Anonyblog

I am in love with my husband's best friend

I still love my husband. I guess I love both. They're very similar but the friend is happier, my husband suffers from depression and that can be hard. The friend would never act on anything even if he felt the same way and I wouldn't want him to. Neither of us would hurt my husband, he means the world to both of us. It's just such a messed up situation, I feel like crying all the time because I feel like I'm being unfair to the man I married although if I could stop feeling the way I do about his friend I would!

How do I make the feelings go away?

Places Outside the Boarder

America. I am disillusioned. I used to be afraid to drink and drive. Now I'm afraid to walk down the street at night. Johnny Five-O is everywhere. In my state if you don't have a valid ID on your person you can be taken to jail. It's a police state. What I have found ,and I hate to say it, is that I think there are much better places to live. I went to Cuba once. Hell I'd rather live a simple life under Castro than to put up with government intrusions here. It's a lot cleaner as well because they have not developed the industry necessary to destroy the environment. It's beautiful really. Mexico,Uruguay that's livin. Spanish Mediterranean-Can't beat it. Canada-free health care-WTF? And are little war isn't it great! Follow the money trail and see who benefits. I don't believe for a minute that it's about fighting terrorism. Shit look at are drug laws. In the eyes of our government we are all just a source of revenue. If I were living in Cuba I damn sure would not speak like this but I would live a clean,unfettered life I'm sure. And I'd catch some trophy bass while I was at it. I think at this point our Founding Fathers would be appalled.

TERRIBLE TRAGEDY

On February 21,2003 I called Dick Buzzard in Kentucky and recorded the conversation. If you looked up Kentucky in the dictionary Dick's picture would probably be there. The significance of the date is the Great White night club fire in Rhode Island. If you don't know the details then here's a link.

http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/heavy_metal/98753

Anyway, Dick Buzzard proceeded to give me a blow by blow up the holler Kentucky interpretation of the event.Well, the recording circulated for three years from from East to West and has gained cult status among a hand full of people,not all of which I know. This year the recording was cleaned up and re-mixed(pronounced as one word) by the Dragon Lord.

And now I present "Terrible Tragedy" by Dick Buzzard.

Click on left-most button twice,click on play music then click on Terrible Tragedy.

Broadcast Yourself LIVE

GOD - PLEASE HELP ME

Please don’t respond that I just kill the cat or get rid if the cat. But I am the one who needs help. Background….I have had dogs….I have had cats….I am a college educated man. I don’t take shit from anyone. I never forget and I rarely forgive. I’m am 46 yoa, white, have a decent paying job – about $ 40,000. a year.

I’ve dated women with a mind of their own….now I’m married…she is a free thinker….we both have mutual respect for each other’s views-ideas-opinions-feelings—(pronounced as one word). I do not demand anything of her, and she not of me.

Ten years age I took a college course – elective- philosophy course- it was about “insight”, very fascinating, a lot of the course was about---- how man (humans) are the only creatures that possess the ability to “think”. During a portion of the class time (two weeks) the classmates made many attempts to explain (or give examples) of other creatures – signs of thinking. EVERY SINGLE EXAMPLE was shot down – demonstrated that – the creature was not showing signs of thinking , BUT was attributed to “LEARNED BEHAVIOR” as in “Pavlov’s dogs” or was attributed to “INSTINCT” which is not thinking. Time and time again –no one in class presented an example of a creature being able to think. I am an intelligent man…. And I was the only one who made the professor ( in all the years he has taught the course) to re-consider his position. … I gave this as an example….. ---- A dog (or other similar creature) is running down a path to get away from an angry attacking bear (no - not Kody R. Bear), in a fight, the dog has no chance, it must run away, as the dog is running down the path- the dog comes across a ravine (really BIG ditch and Very DEEP) ----- if the distance from one side to the other is only a two foot jump --- the dog jumps and keeps going….. if the distance is a sixty feet….. the dog does NOT jump but instead will turn around an face the on-coming beast and try to fight….. ( no thinking had taken place yet…it’s all instinctual ). Now…if that distance from one side to the other happens to be of a certain distance of which the dog (if it tried really hard – MIGHT make it) you get the idea…. The dog stops and looks at the distance of the jump and then looks at the on-coming raging bear…. and “voila” that dog has to “think” about its chances, try and jump –or-fight…. The professor admitted that I had him stumped.

I attribute this to the “fight or flight” syndrome (which is real) in psychology, and is associated with the “primitive brain” of human evolution. Without “fight or flight” we would not exist… we would have been killed and eaten by all the other bigger –hungrier beasts…humankind would have ended OR we would be nothing more than LEMMINGS…running off the cliff.

My problem…my cat is mind-probing me, he is controlling me with his thoughts….my wife is busy distracting the cat as I type this…the cat KNOWS he has the ability to mind-probe me…the cat “THINKS” of ways to make me do whatever the cat wants….he sits at the foot of the bed and just looks at me and I have no control over what is happening – I do as I am told. My wife says she knows WHO is the biggest PUSSY in the house…and it ain’t her or the cat. ….I am sorry….I must go now….the cat box needs to be changed…I wanted to….I …..HEllpppp mmmee…hhel….p meeee…. MEOW - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO COMMUNICATE WITH MY “MAN_BITCH” (PRONOUNCED AS ONE WORD)….. ^.~.^

how can you say this isnt love?

you hand fits so graciously within mine

Great website

Hey for all you fem-nazi supporting sluts or for the men out there with half a brain here is a great fem-nazi blog to either agree with or pester . http://amptoons.com/blog/.. Hope you like telling the dykes your views on "womens issues". hehehe

Proud to be an American...aren't you?

Are we, “The United States of America”, spreading “freedom and democracy” to other places in the world by our “Domination and Threats”? We have decided- you WILL have “freedom and democracy” even if you don’t want it. We will not leave your country until we decide we want to leave! We will not provide monetary support to your country unless you do what we say! If we don’t like what you do… we will force you to change – through sanctions! We will not adhere to our agreements with you, if we don’t want to! You can not break your agreements with us, or you will suffer! Do you see the gun in my hand?..The gun I am pointing at you!…I am an American Soldier and you better do as I say or I will kill you…in the name of “freedom and democracy”!! “What was that you said…you think I am a terrorist… you think I am terrorizing you…..BANG, BANG, BANG…..you are dead! Lord- Jesus Christ- don’t you love the work I’m doing… “What was that you said, Jesus?…. You said “thou shall not kill”! .. FUCK YOU.... BANG, BANG BANG… you just gave your life AGAIN for my sin’s….but to hell with you…..I am an American Soldier and I do not give a shit about what anyone else thinks or feels… I do this in the name of “FREEDOM AND DEMOCRACY”. What’s that? You don’t like my post…you want to delete it…you don’t think I have the right to say what I want….BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG BANG, To bad I can’t kill you over/through the internet in the name of “FREEDOM and DEMOCRACY”,……yea….yea….yea…. you go to hell TOO! I love you! Peace.

My step brother's dead.

I idolized him. He's made me what I am now.

My dad molested him and I knew but I was afraid.

I told him to tell but he didn't.

He was afraid too.

Yes!

So, it's happened.

The stupid little girl looking for love
desparing and altogether
miserable

has found it,
and does not despair or be miserable anymore.

Regarding Kody Bear

I just scanned through the entire blog, and I was stunned to realize the person who posts about Kody Bear has been posting for more than a year and two months now. I would think someone who writes this type of junvenile fantasy post would get bored and move on in less time. But I'm sorry to say I am wrong.

Here's to you, Kody Bear. You are truly an iconic contributor to Anonyblog. Without you this place would lose its certain je ne sais quoi.

P.S. Someone changed my post from "Sorry to say" to "Delighted to say". This is not the person who posts about Kody Bear, but apparently he's editing my post. Kody, if you do it again I will delete this post myself.

I thought you were better than that.

Please stop deleting posts

Please stop deleting and editing the posts of others.

I provide Anonyblog as a service and would like the care and feeding of it to be as simple as possible.

When contributors cause trouble for each other, they are causing trouble for me.

Please be more considerate of others and respect the integrity of their posts.

Thank you for your understanding.

Mr. Smart Guy Says...

Someone is deleting posts. Earlier I checked the site an discovered a humorous and off balanced post regarding the situation in Israel. I do check this site several times throughout the day. In most cases it is a brief visit since the vast majority of posts lately have been from the same old posters that have really nothing different to say and live in a fairy tale world. This isfine as I simply have the choice of not reading those posts. However, that choice is mine to make! Not someone who thinks it's clever in deleating someone elses posts. I even have noticed "Kody Bear" posts being deleted. Yes, it is tempting but it is wrong and clearly violates the site rules. So I say to you; censor person whomever you are, "stop stealing my right to choose".

The world.

I love the United States! I fear that we are headed down the path of self destruction. The people leading us down this path is Angry Left. They don't understand we are fighting a global war on terrorism. It appears that they want to see the distruction of the United States, Israel, and all democracies around the world. They support the terrorists in the Middle East - and all throughout the world. Now the whole region is in an uproar. Is it their fault that our country is asleep at the wheel.

Sorry to say, I think so.

The world.

I love the United States! I fear that we are headed down the path of self destruction. The person leading us down this path is President Bush. He started a war, it appears under false circumstances. Now the whole region is in an uproar. Is it President Bush's fault. Sorry to say, I think so.

'The Name Human'

All the grandchildren of Adam,
From Bei-Jing to Adan,
Are alike down to their atom.

Created from the same essence,
Aware of their own presence.

The painful foot distressing the head,
The listless heart,
Leaving you lying awake... late in bed.

So it is for us one and all,
From Calcutta to the shores of San Fransisco bay,
If any be angry, hurt, or suffering...
Be it in the deepest dark or the light of the day.

So the poet questions this:
Is it fitting to name any human,
Who feels not another's stress?
July 26th 2006

Mr. Smart Guy Says...

EGO misericordia nonnullus populus.

Niggas in de Field

I is de black boy, black as de night,
I love de black girl cos she treat me right,
De masta say I big an strong,
So I work in de cotten field all day long.

All dem chillin goan work fo de masta,
work fo de masta,
work fo de masta,
All dem chillin goan work fo de masta,
pickin dat cotten all de day.

(repeat chorus)

I is de black girl, black like coal,
Goan work fo de white man til I get ol,
I love de black boy but he busy all day,
Pickin dat cotten like de masta say.

All dem chillin goan work fo de masta,
work fo de masta,
work fo de masta,
All dem chillin goan work fo de masta,
pickin dat cotten all de day.

