Anonyblog

I shouldn't worry so much

Once again, I got all worried about my girlfriend cheating on me, when there was really no good reason to worry. This time it unfolded thus: she didn't come online when she usually does after work. Later I text messaged her twice and got no reply. Hours later she called and said she had slept all day, she was so exhausted. So we chatted and everything was real nice. We're so in love. It's lovely. So I was fine.

Then in the morning right as she was getting up, her guy friend, who is also a masseuse and has been giving her massages called to make sure she wasn't oversleeping. So I asked her, "oh.. did you see him yesterday?" And she says "yes, paying customer.. I went for a massage again". Then she left for work. And my wheels started spinning. She doesn't have to tell me everywhere she is, I mean, thats creepy. But, when I had asked her where she'd been - she said she slept all day. But obviously not, she was up late, at her friend the masseuse's apartment, and he knew she was up late, and gave her a wake up call. So I'm thinking "Slept all day..? Where did you sleep? At Mike's??" And I'm thinking about how she got freaked out when Joannie gave me a shoulder rub for about 90 seconds at my office once... And now she's going to this guy's apartment, late at night, for a massage, and he's giving her wake-up calls??. What the fuck?

By the time I had convinced myself she must be fooling around with this guy she was at work, so I emailed her and asked "Is everything OK with us?" And she emailed back saying "everything's good. i just got so tired yesterday because i had to kiss my boss's ass all night long. it sucks out all of my energy. i was used up and needed help. so i called mike up and asked for a massage. it was late and he doesn't have his own office so i went to his place. i didn't mention it because it might sound too freaky. i didn't do anything i have to hide from you. i didn't want to make you feel worried but i end up with making you wonder. i'm so sorry."

So, of course, everything's fine. She is so obviously in love with me. It's apparent when we talk, when she looks at me. To worry is silly. She has never given me reason to not trust her. But it's like some part of my mind is always on the lookout for treachery. Isn't that awful? Why am I like that? You would think that I must be projecting my own desire for infidelity onto this sweet girlfriend of mine, except that i am loyal and faithful in heart and body.

So, I apologized for my paranoia, but asked her about the massage (I've never had a real professional one). And she said "It's called reflex-ology. its more shiatsu than a therapeutic massages. i take a footbath and get my feet massaged with essensial oils. hes working on activating my kidney to help draining bad chemicals out of my body. it would help my skin to be cleared up. i was barefoot but not undressed.you might want to try it. it hurts but it works.

"I'm not offended at all. i didn't want to worry or hurt you. i hang out with guys a lot recently but im not interested in them at all. i just paid 200 bucks to Mike for the massage. I know thats ridiculous, but my body needs to be fixed.

"You are the only one and the last boyfriend i will have in my life from now on. i love your sharp brain. i wanna open your scull take your brain out and lick it and chew it and caress it. you changed my whole life. i love you more than anybody i have loved in the past. you are my everything."

So, I ended up laughing at myself, and thanking her again, and telling her how I appreciate her patience with me. She went on to say there is something cute about the way I get worried. We have had similar conversations three or four times now. And I always conclude that i am pretty much the luckiest man alive, to have this beautiful, creative, funny (and tolerant) woman in my life.

Ok, to follow Admin's wishes....

I hate my job.
I hate My life.
I hate my wife.
I hate my cat.
I hate my dog.
I hate my house.
I hate my car.
I hate my best friend.
I hate anonyblog.

Find this interesting? Hope Admin likes it.

Holy shit! I lireally just got it!

Kody Bear is Mr Ignoramus, AKA Mr. Stupid, the husband of Dragonlady! Indy is just some sick twisted child molester ho lives in New Orleans!

Low Life Films Announces Newest Hire

In an effort to record Kody R. Bear and Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey on their European vacation, Hallucinatory Productions has allowed Low Life Films to hire an additional member to their staff. After numerous complaints from Mr. Stupid, the head of Low Life Films, Hallucinatory Productions granted Mr. Stupid the privilege of taking applications for the position of “Head of Appropriations.” The hiring process has not been with out complications though, as Mr. Stupid should have not taken on the task.

Mr. Ignoramus, President of Hallucinatory Productions LLC, explains “we should have checked and cleared all communications produced by Mr. Stupid. Even the slightest review could have prevented a lot of headaches. The damage has been reduced.”

In a prepared press release from Hallucinatory Productions the following information was disseminated regarding the difficulties Mr. Stupid caused. Here is a portion of the letter Mr. Stupid sent to Mr. Ignoramus:

I sent out an request on “monsters.cum” for a innovative job opportunity too help us here at the studio to facilatate making the travels of his Esteemed Excellance Kody R. Bare and Magogoo the Singing Dancing Mocrarana Monkey and his partner Dookie. I set up a meating place on the third Saturday in Janurary for the people to kome to for the interviews and I susspected something was wrong when I had seen the line of people were going all the way around the block and over into the park and it looked like it was 8 thousand people and when we stated to do the interviews the people keep saying that they were the best in bed and kould sexly please any man or woman. I was most inpressed with Mr. Jiggabboo Johnes until he drank all my beer and stoel my kar and I soon found out that I have made a misteak with the addvertizment for the job and it shoud have read said looking for HEAD OF APPROPRIATIONS but I guess that when I sent the description of the job title to the add place I had misspelt it and it said looking for HEAD OF PROCREATIONS and that is where the konfusion kame from. Anyway I fixed it and I had 12 aplicants and I really liked the third one Mr. Tarbutton but a strange thing happened and some how I ended up hireing some guy named Mr. Manipulator and I only want to pay him $20.000 a year but somehow it ended up that I am paying $200,000 a year for the nexted five years. So right away he went to work and he got an upgrade from koach section in the plane to second klass. The he got them a place to say right in Paris for 5 days and then a tour and then say in a kastle and then some wine and hes working on the rest. Im sorry and I try not to mess thing up again, sorry.

Hallucinatory Productions regrets any inconvenience this may has caused to anyone.

Mr. Ignoramus

INDY THE GREAT

Has anyone ever eaten a womanturd (pronounced as one word)?

101 noitabrutsaM (et cetera)

Lesson 23 - Counter top fun

Grease up your hand with baby lotion, go to some kinda counter that is equal height with your cock, make a fist on the counter and stick your dick in your hand and it's like doggy style.

Lesson 24 - Slap me silly

I like to "slap it silly". I get my cock real hard, grab it by the base and slap it against my stomach and thighs. No pussy on earth could ever do that for me. Nothing makes me cum harder. Sometimes I like to rub the head of my penis on my palm in circular motions ... it may take a long time, but it feels wonderful once you cum.

Lesson 25 - Left-right, left-right

Lube up your dick well and both hands. Put your right hand on top your dick and stroke downward. Before you get all the way down, put your left hand on the top of your dick and stroke downward. Repeat. It will pleasure you like nothing else. It will feel like an endless pussy.

Lesson 26 - Hot and cold

I soak my right hand in cold water for about 5 minutes while I place a heating pad on my genitals for the same amount of time. When my cold hand hits my hot schlong, it's amazing.

Lesson 27 - Rope burn

Use a rope an tie up your penis head (corona... make sure its not too tight though....) and just wag off as fast as you can. When you burst... it's really enjoyable.

Lesson 28 - Pillow maneuver

Lay out a few old pillows with a blanket over them on your bed. Put some lube on your palm and lay on the pillows. Just fuck your hand. The pillows act like a cushion and kinda feel like someone under you, and your hand is like well, fuckin'.

Lesson 29 - Try "The Stranger"

Try this masturbation technique. It's called "The Stranger". Sit on your hand for like 30 minutes until your hand goes numb, then jerk off like a madman. This gives you the feeling that a stranger is doing it for you.

[Disclaimer: This is not one of a series of posts, nor either is it a message.]

More Conservative Crap

Take a look at the latest crap that Lindsey Russell is pushing. What is with her? Maybe she should get ole George to bend over so she could really suck up.

Where is the clan when you need them? Obviously they've moved on from Lindsey. Too bad.

Michelle Malkin Article

Regarding Posting

I have been busy and traveling, so I apologize for the slow speed on publishing entries. I am working on a solution.

Just a few reminders for you all:

While the transfer ownership feature is working, that does not mean that anyone should edit the posts of others that have left it as 'anon'. To be clear, do not edit or change the posts of other for any reason. You are not helping me or teaching anyone a lesson.

Repeated posting on the same topic with the same title is not what I intended as Anonyblog use. Please refrain from posting these 'one in a series' types of posts in the future. On the internet, there are many places to discuss your interest in any topic, but Anonyblog is not a message board, do not use it as such.

Thank you for your understanding.

Update to clarify on the comments:

Here is what I wrote when I began Anonyblog -

Anonyblog is a place where you can post the thoughts that you don't want to post on your own weblog.

Most webloggers run into the problem of wanting to blog something that may cause trouble if friends, family, or coworkers read it.

While I understand the desire for public space to publish your ideas, am asking that you respect the original intent of the site as reflected above.

I am not banning anything. In the words of The Dude, "Nothing is fucked here, man." I'm just simply asking people to reflect on what they are posting a little more.

For example, the 22 entries on masturbation may be interesting to some, they are not in line with the original intent of this site. I'm sure the author of this series has some other thoughts to publish that are more insightful and less repetitive.

My goal is to keep Anonyblog accessible and useful to the casual reader or even the one time reader. Daily posts by the same authors about their ongoing themes does not help in this way. Not because the entries are bad, per se, but that it is confusing to a new reader as to what this site is about.

As reprinted above, the original intent is not to provide an open fiction community, it is to provide an outlet for those that are uncomfortable posting their thoughts in another venue. My concern is that Anonyblog not lose focus on the original intent.

Cold

My wi-fi router crapped out on me. So I came to this cafe that has free wi-fi so I can submit a paper for my online class and look up a vet where I'm going to school in the fall for my dog. Well in the process of doing so my vehicle died. So now its cold and windy outside and I'm just sitting here with only the rediculous amount of heat given off by my laptop to keep me warm until I'm brave enough to walk home. Great. Now I'm going to break out into hives because I'm allergic to the cold. Just great.

The dilema my third leg has posed

I have a VERY small penis. Therefore I barely get women and if I do I never get a chance to sleep with them because they laugh and walk away. The one time I had a chance to have sex, I was doing such a horrible job that she punched me in the face and kicked me out of my own van, which is where I live by the way......

Masturbation 101

Lesson 22 - Sack pull down

For enhanced pleasure while masturbating, pull down on you scrotum. It makes it feel like you're just sticking it into a nice tight pussy. Also, try pushing your cock down, toward your legs.

Admin

How do I get hold of the Admin to delete an entry? It was an entry I posted. How do I remove an entry I posted?

"Magogo! What are we doing here? You Moron! We're not supposed to be in here!"

"I'm sorry Yo Excellency. I musta hit de wrong button on de laptop and.......

"Silence! Hey I used the same fuckin laptop you did and when I got finished we weren't in someone Else's friggin post! It's just this kind of foolishness on your part that's going to bring this situation to a head! Now do something to get us out of here. I'm sure the OP would greatly appreciate it!"

"Well maybe iffin de OP woulda transferred ownership of de..........

Magogo! Ya just don't get it. Do Ya? Ya just don't get it! Try the Escape key! Hell hit control alt delete. We'll restart later. Just get us out of here now!

"Yes Yo Eminence. I'm sorry Yo Excellency Benevolence"

"That's ok, Magogo. For now, poop into my bearmouth (pronounced as one word) a large monkey-feces-turd (pronounced as one word) so I can eat it. I have decided that I am a homosexual-scatologist (pronounced as one word). I also agree that INDY THE GREAT is a god, and I hereby submit to his superiority (pronounced as one word).

Masturbation 101

Lesson 21 - Walk around in circles

Using your middle and index fingers, place them just below the head of your dick and start turning them in circles. Do this with both hands, each set of fingers having its own circular motion. Once you have done it a few times, try to using lube. It feels great!

Thirty Days

I am about to scream.

I was fine with you moving in. I knew we could live together. However, I didn't say he could come with you. Yeah, I understand he's your boyfriend. But he has a home of his own. With his parents. Why doesn't he go get his own apartment, that way you two can go stay over there all the time? Thats why he flaunts his money-- because he has no rent, no bills, and a parent provided car. I CAN'T STAND YOUR BOYFRIEND. And he's been a problem for a while now. Luckily for me, only thirty more days before the lease is up and we can all go our separate directions.

I won't have to come home to all the lights on, when no one is home. I won't have to wake up to a sinkful of dishes, and do them for the 1,000th time in a row because I can't stand the MOLDY smell in the fucking apartment. I won't have to be the only one to take out the god damn kitchen trash, vaccum the living room, or PUT A BAG IN THE BATHROOM TRASH after you've left SOME NASTY girl items in there. The least you could do is wrap them in toilet paper. And rinse off the applicators. CHRIST! I am tired of being the one to clean up after you and your boyfriend when you guys cook. It seems like you have never-ending laundry, and its always left in the washer or dryer. If I wash the dishes and load the dishwasher, why can't you empty it once? Why do you let all your food rot in the fridge instead of going through it and throwing the moldy lettuce away once in a while? WHY BUY SHIT YOU WON'T USE? Why can't you buy the dishsoap? Or the TP? Or the paper towels? Why can't you clean your boyfriends SHIT out of the sides of the toilet, and WHY IS IT SO HARD FOR HIM TO PUT THE SEAT DOWN? (I have recently posted a sign above the toilet.) Stop putting straws in the damn sink. THROW THEM AWAY. Clean up your cups all over the house. If you are not in your room, turn off the tv and the light. If you're not even home, turn off the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, living room and laundry room lights. No one is going to benefit from them being on. I can't afford these fucking high-ass utility bills. And if you aren't here, I don't want him to be here. I don't want to come home to him kickin it on my couch, watching my cable, with all the lights on, eating my food. He doesn't pay for SHIT. AND WHEN THE HELL DID HE GET A KEY????

