Anonyblog

To Jan Sullivan

Remember the Klingon saying, Revenge is a dish best served COLD!

LIFE SUCKS

Life is a stupid fucking waste of time. People are all fucking ass holes. The abuse animals, they lie, they cheat, they only care about themselves. This country is a fucking joke. Freedom is a lie. God does not exist, you stupid fucking morons. The universe will end, and everything is fucking pointless. Which is better for an assured instantaneous death, a .223 AR-15 round, or a .50 pistol round?

i suck

i suck i suck i suck

i have no friends, my family hates me (Except for my little brother), i gained like 30 lbs because of the whole "Freshmen college experience", and i desperately want a boyfriend, someone who will be on my side, someone who i can snuggle with when i feel depressed, somebody who won't go against my will, somebody outside the realm of the whole family business.
im afraid ill never fnd anybody like that. sometimes i seriously think about running away and hiding myself in a ditc or something...(psht, not like anyboy will notice anyway).............
i look bad and i feel bad these days...........my future is screwed, i want to be a musician damnit...i dont care if ill live in a box, NO i dont want to be a doctor, a fucking lawyer, and whatever else is considered a luxurious occupation...i just want music in my life, and be happy associating with all kinds of artists. artists are nice people. heck, my dream is to marry an artist or even better, a musician.

nobody needs me in this world. why live? i look awful these days...i guess i have to go through the whole "starve yourself, eat only 1 apple everyday ordeal"........ugh,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
kill me someone.

Hopeless Romantic

Ever have a moment of insight about yourself you realize you should have noticed along time ago?

Sitting here, listening to my iPod at work, scrolling though artists and albums...what am I listening to today? John Mayer, Dave Matthews Band, Jeff Buckley, Portished, Everything But The Girl... what is this sudden propensity for smarm?

I am drifting in and out of choice lyrics, floating on top of saxophone solos, my eyelids are heavy and my mind is detached from the present, lilting above my body.

And I realize....

....I am a hopeless romantic.....

And this saddens me. I would like to think I am smarter.I always strive to be stronger. I avoid frilly poet shirts, and dole out brash truth like extra aces.

There is no money in hopeless romanticism. There is no glory, no knowledge to be gained. What purpose does it serve? How does it possibly benefit one's life? A hopeless romantic will always hope for this best - wishful thinking - and though disappointed continuously, will return time and time again to allow their heart to be torn out. A hopeless romantic will go out of their way, above and beyond, even when it is never noticed or reciprocated. A hopeless romantic will eat the metaphorical food, even when they know with all certainty it is poisoned. Why? Because though fatal, it will taste good on the tongue- unfortunately, a hopeless romantic will always swallow. Hopeless romantics do not operate within experience- they operate in the moment. They live for the moment their heart leaps into their throat and they feel lighter then sky. Inevitably, the moment comes when their heart will sink to their stomach, their mouth will taste rancid, and their body becomes so heavy they can't lift it off the floor. Every movement is like wearing lead weights.

I want to be smarter. Practical. Grounded. Realistic. I am not the fool. I am the one who dispenses truth. I am the one who speaks what you know is true, but don't wish to admit. I am the one who puts her foot down solidly, then takes that next step forward. I am the one who walks with purpose. I am the one who says flippantly, "Ha! That was yesterday's hat."

.....and I am also the one who waits by the phone. I am the one who obsessively looks at pictures. I am the one who listens to smarmy music and gets lost in thought. I am the one who sighs...

Is this hopeless romanticism, or simply virtue of being female? I have NEVER let my gender restrain or inhibit me, much less define me. I have, however, repeatedly hoped for the best and become starry-eyed, only to become blurry-eyed when once again, I am disappointed and heart broken.

The real killer is...... I know better.

I know better.

Perhaps someday, but certainly not today.

I have slight obsession with Victoria's Secret models. I fantasize about having a body like Miranda Kerr...and then I eat a cookie.

so much for his retarded excellency

this is what's left of KodyTheAsshole...