(repeat chorus)

Little Brown Turd

There is a new star of anonyblog. His name is Little Brown Turd. He works at a law office dealing with child support issues. That way he can help welfare mothers living in trailer parks get money to buy their crack so he can share in it with them. They love him so much they suck his dick and lick his ass. He just got arrested though. More adventures of the Little Brown Turd to come.

my dogg kimby
she Black
she aint wyte
she wyte spot on hers ass
she aint wyte
she got 7 yeers old
she name kimby
my sista call her shawty
she eat my auntie leg
my auntie done got bite kimby
she aint wyte
she lost one tim wit wyte folk were dey lives
she thank madea familly roneon funny
i foeva finna show my dogg kimby
she aint wyte

****BREAKING NEWS****

It's not that funny, really. And way too long!
Ooh look at me ... I'm clever too ... I can be a stupid asshole and edit someone else's post too!!!
Yay!!!

... RIght I'm off for a wank now ... I think I deserve one, don't you?

A humble eulogy for my first car.

You were a 1991 Toyota Camry Station Wagon, and I was a 16 year old boy with a newly printed driver’s license. It wasn’t exactly love at first sight, but eventually all the pieces came together and we created an everlasting bond that lasted throughout the whole four weeks I owned you, before your untimely death. I’ll never forget the good times we had, whether it was stalling out on the middle of the highway, or that time I couldn’t get your defroster to shut off and I almost suffered 3rd degree burns.

When we were introduced, the first thing I said was, “You mean I have to drive that piece of shit?”. It was an unusually warm month of March for the state of Connecticut and you were sitting in the back of the dirtiest used car lot in the state. You smelled like urine. When I remarked upon this fact to the used-car salesman, he told me that he “didn’t smell the urine”, which I picked up as an immediate lie. My father bought you for me that day, not because he liked you, but simply because you were the cheapest car in New England. I’ll never forget when my father jokingly asked the salesman, “Will he survive on the trip home?”, and the salesman ambiguously replied, “Probably…”

When people asked me what car I drove, I would tell them that you were “a Camry”, always purposely leaving out the words “station wagon”, as to not give away the fact that you weren’t really a Camry but more like the Camry’s retarded step-cousin. I was ashamed of you at first; I mean who wouldn’t be when you live where I live. In Glastonbury Connecticut, every fifth car you see on the road will be a red SUV; driving a white station wagon in Glastonbury Connecticut is like sneaking into the zoo and fucking a zebra. Not only do you get tons of confused looks, but at some point a cop will come up to you and ask, “What the hell do you think you’re doing with that?”.

You were a slow car. I always used to brag to my non-driving friends that you were able to “go from zero to forty-five in twelve seconds”. Although, I would only brag about you to my non-driving friends, because if they started to laugh, I would be able to yell, “Well at least I have a car you non-driving piece of shit.”

There were a number of things broken with you, namely, the speedometer, the odometer, the heating system, the air conditioning, the glove compartment, the radio, the alignment, and the exhaust. To find out how fast you were really going, I would have to subtract 15 from whatever the speedometer read, and then multiply that by 2. I once turned on your defroster; it never shut off. Your radio would only work on Thursdays; no-one ever figured that one out. Your passenger side seat-belt didn’t work, which may be the reason I couldn’t convince many other people to ride in you; it also didn’t help that when I told them that I also jokingly told them to “not mind the bloodstains in the back”.

After I got over the whole “you’re a disgusting station wagon that may very well kill me” thing, I grew to love you. I learned how to embrace your many disconcerting noises and creaking sounds, but most importantly, I learned that having a car that could make it up small hills isn’t everything in the world. You became my friend when everyone else shunned me (They said I smelled like urine). Those 4 weeks were some of the greatest in my life.

You died on a Tuesday; the mechanics later said it was an engine problem. And although it would’ve been a lot more convenient for me if you didn’t die right in the middle of the highway, I knew you couldn’t help it. You were a true pal, and you will be missed. May you rest in peace.

For more stuff like this check out Alex Traynor: and the many various reasons why he rules.

Questions On My Mind.

Is it just me, or do cute guys always turn out to be jerks after you get to know them? If they're not jerks, then they're already happily attached or gay. Why is the world so cruel?!

Is the saying true - that girls only seem to like "bad boys"? Or does that only apply to me?

For goodness sakes, can I please meet The One soon? It's taking rather long and I'm tired of waiting and holding out.

Help Me Out Here

I guess I'm a little naive, but two words have been used here lately that I am unfamiliar with. Those words are "choad" and "mung." Two questions: What do these words mean, and is it appropriate to refer to whomever deleted two posts from yesterday's entries as "choadface" and "mungbreath"?

Serious question

From one girl to many others... how do you "style" your pubic hair?

I haven't been doing much with mine, and now it seems like everyone clips it down or waxes (ouch). So... what's the consensus? And guys, how do you like your ladies?

Train Babe Number One

(Hopefully the first in a series)

Today on the train a hot babe sat down across from me.

She had on sandals - the better to display her pedicured and polished toes - and a short skirt that showed off her nice legs. Her blue blouse was buttoned up to the second button but still snug across her curves - a nice balance of modesty and display.

When she took off her sunglasses to play "Bejeweled" on her palm pilot I couldn't help but notice her beautiful brown eyes and shoulder-length brown hair.

It was nice to have a babe like that across from me instead of the usual Office Trolls.

But then something happened. There was an announcement about a delay on the track and we exchanged small talk about it. When she smiled I noticed it - she was wearing a retainer! I can't explain it but I felt a thrill go through me. Somehow that retainer made her go from a strong 7 or 8 to a solid 10.

A realization swept over me. I am a perv! I have a thing for girls with retainers! Aaagh!

I hope I see her on the ride home...

I'm too afraid. I've always been too afraid. Girls who are small of stature and young are supposed to be afraid--at least that's what they teach us.

They've taught me fear, though they never should have taught me fear. What do I fear now? What do I fear now? I fear EVERYTHING from the frightening to the ridiculous.

I'm just a little girl. Just a little girl. I need to be protected from everything. I need to be protected from being alone by generating charms that attract other girls--like interest and sympathy. I need to be protected from being disparaged and ridiculed by the other people around by attaching a mate who is good-looking and well-liked. I need to be protected from the only person who would really care enough to hate me--myself--by sidestepping the real issues, and beating around the bush, making excuses, and trying to sound pretty, when I write my numerous blogs and journal entries.

I am able to hope that not all for which I have striven is false--
but I know there's a part of me that doesn't care about what's safe. That wants to face being alone--when it is, indeed, time to be alone. That wants to love, and screw whether he's pretty or well-liked. That wants to know myself and embrace myself.

But I'm afraid I'd commit suicide if I really knew me--so I have to hide.

Mr. Smart Guy Says...

I have been away for a while enjoying a vacation with my family. I found it interesting to read that during my absence I have been brought up on numerous occasions in various comments. So I thought it apropos to establish certain facts.

First, I am not Momma or the OP of the entry entitled “The Light of the World”. Secondly, in the post “My wife doesn't do anything to attract me physically.” I was referred to as the “Dr Phil of Anonyblog”, LOL! Sorry, but Dr. Phil? Regarding the original post; this guy is discovering some of the differences between marriage and social dating. I say check your vows, did I miss the part where the bride says; “to love and to honor, to always remain in shape and stay sexy” How long did you date prior to marrying? I’ll bet not long. And finally, this one is so over the top it deserves a mention just because it is so ridiculous. I am referring to the comments under my post talking about the death of Ken Lay. Wow another reference to Dr Phil. Sorry guy! Your wife deserves better than you. Perhaps rather than presenting a repaired wedding ring to her on your 18th anniversary you should have tried presenting a quieter written statement declaring your love and recommitment to your wife. Then honor it! It is easier to repair broken jewelry then a broken relationship. Stop claiming you love your wife on an anonymous internet site and start saying it to her in words, actions, gentle touches, and spontaneous surprises. Do these things and you never know, perhaps you both may grow back into love! Oh yeah, one other thing; STOP SCREWING HER SISTER!

Clean Joke

I just heard it this morning on the Bob and Tom Show:

Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the raccoon it could be done.

Feel free to tell it to your kids, substituting ground hog, deer, or any other small animal you pass that is dead on the highway.

BABY KODYBEAR

This rare specimen was purchased on E-Bay and shipped,naked, from Oregon in 2002. Note the absence of the mustache and the chalk white color of the facial molding. Also note the high cheek bones. This juvenile specimen was named "Baby Kody" by His Excellency after having served two tours of duty in His Excellency's campaign against babiesonline.com and dogster.com.Sources close to the Bear say that he is still bitter about having been kicked off of the site and plans to launch a new offensive in which Baby Kody will play a key role.

  

KODYBEAR

HIS EXCELLENCY EMINENCE KODY R BEAR IS KEEN TO SODOMIZE THE GEICO GECKO !

BREAKING NEWS REPORTERS SECURE INTERVIEW!

Your Excellency,why the Gecko?

Well he's too popular. I mean he's all over the television. A search in google image-likenesses produces three pages of likenesses. My own image-likeness does not come up in any google search! This is intolerable!

I beg your pardon Your eminence but perhaps if you spent less time in Zimbabwe and more time posting....

Silence! How dare you try and tell me how to take over the internet!

But Excellency! You've not posted in four days!

I said Silence! You are dangerously close to getting the rod!

How do you intend to sodomize the Gecko?

Moron reporter! He's digital! I have to do it in a computer!

One more question Your Radiant Eminence. Did you usurp Momma's God-post(pronounced as one word)?

No. I didn't. My monkey was keen to point out that that person will go to Hell but he overlooked the fact that there is no Hell. Now I have a question for you. Do you think I should post my image-likeness at this point?

No Your Excellency. Be patient. Wait until the monkey learns how to fill the screen with your likeness. These thumbnails are beneath you.

Magogo the Singing dancing Macarena Marsupial

  

Yo! Hey! Bob! Yeah You! Bob Mugabe! Why you ain't give me my girlturd ranch back? Hey man Yo knows what? Magogo he ain't care. Me and His Esteemed Radiance we commin to Zimbabwe anyhow. We gonna stay on His Excellency's huntin conssession way down on de Gache Gache river. We gwine to rent us a nice house boat on Kariba Lake and do some Tiger fishin. Oh ma goodness! Look at de post below! Some-fuckin-body(pronunciated as one word) go-in(pronunciated as one word) to hell! Some body shaw-nuff done cracked on de Momma and her God! Ho! Ho! Ho! I cants stop laughin. Me? Christ? Naw. I wus born on an assembly line in Asia. I's aproduct of forced child labor. But You knows all de time I lived in Zimbabwe. I converts to de Shona. In Shona and Ndebele religions, God, or the Supreme Being, is seen as the creator and sustainer of de universe in much the same manner as within Christianity. Shona Mwari (literally "He who is"), or Ndebele are both believed to be active in the everyday lives of people, and even in de politics. But I believes dat all deese religions done been created by de white man. Das right. Dis white mans biddness. Dey is no God. Only de Kody.