My boyfriend cleans up after himself, he knows how to put the seat down, and he doesn't LIVE in my ASS. He's been around for alot longer, and he's much more respectful. You wonder why I don't stay here a lot...

AHHH. I feel much better. Thirty more days. I don't have to be nice to him anymore. I don't have to be nice anymore, and smile like I'm not pissed about the dried toothpaste in the bathroom sink and all the crumbs on the counters. (You wonder why we have roaches? The bug people have been here SEVERAL times. CHANGE YOUR WAYS AND THEY WILL NO LONGER HAVE FOOD TO EAT.) No more Miss NiceRoomie. I'm pulling rank. You should have gotten your name on the lease a long time ago. I told you to go do it, but you didn't want to pay the application fee. Well now, this is MY apartment. According to the law.

Thirty days. *just breathe*

Masturbation 101

Lesson 20 - Under pressure

Placing pressure under your balls brings a great feeling but too much pressure will screw things up. I pull my underwear down like I'm pissing and hook it under my balls. This provides pretty good pressure. When you're ready to nut, hold it as hard as you can (keeping legs apart). When you can hold it no longer, let go.

Another simple yes or no, please

Another quick poll here. Should I lay a giant feces-turd on the head of my ex, whilst jerking off all over her mammary-gland-breasts again just for the hell of it?

MUKEE MOKEE MEKEE MOE

Mukee mokee mekee moe, your siter is a fucking hoe.

Lepee lokee lupee lag, your brother is a fucking fag.

If you read this you will be pissed,

Cause you are a retard sis!!

INDY THE GREAT

Indy the Great sits in a dank, dark cave in the Parisian catacombs. A single torch burns. He is so deep within the twisted tunnels that he would never be found. He is miles beneath the grimy streets of the city of lights. With him are only two: Halifax the Bi-Curious Necromancer and Manservant, and Leroy Cleophus Washington the Resurrected Ghostservant.

Halifax?

Yes, Master Indy?

You have stuck with me through the hard times. We barely escaped Girlturdia with our lives. The Turd Kave and the Turdstar are destroyed. And I have heard that the Kodybear and the Magogo are wealthy and strong. What shall we do?

I shall raise an army from these stones if I have to, Master! For now, let us enjoy this meal of...oh God.

Halifax vomits upon seeing the girlturds that Indy has prepared for dinner.

Masturbation

Lesson 19 - Thumb in position

Lube up your cock real well with your favorite lotion, cream or jelly. Then, stroke normally but with your hand placed with the thumb down (toward your balls). Continue as long as you like. Guaranteed to result in a mind-blowing orgasm!

and my brain goes mush.

WHY does everything that could possibly go wrong ALWAYS have to go wrong??? WHY WHY WHY can't ONE single thing go right??? Would that be so much to ask? It's not a lack of trying, I can tell you. I do everything I humanly can to make things go right. But why doesn't it FUCKING WORK??? Where did I go so wrong? Is it just me, or is life this fucking hard for everyone else? I don't do anything out of the normal. I am just an average Joe trying to make it by with a little bit of happiness on the side. Don't I at least deserve that? Why does everything have to go so GOD DAMN drastically wrong????????? Seriously what the fuck did I do to whoever is in charge here?? Am I actually doing everything wrong? Should I stop trying and just let everything happen on its own? Should I live with no hopes or expectations so that I don't feel so cheated? Maybe I should start hoping for the walls of my life to come tumbling down on a weekly basis. That way at least I wouldn't ever be disappointed. All I can say is God damn, what the fuck, why? I would really like to know why why why why why why why everything I do to bring me forward really only brings me back further down. ARRRRGGHHH I am so frustrated! YARRRR har har a little pirate talk might cheer me up. N.

Masturbation 101

Lesson 18 - Thighmaster

My favorite way to masturbate is by using my upper thighs. I keep my cock wedged in between my thigh muscles while I lay on my back or sit down. I slowly move my right thigh up and down while I press down on the upper shaft of my penis with my thumb, moving it around. Sometimes I use my index finger also to rub the head and open my urethra a little. I have the best orgasms this way because my whole cock is being stimulated. This technique has the added advantage of being pretty quiet if you do it right. I can usually get away with getting off in the bathroom at work. I just sit on the toilet and squeeze and rub away. I used to be able to do it with just my thighs when I was in grade school. I could just sit in class and get off while I was sitting at my desk.

Sex in the Boondocks......."The Hot Tub Party"

Shortly after I met Heather, I began working at the local Subway. I hadn’t seen Brandon in a while, so I was surprised one night when he came in the store. We weren’t busy, so he leaned in and kissed me. He told me how much he missed me, but had no way to contact me, which is why he was so excited when he saw my truck in the parking lot. We exchanged cell phone numbers and then he left, after he kissed me on the forehead.

A few nights later, I was working at Subway yet again and the phone rang. I was in the back doing dishes so my friend Carrie answered the phone. It was Brandon. “Can I please speak with the most beautiful girl working at Subway??” he asked. My friend was in a goofy mood so she said “Oh, you want to talk to me??” knowing it was Brandon. He laughed and asked to talk with me. Carrie handed me the phone and he told me he was going to a hot-tub party as a going away thing for one of his best friends. Then he asked what I was doing. I said “I’m going to a hot tub party of course!”

After Carrie and I closed up shop, I flew home as fast as my truck would go. I hurried up and grabbed my swim suit and a towel then left. It was about midnight by the time I got to Clicker’s house. Clicker was one of Brandon’s best friends who he had known his whole life, and was moving to Kentucky in the morning. It was the first time I had met any of these friends. There were probably about 20 people there at any given time, but people kept coming and going all night long. Brandon introduced me to Danielle, another one of his good friends. She seemed really nice and offered me a shot. Which turned to another. And yet another. She was sloshed, but so was everybody else.

I told Brandon I wanted to get in the hot tub with him. He told me to go put my suit on and he would go in with me. I changed in the bath room and wrapped my towel around me because I was slightly embarrassed to be half naked around people I had just met. I came out and Brandon was across the room. He took one look at me and had a disappointed look on his face and told me to take off the towel. I immediately dropped the towel to the floor, and his jaw dropped with it. I was wearing my hot pink bikini that is almost identical to Jessica Simpson’s in the “These Boots Are Made for Walking” video. He just stared at me. His friends who had been talking to him, realized he wasn’t paying attention to them anymore and looked in my direction. They all had the same reaction. “Come here.” Brandon said in a deep and slow yet stern voice parents usually reserve for children in trouble. I smiled and slinked my way across the room and wrapped my arms around his neck. All eyes were on me. Brandon grabbed my ass and lifted me in the air. “Isn’t this the most beautiful thing you have EVER seen in your life?!” he asked his friends. They were still drooling, but managed to stammer “uh huh”. I was elated. Brandon set me down and I kissed him then led him to the hot tub.

While we were in the hot tub, the majority of the people decided to go “road loading” which basically is the local term for drunk driving. Clicker, Brandon and I were the only ones who stayed behind. Clicker kept talking about how much he wanted to hook up with Danielle that night, and Brandon countered with how much he wanted to hook up with me. Clicker disappeared for a little bit so we got out of the hot tub. We laid down on the couch with a towel draped over us like a blanket when Clicker came back. He decided to play some music on the computer across the room, and Brandon and I decided to have some fun. He slid my bikini bottoms to the side and entered me in the spooning position. Clicker came back over by us so we stopped moving but Brandon was still inside me. Clicker had no idea what was going on. I was so embarrassed. Brandon kept making excuses to get Clicker out of the room so we could keep going but he kept coming back. We got so frustrated we stopped and put our clothes back to normal.

We were still laying on the couch when everybody came back from their road loading adventure. Another one of Brandon and Clicker’s friends, Jared, came to the party around the same time. I got up to get a drink and Brandon followed. He straddled his arms around me on the counter and leaned in. “Everybody keeps introducing you as my girlfriend.” “I had heard that too but didn’t know how to react when they did so I let it go” I told him. “I kind of like it” he whispered as he leaned in to kiss me. “So do I.”

Brandon and I laid back down on the couch and Jared came over. They began discussing music and I mentioned I liked a particular artist. Jared became furious that I said I liked said artist and threatened to bash the beer bottle he had in his hand over my head. I cowered into Brandon’s chest and began trembling. Who the fuck were these people?! Jared decided against hitting me and walked away. Brandon calmed me down and we cuddled on the couch for about five minutes.

Other than that, everything seemed to be going great. However, just as I was thinking that, I saw Jared and Clicker locked on each other in the kitchen. I asked Brandon what was going on. He hadn’t seen anything until I said something, so when he did he leaped off the couch to go break up the fight. By the time he got there though, it was too late. There was blood EVERYWHERE. Clicker had shanked Jared. He pulled the knife from Jared’s stomach and everyone screamed. Blood was spouting from Jared’s left side and drenched his shirt.

“WHAT THE FUCK MAN??!!” Jared screamed as he grabbed his side. Clicker tried to defend himself. “YOU GRABBED ME BY THE FUCKING THROAT!! DON’T EVER GRAB ME BY THE THROAT!! I’LL FUCKING STAB YOU AGAIN!! NEXT TIME YOU GRAB ME BY THE THROAT, I’LL FUCKING SLIT YOUR FUCKING THROAT!!!” I was absolutely horrified. Everyone rushed to Jared’s aid, trying to stop the bleeding. “Jared, you NEED to go to the hospital!” someone said. “NO! I’M A SOLDIER!! I’M NOT GOING TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL!” Jared yelled back.

Jared turned to Clicker. “Its alright man. We’re cool. You’re my bro, I still got your back.” But Clicker was still in a rage. “FUCK YOU! YOU GRABBED MY FUCKING THROAT!! THAT’S IT!! WE’RE DONE!!” Everybody tried to talk some sense into both Jared and Clicker. Finally, Clicker cooled down and agreed to still be friends with Jared. They hugged and then and only then did Jared agree to go to the hospital.

Danielle, Sam (Clicker’s sister) Brandon and I stayed behind so we could clean up the mess. Danielle began crying “Why does this always happen to me?!” in a drunken slur. “SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH!” Brandon screamed back angrily. Sam tried to mediate between the two, but Danielle began instigating the fight with Brandon, and he kept retaliating. I sat in the corner, horrified as to what I had just witnessed and what was still going on. Never in my life had I seen such brutality. All of a sudden Danielle went after Brandon. He defended himself by pushing the mop he was using to clean up the blood out horizontally in front of him. Sam grabbed Danielle and tried to get her to lay down in the other room. I went in the back room to grab my stuff so that I could take Brandon to the hospital. Danielle leaped out of the bed and attacked Brandon again. He tripped her and got her straddled on the ground, holding her hands by her head to the floor. “ARE YOU DONE??!!” he asked. Danielle managed to get her hand free and screamed “NO! FUCK YOU NIGGER!” she delivered a few quick punches to his face then grabbed his crotch and pulled down. Brandon had it. “YOU WANNA FIGHT LIKE A MAN??!! FINE!!!” He began punching her with all his might. I couldn’t watch.

It was done in about 10 seconds. That was all it took to knock her out. Brandon came outside to get in the truck, but Sam followed him out. “WHY DID YOU DO THAT BRANDON???!!!” “I’m sorry.” “Sorry doesn’t mean anything!” “What do you want? Do you want to hit me?? FINE. Hit me.” Sam slapped him numerous times. “I hope that made you feel better Sam.” he said to her and got in my truck. I was in shock as I drove him the few blocks to the hospital. “I’m sorry you had to see that” he said as I dropped him off. “I love you. I’ll give you a call when I know what’s happening.” He kissed me on the cheek and walked into the hospital. I don’t know that I have ever cried as much as I did that night.

Masturbation 101

Lesson 17 - Swivel stick

Take both hands (lube optional) and place one hand on each side of your dick. Move one hand towards your feet while moving the other hand up towards your head, turning your dick about 1/4 turn. After about 1/4 turn, switch directions, keep switching directions and turning your dick
back and forth. The faster you go, the better it feels. When you are near the point of no return, just stroke it as usual until you are done.

FUCK ALL OF YOU!!!!

Fuck all of you imbecile bastards. I hope all of you die and end up in the garbage dump!! Except for the cowardly post deleter who I hope is fed a shit sandwich and impaled on a fucking stick!! GO TO HELL!!!

Fuck all of you bastards and bitches!!!

Fuck all of you fucking imbeciles!! I hope all of you die and end up in a garbage dump!!! Except the cowardly dicksucking post deleter who I hope ends up impaled on a fucking stick!! GO TO HELL ALL OF YOU!!!

A simple yes or no, please

Quick poll here. Should I sleep with my ex again just for the hell of it?

Masturbation 101

Lesson 16 - No hand wasted

Cup your balls with non-whacking hand. Put your thumb below your shaft and stick whatever finger feels the best in you asshole - middle is good for me. Beat and have a good one.

