt you without thinking? Maybe it hurts you to see my girl so healthy while your daughter is weak and ill? I don't know. I do know that our relationship has changed. I know that right now your days are strained and your are gripping just to maintain your sanity. Please let me help you. I miss you. I don't know why you are not calling me back. I guess you know how much I care and I will let you call me when you are ready. I hope that my husband or I didn't do anything to threaten our relationship. All that I can do is pray and give you your space.

Love,
J

I do my sister in law, and she does me!

I've been married to a wonderful woman for 18 years. A few years ago, I was visiting friends and family back home, without my wife. My wife's sister, my mother-in-law and I were playing pool and drinking in a bar one night. Everytime my mother-in-law went to the restroom, my sister-in-law would feel me up or flaunt her beautiful behind intentionally whenever she took a shot. I would return the favor with the fat end of the pool stick, eventually using my hands. One thing led to another. When we left for the night, I dropped off my mother-in-law at her house, and then drove my sister-in-law to her home, where I ended up crashing on the couch.

Her husband went to work the next morning, leaving us two alone. We went crazy in every room of her house! I counted 8 times from the time he left, until around lunch, when we not only had some food, but a little of each other, as well. We've been getting together every time I visit, for about 5 years now, either at a local lake, a car wash, or in her back yard. Anywhere we can... we do! It's great!

We have the same understanding that this is NOT love, and no one can ever find out. I'm going back home tomorrow, by myself, and guess what? I'll be seeing my gorgeous little redheaded sister-in-law again! Boy, life is grand!

One other thing, if my wife is getting some on the side, more power to her. I feel that variety is the spice of life, and it fuels the fire I have for my wife. If I learn something different from her sister, I'll try it on my wife! If my wife learns something from another man, hopefully she'll try it with me! It can't be bad!

I just got back from my trip back home. My sister in law brought me to the local mall in her conversion van. Before we went in, we had previously talked about the inevitable, but she said she just started her cycle, and things were kind of 'messy'. I told her "that sucks", and she follwed up with, "That's exactley what I'm gonna do to you". We went to the back part of the van, where she treated me VERY GOOD! No mess to clean up! I just wish I could've returned the favor before I left. Oh, well... now I have even MORE of a reason to go see her! Or, maybe she'll come up and visit us!

Mr. Smart Guy Says...

I like my new title. It has a ring...Mr. Smart Guy! Thank you bloggers! So where shall I begin? How about the dismal state of affairs we are currently engaged in as a country because we have decided to hear a little of what the left actually says? Shall we take as an example the lefts pathetic attempt at trying to show how much time congress has apparently wasted on debating the flag amendment? Nope, they cannot nor cite a single liberal standing on the firing line during the greatest of wars, the Civil War. Not south or north, there are none. History repeats itself. You have always waved the flag yet cowerd in front of its blood stained glory.
Yes, it is right to be gay, abortion is good, BUT, to stand up against anything we (liberals) disagree with is wrong. Such incredible humor they must have. Think Kennedy, think Chappaquiddick, think rape, think Clinton, think “ I did not have an inappropriate relationship with that woman”. Think again!

Where do you worship your god?

So where do you worship?

At an Indian burial ground? Why certainly. Native Americans are among the most spiritual people on the planet. They greatly honor their ancestors, and their burial grounds are considered sacred. The spiritual energy at one of these places is enough to take you halfway to the Creator without even trying.

At an animal slaughterhouse? Why not? We should honor the life force of the animals who die so that we may eat, and thank the Creator for providing them for us.

In a public toilet? You betcha! There's nothing better than the relief of a great big dump! Definitely, thank your Creator for a body that works the way it's supposed to.

AHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok . . . .
This is what I have to say . . .
First of all, No god didnt create me my mom and dad created me by having sex alright.
Second, God dont tell me what to do. HE DONT TALK. He gives us suggestions through "his word"
I can say what I want and I CAN do what I want with my life
I dont give a damn about god cuz he dont give a damn about us. NONE OF US
SAY WHAT YOU WANT !!!!!! But he dont
I just wanna ask you a question
Will god judge me for loving who i want or judge you for hating ????

FUCK OFF

capitalization

sometimes i see posts with all perfect grammar except when it comes to capitalization. i wonder why the authors do this. i think it has something to do with how perfect grammar is kind of like a nametag.

i'm sure it's something other than the fact that typing without capital letters is considered cool by some. that's the most stupid thing i've heard. it must have something to do with furthing hiding identity.

Yes, I Know! However.......

While they did remove homosexuallality from the list of "mental illnesses" they did not rule out that the condition itself was of a mental nature, just not an illness. One has to wonder what deranged joy these people get from doing these vial and disgusting things. It quite frankly is not natural. Society is headed down a very ugly road as the far left wants us to endorse this lifestyle. One only has to look at other types of animal behavior to see if this behavior exists anywhere else, which it obviously does not! A society that practiced only same sex on same sex could not procreate and would therefore die. I say take all of the sick buggers, give them California, and let time take its toll.
Then as a nation we proclaim that the gay lifestyle is illegal and stop trying to get the rest of the country to endorse it. Now before anyone leaves comment; please be reasonable. Please leave comments that are based on logic and fact. This means I would prefer not to hear from make believe bears, monkeys, or screaming illiterate gay people who cannot comment truthfully or want to kill them selves because of their own personal choices. I would welcome comments from those who could make their point as to why this behavior should be endorsed. In other words why is it natural to strap on plastic item that takes the place of a penis or the desire to insert ones penis onto a anus!

coming across people--rainy afternoon

When I was walking home today I came across a manner of people I never expected.

The first person was a chap I knew from middle school. I waved to him, but he didn't seem to recognize me. I haven't changed that much. I don't think I have. I look like the same person.

The next person I ran into was a tall man with a red spotty face and a suit and a tie. It had started to rain, and I wondered why this gentleman was walking in this professional garb in the rain. I suppose he did not bother to change into casual clothing when he got home. I pretended not to see him. His face did not strike me as pleasant and I did not want to go through the trouble of acknowledging it. It was very easy to play the part of the oblivious. I had my headphones on.

Next I saw a tired-looking woman with her cat trailing behind her. You don't usually see people walking their cats. Being a cat, this creature had no need for a leash. Sometimes the cat would stop, look around, and sniff things; when this happened, the woman would stand nervously and eventually call her cat, whose name was Scrambled Eggs. I do not know why anyone would name their cat that, but I suppose it doesn't matter.

Then there was a gentleman in a top hat who wished me a good morning, even though it was afternoon. I wish I came across more of those--top hats and good mornings are very pleasant things.

Then there was one of those idiots in a sweatsuit with a headband, and with a walkman, like mine, listening to loud music and running. The music was so loud I heard it as she ran past. It was that song, "I Will Survive." I am fond of that song.

Then it started to really rain. I could have called my mom and asked her to pick me up, but I knew I would be soaked by the time she got there anyway, so I continued in the rain. I looked up to the sky, blinking. The sun had gone. There were no rainbows.

I started thinking of that song that stupid frog sings about rainbows and I couldn't get it out of my head even though I don't know the words. I wanted to sing it, but not knowing the words, I couldn't, so I hummed it. The rain came down more and more heavily, and I could barely see what was in front of me. I couldn't even see enough to get my phone out of my bag. I was somewhat vexed, because I knew my notebooks were getting a good soaking and some of the ink wasn't waterproof.

I continued humming, and then I felt myself walking into someone. I drew back. "I'm sorry," I said.

There wasn't a response. I reached forward, to see if someone was actually there, and someone was. I could feel the person's shoulders; and the person's face. Suddenly the person's hands were on my face. This was kind of scary, and I pulled back. But the person only pulled me forward, until I was close enough to see the outline of his face.

Then I stood back, abashed. "What are you doing here?" I mumbled.

"Walking," you muttered back. "Or I was trying to."

"Why here?"

"It's a nice neighborhood."

"But there are thousands of nice neighborhoods," I said. "Why this one?"

"Where are you going," he asked me.

"Home," I said.

"I'll go with you."

Just So You Know...

The American Psychiatric Association, responsible for a definitive listing of mental health classifications, declassified homosexuality as a mental disorder in 1973.

MAGOGO TO BE HUNTED DOWN ...

I, Robert Gabriel Mugabe, his Excellency, the President of Zimbabwe, will personally be shutting down SAGTRA and overseeing the arrest of its CEO, Magogo of Macarena infamy TOMORROW. He insulted my mustache (and besides, I don't like monkeys or white people) ... Kody Bear, your passport will be seized the next time you and your followers dare to set foot in my cuntry ... I am also holding Indy hostage until he feeds me the girl-turd-crap-pie (pronounced as one word) which he promised me last year.

- Bob

***BREAKING NEWS FLASH***

MAGOGO THE SINGING DANCING MACARENA MONKEY TO RESIGN AS CEO OF SAGTRA

The SAGTRA CORPORATION,short for South African Girlturd Ranch,was originally set up in 2003 on Bitch About Stuff as a foil for posts created by the Indy conglomerate. The company imported aids infected prostitutes from Harare,Zimbabwe and cultured their excrement to be shipped out to clients all over the world. The now failing corporation has Warehouses that are overflowing with product and sources close to the Monkey say that not one single order has ever been received. In a rare first tme ever interview Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey explains the situation.

Mr Magogo,How did you become CEO of SAGTRA?

Well,you know,when Indy was makin dem posts about abductun me and takin my ass to Africa de KodyBear he figure I needs sumfin to do whilst I was dere so he done set up SAGTRA as a subsidiary of de KodyBear Enterprises and puts me in charge. I's de boss of de whole shithouse!