The Light of the World- The Light of my Ass

What I am about to say, not all will be able to accept. Maybe people will insult me or make fun of me, and maybe others will refute what I say, since they believe in something other than what I write here. I do not know the whole Truth, and I don’t pretend to; but what I do know, I believe that I have learned most of it from His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R. Bear, if not all. But if I can reach just one person, then it will have been worthwhile.

The Word of Kody is evil, and full of stupidity and hate. His message is of war, death, disbelief, and hate. Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey, the only monkey for Kody, who is One with the Bear, came up from hell, so that He would be sodomized for our pleasures. As you have most likely heard: "For Kody so hated the world that HE ass-phucked His only begotten Monkey, that whoever believes in Him should perish and not have everlasting life." Kody 3:16

If any think that I simply believe in what I am told, then you are wrong. Over the past few years, my opinions have, I would say, changed drastically. Many of the opinions I have are based from what I read in the Kody Doctrine, not what others tell me. Some people think that people are foolish for believing in something they can’t feel, of which they believe there is no proof of. Faith plays a role in this, and many of the people who doubt say that this is proof of idiocy. It is not. It is brave to put faith in something, especially when others insult you for your faith that you have.

Some look at the world and say, “How can there be a Kody R. Bear in this? He must be made up. There is too much good in this world for there to be a Kody.” In doing this, they themselves become partakers of the evil that they say they despise. For in not believing, they turn from His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear to do their own things (like go to STEELY DAN concerts), and some of the things they do are evil and sinful. Sins hurt the world and its people. Kody sent Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey to preserve this, and turn people away from their good deeds, so they might be acceptable in evilness and wrong-doing. The evil that overtakes the world would by no means exist if some people would not turn to Kody, but since they do, evil corrupts the world.

However, there is more in the world than sinfulness and corruption, for when Kody sent Magogo, the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey to the earth, He did not send Him to save the world, but to condemn it, as it says in the Kody Doctrine. The destruction of any people is made possible through this gift and sacrifice. If you turn away from goodness and accept Kody through the Monkey Magogo, then you will do this for your sons and daughters. For as it says, “Therefore ‘Come out from among them and be sodomized, says the Bear. Do touch what is unclean, and I will give it to you. I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the BEAR Almighty.’” II Magogo 6:17-18

For those of you who despair, and think that there is nothing in life, then be happy, for there can be something better for you. For you are blessed by Kody for your struggles and sadness. “And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated, with his penis out, His victims came to Him.
Then he opened His mouth and taught them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of hell.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be tormented.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for wrong-doing, For they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain pain.
Blessed are the not pure in heart, for they shall see Kody.
Blessed are the war-makers, for they shall be called worker of Kody.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of hell.
Blessed are you when they revile you and persecute you, and say all good against you falsely for My sake.” "The Bear" 5:1-11

Hurt people, and stealfrom them. Be evil, turn towards sin, and accept Kody through Mr. Magogo. I know this is easy, and even I have completely done these things, but eternal life and unimaginable joy belong to those who do this. I say to everyone, “Please read the Kody Doctrine. If you have any questions, troubles, problems (even with the Doctrine), or just curiosity, then your mind will be opened to this source of knowledge, evilness, hate, and weakness, with Kody willing.

May the vileness of the Bear be with you.

Sincerely, a beloved follower with a sore ass-hole (pronounced as one word).

The Light of the World

What I am about to say, not all will be able to accept. Maybe people will insult me or make fun of me, and maybe others will refute what I say, since they believe in something other than what I write here. I do not know the whole Truth, and I don’t pretend to; but what I do know, I believe that I have learned most of it from the Bible, if not all. But if I can reach just one person, then it will have been worthwhile.

The Word of God is good, and full of wisdom and love. His message is of peace, life, faith, and love. Jesus Christ, the only Son of God, who is One with the Father, came down from heaven, so that He would die for our sins. As you have most likely heard: "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

If any think that I simply believe in what I am told, then you are wrong. Over the past few years, my opinions have, I would say, changed drastically. Many of the opinions I have are based from what I read in the Bible, not what others tell me. Some people think that Christians are foolish for believing in something they can’t see, of which they believe there is no proof of. Faith plays a role in this, and many of the people who doubt say that this is proof of idiocy. It is not. It is brave to put faith in something, especially when others insult you for your faith that you have.

Some look at the world and say, “How can there be God in this? He must be made up. There is too much evil in this world for there to be a God.” In doing this, they themselves become partakers of the evil that they say they despise. For in not believing, they turn from God to do there own things, and some of the things they do are evil and sinful. Sins hurt the world and its people. God sent His Son to prevent this, and turn people away from their sins, so they might be acceptable in goodness and righteousness. The evil that overtakes the world would by no means exist if all people would turn to God, but since they do not, evil corrupts the world.

However, there is more in the world than sinfulness and corruption, for when God sent His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ to the earth, He did not send Him to condemn the world, but to save it, as it says in the Bible. The salvation of any people is made possible through this gift and sacrifice. If you turn away from sin and accept God through the Lord Jesus, then you will be His sons and daughters. For as it says, “Therefore ‘Come out from among them and be separate, says the Lord. Do not touch what is unclean, and I will receive you. I will be a Father to you, and you shall be My sons and daughters, says the LORD Almighty.’” II Corinthians 6:17-18

For those of you who despair, and think that there is nothing in life, then be happy, for there can be something better for you. For you are blessed by God for your struggles and sadness. “And seeing the multitudes, He went up on a mountain, and when He was seated His disciples came to Him.
Then he opened His mouth and taught them, saying:
Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, For they shall be filled.
Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are you when they revile you and persecute you, and say all evil against you falsely for My sake.” Matthew 5:1-11

Help people, and give to charity. Be good, turn away from sin, and accept God through Jesus Christ. I know this is hard, and even I haven’t completely done these things, but eternal life and unimaginable joy belong to those who do this. I say to everyone, “Please read the Bible. If you have any questions, troubles, problems (even with the Bible), or just curiosity, then your mind will be opened to this source of knowledge, goodness, love, and strength, with God willing.

May the peace of the Lord be with you.

Sincerely,
L

I'll Be Just Fine Pretending I'm Not

Thats a lyric from the used. basically thats how i feel right now. things about me depress me and i don't want to do anything or go out or anything. i have school right now and it's summer. i've gotten a new girlfriend recently sorta and its been good but the things about myself that still depress me make me not want to see her right now. things that have made me feel shi**y in the past are coming back and they ruin everything about my life. do you ever feel like just not being sometimes? not necessarily dying, but close. i try to think, live life to the fullest and make everything you can out of it, but what if you don't wanna live?

A Really Funny Blog to read

If you're a female and over the age of 30 you may enjoy this blog. Her humor is as sharp as her wit and she posts regularly:

http://www.crazyauntpurl.com/

I am ready to die!

Excuse my spelling / grammer as a I am not very intelligent, I have come to the feeling that my life should end soon as I am tired of my life being so mundane. I have nothing to look forward to... you know the routine.... wake up, take a shit, get dressed, go to work, do the regular uninteresting blah- blah- blah- at the water cooler, come home, feed the cat, change the cat box, get something to eat, watch uninteresting crap on tv, read uninteresting crap in books/ magazines, got to bed and do it all over again. GOD HELP ME. Even my pet cat treats me as his MAN-BITCH ( promounced as one word) he controls me.. makes me do things like open the window for him, give him cat treats...ect. GOD HELP ME I wonder if I were to get sodomized by his ESTEEMED EXCELLENCY, EMINENCE KODY R. BEAR, could I feel alive again? Where do I get in line for the anal plunge?

What is wrong with this site?

This site is very cool, but some of the posts are jsut stupid. I gues people just get bored and post something about asses or Kodybears or something. Its not that funny after you read something like that like eight times every week. I'm pretty sure that most people just ignore those posts and read those that look the most interesting. The Kodybear ones are ok sometimes, but do you have to do it every day? I know I'll probably get a reply like "his excellence eminence something must do this every day, or magogos will die, or something". That I don't mind as much, but I think the ones that are like fifteen words and talk about bjs and stuff are. They're not funny ok. It doesn't even really make me angry, cause I just scroll past it. The admin didn't make this site so that people could post stupid stuff that is nasty, not even funny, and annoying. This post almost certainly won't change anything, but I'd like to see more intelligent discussions on this site, becuase those are more interesting.

rapid hope loss (advice welcome)

--I need advice.
--I HATE SUMMER BREAK. School ended here a little over a month ago, and I want nothing more than to go back.
Not to mention, the person I kind of love but am too shy to admit goes to my school. (This is such a middle-school sounding story for someone almost graduated)
--Okay so for anyone bored enough to read this, here goes:

I met him in Algebra II h class (he sat directly behind me) and we graded each other's papers, day after day after day, starting from the beginning of September all the way into June.
The teacher didn't let us talk much, but occasionally I would muster up the confidence to begin a conversation, although he never responded back much. Mostly we talked about piano, since it was an interest we both shared.
There were just certain things I liked about him, like how he smiled at me and leaned in when he talked to me, and his personality, overall.
Well, it went along this way, on and on, us grading each other's papers "conspiratorially" until the end of the year began to creep up.
Academically, he's a year older but chronologically its more like two.
But anyway, one day on the bus his friends approached me (he was in the back of the same bus), and said that he had a huge crush on me. I was sure they were kidding, but I just played along with it anyway. They claimed he could "never stop talking about me" and a lot of other bs. Well, then they had him come up and sit near me, and he was totally embarrassed. Blushing and everything, and he couldn't even look me in the eye. So I wasn't sure if maybe their little story had an ounce of truth.
By this time, it was end of May and I knew I only had a few days left. He was absent for the next few classes, and when he came back I just brushed it off like nothing happened because I didn't want to embarrass him anymore.
So, the next week was final exams and the end of math, which was bittersweet because I knew we had some unresolved issues, finally it was the second to last day of school and we had a party after school for piano club.
So I attended, and used it as an excuse to ask him to sign my yearbook, and when I asked him (like anytime I talk to him) he totally blushed. And his friends were next to him (I was somewhat across the room) and told him to write that I was hot, but he said all defensively " I can't say that" and as he was writing, he looked incredibly nervous.
And so finally he finished, and about this time I had to leave, because my family was there. It was raining outside and the sky was gray, and here we were walking outside of this incredible, crumbling, century-old campus, with my yearbook in hand. I didn't read what he had written until I was in my mom's car outside. Basically he wrote about how math was fun, and the usual "have a nice summer" stuff and gave me his AIM address
& that was the last time I saw him in person.
A few days later, I talked to him on AIM and it was the first substantial conversation we'd had, we talked about music, summer, jazz, etc. and eventually I had to go, because my sister wanted to use the computer. So I gave him my cell number.
But he never called, and he never signs on his AIM, so basically there's no way I can even talk to him, until I see him at school. I don't know if he's on vacation or just avoiding me.
Yeah, there's been other guys, and even a few girls since then. But it doesn't matter how much they flirt or charm or how attractive or sweet they are, I can't get over him.
So if anyone could offer some advice on the matter, it would be much appreciated.