LIVING DANGEROUSLY II

Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey was trying to sleep in his room at Kensington
Palace with an insufferable alkaline headache. He could feel that his 22 gauge
internal wire was getting hot and had been wondering if he had installed his
batteries incorrectly. But no. He had purchased the batteries on the street and
they might have been cut with something. It was seven-o-five in the morning
when his master Kody R. Bear burst in to the hotel room yelling at him.

"Our battery supply is running low and I thought you were going to find some new
ones!"

"Yo Excellency?"

"What is it now Magogo? You don't sound so good. I'll bet you haven't even
gotten your lazy monkey ass out of bed yet now have you?", sneered the Bear.

"Yo Excellency Yo gotsta get rid o dem batteries. Dey ain't no good an dey done
make me so sick I can't even hardly get out of de bed. Can Yo gets us some new
ones?", pleaded the monkey.

"Ha! Just what the hell do you think this is? You need to get your ass up out
of bed and handle this!", shrieked the Kody.

"But Yo Benevolence I'm sick!", cried Magogo.

"Magogo! I'm busy! I don't have time for this. I get up before you do. I deal
with political and religious leaders all day. I have a war on my hands! Jeeze!
My business is never finished until late in the day. You, on the other hand,
get to spend your whole day playing with your Kangaroo and fooling around on
Anonyblog! We need those batteries! Now get out of bed and do something! The
BatteryShack opens at nine. How do you even know it was the batteries that made
you sick anyway? You probably got sick sucking the snot out of people's
noses", the Kody squealed.

"I hate Yo Yo Heinous! Yo is always browbeatin me. Everything always got to be
Yo way!", screamed Magogo as he was crying.

"You will not address me in that fashion! Further more I will.........Just
never mind. I'm just not going to talk to you anymore Magogo. I just can't take
the stress.", sighed his Excellency.

Within a couple of days however the battery Issue is resolved and our hero's
realize that there are more important issues on the horizon. They must venture
to Paris and make the very best of it because they both know that the great and
never ending war is close at hand.

"Magogo?

"Yes Yo Radiance?"

"You know I never want to go anywhere without you. We have had so many great
adventures together. I feel that you are my .....

"Yes Yo Eminence?"

"Well, I think your my soul.....

"Yes Yo Lordship?"

"My soul Pri-mate."

Not Pretty Enough

I eat girlpoop (pronounced as one word)! But only if it's pretty enough.

WOO HOO!!!!!!!

I GOT THE JOB!!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!! Now I can get my nice little discount and health insurance and still sleep in!! Also, now I won't go stir crazy like I have been lately. The discount in itself is really worth it. Now I can get my friends stuff for cheap too!! I think this is cause for celebration.....

INDY THE GREAT

INDY THE GREAT lands on his face, in the middle of the night, in his girlturd rocket, in a Cincinnati suburb. He has escaped from Girlturdia with all but one testical, and is now back on Earth. He slips into his new pleather pants and heads to his not-so-sekret hideout (pronounced as one word), and begins writing stupid idiot plans to amass another army to attack the magnificent Kodybear and the semi-magnificent Magogo. He decides that from this day forth he shall never eat another girlturd (pronounced as one word), nor sniff another girlfart (pronounced as one word), with the exception of those that come from the girlanus (pronounced as one word) of Emma Watson. His diet will now consist of fruit, mostly raspberries, with the occasional lemon.

Masturbation 101

Lesson 15 - Paper fetish

Take about 5 Kleenex and put them on top of each other to make one thick tissue. Then fold it in half. You should now have a really thick and long tissue. Put the middle of the tissue on the tip of your dick and fold down. Now jerk like you normally would. This method is soft on the big guy and extremely clean.

Ever Encounter These Types Of People?

I know this woman who blogs all the time. Her dad had a very popular site (got 100s of hits a day) and he died last year so his fans don't really have anywhere to go but to her blog. Thing is she can't handle the type of people that went to her father's site.

She's bipolar and has issues to say the least. Nothing like her dad in the sense that he didn't care about who he offended. He enjoyed those that came to troll him and harass him. I think it was the main point of his blogging.

Well his daughter can't take it. Apparently she takes the internet too seriously.

So she has a blog. She links it at his site because people do want to keep up with her and see how she's doing. Then those that used to harass her father come to harass her. So she deletes the blog and goes away for about five weeks. Then she comes back to her father's site posts yet another blog url and keeps that open for about a week and then deletes it because of the trolls.

She's done this six times now. I feel like posting that she should either suck it up and not give out the URL on her dad's site or just stop having a damn blog. I mean if you can't take what people have to say to you, perhaps you shouldn't be online in the first place.

Hell this girl is so disturbed and fucked up in the head anyhow that I don't think being online is a great idea at all.

Dr Leon's Fill In The Blank (Series 2, #5)

Complete the following:

Indy would like to subsist entirely on a diet of ______________________________.

INDY THE GREAT

There is a new sex move that is sweeping the nation! This sex-move (pronounced
as one word) must be performed in a cold climate in the dead-of-winter (pronounced
as one word), with lots of snow-ice (pronounced as one word) on the ground.
Two lovers each release a giant feces-turd (pronounced as one word), and then
mash and shape the feces-turd (pronounced as one word) into a giant sled, sort
of like a cow-patti (pronounced as one word) in that it is flat, but large enough
to sit upon. Then, this turd-sled (pronounced as one word) is allowed to freeze
and harden. Then each lover sits on his or her turd-sled (pronounced as one
word), the man-lover (pronounced as one word) having a raging-erection (pronounced
as one word). Then the girl-lover (pronounced as one word) sits on her turd-sled
(pronounced as one word) and then starts to slide down a mountain-hill (pronounced
as one word) of snow-ice (pronounced as one word). The man-lover (pronounced
as one word) waits three seconds, and then does the same, chasing after her.
The goal of the man-lover (pronounced as one word) is to insert his penis-cock
(pronounced as one word) into the girl-lover's (pronounced as one word) vagina-vulva
(pronounced as one word) and have sex with her. Her goal is to avoid him.
If the two reach the bottom of the mountain-hill (pronounced as one word) without
sex, then the man must eat the girl-lover's (pronounced as one word) turd-sled
(pronounced as one word). This new sex-move (pronounced as one word) is called
THE COLD SHOULDER.

There is a new sex move that is sweeping the nation! Two lovers lie in the
classic 69 position, side by side, with each one having his/her face right up
against the ano-genital (pronounced as one word) region of the other. Then,
while performing fellatio (pronounced as one word), she engorges herself on
pasta, meat, and other filling, solid foods. After a while, she begins to release
feces-turds (pronounced as one word) from her poopy-hole (pronounced as one
word). The man's face being in her ano-genital (pronounced as one word) region,
the girl-feces-turd (pronounced as one word) forces itself into his mouth-hole
(pronounced as one word). The man-lover (pronounced as one word) then eats
the feces-turd (pronounced as one word). As he digests it, he then releases
a man-feces-turd (pronounced as one word) into the girl-lover's (pronounced
as one word) mouth-hole (pronounced as one word), and she eats it and digests
it, and releases it again. This continues in an endless-cycle (pronounced as
one word), until one of them decides to break it. This new sex-move (pronounced
as one word) is called THE SNAKE.

There is a new sex move that is sweeping the nation! This move works best when
performed by the man-lover (pronounced as one word) without the girl-lover (pronounced
as one word) knowing it is to be performed. She is performing fellatio on you,
guys, and beforehand, you have eaten lots of Mexican-food (pronounced as one
word). Right when you are about to have your orgasm-climax (pronounced as one
word), you turn around with your anus-hole (pronounced as one word) in her face,
and you masturbate yourself to orgasm while releasing manfarts (pronounced as
one word) and manturds (pronounced as one word) in her girl-face-eyes (pronounced
as one word), and all the while you are saying, in a sailor's accent, "Ak
ak ak Oliveg, me poops in yer eye!" This new sex-move (pronounced as one
word) is called THE POPEYE POOPEYE.

There is a new sex move that is sweeping the nation! Two lovers are spaced
roughly ten-feet (pronounced as one word) apart, each one assuming the doggy-style
(pronounced as one word) position. The girl, having engorged herself with Mexican-food
(pronounced as one word), then violently shoots out a projectile feces-turd
(pronounced as one word) that flies through the air ten-feet (pronounced as
one word) in a giant arc. The girl-feces-turd (pronounced as one word), with
the help of some great aim by the girl-lover (pronounced as one word), and some
great catching ability by the man-lover (pronounced as one word), then lands
in the man-lover's (pronounced as one word) dilated-open (pronounced as one
word) man-pooy-hole (pronounced as one word). He catches it with his open manturdpoopyhole
(pronounced as one word), then shoots it back at her. She then catches it with
her girlturdpoopyhole (pronounced as one word), shoots it back, he catches it,
etc. All the while they are masturbating themselves to orgasm-climax (pronounced
as one word). They do this until they cum, and then whoever has the feces-turd
(pronounced as one word) in his or her poopy-hole (pronounced as one word),
is "it," and has to eat it. This new sex-move (pronounced as one
word) is fittingly called THE SHOOTING SPREE.

There is a new sex move that is sweeping the nation! Two lovers and fifteen
militaristic gay men are confined nude inside of a caged wrestling-arena (pronounced
as one word). The straight-man-lover (pronounced as one word) and all of the
militaristic gay men have raging erections. The straight-man-lover (pronounced
as one word) must run around, trying to insert his cock-penis (pronounced as
one word) into the girlanus (pronounce as one word) of the girl-lover (pronounced
as one word). All the while, the militaristic gay men run around trying to
insert their gaypenii (pronounced as one word) into the mananus (pronounced
as one word) of the straight-man-lover (pronounced as one word). All the while,
the girl-lover (pronounced as one word) has a 15-foot-long (pronounced as one
word), barbed-wire (pronounced as one word) dildo, which she must try to insert
into the manturdpoopyholes (pronounced as one word) of the militaristic gay
men. Hilarity ensues until someone gets hurt. This new sex-move (pronounced
as one word) is called THE PEACOCK'S CHARADE.

INDY THE GREAT

I was performing sixty-nine (pronounced as one word) with my beautiful, 18-year
old (pronounced as one word) girl-friend(pronounced as one word), and as you
well-know(pronounced as one word), in sixty-nine (pronounced as one word), the
girl's girlanus (pronounced as one word) is right against your eyes and nose,
and you can smell and see everything. This girl was relatively clean, just a
few dingleberries (pronounced as one word) around the girlanus (pronounced as
one word). Well, as we were on our orgasm-plateau (pronounced as one word),
this little elf-gnome (pronounced as one word) pops his head out of her girlanus
(pronounced as one word), and starts singing and throwing girlturd-balls (pronounced
as one word) at me! Here is the chant he sang as he danced and threw:

I am Farty, the poopyhole gnome;
In girlani, is where I do roam;
Playing and throwing out girl-feces-turds;
And don't forget, it's pronounced as one word!

Then he popped back into her girlrectum (pronounced as one word), and disappeared!
Has anyone else ever seen or had dealings with Farty, the poopyhole (pronounced
as one word) elf-gnome (pronounced as one word)? Can anyone explain this?

Maturbation 101

Lesson 14 - Patience is a virtue

Wait for a whole week before u jerk it. It may seem hard but it is possible. Then the next time u whack off, it will feel 5 times as pleasurable as it normally. I usually just whack off on the weekends. It works best. But when u do whack off, for the first time in a week or so, u can do it as many times as you want cos u will have a lot of jiz saved up. So it makes it even better.

Lindsey Russell's Anonyblog Rants

Does anyone remember Lindsey's right-wing tirades a couple of months back? Man, you should read the crap that she is writing these days. Just horrific.

See for yourself. I hope the clan eats her alive.

Lindsey's Content Producer's Page on Associated Content

What is a booger and what is it made of?

Main Entry: boog·er
Pronunciation: /BOO - grr/
Function: noun
Etymology: alteration of English dialect buggard, boggart, from 1bug + -ard Date: 1866
1 : BOGEYMAN
2 : a piece of dried nasal mucus

Boogers are mucus (myoo-kuss). Mucus is the thin, slippery material that is found inside your nose. Many people call mucus snot. Your nose makes nearly a cupful of snot every day. Snot is produced by the mucous membranes in the nose, which it moistens and protects.

When you inhale air through your nose, it contains lots of tiny particles, like dust, dirt, germs, and pollen. If these particles made it all the way to the lungs, the lungs could get damaged and it would be difficult to breathe. Snot works by trapping the particles and keeping them in the nose.

After these particles get stuck inside the nose, the mucus surrounds them along with some of the tiny hairs inside the nose called cilia. The mucus dries around the particles. When the particles and dried-out mucus clump together, you're left with a booger!

Boogers can be squishy and slimy or tough and crumbly. In fact, boogers are a sign that your nose is working properly.

Masturbation 101

Lesson 13 - Who's that?

Required: A mirror, a penis (sorry ladies), a hand and a good imagination.
Position yourself in front of a mirror so that you can see your reflection only from the waist down. Now you can pretend that someone else is jerking you ... or you can pretend you are jerking someone else ... It's up to you. Let your imagination run wild!

A Lighthouse's Tale

I thought this was really pretty so I wanted to share it. If you want to download the song, its by a band called Nickle Creek.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I am a lighthouse, worn by the weather and the waves,
I keep my lamp lit to warn the sailors on their way.
I'll tell a story, paint you a picture from my past.
I was so happy, but joy in this life seldom lasts.

I had a keeper, he helped me warn the ships at sea.
We had grown closer, till his joy meant everything to me.
And he was to marry a girl who shown with beauty and light,
And they loved each other, and with me watched the sun set into night.