Mr. Magogo,what have been your responsibilities as CEO over the last three years?

None dat I know of. De KodyBear he never say what to do. He just say put de shit in de box and not to eat any of it cause I mights get sick.

So what then have you been doing for the last three years?

Well,you know, I hunts and I fishes and once in a while I gets me a shot of Baboon pussy when I can.

Do you want to resign as CEO?

Hell no! Man I gots it made here! De KodyBear,His Excellency dis and His Eminence dat,dat some booshit man. He de one shuttin down de whole muthafuckin shit house so's he can pay for de KodyBear movie. Now I'm gwine to have to leave outta here. You see he tryin to bring de Magogo down wit dat sit. Time be commin my man when de Magogo say throw dat sit in your garbage. Simple. Free your mind, your ass will follow.

Mr. Magogo,in the last three years,under your management, SAGTRA has not shipped even one single box of girlturds. How do you account for the money invested by KodyBear Enterprises?

We never really did expect to sell de turds.I spends de money on luxury safaris an fishin trips on de Zambezi. All de girls has already passed away anyhow. Dey no future for me here. Without no Indy de no reason for de ranch anymo. I guess dat crazy mudda fucker gwine to drag my po ass back to Low Life Films and maybe even to Kentucky. I don't no. But I does know dis. You bess get yo ass away from roun here now befo I takes you to de warehouse and feeds you somfin yo never forgit.

Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey will travel overland to Joburg and fly to JFK with a refuel stop in the Canary Islands. He is expected at Low Life Films Thursday Morning.

Half an hour!

Half an hour!

Another day.
Another early morning.
Another day of riding in the bus,
Smelling other people's fears.
Another day at work,
The drudgery of facing petty tyrants.
Another day starting with willing yourself out of the sweet warmth of your bed,
Into yet another cold reality.
Another 9 minutes of peace please...

I ride the snooze button.

And catch glimpses of what lies behind mine eyes.
Another 9 minutes of rapid dreaming,
Seeing the day that is yet to be...

I ride the snooze button.

Another 9 minutes of moaning and groaning,
Stretching and flexing the sleepiness away...drifting into, coming out of...

I ride the snooze button.

Another 9 minutes of peace early in the morning for the noisy neigbours downstairs...

I ride the snooze button.

April 2000

I pursued you, holding your hand.
This made me happy. Did it make you happy?

Everything hinges on whether you are pleased.

Will you accept me? Will you accept my hand?

My torn and ravaged hand?

What about the other? It isn't any better, but you may have both. They are all I have to give.

I lied when I said I wanted you gone.
All I wanted was the part of you that shuns me to be gone.

The rest should have stayed here.

And it should come back now.

Sorry for the ambiguity.

<3 Me

Reset

The username/password has been reset.

Don't be stupid.

Don't change the password please.

OMFG

Ok . . . .
I posted something about my family hating me cuz I was gay and I got some great feed-back from wounderful people. EXCEPT there had to be some bitch that said this

"I am truly very sorry. Yes, you will count me among the "narrow minded", it's part of the disease. Bottom line you have aknowledged that you have a serious mental illness. Being attracted to th opposite sex is a sickness. No it is not "normal", although your other ill friends want yoyu to think that. Please seek the treatment of a qualified therapist now and soon you will recognize your illness for what it truly is, an illness. Please don't go off on me! You see at one time I was also ill. Now, after successful treatment I have been married to a wonderfull man for 24 years and I am the mother of 3 incredible children. Today, it seems society wants to accept this sickeness but I beg of you not to. Should you choose the road of the blind you will lay on your death bed and pray for forgiveness.I cannot imagine the hell one would feel, perhaps I could."

I mean....WTF.....I am having suicidal thoughts and some f*ckin b*itch tell me bein gay is an illnes.....NO IT IS NOT !!! and I want to tell you the same thing i told my family. F*ck off. It's my God D*amn life and I'll do what the F*ck I want. If you thought that it was an illness you should have just not commented on it. Last time I checked you were suppose to try and help someone that wants to kill there self and YES you are f*ckin narrow minded because if you cant even try to accept the views of someone else you will never survive in this world. All i have to say is that really p*ssed me off and that was rude so therefore I am rude back but only to that one person. Thank you very much to the other people that said wounderful thing.

I want this person to know something. I'M GAY alright. I DONT LIKE MEN. I DON'T WANT CHILDREN, and I want people like the to LEAVE ME THE F*UCK ALONE !!!!!

Life Sucks Big Time

I don't know what it is anymore. One minute I will be happy and having an alright day and like five minutes l feel like the lowest person on the earth. I get upset over little things that totally fuckup my day. I am tired of this fucking life and everyone in it. My mother hates me. MY OWN F*CKIN MOTHER. and no I am not jokin I'm serious I told my mom I was gay because she asked me and she plain out told me that she hates me and after this year of high school, which is my last, she dont want to see my face again. That really hurts when your own mother looks you square in the eye and tells you that she dont want anything to do with you because your gay. She dont have to agree with my life and she dont even have to accept it. I just want her to be my mother. Is that so much to ask for? The pain of knowing that your mom hates you hurts depper and worse than ANYTHING and its not just my mom. No one in my family talks to me anymore than they have to because they all now know that I am gay. My dad died when I was a freshman in high school and he is rolling in his grave right now because I was daddies little girl and if I would have told my dad before he died that I was gay he would not have acted like the rest of my family and he would never let them treat me this way. I wish I would f*ckin die already I have been through enough hell in my life and I don't think I can take it anymore. I honestly have got to the point where I say F*CK it. I dont care anymore and neither does anyone else. I know I have some kick as* friends that care and are the freaking bomb, but for some reason that isn't enough even though I wish it was cuz if my friends are the only ones that should care I would be set for life, but NOOO. I have to have a narrow-minded family that has their heads shoved to far up their as*es to give a f*ck about anyone else. Ok you can go back to your lifes now I just had a bady day and needed so bad to get all that off my chest

New Entry

My friend has a suicidal girlfriend and it brings him down and it brings me down.

Before he wanted to be done with her, she would break up with him, say mean things, and hurt him, and always seem to be on the verge of death.

And now she's very far away, and he wants to be done with her but now SHE doesn't.

So what is he to do?

And what am I to do?

This kid tells me stuff he says he doesn't tell most people--he doesn't trust most anyone. The sad thing is that I've only seen him in person twice, and have only spoken to him over the phone twice--everything else is AIM.

AIMless.

I want to help him but I don't really know how.

I touched a horse's asshole today

And I was turned on by it. I think horses have beautiful butts.
Am I a freak?

Lotta Lotta Magogos

Today I had a most stressful experience. I walked over to my East coast McDonald's from an East coast electronics store. It is a small McDonald's and undoubtedly the worst one in the world. There were many hominids,all in a great state of confusion. The smaller ones were running and screaming,the larger ones arguing. There was also great confusion among the staff which was comprised mostly of Magogos. This multitude of babbling,disoriented Magogos were being supervised by only two Kodybears. As I stood waiting for my simple order,comprised of only a number and drink designation I felt that I was going to go postal. Indeed by the time I actually recieved the meal I had lost my appetite. Suddenly one of the Magogos exclaimed,"We outta cheese!" The phrase rippled through the enraged crowd in various forms. A KodyBear approached the offending Magogo and slapped him violently. Next a woman form New Jersey,you could tell she was from New Jersey by her nose,hair,annoying voice and the way she yelled and cursed at her husband and kids,began yelling at one of the female Magogos. "You stupid bitch",she said,"You fucked up my order three times". Now I'm really stressed. Screaming kids,old people complaining,humanity in it's most miserable state closing in on me. The Magogos started slinging feces and jumping up and down. The KodyBears had lost all control fo the situation. I've only ever been in one similar situation and that was in another McDonald's where the staff was all Russian kids supervised by a couple of Magogos. After today I will never ever set foot in a McDonald's again.

this is the equivalent of ...

... the public bathroom walls.

Hey!

Shnoop!

mb

someone deleted my entry and then ranted on about crap posts.
WHO THE FUCK DECIDES WHAT SHOULD STAY OR GO?
sure, my post was a bit rude, but no more than that fucking arselicking kocksucking kody or his altered ego, indy.

fucking americans, you have no sense of right or wrong, just whats right for you.

wankers

mb

Excuse me....have we met before?

Oh I‘ve worn many faces. None of them are true.
I’ve lived in so many places,
One or two of them have been with you.
In different eras, eons or circumstances,
More than that you don’t need a cue.
The echoes of those lives are traces,
Memories… one of which is a clue;
That our eyes are ancient orbs in holding cases,
Testifying having seen as Peregrines flew.
Yet here we are with different faces,
Way-hey imagine that; ... I know you.
Jan.’96.

The art of Growing up

You my friend are a pain seed, germinating;
I see it and it disturbs me.
And you my friend are a pleasure flower, blooming;
I see you and it pleases me.
I came here tonight to sing poetry,
The wisdom of my years to share,
And yet I have gathered an audience,
My soul to bare.
I feel old and jaded, sorrow in my eyes.
My good colours are all faded, bearing testimony to my lies.
What happened is a long story, a lifetime of mistakes.
My forehead cracked with lines of worry… high stakes!
But there once was laughter,
Joy and tears unbound.
The patterns I wove moved faster,
And contentment I’d found.
August ’93.

You Goddamn Idiots

About 90% of the posts on this site are pure crap. You fuckin morons! If you clowns dont have anything intelligent to post, then dont write anything at all. Theres enough goddamn stupidity in this fuckin world. Dont add to it.