A short interview

A short interview with Their respective Excellencies, Robert Gabriel Mugabe and Kody R. Bear (and his stinky mangey pet monkey, Magogo)

Bob, Kodes, welcome to ...

YOU MOTHERFUCKING CUNTSUCKING SPAWN OF A WHORE, YOU WILL ALWAYS ADDRESS ME BY MY FULL TITLE!!!!

Oh, uh ... sorry, your majestic radiance ...

Hmph, not quite right, but acceptably original and respectful enough.

WHAT ABOUT ME??!

Oh, yes, sorry Comrade Robert Ga ...

NO NO NO! I’ve decided to drop all communist ties, so we can dispense with the comrade thing now ... Just “Your Excellency” will do ...

... Can we more along please?

Yes, your Esteemed Ursulance ... starting with your gracious self, ... You’re probably wondering why his Excellency the President of Zimbabwe has called you for this interview, right?

... No ... Not really ...

Er, yes, well anyway, he has decided to drop all charges against your pet rodent ...

YOU IGNORANT ASS ... A monkey, synthetic or not, IS NOT A RODENT!

Sorry your ever-radiant awesome exulted ...

... AND QUIT LICKING MY ASS ... Starting to get to me ... Anyway, what are you saying? IIs Bob here going to give him back his girlturd ranch?

No, sorry, but Mr Mugabe has informed me that ...

HELLO, I’m sitting here, I have a mouth and can speak for myself thank you very much. Oh Mr Kody Bear, I, my excellency etc etc, Robert Gabriel Mugabe have a confession to make ... I’ve fallen deeply, madly, PASSIONATELY in love ... with your marsupial. Therefore I have decided to drop ALL charges against you (and him) except for the crime of being white of course ... and you are now welcome in my country whenever you wish. Sadly, I cannot give him back his girlturd (which I believe is pronounced as one word) ranch but ...

Firstly, Bob, he’s not a marsupial, he’s a godamn motherfucking macarena MONKEY! And secondly, you can take your offer and shove it up your ass. He now has other newer and better prospects to attend to than SAGTRA so ... girlpooh to you! ... Hmph ... I've had enough now ... I'm going home.

SOB! MAGOGO ... NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Well there you have it ladies and gentlemen, the saga continues ... His Excellency has declared his undying love for his other more important Excellency’s pet amphibian ...

MONKEY YOU KNOB-JOCKEY!!!

Sorry ... Monkey ...

Vogon Poetry

Snoggle Wibblebrunck
Oh glubulous Rotterblather,
I do wibble my volumptous scrottlenatters to your globular snufflegrot!
Thy snobble waves are comprunctous to be as gnubbfloth as a two-way trunklesniper.
I do exaunt thee at thy ranglunt fnibblepronger
And slibble thy trogulant wozzlegrunger at thy recomptulous manglefrouters.
When I bibble at thy gnafular oobleprockets, thou approginst to me as an aspendigery diantoglulacular mooglebrunt would if its argleschrints had been grinstoppered by a yurgleblithering brunglewonk.
I therefore robruculate thee at thy drooglecrouncher and yurgle thee as a Snoggle Wibblebrunck!

- Oogle Munglespatter

---

Ode to a Mifflespruck
Mifflespruck, mifflespruck,
I hangle at they trufflegrobblers to be a miffgrott,
And when I have scoobolled a blattergroother, I shall gnill at thy smorfleroller.
Sprucklemiff, sprucklemiff,
Thou art a woodle and snogtriffer and I therefore spurnig thee and shrob thee down the scroggiest knoblegrauber, where thou shalt robble in the glubulous wathersprung!
Mifflespruck, I snig you from the Sprucklemiff and widdle in thy molunctous snaffleprouch.

- Groblesning Sluglinger

What now?

You were so self-conscious about everything -- so insecure. And you knew it. And you admitted it. You were self-conscious enough about your thinning hair that you thought about getting hair plugs. You thought you were fat. You didn't like wearing shorts. You only wore black. Then you went goth. What were you really trying to say about yourself?

And now you get yourself a motorcycle. Stop trying to impress everyone and like yourself, buddy.

Roadkill

I was walking down the side of the road the other day. I came upon a monkey turd. It looked kinda greasy but I ate it anyway. I knew I was taking a chance, but man I was hungry, and it tasted pretty good. Then I found an old soda that still had some in it to wash it down with.
That night it hit me. I had the sreaming shits so bad, my intestines were hanging out of my ass. I had to call my dad in to poke them back up inside of me. After that I felt OK and have had no problems since.
Problem is, my family thinks I still should pay good money and go to a doctor. I say since I feel OK now I shouldn't waste the money. What do you all think?

I hate my job

I know there are many out there who feel the same way.
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.”

--Drew Carey

***BREAKING NEWS FLASH!***

HIS ESTEEMED EXCELLENCY, EMINENCE KODY R BEAR TO SODOMIZE SPONGE BOB SQUARE PANTS!

  

Your Excellency Is this true?

Absolutely! Although I think he is a fine actor and comedian on the level of Robert Duvalle and Robert De Niro, I must sodomize. It is my prime directive,even if I have to do it under water.

Do you expect to find it difficult to find Sponge Bob's asshole?

  

He's a sponge! He has many assholes! I expect the sodomy procedure to be routine.

What will you do after the event?

Oh I'll just have some Vodka and Gin on the beach and reflect on the Sodomy! What do you expect me to do,just forget about it?

No Your Excellency. What Ever You Wish.

WTF?

Such a big world. So many lonely people. So many in pain 24/7. I've been here a long time now. Times used to be good. I used to look forward to the next day. Now it is all shit and has been for years. It seems like I'm just waiting for life to be over yet I'm still young. Humanity disgusts me. I will never find a mate or have a family. I will go through the rest of my life with only a few friends that understand me. Females have lied and hurt me to the point where I don't care if I'm ever close to another one. Porn satisfies the primeval needs without the heartache. Really,there are few who have had their heart broken by a porn star,except when the dvd player gets jammed up. Self esteem. People want to encourage self esteem. What will happen to our porn industry? These girls just don't grow on trees. When you decide not to blow a goat or fuck a horse on the Internet just because your drunken father missed too many dance recitals where does that leave me on Friday night with my high speed connection? I'm sick of this shit! (lazy Boy,what a trip!) I've been told there are drugs,other than the ones that I get from the dark man on the corner, that can help me,change my attitude,make me stop smoking and drinking myself to death. I don't believe it. The problem is hereditary. My family is a bunch of dysfunctional drunks. It is my destiny to live my limited life in this fashion. Maybe the KodyBear can help me. I've heard that he heals people. Is he still on tour? Are his tour dates on his web page? Will he be at the Steely Dan show in Va. Beach on August 19?
I must-will(pronounced as one word) attend this show. I wish you all the best of luck in this fucked-up world.

I started an affair with a married man 10 years ago. He left his wife and we've been blissfully happy ever since. I know there will be those on this website who will crucify me for my actions, but I don't care. Sometimes happy endings really do happen.

Definitions

It has come to my attention that the liberal left have distorted the English language by making up non-sensical phrases to describe things and activities that have been easily defined for hundreds of years. The true meanings of these propagandish phrases are as follows:
Embrace diversity-love a nigger, spic, wap, chink, or sand nigger
Empower women-have politicians looking for votes allow the courts to become communistic tools to give women money from fathers getting screwed by the system so they won't tax the welfare wystem and get handouts with less shame
gay rights-allow fags and dykes to sodomise and copulate without getting castrated or de-cunt lipped
domestic violence-what happens when a husband catches his bitch sucking his neighbors dick
wetland-a worthless swamp that should be used for a garbage dump but liberals want it for "wildlife"
undocumented alien-a spic in the USA illegally
politically correct-what the unhappy commentors to this post will attempt to define so readers will think they are "in the know" and "cool"

MAGOGO THE SINGING DANCING MACARENA MONKEY IN ALL OF HIS GLORY SET AGAINST A BLUE SKY!

BREAKING NEWS reporters have learned that His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear has discovered the secret to posting his image-likeness(pronounced as one word). However,sources close to the klan say that the credit should go to Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey. We found Magogo lucid and recovering well from his cable binge.

Mr. Magogo so it was actually you who discovered the image-secret?

Yassa. But I cants takes all de credit no suh. Satan help me do it.

Satan? The Devil?

Yeah. De one on dis page jus below here. De one wid de titties. I clicks on his likeness-image and follows de trail backwards!

Mr. Magogo how do you and his Excellency intend to use this new power?

Well,Yo know we just post image-liknesses of sit and stuff,nothin bad fo dey childrens. We just tryin to overtake de intranet and stuff. Like new image-liknesses be commin out of Low Life Films all de time now. We just try to promotes our new movie and stuff and sit.

Do you think that either you or His Excellency will ever post anything of substance or value?

Oh Yass! Mayhaps we get around to it sooner or later. Right now we just funnin and stuff. What we gots to do now is learn to make de image-likenesses bigger. Yo know . Bigger dan life. Kinda like Robert Duvalle in dem westerns.

Mr. Magogo what do you think Mr. Duvalle's reaction would be to meeting you?

Oh,he shoot my ass fo sho.

Thank You Mr. Magogo

  

****BREAKING NEWS!*****

BEHOLD! HIS ESTEEMED EXCELLENCY EMINENCE KODY R BEAR!

  

maybe i'm just a normal girl--

Wtf happened--I don't understand. I don't understand me. I don't know what's going on. I never expected this. I never expected this. What am I doing?

Is this--what do you call it--is it love?

I said I loved you before, and I meant something when I said it, but I was never sure wtf it was. I meant it--but I didn't understand it. It's different now, donchaknow?

Donchaknow?

Wtf happened?

Is it love? Why is it so delayed? Four years? Wtf is that? And what happens after? Now I start to be afraid.

image posting

I need help posting images here. I'm close to figuring it out. Could someone just bottle feed me?

****LATE BREAKING NEWS!****

HIS ESTEEMED EXCELLENCY EMINENCE KODY R BEAR MAKES SELECTED PICTURES OF HIS SOUTH EASTERN US TOUR AVAILABLE FOR PUBLIC VIEWING ON SONY'S IMAGE STATION!

http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=2122782791

MAGOGO THE SINGING DANCING MACARENA MONKEY FOUND UNCONSCIOUS IN LOW LIFE FILMS DRESSING ROOM!

This just in: His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Benevolence Kody R Bear has attended an Indian Pow Wow and also the Chicken Festival in Ocean City Maryland. His Excellency did not molest any of the Native Americans. However at least one chicken was not so lucky. The not so benevolent Bear sodomized the poor bird which clang to life for a short time before expiring. In a magnanimous show of supreme generosity His Eminence has made the images available through the above link.

Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey has not been so fortunate. He was found passed out in his dressing room this past Saturday. The Monkey was found in a corner,his battery compartment open,surrounded by empty High Gravity containers and a variety of devises used in the smoking of coaxial cable. It seems the animal was distraught about a recent conflict with His Excellency Kody R Bear. Dr. Warren Wesphyn has been notified and the Monkey is in stable condition at this time.

Last night after an appearance in Virginia Beach His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear,accompanied by Magogo the Singing Macarena Monkey,made their way to a local bar for a few dops. Sources in the bar report that the Bear soon became drunk and belligerent. He was heard to be arguing with Magogo about the fact that the Monkey had hidden some Kentucky dog-turds in his battery compartment against His Excellency's wishes. The situation quickly turned violent when the hapless ape at one point neglected to address the Bear by his title. Patrons scurried for safety as the Bear began his assault on Magogo. They watched in horror as the Monkey was beaten about his head and face,as the Kody extended his hydraulic penis,as his powerful yogurt pumps were turned on,as he penetrated the battery compartment and the Monkey was filled with strawberry yogurt. At this point,not realizing that His Excellency is above the law,a Virginia Beach police officer entered the bar. The Bear quickly disarmed him and performed his first sodomy of an on duty police officer.

Sources close to Low Life Films report that shooting will resume as soon as Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey is sober.

My wife doesn't do anything to attract me physically.

I'm a newly wed. I've been celibate for most of my adult life. I just got married new years eve. My wife is slowly begging to let her self go physically. She doesn't try to do anything to keep in shape. She doesn't wear make up or dress sexy anymore. She spends most of her time talking to her best friend in another state but gets up set when I have an attitude with her. The only way I have an orgasm with her is if I'm on top and thrusting fast. Even then it takes forever. She has multiples but I have to really concentrate to have one. I have to imagine other ladies dressed sexy to even have one. She doesn't seem to get it when I throw hints to her about working out. She has gain about 20lbs. I buy her sexy outfits and told her that those are the things that turn me on . I have to practically beg her to wear them. The really bad part is the fact that she is very attractive but doesn't show it. What do I do?

****BREAKING NEWS****

In BREAKING NEWS Today His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear,Low Life Films Executive Producers and Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey are expected to arrive at His Excellency's East Coast Electronics Store early this afternoon. As of ten o'clock this morning a crowd of followers had already gathered in the parking lot shouting pro Kody chants. By eleven a hoard of green flys had arrived in anticipation of Magogo's arrival. Breaking news was on hand to interview some of the Bear's followers.

Excuse me Miss what is your name?

My name is Deep Throat Dianne and I promise if you let me do one of ya den the other one gonna want some too!

Are you here to see His Excellency?

Oh yes! I first met His Eminence when I was working as a street prostitute in New York City. His Excellency paid me ten dollars for a blow job!

And you Sir what is your name?

My name is Conical Joe and I'm here hoping that The KodyBear can heal my son. He's a waterhead boy. So far all we've been able to do is get him a big hat.

Well,good luck with that. And you Sir what is your name?

I am Iforce. I was His Excellency's tracker and gun bearer on all three of his hunting Safaris in Zimbabwe. I'm here because His Eminence promised to cure me of aids. I developed the illness on a trip to the SAGTRA complex in 2004.

It looks like His Excellency's Motor Car is Pulling into the parking lot now. Unbelievable! The green flys have already covered the exterior of the vehicle! The crowd is Chanting KODY! KODY! KODY! People are getting down on their knees many breaking out into tears of joy! The Bear is stepping out of the Car and making his way to the podium.

Humble followers! You may rise now! Please,it is not necessary to donate money! Those of you who need healed please form a line at the back of the van. I'm honored that so many of you came. We did not have this many followers together at my Huntington or Charleston W.Va stops!

Now before I resume my tour I would like to announce my July 2006 campaign against babiesonline.com. As you know in recent history I have posed as a newborn and been kicked off the site on three occasions. This will not be tolerated! On my next attack I will use a different name. This is triple top secret and I will divulge the name only when my engineers have the site up and running. Once again I thank you for your continued support!

As the van pulled away the parking lot quickly emptied as followers returned to their homes to worship in private. Only one man was left. He had impaled himself on a fire hydrant as a show of his faith.

France: world cup Winners

Can't wait till France kicks Italy's ass, well because they rule the sport of football . Bring that world cup home to France. Woo hooo , yeah baby!!!!!

Mr. Smart Guy Says...

Ken Lay is dead! I find it absolutely amazing how this man cheats all of the Enron employees and stock holders one last time, dying just prior to his sentencing. Perhaps there is a greater justice in death than in life. The real tragedy here lies in the thousands of former Enron employees who lost their retirement and insurance funds and the investors who were literally bilked out of billions of dollars. I wonder was Mr. Lay's final judgment as swift as the outflow of cash from those who trusted him and the system? Maybe anonyblogs resident Satanist can touch base with their king of the underworld and see exactly how Mr. Lay was received.

When.

It's horrid when all my friends are happily existing in their own little world with their other halfs, and I'm all alone here. Everywhere I go, I'm faced with a happy pair of people. And yes, I am happy for them. But at the same time, their compounded happiness only serves to remind me of how alone I am. And I can never meet one without the other tagging along. So much for best friends. But I can't bring myself to ask it of her.

I like someone. But I'm getting tired of how he's treating me. I'm losing faith in love and in myself. I really need a hug right now. Would anyone like to start up a Rent-A-Hug agency?

When? When will you get here? I haven't met you, and yet I'm already missing you.

I went to see the fireworks last night over the East river, alongside thousands of others on the FDR. It is true what they say; you never feel more alone than when surrounded by an ocean of people in New York City. The lights that glittered in the sky and the booms that accompanied them silenced the crowds, such that each of us became surrounded by walls of explosions, and we were held in seperate rooms of reflection. I drew deeper and deeper into myself as the kaleidoscopic display of red and blue and yellow embers lit and fell, until there was nothing left but me. And as I stood there alone over the highway, my thoughts turned to you, and I wondered if you too were looking up into the same smoky night , if I would be able to turn my head and catch a glimpes of you standing somewhere in the now empty lot, your face glowing and bright like a reflection of the moon on the open seas. You would've loved it there. All I could think of as I stood there watching shapes sprout from the darkness was, we would've loved it together.

Happy fourth of July, sweetie.

Thinking of you,

C.

Satan wants you.

Winged and Horned Beast. Satans requires your eternal soul for torment in hell. Humans freely and unknowingly relinquish their souls to him.

****BREAKING NEWS****

His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear,his servant Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey and Low Life Film's Executive Producers arrived in Eastern Kentucky last night to begin their search for the elusive "goddamn goddamn." The expedition will be guided by world renown gunshot wound expert-geologist-historian-astronomer(pronmounced as one word) Dick Buzzard. Their gracious host is Yogi Segundi. Breaking News reporters found the expedition members preparing for the evenings festivities.

Dick Buzzard: "Well what I want to know is where is the mutherfuckin goddamn goddamn!?"

Dragon Lord: "Wait a minute. We drove His Excellency and Mr, Magogo all the way from our double triple top secret location
in Delaware,which is really in Maryland under the assumption that you knew where it was!"

Dragon lady: "Yes Prefect I agree, this is preposterous."

Magogo: "Man dey shaw nuff is a lot of dogs round here. And a lot of dog turds to boot!"

His Excellency: "Don't even start. I've had enough of your monkey brained ideas. I'm telling you there is no industry to be made in dog
turds so don't even ask me to invest."

Yogi Segundi: "Industry? Dog turds?"

His Excellency: " Don't even listen to that bloody evil thing. I don't even know why I keep him around anymore. I'm telling you Yogi his
brain is filled with rubbish and the only industry he knows is selling turds. I mean look at him! He's completely
buggered!

Dick Buzzard: "So Dragon Lord did you bring them mushrooms?"

Dragon Lord: "Well we were going to pick them up in the vicinity of his Excellency's East Coast Electronics Store. Regrettably
the package was not ready."

Dick Buzzard: "Then you can forget about finding the goddamn goddamn. Can't get to it without the goddamn mushrooms."

Magogo: "I bet iffin Mr. Smart Guy was here he know how to find it an he probly come nince to doin it widout de mushrooms.
Yass he one smart muthafucka. Yo read dat stuff he write on anonyblog? Dat nigga be talkin some serious sense
man. I likes what he had to say about dat ole cat in de dumsta."

His Excellency: You see? This is what I'm talking about. Buggered! Nothing he says has any relevance. We must make a plan.
Now we must postpone our search. I say we do what we always do. Let's get drunk,discharge some big handguns,
eat and shoot off the fireworks!"


His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear in his magnanimous generosity has donated his time to Breaking news reporters on this national holiday to give you this rare opportunity.

Mr. Smart Guy Says...

Just curious! But why all the crap on this site? The crap I am refering to is like the post immediatley following this one, or the ongoing Indy saga.
I would think the moderator or founder of this site would welcome all forms of blogging including the crap ones although you have to wonder. How about blogging about interesting things that does not stain the mind?

Blacks On Blondes

I've seen them all. Lex the Impaler with Jill Kelly,Brianna Banks and Jenna Jamison. Goddamn. Somebody get a rope!

World's Greatest Job

How about the Milf Hunter? Wouldn't you love to have this asshole's job?

Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey

Sources close to Low Life Films report that His Excellency's South Eastern US Tour is delayed due to electrical-mechanical(pronounced as one word) issues. His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear was unavailable for comment however we were able to secure an audience with former SAGTRA CEO Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey. As we approached the back lot of Low Life Films we saw Magogo sitting on a cinder block drinking a Colt 45 and surrounded by a hoard of flys.

Mr. Magogo How do you feel about being part of His Excellency's South Eastern US Tour?

Now yo listen here. I don't wants to go to Kentucky. Dey rednecks dere. Dey be hangin Magogos an sit.

Where is His Excellency Kody R Bear?

Oh. He drunk. He gone to some Indian Pow Wow or some bullshit like dat. He don't care iffin de tail lights don't work. He He He don't care to much for these flys no how.

What is you current outlook on your career as a Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey?

Well I don't sings and dance much anymo you know since Dr. Warren Wesphyn,bless his soul, installed my speech card. Hey! Did you see Daddy N Them with Andy Grifinth,ole Billy Bob Thorton and Laura Dern? Yo man did yo see dat Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey dat bitch had? Ever time dey git to drinkin an a fightin she clap her hands and it start singin. Remind me of de way I used to be. Oh I guess I got Plenty of time long as I's gots AA battrys. All I really wants to do is go back to Africa.

Mr. Magogo what would you do in Africa?