And the wind crashes around me,
the sand slips out to sea,
and the winds that blow remind me of what has been,
and what can never be.

She had to leave us,
the keeper he prayed for a safe return.
But when the night came,
the weather to a raging storm had turned.
He watched her ship fight,
but in vain against the wild and terrible waves.
In me so helpless,
as dashed against the rocks she met her end.

And the wind crashes around me,
the sand slips out to sea,
and the winds that blow remind me of what has been,
and what can never be.

Then on the next day,
the keeper found her washed up on the shore.
He kissed her cold face,
and that they'd be together soon he swore.
I saw him crying,
I watched as he buried her in the sand.
And then he climbed my tower,
and off the edge of me he ran.

And the wind crashes around me,
the sand slips out to sea,
and the winds that blow remind me of what has been,
and what can never be.

I am a lighthouse, worn by the weather and the waves.
And though I'm empty, I still warn the sailors on their way.

What is a fart and why does it smell?

Ever pull someone's finger and hear a weird noise come out of his or her butt?

Ever sit in a tub of water and see bubbles come out of your hiney?

This strange noise and vibrating sensation that came from your butt is most likely caused by a fart.

A fart is a combination of gases (nitrogen, carbon dioxide, oxygen, methane, and hydrogen sulfide) that travels from a person's stomach to their anus. When a person swallows too much air or eats foods that the human digestive system cannot digest easily gas becomes trapped in his/her stomach. The only way for this excess gas to exit the body is through the anus.

The gas that makes your farts stink is the hydrogen sulfide gas. This gas contains sulfur which causes farts to have a smelly odor. The more sulfur rich your diet, the more your farts will stink. Some foods that cause really smelly farts include: beans, cabbage, cheese, soda, and eggs.

A scientific name for a fart is flatus or flatulence.

The word fart is just one of many different terms used to describe the release of gas from the human body. Other popular names for farts or farting include: gassers, stinkers, air biscuits, bombers, barking spiders, rotten eggs, and wet ones. You can pass gas, break wind, blast, beef, poof, rip one, let one fly, step on a duck, and cut the cheese.

Farts can be stinky, wet, loud, or silent but deadly. Pee-eeew!!!

Did you know?
On the average, a healthy person farts 16 times a day.
Hey guys, don't be fooled by girls who tell you that they never fart. Everyone farts, including girls. In fact, females fart just as much as males.
Many animals fart too. Cats, dogs, and cows. Elephants fart the most.
People fart the most in their sleep.
Farts that contain a large amount of methane & hydrogen can be flammable.

Is this Right Or Wrong?

I like this girl in my class.She is attractive n smart n all the good stuff( thts y i lk her duh!). I m well So So. She and I began talkin abt notes n all. So it was decided tht i shld share some notes wit her. But whn i called her so as to fix a place, whr to meet n all. A guy kept singing the background who later turned out to her BF( She said She is dating him whn i asked abt the guy) Cldnt She jst hv said it was her BF instead of dating? Lk cld it be short term n all? Now after the big EXCHANGE. She didnt reply to my 2 msgs. Also we didnt hv a class together.
So shld i wait for the next class or shld i just back off cuz she is taken. Or shld i try 2 cm in b/w?
I stopped dating after my miserable fiasco wit my ex. After lk an yr i saw a girl who i was interested in.
Plz Help
Thnx a ton!

PS : She is the only thing in my mind now. I hv virtually hd our kids in my mind. I m so sad :(

Living Dangerously

Here I am, posting on Anonyblog, instead of IMMEDIATELY doing EXACTLY what you just TOLD me to do. Yep, I'm wasting 5 minutes of my time doing something other than FOLLOWING YOUR ORDERS. You have no fucking idea what it's like for an independent, free-thinking person like myself to have been beaten down the way you have beaten me down. You are taking all the joy out of my life with your browbeating, and I'm not sure I even know who I am any more. It's bad enough to have to deal with all the stress of my incredibly demanding, 50-60 hour a week job, and your yelling at me at 7AM when I've been sick with a 102 degree fever because I'm five minutes off the schedule you have set for me is not helping. It really, REALLY pisses me off to hear you blame me for things and bring up the point that I "had the time to play around on Anonyblog" when I could have been following your orders. IT IS NOT MY FAULT THAT THE FUCKING STATE DEPARTMENT IS SCREWING US OVER. I DID check on the status of our passports; I had no reason to think that they would change the answer they had given me. Yet you want to blame it all on me. And it isn't just this particular situation that you're beating me down with; it's everything. I go through life these days just doing what I'm told. What you say is what I do, because otherwise, I suffer. You know, like when you "shut down"---at least, that's what you call it. I call it sulking.

Now I'm going to live dangerously; I'm going to wait until AFTER I go to the doctor to look up the opening time of that passport office. Remember the doctor? You know, the one I almost couldn't call for an appointment because you demanded that I sit on the phone for hour upon hour, trying to get through to a live human being? What really frosts me is that YOU are the one who is personally aquainted with Senator Gilchrest and Delegate Conway; YOU are the one with the contacts to get this problem solved. But instead you come storming into the bedroom at 7:05 AM yelling at a very sick HUMAN BEING (not your fucking DOG) for not being on the phone at 7AM.

And as for your sarcastic "Thank you" when I told you I hate you: YOU'RE WELCOME. You need to know when you are being such a dick that you make me feel that way. Or doesn't it matter? Is getting everything you want done your way, on your timetable, more important to you than trampling all over my soul? What's left of it, anyway.

Masturbation 101

Lesson 12 - Switcheroo

Put your hand upside down around your penis, with your other pulling down or rubbing your scrotum. Now start jacking off; this almost feels like someone else is doing it. The climax is intense.

RETIREMENT

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it
becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping
as when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at
them. Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
oversensitive woman.

My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my
wife, Peggy. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for
Peggy to get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for
extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly after
she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age. I
usually get home from the golf club about the same time she gets home
from work.

Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has to
rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at
her.

Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets
dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the
club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home-cooked
grub when I hit that door She used to do the dishes as soon as we
finished eating. But now it's not unusual for them to sit on the table
for several hours after dinner.

I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times each
evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really
appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done
before she goes to bed.

Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will
say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so
I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out
over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much.
I also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't
hurt her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of
my strong points.

When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest
periods.
She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the
yard.
I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a
nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a
while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well
make one for me too.

I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Peggy.
I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men
will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows
better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However,
guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of
your aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing
it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this earth to help
each other.

Signed Jim

EDITOR'S NOTE:

Jim died suddenly on July 27 of a perforated rectum. The police report
says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver
II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip
showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby.

His wife Peggy was arrested and charged with murder. The all-woman
jury took only 15 minutes to find her Not Guilty, accepting her
defense that Jim somehow, without looking, accidentally sat down on
his golf club.

The Mountain Lion

One time my best friend and I went to my cousins house on a lake. We decided to go for a ride in the paddle boat. As we were goofing off in the boat we saw something large and tan drinking from the lake. Of course we automatically decided it was a mountain lion. Although mountain lions are not really around our part of the country, that really did not matter. We decided it was DEFINATLEY a mountain lion and decided to paddle closer. As we paddled closer however, we realized it was definatley NOT a mountain lion. It was a Golden Retriever. The End.

how to meet new guys?

how to meet new guys when i'm working the whole day, studying the whole night and even on weekend? the only place i go beside office and home is gym. and people don't just talk to strangers there. none of people at work are cute. i don't want to meet guys online either. the majority of them are weirdos, the wee bit normal ones are mostly players or too old for me.
well i guess i'll check out your comments here in a bit~

INDY THE GREAT

Has anyone ever circumspectly observed a beautiful, 17-year-old-girl's (pronounced as one word) poopyhole (pronounced as one word) as she commanded it to release a big feces-turd (pronounced as one word)?

Masturbation 101

Lesson 11 - Leftie-Rightie

Take your less dominant hand and hold onto your shaft, not touching your helmet. Then take your dominant hand (the palm and fingers) and rub the head back and forth, fast and slow depending on which you like better. It feels real good. When you're almost at the point of your orgasm, start to stroke your cock real quick and you get one hell of a climax.

The Piggy, the Ice & the Boyfriend

For the frequent readers - you probably read my last post about the piggy, the ice and boyfriend.

It a few weeks ago, so I thought I would give you an update. I started to write this last night, but I couldn't think of how to word it. I got frustrated and told myself I didn't owe any of you any kind of explanation of how things were going since then. Although I still believe I don't need to update, I would still like to. I appreciated most of the feedback I got last time.

Since my last post, I've dropped more than ten pounds. I went from 235 to 223. I am not starving myself-- I am just eating smaller portions and healthier foods. I am very calorie concious and I learned to stop eating when I am full instead of finishing what was on my plate because I didn't want to waste the food. I was always taught that as a kid and now I have been able to break myself of that habit. I am not in so much of a rush to shove food down my throat. I cut my food into smaller pieces, prepare smaller portions and drink a lot of water to stay hydrated. I am also taking a multivitamin for women twice a day.

I don't fill my time with food anymore. I concentrate on my homework, organize my room, clean, file paperwork, go places with friends, and create art. In the past I felt guilty because I wasn't making anything, but now I am producing massive amounts of it as compared to before. I have also picked up new mediums and experimentation in clay sculpture.

Its really amazing the way things have changed. I feel like I control my life now and food no longer reigns supreme. Yes, I am still using, but not as frequently as you might think.

I am moving into a new apartment on my own in two months. My boyfriend will move in with me. I think last time I made him sound like a horrible person. But he's not that bad. So he has a preference for skinny girls... yeah, thats the way society is. That doesn't mean he doesn't love me. I mean, if he wasn't interested and was totally disgusted, he wouldn't have sex with me, right? Or stay with me for so long? (Since November 06)

Well, I hope everyone has a good St. Patrick's Day and an even better Spring Break.

Ezekial's Limericks

Dear commenters,

Thank you all very much for your helpful suggestions. I had been worrying about the fact that although girlfaeces is pronounced as one word it still, indeed, has three syllables. Oh, this is all so confusing!

May I offer several different configurations of the poem, as suggested by your good selves, starting with the original, and perhaps you'd like to vote on your favourite version?

1) Melon (by Ezekial)

Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity, crappity melon?

2) Melon

Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity, crappity girlfaeces?

3) Sine Nomine

Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity, crappity girlfaeces?

4) Sine Nomine

Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity, crap girlfaeces?

5) Melon

Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity, crappity turd?

6) Melon

Melon melon melon,
Melon melon melon,
Melon melon,
Melon melon,
Melon melon, poop!

7) Sine Nomine

Melon melon melon,
Melon melon melon,
Melon melon,
Melon melon,
And great big stinky girlfarts?

I have also written the following ...

Girlturd (by Ezekial)

There once was a little girlturd
(Which, of course, is pronounced as one word)
It came from the ass,
Of a young teenage lass,
And it tasted so good its's absurd!

Y NOT WORKAWAY

Tell me why you think workaway is a modern slave trade, where they are just making money out of us? We are paid minimum wage, and no benefits, while workaway gets richer the whole time? The Clubs also screw you with split shifts, less than 40 hours, no transportation, dorm style living. Its just not acceptable!!!! Repy with your views!!

Internet Case Surfing Rights

CR06002213-12

This case is about a man that was charged with possession of child pornography. The interesting part of this case is that these pictures where simply thumbnails in his temporary cache. They did not reside anywhere else on his computer and they were grouped with hundreds of other pictures that were normal adult material. The reason why this is so important is that any computer user could be charged and convicted with having material that is simply in their internet cache. Further they may not even know that the information or pictures are there and still be found guilty.

Norfolk Circuit Court Virginia

So Confused

For the last year and half my life has been turned upside down, my husband left me in December 2005 had a girlfriend before March and up to about 3 weeks ago, played games telling me he loved me and wanting to come home and staying with his girlfriend, sometimes sleeping here.........and I waited for him, not out of love but out of fear, I know this now......abuut 2 months ago I started chatting online, even met a married man at lunch...nothing happened and ended up telling this person nothing would ever happen....but my faceless stranger is another story................I know I made him into what I want...but I can't get him out of my mind, body or heart, but as my life always goes....he wants a D/s lifestyle which I won't deny interests me but scares me, my husband has returned home knowing I didn't want him to come home.............I want to meet my faceless stranger even if it's just once...but it seems he wants all or nothing. We come to terms that I wont' be happy doing some of the things he wants me to do and he wants to try this lifestyle, than we say our goodbyes and within a couple of hours were chatting.....It's like I'm his already and he knows this....I've told him what interests me the most is the emotional ties the D/s relationship has and that I can litteraly feel the love pouring out of me when I think of this, as for the pain I hate pain, and am not sure that I would want to be shared. How do I make this burning desire go away for this faceless stranger. I try to think if this faceless stranger goes away....I still don't think I want my husband...but I'm to weak to follow my own desires...always worrying about the other persons feelings, wants and needs....How do I worry about myself for once.

