Anonyblog

******BREAKING NEWS****** Kody R Bear Makes New York Times Front Page!

Magogo the Singing and Dancing Macarena Monkey came running into his master's room waving a copy of the New York Times.

Yo Excellency! Yo Excellency! Yo has gosta see dis! I aint nevah............

What the hell are you babbling about now Magogo? I haven't seen you in months and now you come barging in here. Don't think for a second that I don't know what you've been doing over there in that hotel room. I'll bet the place is trashed. Yes? Hmm? Hell I would have been over to see you but I'm afraid I might cut myself on something or worse yet break a leg or put my eye out on something. And when the hell did you start reading the New York Times anygoddamnway?

i ain't trash de place Yo Eminence.

You dolt! The I should be capitalized! Jeez!

I ain't trash de place.

I ain't trash de place what?

I ain't trash de place Yo benevolence.

Well what is it then Magogo?

You is on de front...........

Silence! Or I am so going to whip your monkey ass! Oh great BearTurd God! I can't believe this! I just got Carl Panzram as a friend on my MySpace! It just sends chills down my Bear Spine!

Who Carl Panzram Yo Radiance?

Can you really be that stupid Magogo? Why he's the most vile and disgusting character ever! He practically reinvented sodomy! As a matter of fact he is single-handedly responsible for revolutionizing the fine art of church burning!

Was he in de udder Clan?

Oh no. He hated everybody. So what is it? I'm busy.

Yo has done made de front page of de new York Times Yo Heinous!

Nu-Uh!

Oh! I remember that now! How could I forget! That nice lady was so impressed with my politics and rhetoric that she bought me some ketchup, sugar, mustard and a pickle slice. Interesting little Bay Area cafe. They served me water in a broken glass. Very cosmopolitan indeed!

Who dat be Yo Excellency?

Magogo if you don't know who that is it just tells me that you've not been doing your job. You know if you intend to conduct business for The Klan Of The Kody Bear your going to have to stay sober so you can remember things. Maybe you need to carry a little notebook around with you and write down the things you're supposed to be doing. Do I make myself clear Sir Magogo?

Yes Yo Eminence?

Now did you get me an appointment with the geico gecko like I ask you to do months ago?

He ain't return mah calls Yo Eminence.

Well call him now. Call him again in fifteen minutes and then at the top of every hour until you get him. Write that down and get out of here!

Yes Yo Benevolence.

And Magogo?

Yes King of Kings?

Nice! Leave the paper. And don't forget to change our flyer. Write that down as well.

Yes Yo Benevolence.

Heres your Scooby Snack

Cold Heartless Bastard here! I wanted to set the record straight on a few things. Then I'll give you all a Scooby Snack for towing the social obedience line. After all the vast majority of you on this site are liberal as hell and are a dedicated group of followers that trip over each other to keep from the front of the line.

First of all homosexuality is WRONG! Human sexuality is designed fro procreation. Something impossible between two men or two women. The day the first man becomes pregnant from some other mans penis in is ass (or any other orifice) I'll change my position on this entire matter. There could never be an advanced culture based on this twisted belief that homosexuality should be accepted and endorsed. These people should be treated as lepers and moved away from society. They suffer a disease of the mind and have no moral fiber or even a shred of human decency. Now for all of you followers who say "we must accept and embrace everyone regardless of their lifestyles" I say BULLSHIT! Thank you Penn and Teller! You see if you REALLY felt that way then you would embrace the Holocaust and the Nazi party. They were just practicing and doing what they felt was right.

I will give you this! Society in our country today seems to want to allow everything and anything on the premise of "if it does not affect me, why should I care?" idea. That idea will lead to the very demise of our country. Lets take the allowing of gays to fight in our armed services. I don't know another vet that would not be willing to shoot the gay bugger he was fighting with just to spare the guy his own mental demise. I sure as hell would never risk my ass to go get the sick bastard out of the line of fire or off the field. And showering with those sick puppies...come on! Don't drop the soap!

I do find it hopeful that this attitude of "acceptance of everything and all" seems to be based with a young group that has not experienced life. Should they ever find themselves being driven into a known situation where their very lives are statistically likely to end I think they would think very very differently. Perhaps being brought up in a country where there every desire has been granted makes them think life is easy. It's not and unfortunately I think all of us will once agin be reminded of that!