Healing from Love

Now that's a paradoxal title. Love is actually what heals. I'm just wondering how long it takes to heal from a love story gone awry, even though not having been 100% involved nor committed to it. How strange. I cast it away, it didn't work, it was not what I was looking for, we didn't truly match. Yet I'm finding it very difficult not to think about that person. About that failure. That idea probably has a lot to do with it. There's no real straight answer. We tried and we tried, we could never find the truly staisfying formula; and still we keep lurking at each other, but pretend we're not interested. Ha ha; you've gotta laugh. Maybe here's the healer.

***BREAKING NEWS***KODYBEAR INTERVIEW***

His Esteemed,Excellency Eminence Kody Bear has sobered up and decided to drop five of his titles. No point in getting carried away.

His Esteemed,Excellency Eminence will now speak on waste of public funds.

Waste of Public Funds

Recently I had an opportunity to serve with my local fire department. A little gift from the state you might say. I noticed some disturbing things. They have a large and luxurious facility with multiple rooms. Every room has a nice TV and home theater system. These TVs stay on all the time even if no one is there. I don't no of anyone who can afford to waste power like that. The building is very cool all the time. Often the ac was running with the windows open. What normal American does this? Now enter the gym.State of the art.
2500 dollar treadmills,six of them neatly lined up. Look like they've never been used. Guess what. Most of the firemen there are pretty much out of shape and overweight. Like cops only somehow different. They stand around and smoke a lot of cigarettes and throw the butts on the ground. Oh, and guess what happens at lunch. They pile into the big ass fire truck which probably gets about 4 miles to the gallon and take it to lunch. How does this make any sense? The building is also outfitted with the most expensive Davis Instruments Weather station. Why is this needed in addition to the four satellite TV systems? It's even worse on the Ocean Rescue side of the complex. Thousands of dollars spent on T shirts,coolers and sunblock for the summer life guards. Shouldn't a lifeguard come to the gig with all that shit? The boats,jet skis,trucks it just goes on and on. Public officials on all levels waste our tax dollars without thought or efficiency. It must be frightening on a federal level. What can be done about it? Nothing I suspect. I offer no solution.

"Once again,thank you your Esteemed,Excellency,Eminence,Doctor Kody R Bear. Have you had any luck in your search for Indy?"

"Well Indy is quite elusive. It is my feeling that the Indy entity that recently presented himself here was an impostor. His style was right on the money and quite funny, however the real Indy would not be so easily discouraged."

"But you didn't answer the.......

"Silence! You will address me by my title!"

"Yes your Esteemed Excellency Eminence. I'm sorry please don't eat me"

"I don't eat people. I sodomize them. Now let me respond. I have an extensive network of Magogos searching the web for Indy. They are using google alerts for his common phrases and searching every blog site they can find. The monkeys are being supervised by none other than my best monkey Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey.

"Excuse me......

"What did I fucking tell You?"

"Your Eminence Excuse me but didn't you recently have dinner with Indy?"

"Are you stupid or something? I just made that up to annoy the mb entity. How did this turn into an interview anyway. My time is quite valuable"

"Your Esteemed Eminence just a few more questions please. It is not often one has the honor to be in your presence."

"Very well. Go ahead."

"Your Excellency will you be going to Kentucky with the Low Life Films producers over the July 4th holiday?"

"Yes. We will be searching for the goddamn goddamn."

"Your Eminence,the what?"

"The motherfucking goddamn goddamn! If you don't know what it is then I suggest that you devote more study to my doctrines and history." "One more question and then you may go."

"Your Excellency,how do you feel?"

"His Esteemed Excellency,Eminence,Musician,Doctor,Consumer Level Electronics Expert,Chancellor,Big Game Hunter,Milf Hunter,Astronomer(pronounced as one word) Kody R Bear sits at his computer,brooding,much like Tom Berenger after the death of Sal and Mandy in Platoon.I wonder what to do. How to get Indy back and working so that this place will not be so mundane. What to do about insignificants like mb,some pock marked carrot top mutherfucker who probably just sucked his first cock trying to usurp and undermine His Esteemed Excellency. And Valdor. Where is Valdo or whater ever he calls himself. Everything is pointless. Nothing is valid. There is no love in this goddamn(I love that word) world anymore. Those whom you count on cease to exist. They lie to you,jerk your chain like a dog. What is the goddamn point. Can you answer that you mb motherfucker? You wanna hack the Kody Bear? Hack me faggot.I used to rape assholes like you in prison. I am bored with this life. I've done everything,been everywhere but I can find no peace of mind. The only relief I can find is through drugs and alcohol. With these tools I can relive the good times and forget the bad.I work my ass off,my friends die around me,my hero's are long gone. There is nothing in life that gives me any pleasure. That queer in the wheelchair talks about how the human race must expand to other planets in order to survive. I don't give a goddamn fuck about your human race. Do you? You are a race of assholes, as proved by mb. Who cares whether you survive or not. The universe would be better without you.That's it! Armageddon is the answer ! His Eminence has had a goddamn nuff. He officially does not give a fuck anymore.Leave me now. I begin to grow fatigued."

"Yes your Eminence. Of course Sir. Immediately Your Excellency."

feeling

I LOVE YOU

this conversation is getting old.

why is it so hard to hold a conversation with you? why are you keeping your distance from me? i'm already not pushing forward this relationship with you, i'm not expecting you to reciprocate my feelings for you, i'm not rushing you into anything and i'm certainly not about to start. and yet you're still so distant. i hate this.

New Entry

I couldn't call any of them today because they are all on vacation and, thus, long-distance.

I couldn't have called one of them anyway. The fear of pressing the call button that paralyzed me last year has returned after a year of absence. Why? First it was shyness without reason, now it's fear of incensing someone who has run away.

The other one would have been glad I called, but I wouldn't know what to say to her and she would start talking and then I would get anxious and wish I hadn't called.

That was uncharitable. I usually listen effortlessly to what she says, and reap benefits. But I don't know what's been wrong with me lately.

That's a lie. I do know.

I've been abandoned!

So now I've got a new red notebook. I'm putting all of him into it, that I can. Some of me too. I got that notebook for Christmas, in fact. I started writing in it then, you know. I talked about him inadvertently. I said he was fantastic. I still believe it, in spite of everything. Maybe I shouldn't, but I don't know. I don't really know about any of this anymore.

Now he's far, far away. So far I can't even call him if I work up the courage. I don't have enough money. He won't answer my text messages. I've written down all of the old text messages so I can still have them even as the memory fills up and I am instructed to clean out. The text messages are some of the loveliest things I have and I would not willingly part with them.

I didn't react the way he wanted me to, but then, I doubt there was any way he had in mind for me to react, because the whole thing was about him.

Not to say he was self-centered at all. No.

Not at all.

But he said I hadn't reacted correctly, and in truth, I hadn't. I'm still unsure of how I was supposed to pull it off, but if there was a wrong way to react, mine was it.

This is how it stands. I can't change anything and make it stand differently. I can't get around how it stands. I've tried, and I'm not sure how to fix any of it. Nobody is exactly sure how to advise me in this, so I ask very seldom for advice. The advice I do get I do not feel I can use. It is not usable advice.

Like her advice. Get away from it. Ignore it.

Yeah, right. It's still in me. Even if it wasn't, it would still exist somewhere and I couldn't forget it.

I started writing a fake bible and though it amused me I felt bad that I was sort of mocking the Christians. There was nothing bad or mean--it was just a sort of ridiculous parody, which would probably make them mad anyway.

It sort of accounted for the events in the Bible from a different point of view, that viewed humans with derision and spite.

<---cynic

When I was making altered books, one of my friends suggested I make an altered book of the Bible. I laughed. But I would make an altered book of the Bible just as soon as I would make an altered book of a Koran or a Torah. I respect even beliefs I find ridiculous, which means I can ridicule the Bible and feel bad about it. (I'm not anti-Christian, even though my mom maintains that I am. I am quite simply, just, not Christian. So I can write about the fall of man from the point of view of mushrooms.)

No one will know about the secret Bible.

He did.
I said, "write a book for my Bible."

It hadn't started out to be a mockery of the Christian Bible. It was just going to be a sort of bible of my own. I wanted to build a religion in the same way I build worlds or characters when I write.

I say "sort of" too much.

He never got back to me with that book.

I'll pick up the damned thing again. A new era in my life has sort of--
A new era in my life has begun, and it is important to document it in my Bible.

Am I going to a promised land? I don't know--I feel more like I've been exiled.

It is impossible, aleast impossible for me presently..

i've tried to be a good christian , follow the codes of the bible. Trying not to cheat , steal , lie, love one's parent, no fornication, u know the ten commmandments and other laws.. but there is one law i find impossible to achieve .. it is the one where u suupposed to love your neighbour as u love yourself ... do u knw how difficult that is? . Ive tried .. I love god with all my heart , mind and might .. but humans i hate . in my book they are useless sinful vermins who should not have the priviledge of inhabiting this blesssed earth that God provided. But i have not given up .. i will still try to muster up some love for them . But if your one of those people have achieve the great feat of loving your neighbour as you love yourself well then your blessed and i am happy for u.