:)

Questions and Answers

Dear Hellen (with two Ls) et al.,

Thank you for your kind interest re the Lindsey Russell story. I shall be absolutely delighted to respond to your queries forthwith:

1) Who is Lindsey russell? and is she really a lady?

These are sad times indeed when these youngsters need to ask such a thing on Anonyblog ... Who is Lindsey Russell? Are you kidding me?! I would like to draw your attention to the archives section of this web site, particularly from the beginning of 2007 onwards ... There you will find all answers to this question.

2) How did she poo by mistake?

Well, she simply (subconsciously) commanded her anal sphincter to release a giant girlturd (prounounced as one word) [1] which had been stored in her rectum for slightly too long. You will have to enquire for more details from Indy (Licensed Scatologist).

3) Did she mean to wee?

Most definitely not! Furthermore, since her pooh was made by mistake, she did not MEAN to do anything in particular.

4) Why did she step back?

She had been frightened by a passing llama, which she thought was about to attack her.

5) Was she really flat on her back or was she in a kind of half recline, hands behind her type of thing?

Flat on her back, supine, arms and legs flailing.

6) What is the whole point of this?

Does there have to be one?

7) What lessons can be learned?

Don't get naked, take a shit by mistake, step backwards and skid in it, since you might get smeared in your own stinky pooh.

8) Are you fed up of my daft questions yet?

You haven't asked any daft questions yet (although question 1 came quite close to this epithet) and even if you did, I would not tire from answering them.

9) Is it really the end or will there be a sequel? Maybe about Lindsey Russell and her long journey home while covered in poo

That is an excellent idea! I shall suggest it to my co-authors immediately!

10) the most obvious question.... why was she wearing no underwear. Why not?

Because she was naked. I thought I said that.

11) Was she at home or was she out?

She was out... Lindsey does not keep llamas at home.

Bibliography
[1] Indy. "Important Sexual Feedback". Bianca, May 2004

What do you guys think???

I was just wondering how the anonyblog community views the death penalty??? Personally, I think we don't use it nearly enough. Why should somebody who has committed a heinous crime get to sit in an air conditioned/heated prison, eat food, or breathe air on our dime??? I also think that everyone who doesn't have a extensive or violent crime should own and know how to operate a gun. I don't think there would be nearly as many thefts if the person in question KNEW without a doubt that the person inside had a gun and knew how to use it......

FUCK CHRISTANS

FUCK THOSE SELF RITGOUGS PICESE OF SHIT, FUCK THEM ALL. JESUIS FUCKING A POLAR BEAR CHRIST. I HATE THEM SOOOO MUCH WITH MY EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING. THEY THINK THERE THE BEST FUCKING THONG SINCE THE DILDO. ALWAYS PUSHING THERE SHIT DOWN OTHER PEOPLES THOARTS, IF ONE MORE OF THE FAGITEE ASS JAHOVASS COME TO MY DOOR AGIAN IM GONNA OPER THERE DOOR WITH MY ARMALITE AR-10 CARBINE GAS POWERD SIMI AUTOMATIC ASSPULT RIFFLE, PUMPING ROUNED AFTER ROUNED IN TO THOSE LITTLLE BACKPACKTY COCKER SUCKIES. I DONT KNOW ANY ONE COULD LET THEM SELFS BE CONTROLED LIKE THAT. FUCK!!!!!!1 STAB THEM IN THE EYE WITH A FUCKING ICE PICK.

but i secretly want 1 to cum in my hair.

These shoes

thought i'd post this. I found it on the web, it's not my work.

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

Hellen

Once upon a time...

... A certain young lady named Lindsey Russell was naked and did a pooh by mistake. It dropped right behind her, but unfortunately, she took a step backwards and stuck her foot right in it, then skidded on it and finally landed flat on her back right on top of it.

The end.

Fucking Idiots with their reverse racism and furthering their own stereotype!!!!

I hate people who use reverse racism. You know, like when you say something to someone that has NOTHING to do with race, and then they make an unneccessary (sp?) scene about how it is sooooo racist, yada yada yada.