OK, I have a Scooby Snack for which ever one of you followers will answer with the drivel that you all are so very proud of.

Ah Me...

Charlie girl.
You should have married me.
I know you loved me.
I wanted to make a life with you.
I wanted to cherish you.
You chose another which was your right.
But I loved you too.
Where are you? What happened to you?
I'm sure you've spoken to me in my dreams.
Touched me and laid your head on my shoulder.
Looked at me with those wise brown eyes and that half smile.
Does that mean you're dead? That you come to me now, a spirit, bringing a sort of penance?
Or is it just that even in death, love still exists?
I have no doubt that it does.
I think about you, about the horses, the ranch, the kids that might have been, your poems and your beautiful poets soul.
Especially at night.
When it's quiet.
I feel your touch.
And I hold you close.
My soul quietens.
For a while.

Why do I torture myself???

I'm one of these silly individuals who likes everyone to be happy. I also like everyone to think kindly of me. And i'm willing to help anyone who comes to me with a question.

But I think i'm at the point where I need some answers. (Why are these things ALWAYS about girls?)

Firstly. there was a girl I met a while ago. It started as a crush on the girl behind the counter at the local cafe. and I was quite happy to leave it at that. But as we all know, matters of the heart weave a horrible complicated mess.

It started with what I thought harmless flirting, on both sides, and some conversation while I was waiting for my lunch to be prepared. This lasted for about 3 months until we started on the Facebook chat. And then MSN and texting.. and within a week we were having 'discussion' in the car out the front of a party I was at. nothing sexual just some kissing and the like. This happened about three times and then she starts giving me all this talk about her ex.

Now. I'm not the jealous type, I understand that almost everyone has some excess baggage, but this is the sort of discussion that could have been happened for say the previous three months. Then just on New Years she tells me that she'd like to be 'just friends' (got i hate those words).

Needless to say. I didn't like that too much, and i told her as much. I told her we don't hang out with the same group of friends, we only ever met up a couple of times outside of a 'work' environment. and so i said I'm not prepared to be just friends.

So I thought a clean break, give me time to get over her (even though it was only a short time, i'm a hopeless romantic and still need time). But then she starts back on the MSN. and now she's telling me about how her ex is staying around. and staying the night sometime.

I don't need this. I thought that I was reasonably fair with what I said. I wasn't trying to lead this girl on. I just wanted something more than 'just friends'. I've done that too often in the past.. and it JUST DOESN'T WORK!

How do I do what's right by her, and look after myself at the same time...??

Okay that was part one....

Secondly.... I have some friends of mine who have recently broken up (about 3 months ago). At the time it was a mutual breakup.

Since then then my housemate(Boy B) has shown some interest in the girl. Understandably he's been talking to me about it for quite some time. What's awkward is that the girl in this equation has also been talking to be about this situation as well...

They are both prepared to take things slowly and not rush into things, and have been out on a few dates. Everything looked good.

Two weeks ago, Boy A is back on the scene and is letting the girl know that he's interested in getting back with her. I don't blame him, they had a long relationship and he can remember what was good about it. And who does Boy A turn to for an ear to have a chat with.. Yeah.. me.. So i'm hearing three sides to the same story.. I think I know it better than the three of them.

The main issue is that Boy A and Boy B are friends as well. And now Boy A feels that Boy B moved in too quickly. (it was about 3-4 weeks after they broke up). Boy A is making both the girl and Boy B feel guilty about things.

What I want to know is if there is a nice way I can let Boy A know that it may be a good idea for him to move on (as hard as that might be) while not betraying what anyone has said to me..

I do like a complicated life...

Aussie...