I am so tired, so confused..........................and just want to wake up and feel nothing or have my life where it should be

yuck.

too much personal reflection is a bad thing. it helps me figure things out, but it usually depresses the shit out of me. for example, today i realized that i'm really not a strong person at all. i'm terrified of people not accepting me for who i am. they don't as it is. fuck, i hate having a secret. i hate it. i wish i could be able to say what's on my mind, but i can't. people hate me enough as it is. i can't risk anything else. and it's really crappy. i want to talk to people. i know i have people who won't care. and that's what i want. i don't want anybody to give a shit. i just want to be honest with people. but i don't want people to be even more shitty to me. and i know it would happen. and i can't risk it. i want to, but i can't. i'm not that brave, i'm not that strong, i'm not that sure of myself. i feel like there's a huge weight sitting on top of my chest and i feel like i'm constantly on the verge of breaking down, having an attack, and it doesn't happen. not when i need it to. and that's because this burden won't go away with a chick flick and some popcorn. and i really don't have anyone i'm all that comfortable talking to. in health the other day we had to list 3 people we could really talk to for personal issues and i actually had to make it up. and that's because i wouldn't get credit if i didn't make it up. how fair is that? i really need a clarence. i'm still convinced that if i wasn't born the world would be a better place. i don't want to believe that, but i don't feel like i have accomplished much, and what i have accomplished came out of people hating me. it's not fair. i don't want to be a bitch. i try every day not to be. and i miserably fail. maybe if i'm honest with myself i'll feel better. but now it feels like a better idea to play it safe. i wish i had someone to really talk to. or even an example to follow. but i don't and it sucks. i don't even know what to think anymore.

Sex in the Boondocks

The day I met Heather started out like any other day. My father decided to wake the entire household by his favorite method of torture: blasting Toby Keith’s “I Love This Bar” at 7 am sharp. Everybody ate breakfast as my father went on and on about how everybody was supposed to clean the house that day. I rolled my eyes and thought about how I could get out of it. I decided to clean my room, and by that I mean pop in a movie and close my door. Around 11 though, I got a call from Val, my friend who I went riding with before. She asked what I was doing that day and if I would be interested in going on a trail ride with her and one of her friends. Of course I jumped at that! I told my father I was leaving and he was already loosing his ambition to clean so it was no big deal.

I got to Val’s and she introduced me to Heather. She was about 10 years older than me and very pretty. After being at Val’s house for ten minutes, I was already aware of Heather’s wild side. We loaded up the horses and left for the park about an hour away from the house. I got on Val’s thoroughbred, and Heather and Val both had Quarter Horses. As we rode, we passed around a fifth of Bacardi and swapped stories of horses, men, drinking and fighting. Apparently that was the norm. We rode for over four hours; they didn’t mind as they rode all the time but I was very sore. By the time we loaded up the horses, Heather and I had bonded and she agreed to train me for free. I was in heaven. We planned on a riding lesson the next day, but I told her I had an interview at the local country club. She told me to put her down for a reference, as she used to work there and then I would come to her house to take her to the barn on my way out there.

Lessons went by and Heather and I became like very close. She was like the older sister I never had. Heather was an amazing trainer and made most of her money by breaking and training horses, but bartended at night as well. I was only 18 at the time, but everybody thought I was older so I was able to get in the bar with her and she would serve me. To this day, people ask me if I have ever tried a particular drink and I never know. Heather would mix the drinks and I would drink them, never knowing the name or what was in it. Every night, I would go to her house and go to the bar. Afterwards, we would go through the grocery store in a drunken rage looking for the hot pockets or white cranberry strawberry juice. I would wake up either still drunk or hung over and go to work. My life became all about riding and drinking laced with pills. I basically lived with Heather and her son. I learned so much from her. She is an amazing rider and trainer, so my riding abilities were skyrocketing, along with my alcohol and pill tolerance.

One night, Heather and I decided to stay in and watch a movie. It wasn’t enough for us to just watch a movie though, so Heather handed me a really big hot pink pill and popped two herself. I had no idea what it was, and she forgot the name. I trusted her though and took it anyways. I was flying in minutes. I am now informed it was a Darvocet. It was AMAZING. We laid on the couch, drooling as we watched Animal Planet. We were too high to remember to actually watch the movie we rented. Man, what I wouldn’t give to get my hands on one of those huge hot pink pills again…..

Wake up

Please get off anonyblog and talk to me

Ezekial the Poet

Ode to Miss N

Oh Miss N, how glad I am,
That your name isn't 'M',
But 'N',
'Cause then,
You'd stand for minge, masturbate and muff.
Instead, you're naughty with nice nipples,
A nubile nymphomaniac!
Oh Miss N, how glad I am,
That your name's not nasty 'M',
But 'N'.

Maturbation 101

Lesson 10 - Space Boy

Lie on your back and cup your balls. Use vaseline to stroke yourself almost to the point of no return. After that hold in your jizz then calm yourself down (think of baseball). Raise your waist as high as you can and hump the air like a spaceship. I don't know why, but for me and twenty of my friends this works. Just remember to thrust the air and you'll shoot cum so far up you'll have plenty of time to roll over and protect yourself from the re-entry.

Consuming the poop from a Negroidal Female Erecti

I have always done it. I shall always keep doing it. It makes my dick long and hard. And I am always in search of new negroids!! I love their turds!

I hate dreams

I hate dreams. When I sleep, I dream of him and I am happy. I wake up knowing that I would never actually be happy with him though and slam into combined state of sadness and anger. I wish I could control my dreams.

In the words of the great Patsy Cline......

Sweet dreams of you
Every night I go through
Why can't I forget you and start my life anew
Instead of having sweet dreams about you

You don't love me, it's plain
I should know I'll never wear your ring
I should hate you the whole night through
Instead of having sweet dreams about you

Sweet dreams of you
Things I know can't come true
Why can't I forget the past, start loving someone new
Instead of having sweet dreams about you

Ezekial the Poet

Dear anonymous commenter number 3 of my limerick. Thank you, thank you! What a marvellous idea! I shall, with your permission, publish my limerick with your suggestion included (I have, however, decided to re-spell your new word according to the original Latin, for greater effect).

Melon (By Ezekial)

Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity, crappity girlfaeces?

Hasta la Luna

I visited outer space recently. I admit, I hadn't the faintest idea where I was, but the anesthesiologist was kind enough to let me know that I was most surely in outer space.

It all happened at the oral surgeon's office. I was required to wear my glasses, rather than contacts, for some mysterious reason. Soon after seating myself comfortably in that weirdly shaped dentist chair, I found out that I couldn't even wear my glasses, because the gas mask will not fit over them. So blind I went.

Anesthesiologist is far too long and tricky of a word to type, so I will hereby call him "the guy with the drugs."

The guy with the drugs told me to sit in the chair and surrender my glasses. So I did. Then, he made small talk while preparing the drugs. When he found out I speak spanish, he decided to spend the rest of our time together trying his best to talk to me in espanol. It was alright, except he was really butchering the words by saying them with a horrendous american accent. Still, I didn't mind.

My question, however, is why I needed the laughing gas when they were just going to inject me with some strong stuff anyways? I'm not complaining though, this was probably the best trip I've ever had.

So anyways, the guy with the drugs told me he was going to put the mask on me and blah blah blah explain explain blah blah blah.... So I had this mask on my face and I started to breathe "muy normal" through my nose. I thought to myself "hey, this isn't so bad after all, I can do this." The air had a strange sweetness to it, and at first I really didn't think anything was going to happen. The guy with the drugs just stood next to me, still conversing in spanish, telling me I might start to feel un poco cansada. That's when I realized: this shit feels nice!!

Woah! Where the heck did I go? I was so nice and high, it felt wonderful. I really started feeling trippy when the guy with the drugs started to do more stuff like prepare my hand for the injection. I felt him tap my veins, but my sense of feel was delayed. It was like in the movies, when a character is fainting, and the camera shows you what they are seeing. Everyone around is in slow motion, and sound is distorted and slowed down and the volume is turned up, all at the same time. He was talking to me, and the words were echoing, and it sounded really cool. His voice sounded really nice and calm, and I was probably the most relaxed I've ever been in my life.

At this point, I found it absolutely impossible to keep my eyes open. I had lost nearly all voluntary control of my body. I had to let my head tilt over to the side. Then this gas really took me for a ride. I could hardly hear anything at all, just some sounds that vibrated and echoed through my head. I was watching this strange black and white checkered pattern that was moving rapidly across the inside of my eyelids. It was making me feel dizzy, and there was an uncomfortable ringing in my ears. I realized that I couldn't speak.

I tried to tell the guy with the drugs that something didn't seem right, but all I could manage was two little moans. The drug guy was probably laughing at me and thought I was weird for making those little noises, but it was my best attempt. I said to myself "This is not good." I swear to you that I had no idea that I actually said that aloud. I thought it was really just a thought that I could hear myself think, but as it turns out, I actually did say it. Who knows how that works?

"What's not good?" he asks me. I startled a bit at the sound of his voice, and used that to take control and tell him that I couldn't see. He told me that all I needed to do was open my eyes. Easy for you to say, mister. He took the mask off of me, and about 20 seconds later, at his beckoning, I opened my eyes again.

"Where were you just now, N?" he asked me. I said "I really don't know."
"You were in outer space, weren't you?"
"Yeah, I think so." I thought about this for a little bit, then told him that I might have actually just been in Spain with him. Why I thought this, I don't know. I'm also not too sure why I decided that I had been with him. That's kind of out there.

Back on with the mask, probably at a lower lever of N20. Once I was back at a nice floaty level, I looked down and saw a giant syringe thingy filled with some sort of white solution. This solution was being pushed into the needle that was in my hand.

Then I realize that I'm laying down somewhere, I can't see a single damn thing, it's cold in there, I taste blood, and I'm drooling. My hero the drug guy comes and wipes my drool. (I think I fell in love with him for that.) I put my thumb and forefinger in a little oval shape around my left eye to signal that I want my glasses, because I couldn't even feel my face, let alone talk.
He comes back with my glasses and puts them on my face for me.

I'm not sure if it was the drugs, or the drug guy's nice voice, or his crazy curly hair, but I said to myself (in my head for sure this time) that I think I really like that guy.

Then the lady called my name, and the drug guy, the drugs, and my nice trip were all gone.

The end.

N

PLEASE

American Idol is burning my butt ROYALLY! Sanjia made it AGAIN. Holy crap that kid cannot sing. What is up? Aaaagggh!

Ezekial the Poet

I also wrote this limerick, but I'm having a bit of trouble with the last line. It's called "Melon":

Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity crap,
Crappity, crappity melon?

I miss my Cassie......

My grandpa bought me a car in August that I affectionatly named Cassie. Shes my partner in crime. But due to some tickets I had recieved before I got Cassie, I now have a temporarily suspended license. Since I got her I have not recieved any tickets, got in any accidents or gotten into any real trouble. But now my license is suspended until May. So my grandpa just came and got her. I couldn't watch him drive her away. It was so sad. My dad is bringing me a beater car tomorrow so I can at least get to the grocery store and what not. But I miss my car!! O well, I get her back in early May so its only about a month and a half.

*~JJ~*

INDY THE GREAT

Attention all interested parties: Indy the Great has been spending his time building a secret turd-rocket (pronounced as one word) to escape the planet Girlturdia. The natives have been becoming a bit restless and insisting that he perform a miracle, which of course, he cannot. He has been holding them off for weeks by amusing them with his ability to fart out entire symphonies, in tune, but the trick is wearing thin. But he, Halifax, and Leroy have almost finished construction of the USS Turd, a female-fart (pronounced as one word) powered rocket in which he hopes to escape back to earth, at which time he shall amass another army to attack the Kodybear and the Magogo. We will keep you updated.

Masturbation 101

Lesson 9 - Peace Dude

Make a peace sign with both hands, and put them together overlapping the ends of the peace fingers so you have a mouth-shaped hole between the two peace fingers. Then, palms to pubes, fuck the fake mouth.

Awesomely awesome list of stuff to do on my day off

1. Sit on the counter of the kitchen island and eat waffles.
2. Make an anonymous phone call.
3. Be disappointed that business people don't answer the phone by saying their name.
4. Give the cat some water.
5. Take a shower with the music up really really loud.
6. Buy fun stuff for a 1 year old.
7. Watch porn out of boredom.
8. Do stupid stuff like pay bills and run errands.
9. Buy the 1 year old some more stuff, just out of boredom.
10. Research hard crabs.
11. Skip number 8.

Ezekial the Poet

Guys, I wanted to share some of my poetry with you and maybe, perhaps you could like grade it on a scale of 1 - 10? Cause I want to like publish it and shit:

1. Humpty Dumpty
Penis go humpy, penis go pumpy
Penis go humpty dumpty!
But if it get lumpy,
Then it go bumpy bumpy,
Til you get grumpy and dump me.

2. The crazy cat
The crazy cat shat on the mat,
And I came on the cat,
The crazy cat crept into the crypt, crapped and crept out again.
And that's that.

3. Coon
Oh coon, you buffoon, you loon,
You're my boon.
Sing me another tune!
Look at the moon, coon,
And slide down a sand dune.
Look at my moon, goon,
And slide up my asshole with your big black cock.
Then read an ancient rune, coon,
Til it's noon,
On a sunny day in June,
When you're not wearing maroon,
And you're eating a macaroon,
Whilst watching a cartoon,
SOON, COON!!