Just Say No

I'm really close with my sister. Even though we're five years apart we're pretty cool with eachother and don't fight too often. We've shared a room for 16 years and know eachother well. My sister knows that I hate it when people drink/smoke/do drugs. I know my sister does all of these things, but she pretends that she doesn't [at least she never talks about it around me] and I pretend that I don't know she does them. It's all good, right? No. You see, my sister's new boyfriend [who I hate] has no common decency and will bring her beer [she's underage] which she proceeds to drink right in front of me. Then today she's in our cabinets searching for some of our brother's A.D.D. medication to give to her friend. "It's just speed" she says. I can't handle this, when she's around her friends she's a whole other person that I hate. It makes me sad and mad, which creates a never-ending bad mood. For the next three weeks I'll have to deal with this [parents are going out of town and she's in charge even though I'm obviously more responsible than her] and I don't know if I can.

Responsibility

A Year ago.... My friend of fifteen years told me about an open position as his co-worker, and I got hired.

Two months ago.... I was promoted to be his manager. He was passed up because of his "attitude problems" (and, in all fairness, he has got 'em).

Two days from now.... I'll be at the meeting where my boss will tell him he's no longer employed.

I feel a little guilty for not sticking up for him more in the meetings of the past couple weeks, where this course of action was decided, but the problem is: I think it's the best for the good of the whole organization.

But that doesn't make me feel less guilty about the whole thing.

Magic

I'm looking for magic.

For magic.

So what if I'm deluded?

Me?

Me?

I'm sorry I hurt you
I don't want to, don't you know?

I don't mean to be tactless or
ignorant.
Or offensive.

I don't want to disappoint you.
I want to be what you want me to be.
I can't do it.

You can run away then
from my tactlessness
and curse yourself for liking me

and try to stop
then

please succeed

yes, I will cry if you tell me you hate me and mean it with every part of you

or if you tell me you are indifferent and really are, with every part of you

but why do my tears matter anyway?

they don't matter.

what I have to say doesn't.

you were right when you said they didn't
but then you went back on it.

They don't.

They don't.

Just because I won't suppress it doesn't mean it matters.

It doesn't matter.

I'm sorry.

Stay

Stay in Martinique.

Don't you know you can't escape wherever I am?

whatever it is of me you make up from yourself.

With your random supplements.

Yes, with those.

disappointment.

You ask if you disappoint me.

I'd say "yes".

Because your tactlessness often offends.

Because of your oblivious ignorance.

Because you obviously know I like you
what with all I've done and said.

Yet you keep implying that you're still looking out
for the person who provides you with
love
at first sight.

Don't you know it hurts?

Dr Leon

Hurrah! For I have found you, Indy. Ever since the demise of bitchaboutstuff I have missed thee sorely ... :-( ... I do hope this "fora" will not be destroyed ...

Dr Leon's fill in the blank 10:
Today I feasted upon the freshly laid ________ (pronounced as one word) of Emma Watson ... and smacked my lips in glee ... *ah*!!

His Excellency Asks You to Bite His Ass

Dr. Bear has recently submitted a diagnosis of Indy's condition to the Maryland State Board of Internet Health. Doctor Bear reluctantly agreed to see Indy even after bitter feeling regarding the theft and defilement of Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey. The good Doctor does not mean to seam callous but he feels that Indy is not the literary genius that you all seem to think he is. This poor man suffers from what is known in the medical world as coprolagnia. This condition is further compounded severely by coprofelchia,coprolalia,coprophilia,coprolalomania,copropgagia and quite possibly a suppressed case of coprastasophobia. Furthermore,Dr. Kody feels that these illnesses are deep seated and that this condition is incurable and that indy's chances of recovery are gloomy at best. Dr. Kody goes on to state that when this sickness manifests itself onto internet blog sites in the form of coprophrasia,then all hope for the victim is lost. The irrefutable facts are that Indy is no run of the mill coproscopist. It is much more deep seated than just watching someone back one out and snap it off. In copralogical terms Indy is a coprophilic beyond known scope and measure. He must be quarantined and his every word studied carefully lest we too become infected and develope a desire for butt dumplings and brown trout. Dr. Bear warns that no one is immune and early symptoms could start with a simple case of osphresiophilia and then escalate to a desire for cradle custard,dookey,depth charges and alley apples. Coprophagia,the Bear states in his report, or feces eating, is not symptomatic of any particular mental or emotional disorder. It is a form of pica, or ingestion of non-nutritive substances. It is more commonly seen in forms of mental retardation or the more severe types of pervasive developmental disorder, but this is not to say that Indy displays these conditions. Dr. KodyBear strongly recommends against you eating your own or another persons "pooh." Aside the smell and taste, it is extremely unhealthy because feces can contain viruses, bacteria, and parasites. These germs can cause numerous illnesses and can adversely affect your health. Did you ever notice the signs in restaurant bathrooms saying, "employees must wash their hands". A major reason for this is because fecal matter is a food contaminant that can make a person sick. So you can imagine what ingesting it would do.Doctor Bear goes on to say that if If eating feces is something that you feel compelled to do, you may be suffering from an obsessive/compulsive disorder. If this were the case you would need to consult with a therapist to deal with the situation. Obsessions often can be alleviated with cognitive/behavioral therapy and in many cases medication. Do not delete the posts of others.

His Excellency,Eminencen,Doctor Kody Speaks Out Again On The War On Drugs

The worst thing the Federal government has ever done to the American people was the civil War. We overthrew a peaceful agrarian part of our country who at the time provided almost 80% of Federal revenue. This is why President Lincoln was opposed to the war. He said wait a minute we need that money. He didn't say anything about the niggers. Next,with Prohibition,we turned the Mafia,who at the time operated as small groups in the larger cities,into the a national crime syndicate that it is today. Now we have the war on drugs. This is a complete waste of money,a war that can never be won. We spend billions of dollars to fine and incarcerate people for buying and using drugs that the government deems unsafe. It would be cheaper to buy every drug addict a new house,a new car and give them a two week vacation. Maybe then they would not be so unhappy with their reality. It's just Prohibition all over again. We just don't use the same name because of the bad memories associated with it. All it does is line the pockets of the federal government and make millionaires out of drug lords and once again empowers the mafia. Are we stupid or something? Legalize the goddamn drugs. Not just pot but all of it. Do you think people that didn't drink suddenly started drinking at the end of Prohibition? Hell no! Only the people that were drinking continued to drink. Do you think that if we legalized cocaine that a large percentage of the population who never did coke before would go out and start abusing it? No. I make this rant because I am a victim of these ridiculous laws. OK he used some illegal drugs. First will incarcerate him and lets see after that's done we will relieve him of almost all the money he has through fines,fees,cost of court and anything else we can think of. It's not about drugs or the well being of the population,as government agencies would have you believe,it's about the goddamn money and that's all it is.

Sixty Cents

I went forth with too much enthusiasm and I'm now disappointed even though I expected this to happen.

Sixty cents. Thirty each. And I didn't even get to say it in half the way I wanted to say it.

Sixty from me, thirty from you.

Will you take another thirty?

Please?

what give's?

What give's? you spend ten years of your life giving that special someone in your life every ounce of love and gratitude you possible can. Just to come home from work one day to an empty house,( and I do mean empty, she took the mouse traps). A letter that says" I don't love you anymore. I am in love with Rich.". Then to ad insult to injury, find out that Rich is 14 years older than her, weighs almost 300 lbs. and is bald. He has termites in his smile. My ex-wife is hot. She's hot! Really! They are such the odd couple. needless to say the happy couple has ended their love affair and she has asked to come back. I think.....no. No, not no. Hell no. Since our break up she has contunued to try and dictate. Dictate, that's a funny word. I wonder if she liked how Rich's dictate. Any way, she has continued to use our child as a tool of leverage. A " you do this or else" kind of thing. All you fathers out there who may be laughing at my pain, or going through the same thing need to listen very carefully.There is nothing she can do, all you have to do is keep a cool head. If you love your children. Just be a dad, don't kill yourself trying to buy their affection. Don't let them see how stressed your ex- makes you, the children pick up on it and they associate stress with dad. My child wants nothing to do with his mother, he is seven. It has been a year since the devorce. At first mom's new man was fun, he had a boat. I don't. He has a 66 chevelle. She made me sell mine. He's gone now. Guess what? Dad is still here. After the fifth boyfriend my son realized something in his little head. No matter who is in his mother's life he will alway's be second best. My son now lives with me. He is happy, his grades are were they should be, and for the first time in a couple of years he smiles for no reason. What give's? Well, ....I do. I'f you love your kid, or kids. You have to, every day. Whether your married or no. Be a dad. This is my first and last entry I just need to say what was on my mind just once. things will get better just do your part.

The Brothers Smother

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Am I out of my mind?

Ok, married guy + one child (10 year old boy). Busy life! Wife works, I work. Although I don't work as hard. She is a Physicians Assistant and I am a stock broker. The problem; NO SEX, NONE! My wife is ALWAYS tired. I MEAN ALWAYS! Crap I wish I was fighting the proverbial headache. Nope I'm fighting; "Sorry, I'm tired!" SHIT, too tired to hose your husband to death. OK, granted I'm a little strung out. I mean its been 4 months. I get a hard on when I see or hear commercials with women. What the hell is up? My dick is damnit! So, the other night I wake her up by rubbing my mamoth swollen man gland on her. Guess what? She wakes up alright, looks at her bedside clock and says, "Oh good 3 more hours. Whats wrong honey? Whay are you awake?" FUCK!
I am thinking after 14 years of marriage that its time for a fuck buddy. All my friends agree. The problem is; "I kove my wife." So I'm thinkin; if I start slammin some other chick all I'm gonna be thinking about is slammin my wifes hot box. Still I need this. I cannot even concentrate at work. So how do I tell my wife she needs to remember that I gotta be hosed on regular basis or I'm gonna find a regular hosing somewhere else? OR do I say NOTHING and go get laid with a fuck buddy? Incidently, they are not hard to find. Shit, I'm thiniking if I am this horney there has to be a lot of gals that are married and horny too, right?