All Roads Lead To Rome

So yeah, I fucked up yesterday. It's not a bad gig really. I've run too often in the past. Time to face the situation head on this time. I think I need to do this, this time. It's going to be a cast iron bitch though, no two ways about it. I'll have to work very, very hard. I'm sure I'll learn something about myself. Good and bad probably. I need to lose my passion though and be cold. Colder than liquid nitrogen. Coldly professional. No mercy. No give on one hand but incredibly flexible and enduring on the other. Be smart with the system and use it to every advantage. Put up a shell and NOBODY gets through. To survive this will be an ultimate test for me. It should be interesting. It certainly won't be dull. Not literally but metaphorically speaking maybe I can bury or help bury the sonuvabitch. Wouldn't that be a coup. Him AND his 'priest'. Hmph! Dreamer...lol. So...focus...be smart...be cold cold cold...use my brothers and sisters to the best advantage. Use hate in the most intelligent and constructive way possible. Stake the cocksucker through his evil black heart if we can, and bury his ass. If I/we do it right, the others will see. A little fear can be a good thing. The great adventure begins. Like the Terminator, Arnie, I'll be back.

Damn Magogo!

Magogo has died his fur red and put on quite a show

Baby w/ ex

I broke up with my g/f in May 2006, but we had to live together 'til August 2006. Once I moved out we got along better (but not great). In Nov. 2006, my dad died, and she travelled with me to my hometown for 1 week. It was like we were dating again.

Skip to spring 2007. We are still hanging out, occassionally having sex, but also fighting like when we dated.
We had sex March 15th.
April 10th, I moved out of the US. We were still friends, sad to go, but happy too. A new life for both.
April 18th, I am in Asia, she calls. "I am pregnant."
For the next week, we debate keeping/ending the pregnancy. At times I am for/against it.
Finally, I say we should not because money/our jobs/our broken relationship.
She says she wants to keep it.
I come home in Sept. 2007, we get along fairly well. she is thrilled about the pregnancy, I am still in shock about it.
Baby is born in December2007. She is off from work til Feb. 2008. I work from home.
Dealing with a baby is extremely difficult.

Some days, I just wanna pack my bags and get on a plane. I would of course pay child support, but I feel guilty for wanting to leave. I feel I would embarrass/shame myself..... I would disappoint her family....I would be rejecting her in her time of need....my mom would be so sad...... our dog would have to stay in the US with her.......our child would logically have to stay with her........how could I see the child if I am overseas.....

It is such a weight on my heart. I love this person so much, but we cannot live together. We have tried it in 3 different places.............I does not work.

Any advice?

I am so stupid

I can't get into grad school. I just can't do well on my GRE's. It is so frustrating because I worked my fucking ass off. No PhD program will accept me because they think I am stupid.

I know that this sounds trivial, but it really matters to me. It makes me feel like such a failure.

KODYBEAR

Cody!

Hey! Just an old friend from bitchaboutstuff,com. How is Indy?

KODYBEAR

Brought to you by: www.band-flyers.com

Woo!!

I have the internet agian!!! WOOO!

*~JJ~*

Suicidal Abuse

I am a very attractive female who is approached frequently by men, inquiring if i'd like a friend, date, relationship, etc. I was married and in an abusive relationship for 6 years. I put all my hopes and dreams away to support my husband's hopes and dreams. I later found out that he was cheating on me with multiple women, some of the prostitutes. Once I found out he began abusing me and blaming me for his being unfaithful. Eventually enough was enough and I left the relationship.

I met another guy who is not neccesarily a model but who treats me like a princess. I began a relationship with him, and a year into the relationship he broke my heart by uncovering a big lie that he had been hiding from me. Now usually something like that would be a deal breaker for me, but because I love him so much I forgave him. In the months to come he continuously revealed other things that he had lie to me about. I chose to continue to forgive him, but now he accuses me of cheating all the time. This has been going on for nearly 6 months. I have to be on the phone with him every second of every day, or he thinks I'm cheating. This breaks my heart because I love him so much, and I would NEVER cheat on him, not in a million years. I tell him this frequently but it's like he does not listen. When he accuses me of it he threatens to kill himself and says it would be my fault for breaking his heart. For example, if I spend a day with my daughter from my previous marriage, that evening when I talk to him, he's yelling at me because he thinks that I've been spending my time with someone else and then he threatens to kill himself if I dont spend all my time with him. Another example is that I have a childhood friend who is a male, and anytime I don't answer the phone right away, he accuses me of cheating. The final straw was today. I had a VERY hard day at work and I didn't get a lunch break. When I got off work I had to hear him accusing me of cheating once again, saying I didn't call him on his lunch break because I was cheating. First of all do I have a reason to want to break up with him? Secondly, if I break up with him and he kill himself is it my fault.

can i just have it easy for once in my stupid life

before you even tell me that other people have it worse, just take a look at the list of reasons why my life sucks right now. i don't know how other people feel. i only know my own experiences and emotions. and i do feel sorry for people who have it worse than me and that just makes me feel worse.