Ok, I would like to preface this note with the fact that I like nice people no matter who you are, what you've done and what this note is really about, what race you are. As long as you're a good person, we have no beef. BUT I HATE IT when people act incredibly ignorant and further their own stereotype.

Tonight at my work there were about 10 people in dark jumpsuits walking by with HUGE bins. They stopped at our store and asked where Wet Seal was. My coworker (who is a really tall skinny white guy and a huge geek) replied and then joked "What are you guys gunna do? Go steal all of Wet Seal??" The lady said "No, you're going to steal all of Wet Seal!" I thought she was joking back.

WELLLLLL, said people in dark jumpsuits all happened to be black. Ok, no biggie, right??? WRONG! She came back with 5 of her friends. She wanted my manager's name, the number to the store, etc. She goes on about how racist it was that he said that, yada yada yada. Now I admit, my coworker probably should have known not to say something like that, BUT COME THE FUCK ON!!!!!!!! HE WAS JOKING AND PEOPLE NEED TO GET A FUCKING SENSE OF HUMOR!!!!!!!!! I know for a fact that my coworker would have said that if all of those people had been white, mexican, asian, or purple!! They were wearing dark jumpsuits with HUGE bins! Isn't that what people wear and lug around when they are planning on stealing stuff????

SOOOOOOO then my coworker apologized and told her he was just joking around and that he did not mean ANYTHING racist by it and that he was very sorry for offending her. That meant nothing to her. Few more minutes go by and MORE but different people from that company come by and go on and on about this. PEOPLE GET THE FUCK OVER IT!!!!!! SERIOUSLY ALREADY!!!!!! Now come on, when you get all hyped up over something that meant nothing in the first place and THEN the person apologizes and tells you that he honestly did not mean it in that way and still you go on......THAT is just fucking dumb. A while later a couple HUGE black guys walked by sizing my coworker up. We had to call security and have him escorted to his car at the end of the night.

Stereotypes exist because people do things to prolong them. If everybody who was white had cats, the stereotype would be that white people all have cats. Now we know that not everybody who is white could have cats, but bc many do that would be the stereotype even though there are white people who DO NOT have cats, who hate cats, who are allergic to cats, etc. OK so what I'm saying is, different races would not have certain stereotypes if people of said race did not do things to further them.

We have all witnessed or seen some movie with a loud black woman who just gets in your face and is obnoxious and ignorant. But we all know deep down that not all black women are like that. I have a VERY VERY VERY nice black woman for a neighbor. We occasionally walk our dogs together and not once have I thought she was obnoxious or ignorant and in fact have found her to be my favorite neighbor. But when the people from the mall act like that over something so stupid and trivial, they further their own stereotype of being ignorant.

Now my coworker probably just furthered the stereotype that those people have of white people all being racist or whatever. I'm sorry though, I just think people need to lighten up. Seriously. It was meant to be a joke, and NOT a racist one.

Going nowhere fast.

everyone around me is depressed
i cant buy them things or be there in person
but there is maybe something i can write say do or share to cheer them up? maybe?
every day i think im closer to finding something that will make my life happy and change everything around for the best
but really every night before i go to sleep its like more of a let down
an education i'll never be able to finish because my credit is ruined and i dont make enough money to pay for school and afford to live
i'm trying to make the right decisions in life
and trying to stop making so many mistakes but really its just a redundant cycle that i constantly find myself in and i only partially change things not ever long enough for anything to significantly do well.

every day im closer to wanting to kill myself
every day i think about it
and even though i see this vague light shinnign over me
i dont think i have any purpose for being alive.
i always thought i was destined for greatness but im just another failure
i dont know
something is wrong with me
my brain is not in tact
i cant have a job thats as cool as everyoen i know because i'm not good enogh?
even though im cooler more creative and better than most of them.