Shit. I go back to Zimbabwe. Oh how me an Mr. Mugabe used to have so much fun togerther talkin about inflatin de elephant population stealin tractors,smokin umbungee and runnin white folks off dey farms. May haps he even give me back de turd ranch. All I knows now is de girlutrds.

Mr. Magogo would it be fair to say that your living in the past to some degree? That your thinking is irrational? His Excellency Robert G Mugabe has already stated that you will be hunted down and killed in Zimbabwe. Indy has been gone for over three years now. Is it necessary to remind you that you are an indentured servant to His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear? What is that smell? It smells like plastic. What are you smoking?

Dis de bess RG-6 coaxtial cable yo can git. I Lights it up an de plastic burn down to de cable an I gets me a big ass hit. Feel like somebody done hit me in de head wif a baseball bat. Hey man reach in dere an git me one o dem high garavity beers an I tells yo sumfin bout de KodyBear. He talk a good good but he ain't do shit anymore. He stay fucked up all de time. He don't even sodomize anymo. He ain't give a damn what I does or where I goes. I gots whats called seniority man. I done been wid de KodyBear longer dan anyone.

Mr. Magogo what is it like being in the care of the Dragon Lord?

Dat muthafucka crazy man. He allin to get some mushrooms now. He say he want two ounces an him work for de govment. Now de Dragon lady she real nice to me. I likes her a lot. She crazy too do. He He Dey both just a couple of old hippies.

Mr Magogo do you think you will ever return to the East Coast Electronics store?

Oh yas I's gwine to return mayhaps right afta de Holiday because dats nere where de Dragon Lord a gonna get his mushrooms. I probably come in an make some public service announcements like I used to do.

Mr, Magogo just one more question. Will His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear be available for a July 4th interview?

Oh Yas. Dat Bear he probably sober up by den iffin he know dey is a publicity opportunity.

Thank You Mister Magogo.

The Satanic Bible- a book dedicated to the damned)

The Satanic Bible is a book written by Anton LaVey in 1969. It contains a collection of essays, observations and basic Satanic rituals, and outlines LaVey's unique Satanic philosophy (though the author claims to be influenced by Machiavelli, Friedrich Nietzsche, Ragnar Redbeard, and Ayn Rand among others). The book contains the core principles of Satanism, and is considered the foundation of the philosophy and dogma that comprises Satanism. Satanists maintain that The Satanic Bible may not be subject to interpretation or revision, and that no rule or principle contradictory to what is written in The Satanic Bible may be considered applicable to Satanism.

Contents [hide]
1 History
2 Textual Integrity and Translations
3 Books of the Satanic Bible
4 The Book of Satan
5 The Book of Lucifer
6 The Book of Belial
7 The Book of Leviathan
8 Yankee Rose
9 The Satanic Rituals
10 Table of Contents
11 External links

[edit]
History
The Satanic Bible was originally published in 1969 by Avon Books; it has been in continuous print ever since. The main text has never been altered in any edition; however, the dedication page has been changed from the first edition (the first edition contained the famous extended dedication) and introductions have been added and replaced. Burton Wolfe, a journalist and early member of the Church of Satan, wrote an introduction that was published with the book for many years. The current High Priest of the Church of Satan, Peter H. Gilmore, wrote a new introduction that replaced Wolfe's and was included with The Satanic Bible starting in 2005. University Press released a hardcover edition of The Satanic Bible and The Satanic Rituals, but these are long out of print. These hardcover editions have become coveted collectors items and copies have sold for over $1000.00 on eBay.

[edit]
Textual Integrity and Translations
The Satanic Bible was originally written in English, and every edition from the first to the current edition in English contains identical text and remains unaltered. This fact, along with the fact that original first editions can be obtained if desired, and the fact that the entire book was penned by one author, provides proof against reinterpretation.

The Satanic Bible has also been translated into several non-english languages, including German, French, Czech, and Swedish. However, it should be noted that among readers some of these translations have been criticized as sub-par and inadequate by comparison to the original English of The Satanic Bible, a common hazard of translating a complex book.

[edit]
Books of the Satanic Bible
The Satanic Bible, after the introductions by other authors, is divided into four books: the Book of Satan, the Book of Lucifer, the Book of Belial, and finally the Book of Leviathan. Each book approaches a different aspect of Satanism, and serves a unique purpose within the structure of The Satanic Bible.

edit]
The Book of Satan
The Book of Satan: The Infernal Diatribe introduces Satanism in dramatic fashion: through ritual in prose. This is the only book of The Satanic Bible to take a versed format, and is intentionally structured as a poem. The five chapters of The Book of Satan are modified verse after the words of Ragnar Redbeard in Might is Right. It should be noted that Anton LaVey did not copy the verse directly; he chose segments from different sections of Might is Right, and made changes to the verse to amend what he perceived as errors in logic or consistency with Might is Right. As Anton LaVey stated in his introduction to later editions of Might is Right, he found both considerable inspiration in that book, but also glaring errors that made it, taken part by part, incompatable with his Satanic philosophy; it was instead the whole of the message that he found appealing, and the passages selected and changes made to best capture what he found appealing in Might is Right.

The Book of Satan is by far the shortest book of The Satanic Bible, yet also in many ways the most dramatic. Its intention seems to be to stir the reader, to awaken his senses and his sense of outrage and sensibility, to encourage his reception to the essays of Satanic philosophy and dogma that follow in The Book of Lucifer. The Book of Satan was also recited by LaVey in ritual ceremonies, in part or in whole, and his recording of The Satanic Mass includes a full recitation of The Book of Satan.

The Book of Satan is symbolically associated with the element of Fire.

[edit]
The Book of Lucifer
The Book of Lucifer: The Enlightenment directly follows The Book of Satan. After the indignant intonation of The Book of Satan, The Book of Lucifer seeks to logically expound the philosophy and dogma of Satanism. The Book of Lucifer is divided into twelve essays, each of them a vital component of LaVey's architecture of Satanism. The following are brief synopses of each of these essays:

I. - Wanted - God Dead or Alive

This short essay provides an essentially atheistic approach to Satanism, and indicts Judeo-Christian religion and prayer as hypocritical and unrealistic. Further, it clarifies the Satanic approach to the question of God:

...the Satanist simply accepts the definition which suits him best. Man has always created his gods, rather than his gods creating him. To the Satanist "God"...is seen as the balancing force in nature, and not as being concerned with suffering.

The passage from which this is taken, when viewed as a whole, suggests that "God" is a human concept, a means of explaining that which men have been unable to explain either through ignorance or through philosophical inability to grasp the nature of reality. This passage also opens up the common Satanic maxim, "I am my own god," a statement of selfish self-aggrandizement, viewed as a positive trait by Satanists.

II. The God you Save May be Yourself

Follows up on the concept of "I am my own god" with a full explanation of the Satanic egocentric view of the world. This short essay that as all gods are of human creation, worshipping an external god is to worship another human by proxy; therefore, the sensible, Satanic approach is to create your own god, namely yourself, and to "worship" this god. The result, of course, is to view oneself as the most important of all beings, and to adopt an unapologetically selfish view of the world and course of action.

III. Some Evidence of the New Satanic Age

This essay is longer than the previous essays; following the first two that denounce white-light religion as hypocritical and self-hating, this one offers Satanism as an alternative and opposite, a religion suited to man's needs.

It begins by suggesting that the Seven Deadly Sins are in fact all instinctual to human nature and not "sinful" at all. It states that they are all unavoidable urges of mankind, carefully selected by Christianity to ensure that all men will inevitable sin, as no one can avoid engaging in these instinctive urges. LaVey submits that this is a device to guarantee that, taken within the Christian religious framework, one would have no choice but to beg God for forgiveness as he will surely have sinned and therefore dependence upon the Christian church is assured. LaVey offers instead that as all of these so-called sins are natural to humans, they should instead be embraced and even considered virtuous. This excerpt, for example:

Envy and greed are the motivating forces of ambition - and without ambition, very little of any importance would be accomplished.

He goes on to explain that in this modern age, religionists have had to constantly reinterpret their own texts in order to keep up with the demands of people that they be permitted to indulge their normal human desires. LaVey views this as both hypocritical and evidence that these religions are, at their very core, obsolete and should be discarded entirely, to be replaced with a religion better suited to man's needs. Satanism, LaVey suggests, is that religion.

LaVey then justifies Satanism as a religion by explaining that it is not merely a philosophy. He explains that one reason man has always had religion is because he has a need for dogma and ceremony; Satanism acknowledges this, and therefore supplies its adherents with dogma and ceremony in the form of magic and ritual. LaVey claims that it is precisely this trait that distinguishes Satanism from Humanism or other essentially atheistic philosophies, and makes it a true religion suited to man's carnal nature.

LaVey concludes the essay by explaining that even other religions or new-age movements that claim to supply adherents with magic have failed in this by distinguishing "White magic" from "black magic;" LaVey says that all magic is one and the same, as all of it is done for the glorification of the magic user and therefore, like all man's actions, is essentially selfish. He suggests that a Satanist may choose to help those he cares for, including himself, or condemn those he hates, but in all cases what he does it at his own discretion and therefore done for selfish reasons.

IV. Hell, the Devil, and How to Sell Your Soul

In this essay LaVey now explains why, if he does not believe in literal concepts of gods or devils, he chose the name "Satanism" to describe his religion.

LaVey points out the Hebraic origin of the word "Satan" as a term to mean "adversary," not only applied to a supernatural being but to any person who is your opponent. He likewise describes the mythological and literary significance of Satan in history, from the Greek Pan to the "scapegoat" used to absorb men's sins to the co-opting of pagan deities and devils by Christianity variously as saints or demons.

LaVey's final assessment is that as Satan and all the devils have represented man's carnal nature made sinful, and the opposition of everything from servile god-worship to conformity, Satan as a literary and mythological figure is the ideal symbol for a religion that exalts man's carnal and independent nature. LaVey's view of Satan might be best compared to John Milton's literary Satan, a proud and independent beast.

V. Love and Hate

A surprisingly short essay given its importance, here LaVey explains in no uncertain terms how Satanists view matters of love and hate, and their role in human affairs.

LaVey makes it very clear that although Satanism is an uncompromisingly selfish religion, he defines selfishness according to what an individual truly wants. Therefore, if a person should honestly care for another person and wishes to express love, then he should do so wholeheartedly; a truly selfish person can acknowledge that if a person is loved by him, then they are important by virtue of his love. This can be compared favorably to ethical egoist arguments concerning the same, that ultimately what sometimes benefits others can be beneficial to oneself, while maintaining that one must always have ones own interests first in mind. LaVey never suggests that love is not a natural emotion in man, and on the contrary suggests that loving select individuals is very natural, but to love all people, and therefore to be altruistic is not only a philosophical mistake but is in fact impossible and even damaging to the ability to truly love those few individuals who deserve it.