>> it seems like everything in my life is flawed. let's start with the beginning. i was born with a birth defect that you can only see when i have my shirt off. i have a very attractive face and features, so i can always get dates, but after things start to get more physical they always pack up and leave. it's a huge fucking disappointment to know if you weren't born without a birth defect your life would be improved tenfold.

>> i'm gay. before you start saying how immoral and disgusting it is, please believe me, if there were anything i could humanly do to change this, i would. i used to pray when i was younger for hours every night before bed. i tried to force myself to be straight. i read up on psychology to try to change myself. trust me, it's not happening. i feel like with the birth defect, girls would be more forgiving, but try telling that to guys. trust me, relationships are more difficult because guys are far less forgiving than girls. i'm not one of those flamboyant guys, either. i act just like a normal guy, and that's the same kind of person i would like to date. it's a horrible situation.

>> i recently starting dating a guy from an ivy-league school. he was a great person, everything i was looking for. i am not sure what turned him off to me. maybe the birth defect. maybe the fact that i am not wealthy. maybe because i don't go to as good of a school as he does. things were great in the beginning. i think he really liked me. and then all of this 'non-ivy-league' stuff came up. lots of other stuff, too, so it's hard to decide. he said he wasn't ready for a relationship and he wasn't emotionally into it with me. i took this really hard and have been really depressed since. he said he wanted to continue hanging out in the future but he wasn't ready for anything. all he's done is ignore me.

>> a week later he's posing profiles on online dating sites. any false hope i had is now lost. it means he was lying about why he broke it off and it just sucks so bad. it means i wasn't good enough. i feel like all i will ever be is a pretty face with a deformed body in a sea of assholes. i hate everything about myself, down to all the shitty decisions i made that prevented me from going to better schools so maybe i could at least have that going for me.

it's really hard being in a new, big city with no friends and have all of this stuff happening to you. i have friends from back home, but it's really hard talking about this stuff with them. they have their own problems and i feel like all i do is complain to them. sometimes all i want is someone around who can just say, let's fuck it and go have some fun. i don't have that here. i have some good roommates, but i'm not going to go share my sob stories with them. i have a few friends at school, but its a gossipy school and i'm sure my problems would just be used as gossip fodder.

i know what you're thinking: the right person will come along, would i really want to be dating someone who would judge me and drop me like that, etc. the answer is yes. it's been happening my whole young adult life with multiple people, so i doubt anything is going to change anytime soon.

i am trying to make myself better by working out (even though it highlights my deformity more), buying better clothes, studying harder so i can get into an ivy league for another master's degree. i don't know if this is going to help. i don't think you can really change who you are all that much.

there is only so much hardship a person can take with no support base. i really hate this.

Fuckin' Whopper

/>From: E.O.V.ICON
Date: Jan 14, 2008 9:07 PM

How Much Wood....

I have a fascination for women. Something embedded in my consciousness. They're all I think about. I've only known a few intimately but I crave to bed all of them. For days and days. Just fuck them ragged over and over. Sucking and fucking, touching and kissing, making them cum so many times they end up delirious and then making them cum again. There is truly nothing finer in this world than a fine looking woman. And God knows there are billions of the awesome creatures out there.
The trouble is, realistically, in how I want them but I don't want them. I've got things to do, places to go, people to meet and money to make. In trying to get my shit together, I'm beset with highly detailed visions of exploring someone's vulva with my tongue and lips. Mental reveling in bringing, whatever female my imagination is currently doing, to orgasm again and again. It's a huge distraction, or even an addiction of some sort. I need to move on but I can't seem to make that jump. I'm mired. Mired in thoughts of delectable heart-pounding pussy.
Karma is at work here I'm sure. Fuck only knows. It's definitely a huge waste of energy.
So, I'm here, on this forum letting you all see my stupid assinine weakness.
I want out, I don't want fuck all to do with any of them aside from normal civilities and being pleasant. Keep 'em at arms distance and track the pea-brain on to more pressing issues.
We'll see I guess.

made a commitment my wife and had a vasectomy

This is the first day after having my vasectomy.. I got pissed at my wife for staying late after work for a few minutes to smoke some pot with a co-worker.. Then the evening went down hill from there.. We have both have at caught each other having secret relationships with the opposite sex..Nothing sexual...But still hurts the same.. I know she loves me.. I should have let it go..She tried giving me some love after she came home.