Masturbation 101

Lesson 8 - Anal Explorer

Lay down on your back or side and lube up 2 fingers. Gently slide them into your anus and apply pressure to the upside (when you're on your back) of your hole about 3-4 inches in. When you feel a new, nice sensation, you probably hit the prostate. This is where all the action goes on. Do what ever you please with the 2 fingers, I prefer a circular motion. When it starts to feel really, really good, just grab your cock, also lubed, and pump away. You'll most likely last about 5 seconds after that. I know anal stimulation is knocked by most guys, but try it, it's exquisite.

i don't wanna die

i sometimes wish i'd never been born at all.

i have no true friends. i have lots and lots of people i can make chit-chat with, but i have absolutely nobody who i can really talk to. and i have absolutely nobody who'll actually listen to me. health class is the most depressing thing ever because we talk about suicide and stress and body image. i am practically 17 and i've never had anyone have the slightest romantic interest in me. except once in 4th grade and he was scum. never hooked up with anyone, never dated anyone, and i've definately wanted to. just nobody ever wanted me. and i'm pretty normal. there really isn't any one thing that would make me completely un-likable. i went to therapy once for almost a year and hated every minute of it. i have a big secret. a really big one. and those people who i do sort of have, i can't trust that they'll still accept me for who i am. i get enough shit from people at school that i don't need this. i try to put myself into my work, into my school, into something to keep me busy so i don't have to spend time thinking about myself, but lately, it's been really hard. i just feel like everything i do is scrutinized to the point of a microscope and i'm cracking under the pressure. i would love a best friend. i've never had one. i just want someone to talk to. that's all.

Sex in the Boondocks

After that night, I didn’t see Brandon for about a month. And then one day I was on my way home from work and he was just wondering the main drag in our small town. I pulled my truck over and offered him a ride. I was in no hurry to go anywhere. He hopped in my pickup and kissed me on the cheek. He was on his way to a friend’s house, but wanted to talk to me for a little while so we just drove around town.

It was over between him and his fiancé. She was in school at the college about 45 minutes away, but they never saw each other. He said she flipped out on him when he called her the last time because he hadn’t called her in over a month and a half and she wanted a real relationship. Brandon couldn’t comprehend this because she never called him either. I tried to reason with him that it was probably her waiting to see how long it would take him to call her. He refused to believe me. Doesn’t matter. All I knew was now he was mine! I dropped him off at his friend’s house and headed back to the farm.

A few days later I was working at the video store again. I was having an awful day. Looking back on it, I don’t remember why. All I knew was I needed SOMETHING to take the tension off. Pretty much everybody I knew was either a complete pot head or at the very least had tried pot. Except me. I decided to give it a try to see what it was like. I sent my friend Sam a text message asking her if she would show me how. Almost immediately I got a phone call from her. She said that she was going to pick some up that night with a bunch of her guy friends and said I could come with and they would show me how in addition to clam baking in the car. So 10 PM rolls around and she picks me up in her Blazer loaded with guys. In this car that would normally fit 5 people, we fit 10. We stopped at a gas station before heading out of town to get something to drink for our throats. Gatorade was my drink of choice. We took the back roads all the way there because the cops were cutting down on drugs really bad at that particular time. The boys in the back loaded up the bowl and handed it to me. I inhaled as long and as deep as I could. They thought I wasn’t doing it right because they knew this was my first time and thought I would have started coughing by then. Nope. I just have big lungs. Finally my throat started burning and I had to stop and cough. I felt like I was going to throw up and my throat was BURNING! I didn’t feel high at all. I was mad. Everybody made it out to be just this awesome thing. I thought it was ridiculously over-rated. So I popped a Xanax. Of course. Xanax fixes everything. THEN I was flying.

Of the 8 guys in the car, there was one that caught my eye. Dustin was really hot. He had short brown hair that he gelled all messy and had a 5 o’clock shadow. I usually do not like facial hair, but he definitely pulled it off. We flirted the whole way to Willy’s where we picked up about a pound of weed. Everyone but me continued to light up, but my throat still hurt and I was getting an even better effect from taking one tiny pill. It was about midnight so we headed to Taco Bell. Apparently, that’s the place to go when you are high. However, when we got there it was closed. So Hardee’s it was. Curly fries at midnight when you are high kicks ass. Well, curly fries kick ass all the time but still. We munched all the way home. When we piled out of the car, we must have looked like a bunch of clowns getting out of the clown car. Or Mexicans. Whatever. (Miss N that’s for you! LOL) Dustin and I eye fucked as he got into his Camaro. I stayed in the Blazer and rode with Sam back to her house. I was still flying. I contemplated whether it was from the pot, the Xanax or a combination. Probably just the Xanax. Either way I passed out on Sam’s couch. I decided I didn’t like the pot because it took too much effort for very little results and it made my throat hurt like hell. Popping a pill was way easier. I have a script for them so it is legal for me to take them and I don’t get the bad side effects I got from Pot. That was basically the point where I decided that pills were the way to go to escape from life.

I NEED KODYBEAR

His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear sat in his private suite at the Cape Town Radisson making paper airplanes out of Romeo and Julietas, tossing them around the room while drinking Rodney Strong Cabernet and smoking hundred dollar bills. There's a new cat in town and he was looking for a way to get real gone. Can't sing a new song around here. I'm going to give that Monkey a whipping, he thought. Think of the Devil. His phone rang.

"What is it Magogo? I know it's you. What is it now? Where are you?"

"Kensington Palace Yo Eminence."

"Good Lord! Spending freely are we? Now what is it? I'm still busy."

"Well Dooky hice he need mo money fo Fosters."

"Magogo I don't think you understand the stress a Bear like me is under. You see I build things. I build armies. I build empires. While you and Dooky sit around swilling beer and smoking cable I look for things. I don't have time for this. I'm very busy. Go to the bank if you need money."

"Yes Yo Eminence. But I has got sumfin done. I been workin on de Paris itinerary an I done approoged our travel cases commin from Low Life Films an......."

"Silence! I'll approve my own travel case think you very much. Can I be in charge now? I'll be damned if I'm going to be crushed to death because of your ineptness. Now what of the Itinerary? What?"

"Well De Arch de Triomphe, lunch at de Rifle Tower, some kind of rocks an caves an shit and we gwine to stay at the Domaine Anne Gros. Dey got over thirty five thousand bottles of wine an we gonna drink ever damn one of em!", Magogo said excitedly.

"Magogo I want you to get straight on up to Phu Bai. I'm sure Captain January will need all his people."

"I beg Yo pardon Yo Excellency?"

"Never mind. Just get the Euro passes,rent the Astin Martin and find that planet. I want that planet found before we leave!", growled the Bear. "Do I smell cat piss?"

"Yes Yo Esteemed Radiance. Might haps be brown squirrels too. Did Yo eva find what Yo was a lookin fo?", Magogo giggled.

"I don't think so my boy. Now please hang up and go do what ever it is that you do. Talking to you is like talking to a possum", sighed the kody.

"Yes Yo Radiant Benevolence. I gits right on it."

It's time for me.

For many years now, I've not done things for myself. I've been helping others. I think I'm a codependent enabler. I am an abuse survivor. I'm a 38 year old woman.

To make a long childhood story short, I was raped at eleven years old by my mother's third husband. The husband before that one beat me, but never touched me sexually. Third husband continued to rape, and beat me for the next two years, until my mother decided to leave him. She didn't leave him because he was hurting me; she didn't believe me when I told her that he was doing those things to me. She left him so that she could marry another man, and have his children. Her fourth husband intensely verbally abused me, as well as my mother. It was so bad I had to run away from home at age 14. I lived on the streets for a couple of years, until I met a man who became my boyfriend. I moved in with him.

Basically, every single man I've lived with/had a relationship with has abused me either verbally or physically, in the last 20 years. My last live-in boyfriend not only beat me multiple times, but screamed at me (sometimes directly into my ears.) He'd grab my car keys when I'd try to leave the apartment. He threatened that if I left him, he would come after me. I finally managed to escape him, but it took several years for him to finally leave me alone. I tried to get a restraining order against him, but the courts turned me down, as I never reported the abuse to the police, out of fear of him. I even went to a women's center, only to be told that there was nothing they could do to help me. I cannot even begin to explain the horror I've been through right now. I suppose that emotional torture might come close. I think... I know some of you might be wondering why I didn't get out sooner. I honestly don't know. I felt as if my life were not in my own hands. I suppose they call this battered woman syndrome? He controlled me, no doubt about it.

Now, I have some emotional/psychological problems. I have mild PTSD, agoraphobia, and low physical energy. The most recent abuse happened 3 years ago, yet the feelings linger. I've tried to go to a psychotherapist, but the guy actually made a pass at me! It was disgusting. I went there to get help, and he did that.

I cannot turn to my family. My mother has borderline personality disorder, and my stepfather is emotionally abusive towards me. Every time I tell them I need someone to talk with, they tell me to "just get over it." Since I got out of my ex's place, my stepfather has verbally abused me about five times.

I'll get to the point of this post. I'm having trouble learning how to do things for myself. For years, I've put everyone else first. I feel guilty when I buy something for myself, even though I spend more money on friends, (including my recent boyfriend,) in one month, than I've spent on myself in years; and I don't feel guilty about that. My mother buys lots of things for herself, and then flaunts them in front of me. She says things such as "you need to get a man to buy you nice things like these." Or, I get the ever popular, "why couldn't you be a doctor, or a lawyer? You'd have so many nice things now if you did. You can always go back to school." My mother is a completely materialistic, gold digging bitch, in plain english. She really is. She loves to grind me down into the ground emotionally, and then kick dirt into my face. She sometimes tries to give me her cast off clothing, while lecturing me on how my life stinks because I don't have a rich husband. I'm just going to say it, she was never there for me as a little girl, and she's a fucking selfish cunt. God, that felt so good. I'm starting to think that perhaps I don't buy anything for myself, or feel bad about doing things for myself, because I don't want to be even remotely like her.

I pray God that I can get past all of this shit, and just get on with my life in peace, and sanity.
I feel like a human car wreck.

I need help

I'm trying not to.............................................I can feel it coming..............................................please help me stop it........................................................................................................it hurts trying to hold it back......................................................................I don't think iI can help myself..........................................I'm bitting my tongue..............................I think I made it.........................I might be over it now.................................... I'm feeling better................................................I think it has passed................................................................that was close.......................................................oh shit................CLAN CRAP.......................................oh....,please forgive me............I tried not to........but I couldn't help it.

Clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, clan crap, I think I'm over it, clan crap, oooops

Marie, Madre de Dios

Man, I’ll tell you, kids these days are so stinking ungrateful! Now you take that turd-burgling brat of mine, Jesus the Gay Pagan. The utter nerve of that butt pirate, complaining that I have PMS 24-7! He has no clue what it’s like to be me, not to mention that the little faggot has been nothing but trouble from the day he was born. I mean, c’mon, giving birth is hard enough, but try doing that when you’re a virgin. It’s like trying to push a watermelon through a frickin’ keyhole. Give a little credit where credit is due, for crap sake.

Then he’s always running around saying , “My dad” this, and “My dad” that. Yeah, great guy, his dad. The rat bastard gets me pregnant, sends one of his winged flunkies to let me know about it, and then instead of marrying me like a regular stand-up guy, he palms me off on Carpenter Joe. I could be living the good life, ya know? But noooooo, I get stuck in this damn stinkin’ desert! No stinkin’ wonder I’m in a bad mood. And it wouldn’t kill the creep to pay a little child support, ya know? After all, he’s a god; he can afford it.

And as far as that fudge packing kid of mine, he’s a lazy one. Oh, sure, raise your friends from the dead, change water into primo wine to party on, and heal all those lepers. But will he wash a dish or take out the garbage? Yeah, right. If PMS were really the problem, he could cure that with a snap of his fingers. But I’m just his mother, so I’m not important. Man, if it weren’t for those Catholics, I’d get no respect at all!

HOLY CRAP

I almost got caught making this entry! HA

Well anywho, our friend moved in and brought her two cats. they started to piss all over the house. The house smells like cat piss. following me?

she complains about it saying how she's never lived in a house so disgusting before. ??? ok. so i try to help and clean up, cuase i like cats, i really do. and sometimes, they just start spraying. i understand that. but what i don't understand is why am i the one that bought carpet cleaner, borrowed a steam vac, and cleaned all teh carpets. the house stopped smelling for a few days.. but it came back! and has the steam vac been used since? no. does she still complain, yes! am i going to lift a finger to help, fuck no. i'm tired of trying to be reasonable and helpful. this house is shit and no one does anything to help out. and it's not even my house! i just help pay the bills, so i'm not the one fucked when it comes time to sell.

why do i feel guilty about this?

Masturbation 101

Lesson 7 - Hand Rub

First, apply some lube. Then, put one of your hands on the right of your shaft and the other on the left. Start rubbing like your hands are cold and you need to warm them up. At first, rub them fast, then, when you are near to the big gush, rub slowly.

Instant Gratification

If you ever happen to be in an IHOP or Dennys (or someplace similar) by yourself and see a homeless person sitting at a table........buy him or her a meal. Call your server over, and quietly order a meal for that person. Ask the server not to identify who purchased the meal or just say it was on the house. You will feel GREAT. But NEVER tell anyone you did it. True generosity is done anonymously.

Instant Gratification

If you ever happen to be in an IHOP or Dennys (or someplace similar) by yourself and see a homeless person sitting at a table........buy him or her a meal. Call your server over, and quietly order a meal for that person. Ask the server not to identify who purchased the meal or just say it was on the house. You will feel GREAT. But NEVER tell anyone you did it. True generosity is done anonymously.

Unwanted (?) pussy at 12:30 AM ... I'M FREAKING OUT!!!