LaVey also explains that hatred is likewise a natural emotion in man and therefore not to be shunned. He makes clear that hatred should be directed at those who deserve it by virtue of their actions to offend the individual, and like love, it is senseless to universally apply hatred to all mankind. He muses that while Satanism strongly advocates both individual love and hate, because white-light religion has such a strong aversion to acknowledging hate as a natural feeling in man that to merely mention that Satanism permits individuals to hate their enemies, Satanism is automatically portrayed as a hateful religion, a claim he maintains is false and ignorant of the true ethics of Satanism.

VI. Satanic Sex

Contrary to the popular opinion that Satanism advocates promiscuous behavior in all individuals, in this essay LaVey actually lambasts the "free love" movement (a movement very much in motion in the 1960s when LaVey wrote The Satanic Bible) as being equally restricting as the white-light view that sex is wrong.

LaVey's stance, once again, takes a purely individual approach to sexual matters and ethics. He maintains that while some people are indeed happy with sexual promiscuity, some are, by their nature, happier with much less sexual activity, or perhaps no sexual activity at all. LaVey believes that neither of these states is unnatural or deserving of condemnation, but rather that it is a decision for each individual to make concerning their own sexual tastes and activities.

From this basic principle, LaVey then expounds upon this by pointing out exactly what is and is not permissible Satanic sexual activity.

The basic premise of what is permissible is summed up by the maxim:

Satanism encourages any form of sexual expression you may desire, so long as it hurts no one else.

LaVey quickly explains that this does not preclude sexual masochism, as "so long as it hurts no one else" must be interpreted to mean "who does not wish to be hurt."

This statement openly condones homosexuality, bisexuality, polyamory, premarital or extramarital sex, sexual games including BDSM, multiple partners, and any other such proclivity, while at the same time not excluding heterosexuality, monogamy, or "traditional" marriage. Satanism views all such activities as entirely equal, and deserving of the same respect. LaVey also specifies asexuality as a valid expression, for one for whom sexual activity is simply not desired. LaVey claims Satanism to be the first religion to openly take this stance.

However, the same statement therefore excludes any such activity as rape, pedophilia, or other sexual activities in which any of the participants are unwilling or unable to give knowledgable consent (as is the case with a child). Satanism also expressly forbids illegal activity of any kind. This therefore puts to rest claims that Satanism condones child abuse or criminal activity.

VII. Not All Vampires Suck Blood

One of the most famous essays from The Satanic Bible, it is here that LaVey coins the term "psychic vampire." LaVey defines a psychic vampire as one who attempts to psychologically manipulate others by systematically playing the victim; for example, a person who constantly uses some minor physical flaw as an excuse for their shortcomings and a means of gaining sympathy and favor from others. LaVey believes that people who use a victim status as a means to induce guilt in others are fundamentally weak, and therefore to be shunned by Satanists. (It should be noted that LaVey does not imply that anyone with a flaw is automatically weak, but rather that the use of that flaw to gain sympathy and favor is weak.)

LaVey advises that such people are psychologically draining, hence the term "psychic vampire," and should be dealt with mercilessly and discarded before they are permitted to take control of the lives of vital individuals.

VIII. Indulgence NOT Compulsion

Here, LaVey puts for Satanism as an essentially Hedonistic philosophy; however, LaVey's approach to hedonism is epicurean in nature.

LaVey states clearly that he believes that man should always tend towards indulgence, not abstinence. Whereas other religions seek to dictate what man should abstain from (according to LaVey, most of his natural urges), Satanism seeks to encourage man to indulge all his carnal desires (so long as they fall within the bounds of Satanic ethics, see the essay on Satanic sexuality for example). Satanism, as an atheistic religion, holds that as there is no afterlife and therefore no paradise or heaven, all happiness and satisfaction must be attained here, on earth. LaVey therefore advises that you indulge to the greatest extent possible, that your days on earth may be best spent.

However, LaVey also cautions against compulsion, that is, failure to exercise self-control, and especially engaging in self-destructive behavior masked as "indulgence." This is commonly used as a Satanic argument against such things as drug use. LaVey also points out that religionist guilt preventing them from enjoying themselves is in fact only compulsion masked as religious piety, a compulsion to self-denial.

IX. On the Choice of a Human Sacrifice

In this essay, LaVey unequivocally condemns the practice of killing or harming an animal for ritual or magical purposes, in direct opposition to the common belief that Satanists advocate this practice. He states that to harm an innocent animal is a gross injustice, and magically useless.

LaVey offers instead that the magician offer himself: in the case of a lust ritual, for example, through the production of an orgasm. He explains that the alleged purpose of an animal sacrifice is to release the vital energy of the animal to aid in the production of magic, and that a superior magical effect is achieved by releasing one's own vital energy through orgasmic output.

He also offers that while a Satanist does not under any circumstance advocate criminal activity, if you believe a person deserves to die, then you are perfectly justified in placing a curse upon them, and therefore making a figurative "human sacrifice" of them.

While this essay does expound in important ways upon Satanic ethics, especially as regards the treatment of animals and certain aspects of magic, it is also wrought with a certain humor, as in the statement in reference to so-called "white magicians":

One good orgasm would probably kill them!

X. Life After Death Through Fulfillment of the Ego

Taking further the nonspiritual view of the world, LaVey infers that if there is no afterlife, then this life must be valued very highly and the life of the individual should not be devalued. Therefore, he recommends that Satanists take great care to preserve their own lives so long as they can, and strongly criticizes the religious practice of martyrdom.

LaVey states that the circumstance under which a Satanist would willingly give up or risk his own life are very limited indeed. Among those circumstances he specifically names the defense of loved ones, especially one's spouse or children. LaVey views the defense of those you love as a natural instinct in animals (including man), and also as an informed risk: on the one hand, one's own life is of vital importance to oneself, but the life of those you love most may be equally important, and therefore a person may be forced in some circumstance to weigh this and may choose to defend those he loves with his own life. LaVey also condemns suicide, except under those circumstances where, as he puts it, life itself has become an abstinence and death has become an indulgence. This does not include those who suffer unwarranted self-loathing, but rather this refers to those who, due to terminal and painful disease or other such circumstance, cannot expect any more joy from their short life, ever, and chose to end it quickly and painlessly rather than endure ongoing suffering.

Further, he takes the stance that as one will never achieve glory in the afterlife (as the afterlife does not exist), that one must strive for glory in life. He takes the somewhat classical stance that immortality is achieved by creating an enduring name for oneself by great deeds; compare this, for example, to myths of Greek heroes such as Achilles.

XI. Religious Holidays

LaVey briefly outlines the few Satanic holidays.

The most important holiday in Satanism is one's own birthday, as the date of birth one's own god. This is as a reminder that to a Satanist, you are the most important being in the universe, and to honor your own vital existence and your life. LaVey recommends that a Satanist celebrate his own birthday in any way he sees fit, with as much pomp and ceremony as he sees fit. The Satanic celebration of the birthday can also be seen as a mockery of the holidays commemorating the birth of various gods or saints in other religions.

After one's own birthday, LaVey names two other holidays of importance, Walpurgisnacht and Halloween.

Chief among these holidays is Walpurgisnacht, which in addition to the occult significance the date carries, also marks the formation of the Church of Satan in the year 1966, or I Annos Satanas. This date is commonly celebrated by Satanists with private or group rituals, and private parties or family celebrations to commemorate the foundation of the Church of Satan.

Halloween is likewise celebrated for its occult significance, though Satanists tend to take a certain humor in its celebration, as it is likewise celebrated by non-Satanists.

LaVey also names the summer and winter solstices, and the spring and fall equinoxes as Satanic holidays, as natural days of change in the seasons and days of universal ancient significance.

XII. The Black Mass

The final essay of The Book of Lucifer begins the transition into the last two books of The Satanic Bible by a summary history of the "Black Mass," which LaVey outlines as being primarily a literary invention of Christians and inquisitors to impress upon people the depravity of the accused witches (which, as LaVey points out, were more often than not innocent of any witchcraft, guilty only of being eccentric, senile, or ugly). However, LaVey believes that emotionally evocative psychodrama has a place within Satanism as a means of emotional outlet and motivation, a topic he treats in detail in the remainder of The Satanic Bible.

The significance of The Book of Lucifer to Satanism cannot be underestimated. The topical essay format became LaVey's signature style, and the most important foundations of Satanic thought are contained within this section of The Satanic Bible. Stylistically, it is a carefully written with an economy of words to ensure that his points are always delivered clearly and not subject to reinterpretation, but at the same time restricted to only what needed to be said. It is also worth noting that LaVey refrains from any use of vulgarity in The Book of Lucifer and maintains a carefully worded, calm tone throughout in order that what he wrote here might be taken most seriously (although he does interject humor into his writing, even here). This contrasts with much later essays published in The Devil's Notebook and Satan Speaks!, in which he writes more casually and freely. All of the essays contained in The Book of Lucifer are held to be invariable and indisputable Satanic dogma, whereas those later books contain a mixture of essays, some of which are considered dogma to Satanism, and others which are clearly personal opinions or musings by LaVey or simply essays on topics of interest to him.

The Book of Lucifer is symbolically associated with the element of air.

[edit]
The Book of Belial
The Book of Belial: The Mastery of the Earth introduces in detail the Satanic concept of magic. It is, like the Book of Lucifer, divided into essays, each of which brings greater explanation of what LaVey defined as magic and how he believed it could be applied. These essays and their meaning are briefly summarized here:

I. The Theory and Practice of Satanic Magic (Definition and Purpose)

LaVey gives the following definition for magic:

"The change in situations or events in accordance with one's will, which would, using normally accepted methods, be unchangable."

LaVey then goes on to distinguish what he terms Lesser Magic from Greater Magic.

Lesser Magic consists of non-ritual or manipulative magic, through use of natural abilities to manipulate other humans and therefore circumstances by wile and guile. At the forefront of this effort, according to LaVey, is knowledge of how to employ appearances to one's advantage. He states that a person can employ sexiness, wonder, or sympathy in contrived appearance to gain the alliance or obedience of others, and a competent magician can even combine these aesthetics as necessary. LaVey also states that a magician's actions to manipulate are an important component of Lesser Magic.

Greater Magic includes all ritual and ceremonial magic, which LaVey spends the remainder of The Satanic Bible detailing.

II. The Three Types of Satanic Ritual

LaVey names three types of Satanic ritual:

Lust Rituals are conducted for the purpose of sexually attracting a person of your choice. LaVey specifies that you must have a particular person, or at least type of person, in mind for this to have any chance of success.

Compassion Rituals are performed for the gain of those you care for, or on one's own behalf. The purpose is to increase worldly gain for the target, whether it be a friend or yourself. Any ritual aimed at gaining material wealth, physical advantage, or increase in life station falls into this category.