I came to bed, and wanted to try to make up but by that point, she needed space..Which I did not give her..I kept bugging her..Until she went to our daughters bed to sleep.. I then threw her phone, and told her she better sleep light..Anyhow she left our house to sleep in her car..Or so she says...Man I know how to fuck my life up. My balls hurt, my wife who was the reason that I got my balls cut is gone, and I can not sleep...

FUCK>>>>>>>>>>>>

Stolen script

I intercepted some mail the other day and found part of the movie script comeing out of a secret location in Delaware, this is what I saw lately.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kody R. Bear orders Magogo to be castrated and he tries to escape. Running through the bear town Magogo discovers the stuffed remains of Indy the Great on exhibit in a museum. At the conclusion of his escape attempt and run through the bear town, Magogo is captured and while hanging in a net stuns the crowd by speaking. He is put on trial to determine his origins (in a parody of the Scopes Monkey trial). During the trial, he is treated like a beast with little or no rights. During the trial Magogo talks about his comrades and explains that one was killed and the other lost. At this point the court is directed to a group of kangaroos that were captured at the same time as Magogo where he sees Dookie, who has been lobotomized.
Later, Magogo is taken to see Kody Bear, who threatens to lobotomize him as well if he doesn't tell the "truth" about where he came from. But Chief Vapor and Mr. Ignoramous execute a plan to free Magogo, who insists that Dookie also be brought along. They flee to Kentucty, where, a year earlier, Chief Vapor had discovered a cave with artifacts of an advanced society. Kody Bear, along with a band of east coast electronic store employees, manages to find them. After a struggle, Magogo finds a talking monkey doll in the cave that proves that intelligent monkeys were on the planet long before the bears gained control. Magogo and Dookie are allowed to escape on horseback. Kody lets them go without further confrontation, knowing that Magogo will find "his destiny."

Karla Payne of Virginia Beach, VA

is a whore. She can't be happy with the husband she has and so she has moved onto other peoples husbands. I guess it's true what they say about Navy wives after all.

If you are looking for a good time call Karla at 757- 226-0361

www.thepsychoexwife.com - I Have a Psycho Ex-Wife and I AM NOT ALONE!

After 12+ years of abuse and terrorism at the hands of my psycho ex-wife, I've finally decided to unload and get it off my chest in the hopes that men and boys everywhere will choose carefully, if choose at all, to marry and/or have children.

If you are a man in this country (and others) - you're life is pretty much shot in the ass if your soon-to-be psycho ex-wife decides, for no particular reason, she wants a divorce. She'll more than likely get the kids, the car, the cash, the house... and you'll pay for that to happen for years to come.

Check out my story and share yours: http://www.thepsychoexwife.com

HELP, im officially a cheater.

I have been in a long distance relationship for pretty much the majority of the time Ive dated my boyfriend. We met a year or so ago, hung out for a couple of months before he moved back to UK (he lived in NY, me in VA, so on weekends only) and have talked on the phone every day. He wants to get married, I gave him the impression I did too, but I tend to think every guy is 'The one" in the throws of the "honeymoon period" of the first three - six or so months and make impulsive decisions and say impulsive things and give strong impressions of my feelings. ANYWAY. So now Ive started hanging out with my next door neighbor and am finding we have soooooooooo much more in common and Im really starting to fall for him... problem is, my LDR boyfriend has no idea, and i am scheduled to visit him in England (he bought me a ticket for christmas) to meet his parents and he has everything planned out for us, down to which night we are having dinner with whichever family members and he has booked hotel in paris for us and etc the list goes on... and this new crush has all just come about so fast, right after I made the trip was planned. SSOOOOOOOOO. I know I need to make a decision as I have already made out with my neighbor and feel horribly guilty and with each passing day I feel closer and closer to J and more and more distance to LDR boyfriend. It is not right what I am doing and I don't know what to do about it because I feel driven toward my neighbor and I feel this incredible connection but I don't want to let down my boyfriend, crush him, and disappoint his family and/or tell my family I have failed to stay in once again, another relationship. But I don't know what I should do... risk everything and go with my heart or wait until I go to England to make any decisions and cut off everything with new guy (when that feels nearly impossible) or break it off with boyfriend (and completely crush him) due to being dishonest and cancel this ten day trip he has been looking forward to. I DONT KNOW. Anyone? Bueller?