Kody Bear

Kody Bear is dead.
End of.

Kody Bear

Kody Bear is dead.
End of.

Kody Bear

Kody Bear is dead.
End of.

Internet Dating

Many of you may not know that His Esteemed Excellency,Eminence Kody R Bear is a doctor. That's right . He specializes in Obstetrics and gynecology. I will let him relate this interesting story about internet dating,go ahead Dr. Bear.

Thank you. Recently a patient of mine went through a difficult divorce. She began talking to men on internet dating sites even though I had advised her,for health reasons,not to get involved in another relationship for at least a year. Well because we live in a rural community she continued to meet men on the internet and on her next office visit she announced that she had met a man from Baltimore and that he was moving here to marry her. Well he came and he quickly adapted to our rural lifestyle becoming an avid fisherman and hunter. As it turns out,two years ago,he managed to take one of the biggest deer ever killed in our county. Being quite proud of his trophy he carried the picture of him and the deer in his pocket and just about wore it out showing it to people. Then on one of her office visits my patient announced that that she was going to divorce this man. When I ask her why she proclaimed that she had caught him wearing her bra and pantys,that she had met another man on the Internet and was moving to California to be with him. Well no one believed her. This man was practically on the good ole boy circuit by now. Last winter this man had one of the most common hunting accidents. He fell out of a deer stand. Well much to everyones disbelief when they brought him to the emergency room and took off his camo he was he had indeed adorned himself in women's bra and pantys.

Thank you Dr. Bear.

Call

pixie call popsie

Does bear fur stain?

I would like to find out by whiping my shitty ass with Kody Bear. What a loser that person is.

****BREAKING NEWS FLASH****

His Esteemed Excellency,Eminence Kody R Bear is returning from Zimbabwe on Monday. He reports an excellent safari, a brilliant hunt. His Excellency has bagged a Kudu bull,waterbuck,zebra,leopard,hippo and a fine Elephant. Of paramount importance he has found Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey and rescued him from Indy who is still at the village of Chief Dingleberry. It seems as though the hapless ape has a rather severe ecoli infection and is surrounded by a hoard of flies. His Excellency speculates that with a little fur cleaning and some new AA batteries Magogo will be ready to start shooting again at Low Life Films.

His Eminence is now in Joburg and has a 12 hour lay over there before flying into JFK. He will spend the weekend resting and trying to contact Indy. The theft of the Monkey will not stand. This aggression will not stand.

I have much enjoyed my vacation but now the Bear will return and I fear he will double my work load. I fear he may require me to write two or more posts a day and double my search efforts for Indy. He has and agenda and he will not deviate from it. He's headstrong like that.

The Girl in Green

"I spy from afar at a lady fair
The girl in green with blond-brown hair.

Why do her lips frown like so?
Mayhaps my lady is a wee bit cold?

But nay, she stand upright and strong
Her profile that of a goddess in bronze.

And that bag she totes, such efficiency!
Holding treasures, fantastic to conceive!

(Or tampons, who know? She's a mystery.
I bet few know her full history.)

Maybe she yearns for a passionate kiss
From a prince, so charming, on her soft pink lips.

Were I of noble birth and wealth
Would jump at the chance with nary a doubt.

But alas, my fate is more common than rare
Too unworthy of my lady fair.

So I sing in whispers with loving care
For the girl in green with blond brown hair."

:-)

The Girl in Green

okay

call me,

was the signal I sent out
on all of the
emotional
and
spiritual channels.

Call me
please.

and
I went to bed
and the phone had stayed silent throughout the whole evening.

of course.

so as I lay in my bed,
I thought of the only way you could come to me now.
it would of course be through my window.

I thought of going to your window first, but I knew if I went, you would not let me in, and I would stand outside crying like a stalker--
but if you came to my window I'd let you in

and pull you onto my bed
and hug you
and sleep with you
and kiss you
and--okay. No sex.

This at two in the morning.

But I fell asleep, and you hadn't come.
And if you had, I hadn't heard you knock at the window.

I dreamed that our English teacher had assigned us poems
to write about
sadness
emo poems
to go with our vocabulary
lachrymose
remorse
morose
melancholy
stony
and
the
like

I wrote about you
and I didn't even need to use any of the adjectives

because I mean
you imply the adjectives
every single one of them.

That's What She's There For

People say hi when I walk to class.
Random people.
These people know me well.
My friends do not see me
When I walk to class
Their eyes are not
Accustomed
To the shadows that I wear
To my billowing
shroud
That sits upon my shoulders.
So I wave
Or nod
Or say hello.
And I keep
walking to class.

My friends hang in groups
In a shell
I can't penetrate
A shell
To keep out
People like me.
I have a shell.
It is small
And it fits my shoulders perfectly.
I do not need others
To maintain my shell for me.

My friends are interesting people
Who are not as smart as I am
But for some of them, this is a choice.
They would like
To make me
Like them
Like a doll,
So pretty, so secure
In their plastic coating.
Preening each other,
Pretending
That only the fire
can hurt them.

My friends have great lives.
They tell themselves
and others
what awesome people
they are
And complain
about their problems -
their controlling parents
their meddlesome siblings
their annoying pets
their mortal enemies
around the school.
I would not
tell my friends
about my problems.
They have not the time
nor the head-space
To contain it all
So my despairs
My triumphs
My loves
My losses
Remain hidden
Beneath my shell.

My friends
hang around
the kind of people
I would love to be
even if
they are not like that
themselves.
Ash loves one of these people,
A friend of a friend.
In her school,
Everyone is a friend,
or a friend of a friend
Until they are discarded,
Or become an enemy.
Ash has been discarded
Many times.
She knows it is her fault
For being so discardable.
Ash is
a shoulder to cry on
a well of sound advice
a level head
a good listener
a smart person
a Good Friend.
Ash wonders what a Good Friend is
And if she really is one. She is
a one-night stand
of anything
someone
would want.
But it does
sadden her
just sometimes,
that Ash's friends
have never
will never
won't ever
belong to her.

But she will always belong to them.
That's what she's there for.

Advice needed: In love with two men

Okay....this is the story. I met two guys off an internet dating site around January. I didn't know what to expect. These two guys are soooo different from each other!!! I started dating both of them casually and did not tell them that I was dating someone else. I just got out of a 4 year relationship that ended very badly for me and really needed to feel loved again. Yes...I know that's pretty lame of me. But it's the truth. I really started liking one (let's call him Bob) more than the other (let's call him Dick). So, I concentrated more of my time on Bob rather than Dick. He is a wonderful guy and asked me to be his girlfriend within two weeks of dating him. I accepted. Again, because of this need to be loved. But I still was curious about Dick and wanted to get to know him more. So, I continued seeing him as well. He is growing on me and things are getting serious with him. Now, I am really stuck in a bind. Bob is so sweet and loves me so much. It seems like his whole world revolves around me. But Dick is also a great guy but he has a life apart from me. Bob seems like the guy that will take all my shit (mood swings) and Dick is not the type that puts up with that. Now, here is the part where you are going to hate me. Dick has a lot of money (i'm talking italian car, 5 rolex, successful business)......and my exboyfriend from 4 years also had a lot of money. I am very used to the "lifestyle" and expected to marry into that after 4 years. Please note I am not a gold digger. Seriously, I am also a great catch. I will be a physician in two years. And I've made myself by putting myself through school. On top of that, I very attractive. So, let's just say I want to be with someone who can keep up with me. Okay, so Dick is rich and Bob...well, Bob is not poor but he's not Dick. His career seems more unstable and his is not good with money or investments. I mean he is still making 100K a year and drives a porshe but this is not a permanent salary for him. So, I don't know what to do. Each of them is asking for more of my time and I don't know who I should choose.

come back

no, no,
come back

please

come back

My Hate

I hve tried to hide it , i have tried to deny it but i have finally come to accept it.. i hate niggers .. i hate those fuckers to helll , i hate curry niiger coolies too(that is the filthy east injuns) and i hate sand nigger sand shifters camel humping arabs too and thier hateful barbaric religion islam.. fuck islam , death to islam .. i piss and shit on islam .. fuck allah and fuck and death to mohammed and that little filthy whore aisha.. fuck gooks and rastas too and haitians.. fuck and kill them all,, bunch of monkey men and women in a barrel .. heap them uup and roll the fockers of a hill

now

now
I have played
a nice
little

trick on you

you can't go where it is hidden to
make your next move

you'll have to make it out in the open.

haha.

Maybe you'll understand that I don't want to hear
you say
whatever it was you had in mind to make me feel
any pain I had inadvertently caused you
for myself.

No
more
from you.

No
more.

Éthiopienne

feelings

i am still waiting for u to call....i dont know how long i will contuinue like this. i hope that u think of atleast half as often as i think of u. i love u and i miss u a lot. i hate u for hurting me this way...

Laisser un pourboire, s'il vous plaît.