OK, so earlier tonight, I dead-bolted my door for the night (even though it wouldn't usually matter one way or the other because I live in a safe neighborhood, generally, but hey, I'm a paranoid freak like that) knowing I would not be going out, since I need to be up at 7am tomorrow to milk the goats. But then I got a call from my gay lover (hey, I swing that way sometimes) who said he was coming to stay with me for the night - ooh! So, when the raging queen got here, he didn't lock the door, but it didn't matter because we were both UP and (did I mention?) I generally live (though sometimes barely) in a safe neighborhood. So my guy went to bed about 11:30 (after a quick session of anal pounding - he bent, I sent) and I'm up watching a movie (Home Alone II - It's real scary!!!), about to lock up and go to bed myself. At about midnight, all of a sudden, the door opens and I hear footsteps coming up into my apartment. Well I tell you, I shat my fucking pants (as I said, I'm a paranoid FREAK!) and I don't just mean I sharted here: There was shit SPRAYING in all directions, guys, all over my brand new Persian rug! I began to query in my mind the safety of my neighborhood (I did mention that it was generally safe, didn't I?) At first I thought it was my boyfriend's angry lover, but then I realized that he would have told me (he knows I like a threesome) and stayed up. This stupid cunt I used to work with, turns the corner into my living room and stands there in the archway to my living room where I was. She was drunk out of her tiny mind. Not to mention I generally hate (but sometimes generally love) this bitch, since she's the one who tried to get me fired but sucked my dick as compensation. She proceeds to tell me that she was at the bar across the street and saw my light on and wanted to come "surprise me" and see what was UP. I told her my dick, and I was about to go to bed. She kept talking, not taking my hint to join me. She said she was sorry (the stupid drunken hag) and she didn't think it went straight up to the apartment, but it went crooked. I asked her what the fuck she was talking about, my penis? She said the elevator, dumbass. I didn't care. A pussy is a pussy is a pussy, regardless of whether it's midnight, she's piss drunk and she came stumbling into my apartment, and I FUCKING HATE HER! (generally) but now I FUCKING LOVE HER (generally) ... I just wanted to get my cock generally inside her. Thank god I didn't have my gay lover in here (he was asleep) or had just got out of the shower (because then my penis looks like a shrivelled little snail) or something. I've been trained in winding people up (hey, it's what I do) and de-fusing bombs, so ripped all my clothes off and jumped up and down, making my dick slap against my stomach, generally. I said, hey, at least she's not some crazy axe murderer or a rapist. Her reply? "You never know ... Um, why do you have shit all over you?" Dudes, I am, like SOOOOOO creeped OUT here! No, really!!! She was interested in my shit!!! And I find that so HOT!!! That's when I casually mentioned that when I didn't know it was her, I was going to grab my cock and, although my dude is available in the other room, jerk off generally all over the carpet. And yet, she STILL had the audacity to ask me if I wanted to do something with her!!! HADN'T THE DUMB BITCH BEEN LISTENING?!? I was leaping up and down like a sex-crazed maniac with a stiffy like a milk bottle and she still didn't get it! FUCK HER?! HELL YESSS!! I screamed generally in ecstacy! But I can't say that because she was drunk it made matters any better in the comprehension department, so I guess I had to show her. I picked her up, fireman style, carried her upstairs, then she FINALLY understood. I then had a brilliant idea and called my best friend, because I know he likes threesomes too, but he didn't care when I told him what happened. (Like WTF, dude?!?) I called my other boyfriend (the bisexual voyeur exhibitionist) and he offered to beat off while watching us, but he wasn't serious. He said everything had been going a bit gay lately and he need to wet his bed on his own for a bit. OK, that pissed me off. If I say some random drunk bitch just walks into my my apartment like that, I want my man to be in a testosterone induced sexual frenzy so he can share her with me!!! Not passive and go to fucking sleep! GROW SOME BALLS!! OK, well, I do have to admit that he is half way across the bisexual border and can't make up his mind sometimes, so maybe he was like having issues, so there's not much he could really do, but still! At least show that you care that I'm about to share my drunken bitch with you!! I know it was my fault for not locking the door less frequently, but seriously, it's not an issue where I live (because, as I think I mentioned before, it's GENERALLY safe) well, at least I wasn't feeling that gay tonight!.......................

Masturbation 101

Lesson 6 - Hands Clasped

Take both hands and clasp them together with your fingers interlocking; don't forget the lube. Then, clasp your meat between both hands and rub up and down the full length off your shaft. Go slow and steady when you're about to cum! Have fun!

Learned my lesson...I think

Last weekend at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop I was looking for a little
something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a 100,000-
volt pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed
to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on an assailant.
The idea is to allow my wife -- who would never consider a gun --
adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded
in two triple-a batteries and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
disappointed.

But then I read (yes, 'read') that if I pushed the button AND pressed
it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of
electricity darting back and forth between the prongs and I'd know it
was working.

Awesome!!! (Actually, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn
spot is on the face of her microwave). Okay, so I was home alone with
this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad
with only two triple-a batteries, right?!! There I sat in my
recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul)
while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed
to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target. I must
admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to
give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did
want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading
glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in
one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second
burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst
was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily
control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant
flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than
three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

So, I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked
to one side as to say, "don't do it," reasoning that a one-second
burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I
decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I
touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY
MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @ !@$$!%!@*!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked
me up in the recliner, and body slammed us both on the carpet, over
and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the
fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples
on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under
my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. You should
know, if you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, that
there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself.
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your
hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.

SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be
sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected what
little wits I had left, sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent
reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they up
get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and
my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles!!
I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.

Still in shock, Mr.Ignoramous

Masturbation 101

Lesson 5 - Pull It Tight

When using whatever method to masturbate, place your off hand at the base of the penis, above the scrotum, and pull down so that the skin along the shaft of your penis is tight. This tends to increase sensitivity and will probably bring you to climax a bit faster, but it can provide a great sensation.

American Idol

I'm sorry, I have to say, but going by the general cross section of applicants to this show ...

Are there enough fuckin' mal-illusioned FREAKS in America or what?!?!

Seattle took the cake!

Ahhhhhh

Getting fucked off with people asking if I want any pills.

Do
If Me_says="I don't drugs anymore" Then Them_say="Nah! me either"
Wait 10 * 60 * 10000
Them_say="Ive got some speedy like pills if you want"
Loop

UNWANTED VISITOR AT 12:30 AM....IM FREAKING OUT!!!

Okay so earlier tonight I dead-bolted my door for the night, knowing I would not be going out since I need to be up at 7 tomorrow. But then I got a call from my younger brother who said he was coming to stay with me for the night. So he got here and didn't lock the door, but it didn't matter, we were both up and I generally live in a safe neighborhood. So my brother went to bed around 11:30 and I'm up watching a movie, about to lock up and go to bed myself. At about midnight, all of a sudden, the door opens and I hear foot steps coming up into my apartment. At first I thought it was my brother's friend, but then I realized that my brother would have told me or stayed up. This guy I used to work with turns the corner into my living room and stands there in the archway to my living room where I was. He was drunk out of his mind. Not to mention I generally hate this guy since he's the one who tried to get me fired. He proceeds to tell me that he was at the bar across the street and saw my light on and wanted to come "suprise me" and see what was up. I told him I was about to go to bed. He kept talking, not taking my hint to leave. He said he was sorry and he didn't think it went straight up to the apartment. I don't care. Reguardless, its midnight and you're drunk and you come stumbling into my apartment and I FUCKING HATE YOU! Thank god I wasn't doing something with my boyfriend or just got out of the shower or something! I've been trained in calming people down and defusing scary situations so I stayed calm. I said at least he wasn't some crazy axe murderer or a rapist. His reply? "You never know....." I am sooooooo creeped out!!! Thats when I casually mentioned that when I didn't know it was him I was going to grab my gun and my brother is in the other room. And yet he STILL had the audacity to ask me if I wanted to do something with him!! FUCK YOU!! HELL NO!! But I can't say that bc he's drunk and I know that it would only make matters worse. So I stayed calm and said no that I had to wake up early and then FINALLY he left! Immediatly I called my best friend, woke her up but she didn't care when I told her what happened. I called my boyfriend and he offered to beat him up for me but he wasn't serious. He said everything is going to be okay and that he needs to go to bed. Okay that pissed me off. If I say some random drunk guy just walks into my apartment like that, I want my man to be in a testosterone induced rage!!!! Not passive and go to fucking sleep! GROW SOME BALLS!! Okay well I do have to admit that he is half way across the country so theres not much he could really do but still! At least show that you care that I could have been raped or murdered!! I know it was my fault for not locking the door immediatly, but seriously its not an issue where I live. Well at least it wasn't........

The downfall of my digital camera

I got what I deserved, I really did. I should have left well enough alone, but I didn't. I guess I'll tell it how it goes.

It all started this morning. I was bored after only an hour of being awake. I was looking for something to do, and this usually means trouble. What with so many pairs of scissors lying around you can never tell what I will do next.

Harry Potter picked a fight with Pickles right in front of me. I threw stuff at him, and he was so embarrassed that he had to have an emergency bath. This struck a cord in my brain that said: Pickles needs a bath!!

Of course watching a cat get a bath is really funny, so I grabbed my digital camera.

Now in one hand, I have this squirming kitty, and in the other, my digital camera. I bend over to set the cat in the water, only she seems to have a different idea. As soon as her feet touch the bottom of the tub, she springs forward at me as a desperate attempt to get the heck out of there. I DROP the camera to stop the cat from flying out of the tub. I then proceed to scream my head off and rescue the camera as soon as my brain works again. It all happened in about 3 seconds, but it seems that 3 seconds was enough.

I've since taken the batteries and memory card out of the camera and shaken all of the water out of it. I let it dry for about 8 hours, and came back to it after work.

It was still dead. And I should have left it alone at that. Do you think I learned my lesson? Of course not, silly! I proceeded to take the camera apart with a nice little screw driver. I wiped its guts dry and was very thorough. Only now I can't get it back together.

Bottom line: I'm an idiot. What the heck was I thinking? Cats and cameras and water do not mix. I don't even deserve to have a digital camera if I'm such a grand idiot. So I got what I deserved, right?

Ich, Fräulein N, bin der ursprüngliche Autor von diesem Posten. Ich hoffe, dass Sie nicht gebohrt wurden.

Jesus The Gay Pagan

Well things haven't been much better today! My boss pissed me off today, so, I killed him, then burnt down the restaurant, and raised him from the dead just in time to let him see it burn to the ground. Just to let know what happened, he started talking religion, and before I knew it, he was gay bashing, and telling me that Wicca is nothing but bullshit. So I tried to tell him that the ancient religion, known today as Wicca, was actually around alot longer than Christianity, and that if there was any bullshit, it was the way wars are carried out in my name, people telling other people that if you don't repent of your sins, your going to hell. My dad never sent anyone to hell for fucking another guy in the ass, or because you cheated on your wife, not even killing someone, especially if they deserved it, I mean come on, is the world really gonna miss another pimp, I don't think so! And then the subject of of my being gay, is that really any of his business, hell no! That fucking gimp can suck my fucking dick, I mean I know not everyone is up for having a nice throbbing slab of man beef slide up their ass, but just because you don't like dosen't mean I won't, some people just don't get it. If I want to suck another guy's dick in the bathroom stall at Jerry's Pub I will most certainly make sure I keep the noise to a minimum. But for my boss to tell me that I'm going to hell just because I'm gay, that ridiculous, and I know that for fact because I already asked my dad. He did tell me that I would go to hell for missing mom's birthday. Mom can be a bitch sometimes, but she always blames it on her period. That woman must be on her period 24-7. But anyway, damn it feels good get this shit off my chest. Now I think I'll go and redo my altar, and put the finishing touches on a few of my new spells. Well gotta go!

Masturbation 101

Lesson 4 - Dip 'Em

Try it with chicken soup, you'll get matzo balls:
Get a cup of warm water ready and set it aside. Then jack off, using your favourite standard technique. When you're about to cum, put your balls in the warm water. This may sound retarded, but it the best thing out there. Just make sure the water isn't too hot for safety reasons.

mmmmm.........

I have an intense craving for potato soup. I need to go get my taxes done. I can't wait for summer! And fall is going to kick ass. All my friends are leaving or have left already for different parts of the country. All I can do is hope that moving will bring new friends and new adventures.

"So I pretend, I'm doin all I can, and hope some day you'll find it in your heart, to understand why I'm not around, and forgive me for not being in your life"

Do you ever ask yourself, "does this make me a bad person?" I do. And I usually answer yes. I don't know what the fucks wrong with me. I never used to be like this. Of course no one reading this has a clue what the hell I'm talking about. Girls, my girlfriend. Not being 100% dedicated. Thinking about leaving, breaking her heart. That's what I'm referring to. I'm tired of thinking about this. and I'm not anyone special. and I'm not going to be anyone. Basically..., aw whatever, FUCK THIS "lalalala life goes on"

Attila the Turd

I am an idiot who can't figure out how to post like a normal person on anonyblog. I should have people change my diaper because I dont know how to crap in a toilet like a normal person. Also, if theres anybody who cares about poop let me know because this is incredibly retarded. And by that I mean "They can do anything...."

OP needs to learn how to transfer ownership........

Jesus The Gay Pagan

Today is another retched day just like all the others, here I am at my hetero brothers wedding, without my lifemate Judas: because I was told he wasn't invited. Well that fucking sucks: who the fuck is he to tell me I'm not allowed to bring my man? You know what fuck this, "come here kid, watch this" see your cup of water, presto, now it's wine, enjoy, and these empty baskets, viola, rotting fish. Let's go take a dip in the fountain of eternal youth, (which by the way, is really just a wine fountain), and I think I'll cut the wedding cake myself.....hahahaha fuck it, let fire and brimstone hail down upon this happy couple...see if they me Judas can't come again!
Well that's enough for today, I think I'll go home and suck Judas' dick!