What - no parking????

Exam week next week, Uni [herts.ac.uk] has (in its infinite wisdom) decided to ban parking on campus during the week. Surely those of us with passes have them for a reason - cos we find to hard to get there otherwise. What better week to choose!!! HONESTLY!!!! Thank you anonyblog - off my chest now....

Why can't I move on, and forgive my wife??? Any suggestions??

I found out that my wife was secretly seeing a guy in November...She says that they where just friends, and that she planned on telling me..We were having lots of problems during this time, and I was being a serious asshole...And to top it off I had cheated on her last January...I was talking to women on the internet, and gave my # out to a couple women, and my wife found a message from one..And another called my house late one night..

Why am I not able to let go? And move on??? I will go for days and feel great and then just get side swiped by my hurt...My wife loves me and wants to be with me, and I want to be with her...She is tired of my asking questions about her relationship . How do I deal with this hurt, and not hurt and push her away.
I want to ruin her male friends life and have came up with sorts of ways to do so..None of which i have done yet..

I feel so ugly, and hurt inside..I feel like i am living in the movie Fight Club, no sleep. wanting some other male to just give me a reason to kick there ass, or get my ass kicked..

Any good suggestions???

For Jeff

No, I'm not talking about Lord Vapor. Really I want to talk about, talk to, or just talk in general of the man that was my cousin Jeff.

Past tense. I can bear witness to this fact. Jeff woke up one morning with an almighty rod up his ass, a compilation of the major atrocities life committed against him. Jeff stuck a defiant middle finger in life's impassive face and ended the game on his own terms. In short, we call it suicide.

I'm not kidding anyone here, I didn't know Jeff very well. His destiny was wound loosely to mine when his father married the only aunt I have that lives within 480 miles of me. At this time I was, I think, about 8 years old. My brother was probably about 5. Then, at the wake, pictures I had never even known existed brought tears to my eyes. My little brother smiling-beaming, really, from Jeff's lap. This little boy adored him. Slightly stunned, it did occur to me that my brother, the epitome of insensitivity, was actually, probably, rather upset.

My uncle is the one who found him. Jeff had a fight with his mother, who's supposedly a real cranky broad, and his sister, who loved him dearly, as a sister may. This argument took place some few days before Christmas. I remember Jeff at Thanksgiving. Of course he was watching "the game" when I walked in. Permanent couch fixture. (Wool sweater never optional)
How rude of me, at first I could hardly recall that he was there. As if this failure is an insult to his memory. But why should I feel bad for that? The world, myself included, will just have to accept that it was the way it was. Why should that change just because he's dead? Perhaps it would be more insulting to pretend that it was anything different. Hell I would be pissed off if I bit the dust and some wack family member I barely knew was weeping over me. I would say "Bug off a little, won't ya?" Just have a few beers and make yourself useful by supporting the people that are really distraught (assuming there are such people).

Truthfully, my heart breaks over and over again to think of my Uncle Paul. He is not a very openly emotional man. I mean, we are family and we all know we love each other. He's just a guy and doesn't talk about this sort of thing very openly. But Jeff knew Paul loves him. He's his father, for Pete's sake. He has been there for him through thick and thin and I'll be damned if there's a person that would contest these facts.

How could you lose your son like this and not feel dead inside? The cat is out of the bag, Jeff was not a stable person. He had issues. Honest. His brain just didn't work the same as other people. There was just something off about him...but of course these issues are irrelevant to the father-son relationship.

Jeff was on Zoloft for depression. He struggled with things we take for granted every single day. He was angry, furious, frustrated. Why should it be so hard for him to find a girlfriend? I do believe that there was probably some chick out there that was a perfect fit. And still, his fury built upon itself.