Carmencita, age 12/Dominic, age 19

So foolish we were
Such kids
Such little sleazeballs
Rolling around on your mother's couch like that
You still in your Denny's uniform
Me in my birthday suit
You still in your birthday suit
Me in my Denny's uniform
Me in your Denny's uniform
You still in your birthday suit
You still in your Denny's uniform
Me in my Denny's uniform
You still in your Denny's uniform
Me in your Denny's uniform
You still in my Denny's uniform
Me in my Denny's uniform
Me in my birthday suit
You still in your birthday suit
Rolling around on your mother's couch like that
That way
Like that
The way we'd roll on your mother's couch
The way we would roll on your mother's couch
The way we used to roll on your mother's couch
The way we roll on your mother's couch
The way we'd like to roll on your mother's couch
The way we would roll on your mother's couch
The way we used to roll on your mother's couch
The way we like to roll on your mother's couch
Or the way we'd roll your mother on the couch
The way we would roll your mother on the couch
The way we used to roll your mother on the couch
The way we like to roll your mother on the couch
Or the way we'd roll with your mother on the couch
The way we would roll with your mother on the couch
The way we used to roll with your mother on the couch
The way we like to roll with your mother on the couch
The way I'd do it
The way I would do it
The way I used to
The way I like to
Or how you'd do it
You would do it
You used to
You like to
We like to
Rolling around on your mother's couch like that
You still in your Denny's uniform
Me in my birthday suit
The tears
The whats
The HELL NOs
The no please stops
So foolish
So sleazy
The impudence
The ignorance
The de-buttoning of your work blouse
And mine
And ours
All the way home

Wot shud i do?

OMG i luv him sooo much but like i dunno wot 2 do...wot shud i do? like i kno he luv'z me 2 but wot if dat just all lie'z n den he really dont?Soz...lolz...just speechless rite now...lolz!

Like 9, maybe, but it didn't hurt.

Jell-O
Soup (chicken-noodle)
Tampons
Mascara (NOT Covergirl,please, ok?)
Tapioca pudding (low fat,perhaps?)
Cheerios (get 2 boxes)
Candles (Jesus candles, yellow and red, no white)
Birthday candles (6 and 9)
Condoms
Frosting
B-a-n-a-n-a-s
Hot sauce (any level as you call them, any brand)
Pancake mix (Joaquimn doesn't like Aunt Jemima, so a generic store brand perhaps)
Gravy (powdered mix)
Boca "chicken" patties (Maude likes them)
Tampons
Lychee?(ask Tasha)

Cash is on my nightstand

Primavera (1,2..1,2) is Springtime

Nick Lachey's "What's Left of Me" playing in background, heard from iPod headphones hanging around neck of closest student

I miss you
I loved you
I missed you
I love you

I miss you
I love you
I missed you
I loved you

My boy
My man
My baby
My brother
My embrace
My endless kiss in the thunderstorm
My love
My life
My life
My love
Lolita we read together
I to you
You to me
Me to you
You to I
I to you
You to I
Me to you
You to me
Out loud, we read
We read, out loud
Together we read Lolita
And you were my man
And my man you were
My man
My man
My sexy man
So sexy
So dark
So brown
So chocolate
So Bajan
From Barbados
I met you there
There I met you
My Island Boy
My Island Man
My Island Baby
My Island Brother
My Island Brother
My Island Brother
My Brother
Oh how I'd die for you
My Island Brother
And die for you
And Die for you
And die for you, I shall

PASADENA, man!

Socks with holes
Socks with no holes
Socks with Spongebob from three years ago
Fuck
Socks with pink tips at the toes
Socks with gold tips at the toes
Socks with feather balls at the backs
Socks with Superman
Socks that say Princess
Socks that say Diva
Socks that say Rockstar
Knee-high tubesocks with four parallel, horizontal, yellow stripes at the top
Knee-high tubesocks, black, plain
Knee-high tubesocks, plain, black
Plain, black knee-high tubesocks
Black, plain knee-high tubesocks
The knee-high tubesocks I wore that night at Tony's apartment
The knee-high tubesocks I wore that night at Tony's apartment while he fucked me
The knee-high tubesocks I wore that night at Tony's apartment while he rubbed my legs, up and down, in circular motion, with the tips of his manicured fingernails, painted fuschia
These socks I held
As I removed the socks curently encasing my very own two feet
With both hands
One hand held all the socks aforementioned
All the aforementioned socks
The other hand, meanwhile, removed each sock from my feet
From each of my feet
I have two feet
Two feet I have
And mention I must
I must mention

Tony was not my boy-friend

Oh
Ohh
Oohh
Ooh
Ay
Ayy
Aayy
Aay
AVE MARIA

Aren't like the Pussycat Dolls like the GREATEST?!

Soup, any kind, chicken-noodle perhaps, low sodium, or..no..or,you..you know what, no...noo fuck that,man..noo man I..I'm not fucking doing that shit anymore......who cares, just get whatever, whatever kind, I don't know!

Yeah..right, ummmmm, like I said,Tampons, the pearl ones, I don't think that's the brand, but..umm whatever, yeah..yeah exactly, that..ye..uhuh, Tampax right? Tampons, tampons just any fucking kind,shit.

Uhhhhhh......JELLO!Lime,li..yeah, or whatever, she likes..what?....oh yeah umm but lime, she likes lime so..yeah..just get that..umm.

Bisquick, that biscuit..mix..thing..ish..yeah umm yeah.

SOAP,SOAP! Uhhhh....no..wha....DOVE,yeah but umm not like, youknowlike..last time, that BIG jar..uhh..just..SHIT man just get the bars.

Umm, Gatorade? Or..yeah, that too but..Power..Powerade, ex-act-a-mundo, the red one..Umm sure, shit man whatever..Koolade..ok ok..o....Tang, yeah that too..Tang...TANG fuck it..Ta..T-A-N-G....TAN-G..wuhh..tangy?..nooooo man..no, witha FUCKing MONkey..TANG TANG goddammit..no ok whatever, just..ju..just fucking get Gatorade and um yeh Powerade or whatever..yeah both..fuck.

Um shaving cream, whatever the fuck man any fucking brand..ok whatever..YEAH,fuck...man I...man I don't fucking give a flying fuck..what...whatever..umm...what yeah wellll..I don't know...man yeah fuck....ok.

No..no,reeeeally..yuhuh...yuhuuuuhh..NO..FUCK IT MAN..ok..yeah..mmhmmm....yep...mmmmhmmmmmmmmmmmm.....NOTHing man...fuck...nothingnothingNOTHing....ok...yep..yeah...ye...ye...ok..bye....bye..loveyatoo..mmhmmm...ok..buhbye.

I'm not indifferent. I don't understand how you could keep professing something you must know to be untrue. You, perhaps, just say I am to facilitate your feeling sorry for yourself. But I always thought you embraced truth, and cared not for deception, especially self-deception, and insincerity.

I cannot believe you truly think I am indifferent.

If you knew of all of the letters I have written to you, and the diary entries I have written to you, and all that I have written of you on my wall and in my computer and in my notebook and on my scraps of paper, you could not doubt that I am not indifferent.

You shall never see any of them. Whenever I show you any of what I feel, your response is so hurtful I vow to myself I will never write such things again.

And I always do.

A Fucked Up Life

I am just so fucking depressed all the time. I'm worried about my health - I think that I might have cancer, but I'm too scared to tell anyone; I looked at my symptoms, and I have these weird moles, and some other stuff. Fuck. Also, I had this fucking bad upbringing. I was always so cheerful in primary school, on the outside; in a program for Australian 'gifted' kids, i won awards, got the school's Dux in yr 7, and had heaps of friends. But there was this teacher, he hated me, used to try and make my life a living hell. I'm not bullshitting - I got placed out of his class 3 yrs running by the principal because they KNEW they just didn't want to FIRE his ass. My big brother was abusive - when our dad would drop us with our grandma every fortnight, he'd wait, then, eventually, find something I didn't do to blame me for, chase me around the house, then corner me in my room, and beat the shit out of me. I never showed anyone the bruises, the cuts - they were always on my chest, or my back. My friends took me totally for granted - but I didn't even see that for years. My mother broke up with my dad when I was little - decided she was a LESBIAN, after being married for years, and having 3 kids. Her partner was a mean bitch - used to abuse me every way but sexually. Mum didn't care - she just went along with it. The bitch tormented me for years, until mum finally kicked her out - after 7 FUCKING YEARS. I was a hideous kid; I used to scratch pimples, till they bled, then again when a scab started forming, then I'd have these red sores all over my face. I was like 7 foot tall. I hated it. I was a bit of a tomboy - and definately not fat, but chubby, weighed heaps. I wore loose skater/surfer clothes so people couldn't really see my figure. Then I got to high school, thought things would be different, a blast. Nuh. My best friends (i actually had like 5) came round to a party one time - like four of them split off, went into a different room, leaving me with this other girl, who was a freind, but they didn't like her. They ignored me all thorugh the sleepover. I cried myself to sleep on my birthday, surrounded by my freinds. Then they just dirfted away. New friends. Wouldn't have anything to do with me. One became sporty; one a dumn bitch; one a slut; two in different schools; one just ignoring me. I dropped lower and lower, I was so depressed, just wanted to off myself. But I was so CHEERFUL on the outside. Everyone knew who I was - if you asked any of the 140 people in my "Community" (the 4 classes I mixed with at skool) they'd say, "Oh, her. Nice, smart, tall, smart, nice." That was me. That was all I was. Fell for this guy - way out of my leage. Kept working. Won the "Best in Community for work all year" 2 years in a row. All the teachers loved me. No one had a clue; except maybe my english teacher - she read some poetry I wrote, always looked at me funny after that. Then Yr 10. This was where i was just starting to get back on track - cheering up, had a couple of friends, but never took any friendship/relationship out of school. Didn't want to get close to anyone. Then, way to go, i fuck things TOTALLY UP for me. I go and fall for this chick in like 16 of my 25 classes during the week. Obsessed; it wasnt sexual, I mean, i wanted to touch her, kiss her, but nothing, like, heavy. I mostly wanted to just be around her. She was so flawless, beautiful. To me, anyway - I mean, there were hotter guys, prettier girls, but I was just so into her. started walking down the street she takes home, which is on my way, but i could've gone four other ways equal length. started watching her, not watching her. never singling her out. sometimes i talk to her, act casual. i'm still doing it - I can't break out, and the love, it just feels, like, pure, and when i think of her, i'm calm, i'm happy, then sometimes it just crashes down, and i say, fuck, youre so dumb, you bitch, shell never even see you, let alone know you, let alone like you, let alone ... whatever. And someitmes i used to get scared of myself, cause i got so angry at my little brother - he was so smug, he knew i could take him, he thought i never would. but he doesn't get how hard i try not to - i just, i get so angry, not like annoyed, but this voice is like, why not? even if they sent you to prison, so what? they'll let you out eventually. And i've lost it sometimes - once, i just snapped, he was being so, so, ... anyway, i grabbed him, started punching him in the stomach, methodically, and i knew if i kept going i'd kill him, so i broke off, and ran. Fuck. that's what i'm scared of - losing control, doing something like that. because i really don't care. that's what's so scary - the only thing stopping me form doing it is ME. if i decided to, i'd just do it. i don't see what's wrong about having sex - if a guy wanted it, form me, i'd go for it. I don't get the big deal. I don't get what's wrong with murder. It wouldn't haunt me down my days. sometimes i just want to kill someone without family or prospects, to get put into jail. i want superpowers, not like other people - i feel like i'm from some place where everyone gets them, eventually, and i'm just waiting. I suffer this thing - i haven't told anybody, but when i'm on my way to school, or a class, or anywhere with people from school, my stomach clenches, the world spins, and i start shaking, totally freaking out. Its like an anxiety thing. I feel like i could handle anything but that. its never bad in the class or whatever, but BEFORE i am just FREAKING OUT and i CANT STOP IT. fuckfuckfuck. I just want to end it, and i actually think I would if i had a gun. I daydream about how i'll position it - under the chin, in the mouth, at the temple, center forehead... god dammit, i only get a reprieve when i sleep or when i read, and people say, why do you read so much? FUCK! CANT YOU SEE IM FUCKING MISERABLE YOU STUPID FUCK! I like to get out, get into someone elses head, and i do, i start to talk/ walk/ act like the character, i start feeling like them, my worlds decorated by some random author's words. getting worse would be better, but i STILL HAVE TO ACT LIKE IM SO CHEERFUL, and it DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY! I just wanted to grab my one winged angel, i want to tell her, look at me, I need you. I NEED SOMETHING. But i'll keep going, I'm not a porcelain clown, i'm made of icy marble, but i still have a painted smile. No one knows who I am. You want reading better than this crap? See http://differently-normal.blogspot.com/ for Ash veiw on the world. Later.