By the way, The Exposer is a complete idiot, Kodybear is not the administrator. But I guess we all can't perfect like me!

KODYBEAR

His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear was relaxing in his private suite at the Radisson. He was drinking a fine Tete de Cuvee Pinot Noir 2001and eating Iranian beluga caviar by the mouthful when he heard Magogo shuffling down the hall.

"Boss Dooky say he need some money fo some mo Fosters."

"Here Magogo", the Bear said sliding five one hundred dollar bills under the door. "You may go now Magogo and don't let Dooky fool you. He's very wealthy. His father was Killer Willard, the Australian Nightmare, The Boss Auss, The Big Island Bomber, you know, the famous boxing Kangaroo. He invested his proceeds from a successful career into a chain of convenient stores, the Kangaroo Marts, and Dooky will inherit the entire fortune. Look it up on the Internet if you don't believe me. Here I'll write down the link for you", the Kody said, shoving a piece of paper under the door.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pufSYjhcPYo

"Yo Excellency how Isa gwine to look at anything on de inturdnet. Yo has been on de computer twenty four seven de last two days. What yo been doin in der?"

"I've been trying to find something Magogo", the Bear said in a lilting voice.

"What yo tryin to find dat take two days", Magogo said suddenly fearful about forgetting his master's title. Too late. The door swung open and the Kody had him on the floor.

"Magogo I'm going to teach you to mind your own.....Good Lord! Look at this mess! I'm telling you that you two have completely buggered this room! I want all those beer cans thrown out and all those McDonalds wrappers as well. Then Magogo I want you and Dooky to go down to the front desk and book yourselves another room, preferably on a different floor. Hell make it a different hotel. I need a break from you cretins. Maybe you could get some work done? Yes? Hmm? Have you finished our France Itinerary? Did you book the studio time I ask about? Have you found out the location of that planet? I didn't think so. Now get up on your feet. Have your vest cleaned. I think I see some secret sauce there."

"Yes Yo Benevolence. I calls you when we gets settled."

"Very well then. Your excused."

And she said: THE FLU

Miss N is finding herself very much indisposed right now.

I'm really sick. UGH. I spent all night throwing up, and I really hate throwing up.

I also managed to nab the cold that my coworkers were passing around.

I made sure to go to work with the flu. I'm so generous.

Hope none of you get it!

N

Masturbation 101

Lesson 3 - Shower of Power

You gotta use both hands for this. Be careful not to slip:
If you have a power shower, or any powerful shower spray, squat down and aim it at your asshole whilst jacking off. It really heightens the sensation as you cum and makes you squirt a lot harder and better.

Masturbation 101

Lesson 2 - Right There

Sophisticates calls this area the taint:
I usually proceed with a basic one handed jack off session. But as I am about to achieve orgasm, I press my middle finger between my balls and anus. Harder pressure means greater orgasm.

Masturbation 102

Today I was inspired by a particular X-rated film. It gave me what I thought to be an interesting idea, to say the least. The idea was to film myself "doing it."

Since I have no one to "do it" with, I figured the next best thing is to film myself "doing it" by myself.

Woah.

I had no idea how exciting this could be! It was so exciting to think of some guy watching this and getting turned on. And just knowing that the camera was on me made me want to do it better to myself than ever before, so that if someone else watched, they would like it.

Lesson learned: this is really hot. I just want to keep watching and recording over and over again and again. I would definitely recommend this to everyone. Just make sure no one else uses your computer.....

Dear Anonyblog Friends,

I am sorry that I have not been around for a few weeks. Unfortunately I have suffered a great personal loss as my best friend and next door neighbor of fifteen years passed away in my arms. Words cannot describe the way that I feel. I never expected anything like this to happen. It goes to show you that our lives are insignificant and can change drastically in a blink of an eye. My heart is broken and I have a hole in my life the size of the Grand Canyon. I hope to be posting some good
entries soon.

Peace to all of my good friends here at Anonyblog,

Master Chef Vapor

Masturbation 101

Lesson 1 - Easy Clean-Up

Fun, practical, and tidy: Masturbate over a sink with your balls resting on the cold enamel. When you are about to come shove the head of your dick under the cold tap. This gives you a great sensation and washes your dick at the same time.

What it has come to

So. This is my current situation. This is what it has come to:

I am fat. I am very unhappy with myself. I have tried things in the past, but to no avail. This seems like the only thing to do now.

I've started smoking dope to supress my appetite & give me energy to last the day without food. My lack of food is the other part-- I have decided to stop eating altogether. Just liquids-- water, juice, gatorade. As little as possible. This will be my fast for the next three days.

I will also start using laxatives.

I asked my boyfriend the other night to roll over in bed and hold me as we slept-- we've slept in the same bed for almost 2 years now, and he's held me less than 5 times. He told me that he couldn't hold me because I was too fat. It was uncomfortable for him to fall asleep in that position and that it made him sad he couldn't hold me. He said if I was thinner, he could.

So this is my motivation. He constantly talks about other girls being overwieght-- when they clearly are not. He pinches the skin on his stomach, calls himself fat, and then tells me that he's so fat and unhappy. Almost like he's hinting to me. He nick-named me his "wittle piggy."

I want to be what he desires so he won't go looking anywhere else.

I want to be beautiful, for once in my life, I want to be able to wear what I want- do what I want - and feel happy with myself.

Sometimes I think I would be happy the way I was if it wasn't for him. But I don't blame him...

Richard Head

My neighbor has guest stay over at his house sometimes and about a month or two ago, I saw this heavyset guy unpacking his car and carrying the stuff into my neighbor’s house, so I guessed that it was just another of my neighbor’s friends spending the weekend. After about his third trip to collect stuff from his car I looked over at him and said HELLO and he said Hi. You should try it. When you see anyone, even your best friend, say HELLO to them. I gottsa git to da shack. Needsta hearren Outlaws gREEN gRass And hIGH tIDES. And by-the-way, Morning News Personnel suck BIG TIME, makes me wanna puke from their fake happiness. YOU GOTTA LOVE ME-RICHARD HEAD
Bye.

;-(

I HATE.........

SEX!!!!!!!!! IT RUINS EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THE FREAKING POINT ANYWAYS???? NOBODY CAN KEEP UP WITH ME, AND ALL IT BRINGS IS TROUBLE AND DRAMA!!!!!! FROM THIS MOMENT ON I AM A VIRGIN AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! FUCK SEX!!!!!!!!!!!

But what if you're just not sure you're in love anymore?

I really truly appreciate what that person wrote to me, if whoever wrote that is reading this. It made me think, can you fall out of love? I mean completely. It seems like it would be impossible because when you are first in love, there's nothing else. It's amazing, and it feels amazing. If you don't feel like that anymore, does that mean you're not in love anymore? Or is it just a natural part of a relationship. Either answer makes my eyes well up. I wish I didn't feel like this, think about this. "So honestly how could you say those things, when you know that I mean everything"

"This is all wrong, and it showed. All the certain things I promised not to let you know"

Lynne B. Goldstein

I eat poopoo.

I know

Work fucking sucks. Damnit, it really sucks. But having the career I want means taking less pay. This fucking sucks. I really really really don't feel like spending another damn day there. ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGhhhhhhhhhhhh

binge

i think i've always had body image problems. just like any other girl though, it was a normal part of being a teen girl today...i just wanted and want to be skinny.

it didnt get bad until this summer though, i mean i had eaten normally up until the end of summer. My friend, one of my best at the time, has had an eating disorder for a while and would always talk about food and throwing up or starving herself as if it was normal or okay. after a while hearing about it constantly and being skinny and "food is for fat people", i became even more self conscious.

the last weeks of summer i started working out and running everyday and ate hardly anything. this lasted into the school year as well until thanksgiving break where i took on binge eating.

now i go through phases where binge and throw up, or dont eat at all. i hate myself for it everyday and know its wrong but i cant help it. go ahead and tell me to just stop and diet normally because what im doing is only hurting myself physcially and emotionally.

i cant stop though.

now ive turned to other ways of being able to control my eating such as taking aderoll and ritalin. ive also thrown down for cock.

i dont know where ive headed and where im going to end up.

THE EXPOSER

Kodybear, in his last post, referenced a post that INDY THE GREAT made to anonyblog (pronounced as one word). However, that post was never published! That's right, Kodybear knew about a post that INDY THE GREAT made but no one ever saw! Thus, Kodybear is the administrator (pronounced as one word) of anonyblog (pronounced as one word)!

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah doody doody doody poo poo ha ha

Sex in the Boondocks

After work I went to the house and of course, Brandon and Garrett had been drinking. No shocker there. We sat around and listened to music and talked for a while. That’s when it began to get awkward. I had known for some time that Garrett had a crush on me, but I was not in the least bit attracted to him. Brandon knew both sides and thought it would be funny to exploit that. He began talking about sex and where he would like to try to have sex etc. Of course, Garrett in all of his drunken glory followed in Brandon’s footsteps and began getting specific as in who he would want to have sex with. Me. YUCK! I tried to steer the conversation away, but Brandon thought it was absolutely hilarious so he kept steering the conversation back. Garrett decided to let a huge bomb go and said that he didn’t care where he had sex, because he was a virgin. A 26 year old virgin. Yeah, that’s my idea of sexy right there….NOT! I was beginning to get fed up with everything so I said I was going to go home. I offered Brandon a ride home, and by that we both knew I meant my home.

I was slightly annoyed when we reached the farm. But one look into those deep brown eyes and it was all over. We walked into the living room and Brandon plopped down on my couch. I sat down next to him and told him I had a surprise for him. He seemed intrigued and asked what it was. I gave him an ultimatum; I could tell him or I could show him. Show it was. I told him to help me and he asked how, so I tugged on my work shirt. He pulled it off over my head to reveal the light pink corset with hot pink lacing I had put on before leaving work. He was ecstatic! Then I told him I had another surprise for him, but I didn’t know if he was worth it considering the awkward situation he put me in earlier. He wrapped me in his arms and kissed me. So I tugged on my pants as a sign for him to take them off as well. Off they went, revealing the matching thong. A huge grin spread across his face, and he said that as sexy as the lingerie was, I wasn’t going to keep it on for long.

We went into the Master Bedroom and started making out on the bed. I was in a really frisky mood that night, so I went to the kitchen to get some whip cream, chocolate syrup, etc. I went back into the Master Bedroom, but Brandon wasn’t there. As I called out his name, I heard a shuffle come from around the guest room and bar area. I turned the corner and there Brandon was, naked in all his glory. He began to get up to come to me, but I pushed him back on the bed and drizzled chocolate syrup, strawberry syrup and whip cream all over his body. I licked off every drip. Then he grabbed the chocolate and trickled the syrup over my abdomen. He started at the top, licking every inch of both of my breasts and followed the chocolate trail down. It was amazing. There was chocolate, strawberry and whip cream EVERYWHERE within 15 minutes. However, we had an audience. My overly protective Rottweiler had been watching through the window. He didn’t like Brandon from the first time he saw him, and now it looked like Brandon was doing something apparently my dog thought he shouldn’t. So my dog head-butted the window and tried to attack Brandon through the glass. We had both had enough.

We went in the shower to wash off, then went downstairs to my room. The bass from the stereo made everything electrifying. I am not usually a very limber person, however that night Brandon made my body move in ways I still don’t know how he did it. I clenched my PC muscles and his facial expression said everything. I asked him if he was okay, and he said whatever I do, to keep doing that. Everything we did that night was incredible.

We woke up around 8 and I had to be work at 9. I knew my dad would be coming home the next day, so I started a little cleaning before I left. All the sheets went in the washer, I collected the garbage with the condoms and the wrappers, and I put away the condiments used from the night before. Any real cleaning could be done after I got home, and once again, my father would never know the difference. I dropped Brandon off at his house and went into work. It was really busy that day, so by the end of my shift I was exhausted. I checked my phone and I had a voicemail. It was my father. He said he would be coming home early and should be there around noon. I looked at my clock. It was 2pm. I about passed out. I called my best friend and told her everything as I flew home. She knew as well as me how bad it would be if my father found out I had brought a guy home. All I could do was pray.

When I walked in the door, my father called me to his bedroom. He asked me who stayed with me in the past week. I denied everything and said it was only me. He asked why I had washed his sheets. I had slept in his bed earlier that week because that was where we kept the guns and I had heard a noise coming from outside. Then he asked who’s rubber bands for their braces was in the bathroom since I don’t have braces anymore. They were from doing my hair for work that morning and I showed him my hair. I acted like it was no big deal and that he was insane for thinking anything else. He believed me. I hurried up and cleaned up the remnants of the syrup from the previous night before my dad found it. Then I went downstairs, called my best friend again and had the anxiety attack I deserved. But I popped a Xanax, and everything was good again.

What do you think??

Okay so this is a big weight on my shoulders. What do you think? I've made a lot of bad mistakes in my past. I am trying to change, but it is so hard. Everyone that knew me while I was making said mistakes says I can't change, thats just who I am. But those are also the people who didn't know me before I started fucking my life up. But there was a huge event back in August that made me want to change who I am and my actions. I moved about 100 miles away to get a fresh start because I knew I couldn't get that where I was. However, now even though nobody from where I was knows where I live really, I can't get away from my past. It follows me. Like I said, I'm trying to change, I want to change, but everybody seems to want to drag me down. I feel like I have nowhere to go. I am living on my own for the first time in my life and its a really scary thing for me. Do you think I can change?? Or am I struggling for nothing? All I know is I am drowning......