The argument seems to have been the last straw. Jeff offed himself, took a humongous overdose of Zoloft. They say he died immediately, if that can be consolation.

Well, like I said, my uncle was the one that found him. Father stops by to try and patch things up, and walks in to the worst day of his life. I don't know the details, and I won't ask. You can guess how it went. Just stop reading and imagine. There he is, crumpled up. Dead for an unknown period of time. His skin is probably pale white, or maybe even blue. No one expected this. The amount of grief, the insurmountable regret. Shame. Why? What if? Regret, regret, regret.

When Jeff decided to kill himself, he wasn't thinking straight. Yeah yeah sure whatever shut up. It was his choice, his method of punishing those around him, his chance to end his own suffering. Fuck all that bologne. If he had survived (somehow) and was able to comment, he would probably look into the faces of his family members and admit that he didn't really want to die. You know he just wished everything would fucking go right for him. That's all he wanted. And he deserved it. There's no reason why life should have been so painful for him. Every person deserves the chance.

And he's gone. Sweater-wearing, game-watching, dog-loving person. Gone. Bye. Sorry I couldn't have been more of a help. I watch from a detatched room in the funeral parlor. I can see my uncle's knee is hurting, he's trying to stand and still talk to people. His stance is almost a stoop, a symbol to me that this man is broken. My aunt didn't even pretend to put on makeup. Her eyes are puffy and her nose is red. Frenetic. She doesn't ever sit, doesn't eat a bite or drink a sip. She has to help comfort others. Allow herself to be comforted. Grieve, yet be in control. How can a person do this? Is this what the human soul is for? To be resilient in the most impossible, trying moments?

My sobs are not for Jeff. He got what he wanted, it seems. For a person I never really considered very important, many more people have popped out of the woodwork. So many, perhaps 200, have been touched by the final action of this one guy. All will carry it with them until the day they meet their own ends. Whether it is significant, or of the tiniest importance, this suicide is now implanted on all of them.

What did I say to him when I was up there? I said "Sorry, Jeff. I never knew." Without speaking a word, I wished him better. Maybe this life was all wrong. But don't let it go to waste. Now that you are on the other side, please be a light to the other people that want to commit suicide. And no, I don't mean encourage them to do it. What I mean is that you have to urge them, let them know, that this life is worth living, that you have to live it the way you want and really live it. I mean it. Don't let them give up, Jeff.

Crazy? Perhaps. Rightly so, because I don't think life would be any good without a little crazy in it.

I'll always think of him on holidays, that's for sure. Unavoidable. But I guess this is good-bye.

Peace to you, Jeff.

Your cousin,
N

Plans for the new George W. Bush Library:

•The Alberto Gonzales Room - Where you can't remember any of the exhibits.

•The Hurricane Katrina Room - It's still under construction.-

•The Texas Air National Guard Room - Where you don't have to even show up.

•The Walter Reed Hospital Room - Where they don't let you in.

•The Guantanamo Bay Room - Where they don't let you out.

•The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room - Nobody has been able to find it.

•The War in Iraq Room - After you complete your first tour, they can force you to go back for your second and third and fourth tours.

•The K-Street Project Gift Shop - Where you can buy an election, or, if no one cares, steal one.

•The Men's Room - Where you could meet a Republican Senator (or two)

•To be fair, the President has done some good things, and so the museum will have an electron microscope to help you locate them.

Dave Bronconnier, the worst mayor in CANADA

Ok, there is this asshole called Dave Bronconnier, a mayor so cheap that celebrates, travels and keeps himself entertained on tax payer's money.

Example #1: After winning the mayoral elections for a third time, this SOB billed a $20.000 party for him his supporters to the city hall. He could have used the balance of the money his "supporters" gave for his electoral campaign (he got close or a little over $1.000.000 for his campaign and is said he spent 65% of it, nobody knows for sure 'cause there is no law in place to force him to reveal the real amount, you can called organized corruption), but he gave the hefty bill to the tax payers, saying something like tea and coffee parties can be expensive. The last thing they drank was coffee and tea; Wine, champagne and beer were the major players there.