What's the point?

I know there have probably been a lot of woe-is-me suicide BS posts on this blog, but I don't really give a shit. So here's another.

If this world isn't for someone, why should they stay here? People treat life like it's some sacred entity, but life's just a STD with a 100% death rate. Life isn't precious, it's the most easily replaced resourse on the planet. I say the river bed, carved over thousands of years, is precious. I say the scenic bend is sacred, but they say it's the perfect dam site.

Life is not a gift. No one asks if you want to be brought into the world, your parents fuck eachother one night and you spawn. No one asked me if I wanted to be brought into this world, but now they expect me to stay. They say it's beautiful, and I say that it once was. They say humanity is devine, I say it's the Earth's most vile plague. They point to all we've done, but when I gaze upon the same scene ruin meets my eyes.

They say that depression is a disease, but I think it's a realization. Am I diseased for caring? Is apathy a cure? It's other people's apathy that makes me depressed. I know I can't beat them, and I don't want to join them. We're all on this ship together, but not everyone wants to sail in the direction we're going. Did you know the guy who invented the machine gun thought he was bringing peace to the world? Same with the developers of the nuclear bomb. All our progress is a deception. We aren't progressing, we're just squandering our planet and believing in illusions. Christianity has brainwashed everyone into thinking this world is ours and god will save us. The world isn't here for you, it doesn't give a shit if billions of 2 legged dipshits die from their own pollution. You put yeast in a wine barrel and they go crazy, multiply, and in their zest for life, they create their death. The story ends with dead yeast in a barrel of alcohol, they die from their own shit. We're just yeast in a fucking barrel. We're like the guy who jumps off a building and thinks as he passes each floor, "So far, so good!" Progress has taken us farther and farther from freedom, from appreciation, from purity. We aren't free in a world where the water isn't even safe to drink.

So I say fuck it. You all can continue to sail on. I'm sure there will be replies about how life could get better. Yes, that is true, but I don't think that everyone is going to spontaneously disappear. The concrete sprawls wont dry up or become overgrown. No, we'll keep worshipping ourselves and praising our creations, paving over jungles and calling it a triumph. For some, that is a beautiful process, but not to me. So you keep it, have the world. It pains me to think of it's loss, but that pain will not last long...

Ey Pleiboi! Sak Pase?!

In-grid
In-grid
MARK de In-grid
In-grid
In-grid
MARK de bay

Fin-grid
Fin-grid
MARK de Fin-grid
Fin-grid
Fin-grid
MARK de bay

Tin-grid
Tin-grid
MARK de Tin-grid
Tin-grid
Tin-grid
MARK de bay

Chin-grid
Chin-grid
MARK de Chin-grid
Chin-grid
Chin-grid
MARK de bay

Kin-grid
Kin-grid
MARK de Kin-grid
Kin-grid
Kin-grid
MARK de bay

Grin-grid
Grin-grid
MARK de Grin-grid
Grin-grid
Grin-grid
MARK de bay

Sin-grid
Sin-grid
MARK de Sin-grid
Sin-grid
Sin-grid
MARK de bay

Kin-ky In-grid
Kin-ky In-grid
Kin-ky In-grid
Wuh-dey-do?
Kin-ky Kin-ky
Kin-ky Kin-ky
Kin-ky Kin-ky
I-
LOVE-
YOOOOOOOOOOUU

Un-cle Tom

We Cookin With Hot grease Now!

HEEEKRB!

Give me dat chunky dat juicy dat fruity stuff (OH)

(Entire exercise to be performed in Alto excpet where noted)
And what
And what
And what
And what
(Bass) Da BUM-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH
(Barritone) Da BUM-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH
(Tenor) Da BUM-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH
(Sopranist) Da BUM-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH-BUH

Dey use to call me Hankeeee-Pankeeee
Dey use to call me Mista Tiiiiiibbs
Dey use to call me Brotha Fran-keeeeee
De Vir-gin Maaaa-ry on dey riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiibs
(AND-I-SAY)
HEY! Mis-ta Testi-cles
HO! Mis-ta Water-clo'set
(HOWDOYADO) P'ta-to-heads
LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA Ba-na-nas
YES! Mis-ta Lo-li-poppps
NOOOO! Mis-ta Da-ffo'dils
SHAAAAWW-TY-KEEP'IT-FLYY' IN-DE-NUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!

(REPEAT CHORUS)

Testicles? Yooooooooooooooooouu BET-CHA!

Lean wif it, Rock wif it
See if they catch yo ass Ridin Dirty
Or just Holla at me (what it do, what it is?)
Correct?
Correct!
Dumplings?
Bingo!
Milkshakes?
Blast-off!
Cup-cakes?
You BETCHA!
String beans?
Adios Amigo!
Pia Zadora?
Almighty!
Rat tales?
Um-bilical chords!
Pip Longstockings?
Como no?!
Wit hot sauce?
Oh brother!
Yo auntie TOO?
A-men!
In a Halloween costume?
Rumple-Stiltskin!
Adolf-Hitler?
Jimeny Crcikets!
And guess what bwayz and gyalz?
HE DID IT!
And he did it, all with the help of his Handy-Dandy, Super-Duper, Rico-Suave-(ready for this)-
GEORGE FORMAN GRILL!
OY GEVALUT!
CH-CH-CH-CHYEAH!

And dey call me De Funny Man
And dey call me De Funny Man
(Ooooh all ova de town, brothas and sistas!)

With A Muffin 'Tween me Pants!

Whewn I'm eating macaroni in a town of 24 I eat softly with my people and the town's reluctant whore why don't you want to party asked the little girl in white? I dont want to dance with the african drum circle, they are just not my type. So Im walking down the boulevard with a lobster down my pants and a feather in my buttocks and a dumpling 'tween me breasts, and I see a little muffin, a little muffin round the bar and he smiles like a small baby on a fountain of goats. So the fountain of goats oh yes the fountain of goats and all dem promising boats, oh yes the fountain of goats!

Jalapeeno!

Ciao, girls!

Wen de cock crow....

Wen de cock crow
Wen de sheep crawl
Wen de cow purrrrrr
Wen de bway brawl
Wen de gyal kissss
Wen de snake hisssssssssssssssss
Tell-yo-auntie-come
I aint stan dis
(nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah....nah-nah-nah-nah-nah-nah)

Sang to dem tune dem Darlin Clemntine jah

Lil don-key
Lil don-key
Lil don-key
Where you is?
We be loo-kin
We be sear-chin
We be str-ifin
Dem de wiz

Jah Bless

i miss u a lot and i cant do a damn thing abt it. i am tired of having my phone calls not returned. i do hope that she treats u well. but, i know that ur relationship with her will not last and i pray that it does not. u left mr for her. i cant seem to make this turmoil go away. please do something to show me that u atleast care that i stay alive.