After asking 15 people on Aim list how they were doing, I know i'm not alone when I got a 100% response that they aren't doing well. I know i'm not alone and this is a definite case of the grass is always greener, because if I had the success, bank account, education, and discipline and focus that majority of my friends have and maintain then I wouldn't be depressed and yet theyre all lonely and miserable and have great careers while i'm jobless without a degree lost and broke and almost homeless with nothing to look forward to when i wake up nothing to share because everything i own is in storage or i've given it all away. i want to give up because i'm a complete waste of space on this planet. such a fucking pathetic loser but still for some reason every wants to be friends with me they all know i'm always an ear to listen or lend a helping hand etc

when is it going to be my turn to shine? after i'm dead?

Girls suck..

/rant

Get over yourselves and quit waiting on a guy who isn't ready for a relationship.. I see more women complaining on here about idiotic stuff than I do on teen drama shows.

It makes me feel sick to my stomach, being a girl and seeing other women treating themselves like shit because "he is the one" ...OBVIOUSLY NOT!!!

/end rant

Illegal Immigration

Fucking bastards.

All of them. For all of you open borders people, realise that several of the 9/11 terrorists were here illegally...they came through God's Blind Spot: Mexico! I'm tired of hearing "it's our land." Your idiot ancestors gave the land up for the US Government's help with the French-Mexican War (Or whatever. I haven't the time to fact check. I know we got it for a war.)

If you want to protest the fact that many Americans don't want to have open borders, think wisely and don't protest whilst holding the Mexican flag. La Raza is a joke. If you want to be American, act it. Dumbasses.

I'm only being honest.

\\\\\\//////

I need a strong drink.

Tim russert has just died. And I'm saddened and pissed!

Whatever your politics, Tim Russert had a quality unlike many of the self-inflating obnoxious people in the media. He appeared more as someone's brother, uncle, dad or even a friendly next door neighbor than your typical news correspondent, speaking of which he died just before Father's Day. He was more than just likable, he had a sincere quality, rarely found which allowed him to shine like a beacon during the last elections. What really pisses me off, is he actually made the Presidential Election exciting and interesting, how can it be so without him, I am pissed. I am sure without a doubt, the country will miss him. I will miss him.
Godspeed Tim.

Invisible

He just sees right through me.
He tells me he knows me, but he hasn't ever spent the time to know me.
He never calls.
He lies to me.
He uses me.
I let him use me.
He doesn't even know that I think about him all day long.
I wish so badly that it was possible.

It is possible, but probably won't happen.
He won't ever make the call to have me, just call to use me.
It's so tragic that there is a difference between those two calls.
I am just hanging there, waiting for the word Go.
He is not perfect, but I think he is just right for me.
And I think I could be just what he needed.

But how could I tell him?
He cares, but not really.
Maybe he is just scared?
Maybe it's something about me?
How could I tell him he is so amazing when I am so plain?

It's so weird.
What kind of perverse world am I in?
I am not this kind of girl, never have been.
It's so backwards.
I always go get what I want.
Maybe it's just karma.

He said my eyes are mesmerizing.
I said that's a lie.

Lets Pretend

I'm going to pretend....

I'm the only girl you say that to
I'm the only girl that matters
I'm the only girl you care for
I'm the only girl you want

I'm going to pretend....

You feel the same way I do
You mean it when you say you miss me
You really want to be there for me
You trust me with your life

I'm going to pretend....

As if I am not your backup
As if I am truly your friend
As if I really know who you are
As if you really want to know who I am.

For just a few minutes
I am going to pretend
Like I'm the only one you lay with
That I'm the only one you touch like that
Like I'm the only one who runs my fingers through your hair
Or rubs your tummy til you fall asleep
Or laughs at your jokes
or loves your smile

I'm going to pretend for just a little while....
Because soon I will remember
That I am not the only girl
That you touch like that....
That i am not the only girl you say that to
I am not the only girl you say you miss

I'm not the only girl.

and I hate it so much...

****KODYBEAR****

His Esteemed Excellency Eminence Kody R Bear sat in his State Room at The Cape Town Radisson reading Anonyblog and waiting for Magogo the Singing Dancing Macarena Monkey to serve up the Jimmy Crabs.

"Magogo! Please mind the crabs! Don't over steam them! I had those imported from North Carolina!"

"Here dey Come now Yo Excellency", said Magogo as he shuffled over with the Jimmys.