Example #2: He chose to cancel the Santa Claus parade over sending a mayor oil company to hell, granting them the right to close a section of an important avenue in downtown, for them to build a monument to their egoism or better said: headquarters. FUCK YOU ALL ENCANA.

Example #3: He billed $40.000 in trips in ONE year traveling to LONDON and NEW YORK. He said Calgarians would get their money worth. Tangible results of such trips so far: ZERO.

Example #4: The more money the city gets, the less in programs and public activities for the population. The winter fest is a major joke every year, and the fireworks in Canada day are simply lame. Is also good to mention the 100 years of the province passed unnoticed under Dave's management. This is really a very sad city, full of drunks, drugs and gangs.

People in Calgary are so fed up with this new breed of bullshit politicians that only the 20% of the voting population elects pieces of shit as Bronconnier. While this majority gets it's cut through employment, contracts or god knows what, Calgary will be driven to hell.

Why did I publish here? The local media in Calgary already sold out to this asshole, and keeps all his trash under the rug.

FUCK YOU AND YOUR FAMILY BRONCONNIER!!!!

becareful of what you put up your twat

Greenpeace has issued a warning to adult toy lovers everywhere that certain soft vibrators, dildos, and butt plugs may contain "extremely high concentrations of phthalate plasticisers which allegedly pose a risk to human health and the environment".

Greenpeace Netherlands sent eight popular "soft" toys to a researcher lab to test for levels of phthalate. The lab discovered seven of the eight toys contained high levels of phthalates, including DEHP (di-2-ethylhexyl phthalate) which was last year permanently banned from children's toys in the EU because of a possible health risk to young children.

Greenpeace's Bart van Opzeeland, head of the the organisation's campaign against toxic materials, said: "I cannot remember over the last five years such high concentrations being found in research."

A Greenpeace statement added: "Remember, these are chemicals which do not easily biodegrade and can be dangerous - even in small amounts."

The Phthalates Information Centre Europe, meanwhile, is having none of it. Its website declares: "Plasticised PVC has been used for nearly 50 years without a single known case of it having caused any ill-health and the environmental effects of phthalates are known to be minimal."

The five commonly-used phthalates are diisononyl phthalate (DINP), diisodecyl phthalate (DIDP),
Dibutyl phthalate (DBP), butylbenzyl phthalate (BBP) and the forementioned DEHP.

what is the best way to physicaly harm oneself?

I have a friend that just utterly wants to commit suicide, but in a way thats not painful.
but i have no idea how she can do it. Does anyone have any advice. I am desperate?

Mother-F'ing OUCH!

My love-life is like living in an airport terminal. Girls come, stay for a while, I share a part of my life with them and then they're gone. Almost all of them want me to come with them....but I decline each time. Sometimes sooner than later, the next one comes along.

All of them leave some stuff behind...CDs, T-Shirts, underwear, NYTimes Sunday Subscription....just piles of crap that I inherit and fold into my life. I would like to believe that my "terminal" life is a part of gigantic airport with a hundred terminals and I'm not alone...y'know...a hundred billion bottles washed upon the shore. Same Sentiment.

I'm 30. I'm Single. I'm Normal?

I can't sleep. My mind is too busy. Busy with what? Drivel. A fast forwarding film clip of fuck only knows. Running along at warp speed. On and on, never ending. I shake my head. If it isn't one thing, it's always another.
I sit here and stare at the screen.
Minute after minute goes by.

-This forum has been good for me. A place in the Universe to express random and specific thoughts that I could never express anywhere else let alone TO anybody else. Some of my phantom distractions have actually diminished enough to leave a hole or blank space in my 'consciousness'. Just by expression here. Crazy, but I'm not complaining in the least. If the price is to continue coming back here, so be it in spades.-

I stare at the screen and ask silently; what? Just...what? The why, who, when, where and how will come later.

What do you want? What am I to do? Any reason is superflous. Doesn't matter. Just answer the above two what's.

The analogy is that of my head bumping up against an enormous wall. The answer is on the other side but there's no getting to that other side...for now. Life just patters along, like raindrops hitting a sidewalk. I close my eyes and breathe in frustration...and in weariness.

I'm sure I can hear the demons cackling out there in the fringe.

Bastards.