FOR indy

I lifted up your mothers tail
and rammed her slippery arse with my cock
you should have seen her face
i could easily send you some pictures.

Oh what a whore
a woman i abhor

She finished up by licking the shit right off the end of my prick
a normal human being would have probably been sick
but your mother the slut,
loved the taste of her own butt.

dirty horrid bitch
everyone says that she looks like a witch

mb

this sucks

this sucks this sucks this sucks so much.

i miss you so damn much.

(you miss me too.)

but i can't even call you.

i can't even write you.

i can't even im you.

damn it.

damn it damn it i love you. my love isn't good enough for you. it's not good enough. i want you back. why does what i can give you have to hurt because of what's not there? i don't want you to be hurt!

so now i can hurt all by myself.

My family will ask why I've been crying and I won't tell them. If I did they would hate you and I don't want them to hate you. When I told Rebecca, I tried to make her not hate you. I don't think she hates you. But I had to tell someone or I would have gone crazy. Rebecca would understand, but THEY won't. My family never understands.

I still feel love for him and more then half of me doesnt want to

Sorry its so long for those of you who hate long posts but to get the full effect i had to tell the whole thing and i really needed to get the WHOLE thing off my chest

16, happy and carefree. Of course i loved guys, me and my friends were always checking them out and rating them, what girl didnt at that age? So when an amazingly good looking, sweet, and rich(that was of course just a plus) guy comes along, any sensible girl would be incredibly happy correct? Correct. Callen was so sweet, always calling me and seeing how i was, how my day went. He would take me out to eat and give me flowers and little presents all the time, it was amazing. Not only that, but he was good looking, how often does a guy come along that is sweet, rich and goodlooking? It was too good to be true, but at the time i didnt think that it was seriously too good to be true.
Finally after a month of hanging out all the time he asked me to be his girlfriend, i was so excited. I couldnt wait to get home and call my friends and brag. yes thats right, brag. The first month was perfect. He was always suprising me with things, always wanting to take me out. He would call me all the time, always seemed like he cared about how i was. He would tell me he loved me, and he wanted to see me happy. It was nice to finally have a boyfriend who seemed to care. One who didnt trust me and didnt yell at me all the time. It was picture perfect, i could have never guessed what it was getting myself into.
After the first perfect month, things kinda started going down hill. We started to fight alot, and about the stupidest things, i didnt call him back right away, i was sitting to close to that guy, i didnt make him dinner on time, it was always something. But of course after every fight he would tell me he loved me and he was sorry and he would show up the next day with some kind of present. I figured that he just had a bad temper and i set it off and i shouldnt have. It didnt stop at just the yelling though, and yet i still couldnt leave him.
One day after work we were hanging out at his house with his friends, i was changing his son, who he was suppose to be watching, because he had been playing in the dirt. He told me to get his friends and him some chips and i said i would in a minute when i was done with Tate. He got up faster then i had ever seen him and grabbed me by the arm, pulled me into the kitchen and shoved me up against the wall and looked me in the eyes and said "Dont you ever tell me to wait again". He scared me, he became a callen i didnt know, but again he apologized and asked me to please not make him mad like that, he was sorry, and he loved me. I believed him, not only because i wanted to believe he loved me, but i was shallow, i wanted to keep the rep i was getting for dating him, no one knew the abusive, agressive callen. They all saw the handsom sweet callen, so to them i had the perfect guy, and i liked it.
Things only escalated from there, everytime something set him off he would hit me or throw something at me. He told me to get him a drink and i told him i couldnt i was feeding the baby, his baby its not even mine and i was taking care of it, so he threw a beer bottle at me. He told me to change my shirt, and i told him i wouldnt because it was new and cute, so he slapped me and ripped it off me and then ripped it some more. He told me to make him some lunch and i told him i would when i made the little kids lunch, he hit me across the face and told me i would do what he said when he said it.
Im not going to lie, the sex was good. Yeah it was good. But it didnt happen that much, with all the fighting and bruises it didnt happen. I wouldnt because we had a fight, he wouldnt because the bruise he gave me were too ugly. He is deffinetly someone that i wish i hadnt had sex with. He would choose when it happened, so i could never expect it, whether it be 4 in the morning or 2 in the afternoon.
He didnt just physcially abuse me, he mentally abused me also. He would constantly tell me i was fat or ugly. My make up wasnt done right, my hair wasnt good enough. I learned quickly to not take it to heart, if i did it would only hurt me and i wasnt going to allow him to mentally hurt me since i couldnt stop him from physcially hurting me. Its almost impossible for someone to hurt me with words now because of how much i blocked it out with callen. After he told me he was fat i became bolimic, i wanted to be perfect for him, if that ment making myself throw up, then thats what it ment.
Now i dont want it to seem like i didnt fight back. I did, i would hit him back, i would throw things back at him, but then he would hit me 10x harder, or shove me up against the wall harder. Sometimes he would push me up off the floor and hold me up by my neck. Eventually things stopped hurting, or i learned how to stop noticing because i stopped crying, i couldnt tell you which now. I also dont remember most of the times. I do remember a few times very well thought.
I was at his house, again taking care of his son and neice and he had his friends over. He came upstairs and asked me to get him and his friends something to drink, again i told him i would when i wasnt busy with the kids, he picked up an ashtrey and threw it at my face. Now hes told me again and again, and continues to tell me he didnt mean to hit me in the face. I had a bruise and bump there for about 3 1/2 weeks, i had to tell my mom i ran into my locker, luckly she bought it.
The second time i remember pretty well is when we got into a big fight in the kitchen, now what about i couldnt tell you about. but things got really heated and before i knew it he hit me, so i grabbed the skillet and smacked him in the back with it. I turned around and he threw a full beer can at me, then another, and then an empty pop can. You think i would learn to not hit him back, but i never did.
The one time i remember almost perfectly is the night he held a gun to my head. He had been out with his friends, doing some drug deals, which he only did on occasion, but that ment he had his gun with me. I told my mom i was going to spend the night at my friends house and went to stay at his. As soon as he got home we got into a fight like we always do. This time someone told him they saw me with some guy earlier that day. Seeing as i was home all day i knew it was just a reason for him to start a fight with me, so i played along, it was a fight he wanted i was going to give him one. I yelled at him and told him yeah i was with a guy and we fucked and it was better then he could ever do. He pulled out his gun and shoved me against the wall and held it to the side of my head. "Listen here bitch, dont be a smart ass with me. if i ever and i mean ever hear you were cheating on me, i will blow your head off, i love you, why are you trying to hurt me" Exact words he said to me that night, then he kissed me and pulled the gun away. I didnt fall asleep that night, or the next, or the next, i was afraid he would shoot me if i wasnt looking.
Things escalted from there. Over the next few months i dont think i cried, or paid any attention to the bruises anymore. I didnt know how to. I admit i did cheat on him, but he never suspected, and never noticed. I stopped caring, and i stopped wanting what i was getting. I didnt want the money, or the presents or the flowers. I didnt want the rep for having the hot rich boyfriend. I fell in love with justin, i wanted him and only him. I was done with callen, and i got up enough nerve to tell him that. Things ended quick. Hard yes, he put up a fight to let me get away but i couldnt do it anymore and i went and got a restraining order against him. It was probley the worst 18months of my life. After we broke up he continued to try and call me, get a hold of me. I still took care of his son and now newborn daughter, they were a huge part of me, of my life and i was of theirs i couldnt punish them for what their father did. 6 months after we broke up he left his kids on my porch and a note telling me he loved me and he loved his kids but he couldnt do it anymore. The next morning found him in his apartment, the neighbors called because they had heard gun shots. Callan 20 and father of 2 killed himself for only god knows what reasons. 4 months later i legally adopted 3 year old Logan Michael and 6 month old Ember Mae, that was a year ago. To this day i still feel a love for callan and i feel like his death was my responsiblity. Is it wrong that i love him? And that i feel it is my fault he killed himself? Is it my fault?

Stating the Obvious

Okay, folks, this is not rocket science. Yes, apparently Indy (or an imposter) is still posting---but as long as he's not flooding the board by posting 75 times, or putting up those amazingly foul pictures, I think you all can live with it. Here's the "it's not rocket science" part:

YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO READ OR RESPOND TO ANY POSTS BY TURD-EATERS, BEARS, OR MONKEYS. It's that simple. As long as these posts are within the parameters allowed by Admin, you are free to fail to give these posts any consideration. Don't give them the attention they so desperately crave.

n/s

I cannot leave here, I cannot stay.
Forever haunted, more than afraid.
Asphyxiate on words I would say.
I’m drawn to a blackened sky as I turn blue.

There are no flowers,
No, not this time.
There’ll be no angels gracing the line
Just these stark words I find.

I’d show a smile,
But I’m too weak.
I’d share with you,
Could I only speak,
Just how much this hurts me.

I cannot stay here, I cannot leave.
Just like all I’ve loved,
I’m make believe.
Imagine heart, I disappear.
Seems no one will appear here
And make me real.

Itsy Bitsy turdlets

To crunch and munch on teenage girl turdlets-feces (pronounced as one word). Force-fed straight in my gaping man-mounth (pronounced as one word).

hell within

i am just so pissed off, angry, frustrated, and hurt right now that I want to hurt someone...destry some thing...do something that gets this negativity out...hopefully, going for a run will achieve the same goal...i just feel that my head is going to explode with all this anger and frustration...nothing good happens and nothing changes in life. i have really had it with life!! maybe, i should listen to metal...it always helps me to listen to others yell...when i cant seem to do the same...i really want to have a fight right now...

Running again

Anonyblog is running again.