The KodyBear squealed with delight as he pulled at the first back fin and most of the succulent meat came out intact.

"You have done well Magogo! Say. Could you bring that Old Bay over here?

"Yes Yo Eminence. Yo sure seems to be in a good mood."

"Absolutely my boy! See here. The Anti Klan is advancing our position! And what did we have to do for this? Ha! Nothing! Not even one post! Morons!

"Yeah, of course Yo Intolerable. But dey is somfin else."

"Well yes there is. Remember that Bear whore you got me from the San Diego Zoo?"

"De one in de Polar Cam?"

"Yes! Yes! Well she has given me a son! A Bear Prince! An Heir to the Dynasty of the Klan!"

"Oh no Yo Benevolence."

"Oh Yes! Magogo! He will one day be your boss and you both together will rule the Internet! Get used to it my boy! I won't be around for ever but the Klan will live on! For Ever!"

"Das all good Yo Eminence. But what Yo wan't me to do right now?"

"I want you to get some fresh eggs Magogo. I want you to hard boil them. Then I want you to make a brine using beet juice, vinegar, brown sugar, onions and pepper. Then I want you to pickle those eggs. Next I want you to clean up this mess and get back over to your own suite and continue to prepare for The Festival of Merapi. I want your part in our presentation of "The Aristocrats" down pat!

"Yes Yo Excellency Eminence."

Blah.....Blah Blah Blah Blah, Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah?

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah, Blah BlahBlah Blah Blah Blah Blah!
Blah Blah.Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah BlahBlah Blah Blah Blah
Blah BBlah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah BlahBlah Blah
Blah Blah Blah Blah.
Blah.Blah Blah.Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah BlahBlah
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah
Blah BlahBlah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.Blah Blah Blah,
Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah BlahBlah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah.
Blahhh!?

"Goddamn You Magogo! You've gotten us into some idiot's unprotected post again!"

"How Yo know's he an idiot Yo Excellency?"

"What?"

"Well see how he done vary de spacing between de Blah's?"

"This is a direct order! Open that laptop! Transfer owneship of this asshole's post to The Klan! Get us where we need to be! You're going to cause me to miss The Brady Bunch! You know how I feel about Marsha!"

"Yes Yo Radiance. Right Away You Excellency!"

Life

Is life worth living, no one could prove it is and no one could prove it is not because none of us knows what is next after we die. Maybe it's better and the whole point of this life is to end it as quick as you can?

Maybe people who live to be old are the ones suffering, unallowed to pass on to the next greater place while millions of others get to go right away.

Love?

Love has kicked my ass more than once, but just like that crappy Fergie song, the love bug comes right back up and bites me and I'm back.

I enjoy commitment. I enjoy being loyal. I love love.

I cook, I clean, I'm responsible... I'm the complete package! I like to give head, have sex, be spontaneous, do fun activities... I'm comfortable to be with, accepting, loving, caring, giving, kind, doting....

I am relationship material.

I can survive on my own, but I hate being alone. I prefer a partner.

But my question is.... how do you know if its real? how do you know if you really love someone, or you are just all caught up in the moment? I know there is that honeymoon phase and once you are past that, then you start to figure out who the person really is...

I am dating this guy who isn't emotionally available. He just ended his 2 year relationship and I just ended my four year relationship. I know I can't expect him to jump into something else right away... but I am totally ready. Or am i? I've wanted to tell him I love him. I want to say it quite a bit. We've been seeing each other for a month, but he's been seeing others too. I feel like I am competing for his love like on Flavor of Love or something.

When I am with him, the world disappears. But when he's gone, I know hes with other girls and it kills my self esteem. I am much more over my last boyfriend than he is his last girlfriend. And i know they're still fucking... but why would he be wasting his time with me? I know he cares about me.

I think I am getting too emotionally involved. But I can't help it! I hate dating. I just want to be with one person.... thats not a bad thing.

Do I really love him and want to be with him, or do i just want to be with SOMEONE?

How do I know?

I am seeing other guys by the way. They don't compare....

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