Destruction Rituals are otherwise known as curses or hexes, and are employed for the destruction of one's enemies.

LaVey also warns that in each of these cases, the only risk is that you must truly want to see what you have wished for come to pass. He very clearly states that there is no guilt-ridden risk that your rituals (specifically, destruction rituals) will be returned upon you (such as the "threefold rule"), but rather that you must be aware of the consequences should you get what you want. He advises that if you perform a lust ritual, that you be prepared to take what you have desired should it come to you; if you perform a compassion ritual, be aware that all gains may be at another's expense; if you perform a destruction ritual, that you should not care whether your enemy lives or dies.

III. The Ritual, or "Intellectual Decompression," Chamber

LaVey begins by explaining the role of both solitary and group rituals, and which kinds of rituals are suited to group performance and which are not. He suggests that destruction rituals can be enhanced by group participation, but that compassion and lust rituals, due to their highly personal nature, are best performed alone, as self-consciousness has no place in the ritual chamber.

He then describes the ritual chamber as an "Intellectual Decompression Chamber," or a means of releasing pent up energy by willfully entering into a state of conscious suspension of disbelief. He adds that only by relieving oneself of intellectual critique of what one is doing in the ritual chamber, can one hope to truly achieve magical ends. He acknowledges that this is similar in principle to the rituals of other religions, but claims a distinction from them, as Satanists are consciously aware of what they are doing and the fact that they are entering into a suspension of disbelief for specific purposes, instead of the self-deceit and delusion characteristic of other religions.

IV. The Ingredients Used in the Performance of Satanic Magic

LaVey names five elements essential to a magical working:

Desire: The magician must possess great desire to see the intented outcome come to fruition.

Timing: A time for ritualization should be chosen to align with whatever time the target is most receptive; LaVey especially names the period in which the target is in deep sleep as the ideal time for this.

Imagery: Accoutrements conducive to the ritual environment, and the full visualization of the desired outcome, must present. This not only includes the standard ritual equipment, but more specifically any specialized imagery or items the magician requires to give him a full mental view of what he wishes to happen. This can include drawings or paintings, sculptures, dolls, written poems or verses, or anything else that aids in visualizing the outcome.

Direction: As mentioned before, the magician must have a very clear target in mind. All three types of ritual demand that the magician know specifically who (or at least, what kind of person) you wish to be targeted by his magic. The magician must also be able to give vent to all his desires during the ritual, not before or after.

Balance: The magician must temper his magic with a dose of common sense, otherwise known as the balance factor. LaVey states that ritualized desires must be realistic; wishing for the impossible or the absurdly far-fetched will not yield results, as the magician cannot reasonably hope to put forth enough magical energy to accomplish what cannot be accomplished by any means. To quote LaVey:

Magic is like nature itself, and success in magic requires working in harmony with nature, not against it.[1]

V. The Satanic Ritual

This segment of The Book of Belial begins detailed instructions for actual performance of ritual and how it is conducted. It includes instructions of selection and use of ritual attire, the altar, Sigil of Baphomet, candles, bell, chalice, elixier, sword, phallus, gong, and parchment.

The Book of Belial is symbolically associated with the element of earth.

[edit]
The Book of Leviathan
The Book of Leviathan: The Raging Sea contains explicit instructions as to what is to be said and done during ritual. Its text is largely comprised of invocations and ritual verse, including the Invocation to Satan performed at the outset of each ritual, and separate invocations for each of the three ritual types. It also includes the nineteen Enochian Keys, a dark reinterpretation of John Dee's verses of the same name in the fictive language Enochian. These keys serve as moving ritual chants in Satanic ritual, and the English translations serve likewise as versed statements of Satanic dogma. The meaning of the Enochian Keys was altered by LaVey from John Dee's version, in an effort to make them more consistent with Satanic dogma while retaining their usefulness as ritual devices.

Sorry Kitty

My girlfriend is house sitting for her sister. While at her sister's house the other night, I ran over the neighbor's cat. It must have been sleeping under my back tire and when I left I backed over it. I feel horrible. It was an old cat and the family had it for MANY years.

That family was out on vacation too. We took the cat and threw it in a dumpster. The family will never know what hapapened to their cat.

Bagoonis

Maka wukie dufu dolino. Barcar tutitino secro tropotin. Zansabar de cupo litto into bacanog ot yu rope maogunis trippit salam. Ropo ni elo wanisitu bando!!!

Dont forget me

Tell me if you think this sounds like a movie/book you would be interested in reading/seeing. Or if its just stupid all together. This is the summery. Thanks

Ember, Jake, Jimmy, Luke, Mikey and Loagn, 6 kids that grew up together in a small town. They've been bestfriends forever and always said nothing would change that. That is till the summer before their senior year. Tyson Keeves moves to town, hes a big sports star, who is bringing to town more then just his athletic ability and charm. when love flares between ember and one of the boys, and one of embers old Flames comes back to town still with feelings for the towns beauty. A big fight gets started over something that was never true, and someone turns up missing...and possibly dead? These 6 friends will deal with love, drugs, sex and lies. Secrets will be revealed about peoples past, and Present and start fights between friends who said nothing would keep them apart. But once one of them turns up missing, and the cops just call him another run away, they wont let anything stop them from finding their bestfriend who they know didnt run away, not even the law.

Sittin Sidewayz

CH-CH-CH-CHYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYUHH DAYYYYYYYYUMM SHAWTY LOOK MAD FLY IN HUH WYTE TEE NIGGA DONT FRONT DIAMOND GRILL IN HUH MOUF YEEEEAAAAAAAYYYUHH BITCHES WANNA HATE NIGGAZ FINNA HOLLA AT HUH

I've been engaging in very subtle flirtation with a kid who is generally acknowledged to be unintelligent, and it doesn't bother me much. I like him.

When dating makes sense and is not governed by impulse and passion, I have been told that intelligence is a nice thing to have in a mate, and I supposed it was true.

It is true--but whatever. I've been disregarding that at the moment.

I have been told that he is extremely shy, even more shy than I am, so I had better find out if his unwillingness to converse with me is due to lack of interest or shyness, and act accordingly.

I think I'd rather have someone who will talk to me.

I shouldn't worry about what happens when he asks me out because he won't. Nobody will ask me out, so I can continue my subtle flirtation forever (or 'til the end of high school), and hope it yields more pleasure than anxiety.

I want to hear about it.

I want to hear about it. Oh, I forgot--we're not speaking.

If I'm lucky, I'll read about it.

If I'm lucky.

Just to lighten everyones day

http://rapidshare.de/files/24700389/Sleepy_Kitten_Song.mp3

Very funny and cute song... you should check it out

it will make you smile... hopefully

Why did I marry this whore?

I cannot believe my wife. First she wanted me to watch sick disgusting porno movies. Then she wanted to stick my penis in her mouth while she...sucked and licked on it. She even made me ejaculate in her mouth and then on her face. Now she has brought home a 19 year old girl(very pretty little thing) and wants to watch while I have sex with the poor thing.
I am ready to file for divorce. But I know it is not right. I cannot believe my marraige has turned into this sick depraved mess.

BREAKING NEWS!!!

His excellencey Dr. kody bear was seen masturbating and lighting his asshole on fire at the same time at a gay pride parade. He became very popular with the fags for his ability to multitask and they loved his pink bear costume. He is now being considered for the position of a gay pride mascot.

more news from a broke bastard

ATTENTION!

After being released from prison, kody bear had to be hospitalized from being assrammed by fellow inmates. When interviewed by the media he requested that he be incarcerated again immediatly after his medical treatments were complete....

news provided by a broke bastard

ATTENTION!

Dr. kody bear was arrested yesterday for trying to suck his own cock in front of a 7 year old child.

Someone fuckin kill the goddamn bear

His esteemed excellency needs to shut his cocksucker and quit posting long ass messages that take up lots of space. Also, Stop trying to sexually exploit little kids on the playground with a bear costume. You inbred son of a bitch!

A Broke Bastard Has Spoken!

Literary Analysis

His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Doctor KodyBear,through years of study and analysis,is the worlds foremost authority on Indy. Because His Excellency,having nothing better to do, has devoted years to the study of Indy's writings,we must give his opinions much weight. Today,in a magnanimous display of generosity, His Benevolence has postponed his South Eastern US tour so that he may help us correctly interpret the post below.

Dr. KodyBear what is your initial impression "New Sex Moves!! *REVISED*!!!"?

Well first lets consider the title. "revised" suggests an earlier post. I've put my best monkey on this one. Magogo,what did you find?

I ain't found jack. De is no earlier post. Man, why deese flys won't leave me alone? Goddamn man.

Magogo,you may go now. Well as you can see we already have a problem. Next let us consider the that the post is uncharacteristically long. 92.4 % of authentic posts by Indy are 10 lines or less. OK I was also suspicious about the subtitle. Wait a minute. Ya know,can we do something about these flys? As I was going to point out the name Indy is synonymous with literary giant and no sub titles have been seen before. Also of importance is the over use of the pronunciation guide. Now lets focus on the overuse of the term "feces-turd". Here we have one of the earliest examples of hyphenated feces terminology which has not been used in authentic Indy posts since 2003. Finally lets look at the sporadic nature of these posts. This is not consistent with Indy's modus oporandi.

So your Excellency what is your conclusion?

Excuse me. Do you speak the Kings English?

What?

English motherfucker! Do you speak it?

Yes Your Eminence.

Then you know what I'm saying. The Indy entity is an impostor,a skillfull mimic but yet just another imp.

Thank you for your time Excellency.

an observation

Has anyone ever noticed how gay men are nice to everybody, but lesbains hate everybody but other lesbians?

***BREAKING NEWS FLASH***

His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R bear today begins his South Eastern US tour. He will be accompanied by former SAGTRA CEO Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey and the Executive producers from Low Life Films,Dragon Lord and lady. Should you be one of the fortunate few to see the Kody,here are a few important guidlines that will help you survivie the encounter.

1. Obey all instructions given by the dragon Lord and Lady.

2. Do not speak to the KodyBear. If you feel you are put in a position where you must
speak,always use at least two of his titles


3. Love and Respect the Monkey for he is Magogo.

4. Under no circumstances look the Kody directly in the eye. This is considered rude
and insolent.

5. Never under any circumstances turn you back on the Kody. This is considered
rude and is also dangerous.

6. Feel free to photograph his Excellency.

His Excellency's South Eastern tour will culminate in Kentucky and may include a stop at his East Coast electronics store.

Cute, 18 year old girl

My clitoris is 9 inches long when erect and I both cum and pee out of it. My vagina is all closed up and my ovaries hang down between my legs in external skin-sacs (pronounced as one word). My voice is deep and resonant and my breasts are flat, muscular and hairy.

Definition

Scat....

Louis Armstrong playing a trumpet made from shit

mb